AN: Hi guys this is my first FanFic so I would love the feed back. I will be trying to post as often as possible thanks.

Summary:Bella a college freshman has faced tragedy during a time that most 19 year old girls should be enjoying life. She is trying to put her life back together for the sake of her friends and family. When all she really wants to do is go home and cling to her memories. She goes through the motions each day but is afraid to let anyone get to close for fear of being hurt. Can a new guy help her to open up again? AH and some characters OOC

Disclaimer: I own noting that you recognize as twilight related those wonderful characters belong to only but I thank her for characters giving me an outlet for this story.

Chapter 1: Am I ready to move on?

"Get up and get ready you're going to the mixer tonight!" I lifted my arm away from my eyes and turned my head to the door to see Alice standing with her hands on her hips clearly stating she wanted no arguments from me. It was the middle of March and I was laying in my dorm after a long day of classes. I was exhausted, I had been trying to catch up on a lot of work that I had missed for a week in February, attend meetings with my advisor, and still be a good sister to my sorority. I really had been trying but my heart just wasn't in it and I knew that despite my best efforts everyone could see I wasn't really there.

"Agh, Alice I really don't want to go tonight I'll just bring everyone down." She looked at me with sympathy. Alice and I had met first semester when we moved into the dorms. I somehow had the freshman bad luck and got stuck with the roommate from hell, Lauren. Thankfully she wasn't around much her hometown was only thirty minutes from campus so college to her was still like high school and she was always out with her friends. So it was inevitable I would make friends with my hall mates. Alice Brandon was perpetually happy and optimistic, fairly girly but didn't mind getting dirty when need be. Those times consisted of riding horses or some of our crazy sisterhood events. Then there was Angela and Jessica, They live across the hall and to see them you would not think they would get along at all. Angela Webber was a shy girl with some self esteem issues. I could relate there, don't get me wrong I'm a confident person but not when it comes to relationships. Then there was Jessica a fairly pretty girl with a good heart even though she could be a bit self centered at times.

I knew even before I started Meyer University I wanted to join a sorority and which sorority I wanted to join. I'm not the most coordinated person in the world ballet and jazz lessons as a child where quite interesting, but I was a bit of a tomboy and found I was a fairly decent athlete. One of my teammates was accepted to Meyer University and we had kept in touch in the two years she was here. She told me how much she loved her sisters and how the sorority was nothing like she thought it would be and I just had to join when I got here. My mind was made up if Cassie loved it I knew I would too. Even after I found out she had transferred the semester before I started I still thought I should rush. Alice was the only one of the four of our little dorm group that wanted the "greek" experience. We both rushed and were given bids from Sigma Phi Sigma.

"Please Bells." She pouted. "I know it's been hard but you haven't been to a mixer since you've been back. The only reason I'm pushing so hard tonight is because it's with the pi kapps." I could see the smile tugging at her lips. Yes, she was right if there was any house I would be comfortable going to right now it would be our boys. The Pi Kappa fraternity was like our brother fraternity. We were closest to them. I sighed I should go, we are a social sorority after all and I have done nothing but go to sisterhood and social service events since before Christmas break. We only mix one night a week so it has been easy for me to get out of going.

"Alright Ali…. I'll go what is the theme tonight anyway?" I knew this would make her happy and she immediately started bouncing in place. She had tuned down the squealing because she knew I was in no mood.

"It's just a simple theme tonight, you know with the pi kapps we don't need to do too much." She paused then seemed to realize she still hadn't told me the theme. "Oh it's dress as your favorite celebrity."

I glanced at my clock and groaned we only had an hour before we had to be at the café for the DD to pick us up. A mixer was held once a week between two organizations. They are meant to promote interorganization relations so there is usually a theme so that when you are mixing with a group you don't know that well it breaks the ice. In actuality our campus was small enough that every group knew every group so mixers were something more like weekly private themed parties. My favorites so far had been Beach bash, where everyone dressed up like we belonged on that old movie beach blanket bingo, Gangsta, that night there were more baggy pants, boxers, and beaters seen that ever need be, we all looked like gang banger wanna be, and finally the tide mixer. Everyone wore black and the Theta house basement was turned into a giant dance floor with only black lights and tubs of tide. I didn't know it until that night but tide glows under a black light so we could write all over each others clothes and it would show but no one's clothes were ruined. Somehow I think that Alice may have come up with that because I just can't see her allowing her clothes to be written on any other way. Each week a sister would volunteer to be DD so no sister would be drinking and driving to whatever frat house we were mixing at and campus pickups were always first.

I was looking through my closet trying to figure out what I had that could work for a celebrity outfit. I saw Alice out of the corner of my eye and knew I needed to find something soon or she would insist on putting together a full blown costume.

"You know Ali, why don't you go get ready I think I know what I'm going to wear." Her eyes lit up and I could tell I had made her night by confirming I was willing to rejoin the land of the living, no matter how reluctant I was to do so. She glided out of my room with a smile on her face and a bounce in her step. I again turned my attention back to my closet and sighed. I really wasn't in the mood for this. I found a cute white and blue striped tank top that looked kind of nautical with a pair of light low ride cargo pants that had a draw string. It showed a lot of my mid drift but it was more comfortable than I would have thought. I finished getting dressed and curled my blond hair and swept my bangs to the side. As I was looking in the mirror I thought about how I really never should have died my hair. It was shoulder length and naturally dark chocolate brown just like my eyes. Last semester I decided to put blond highlights into my hair and attempted to do it myself, messed up and ended up with just blond hair. Everyone loved it so I kept it that way but after everything that has happened I realized it just isn't me.

Just as I picked up my keys and ID, Alice stepped into my room. "Okay, I'm….." she stopped mid sentence and I turned to look at her confused. "I thought you said you would go tonight how come you're not dressed?" Huh okay now I'm really confused I looked down at myself wondering what she was talking about.

"Oh, Alice I am dressed I am just not in the mood to do the who all out costume thing tonight." I told her trying to appease her.

"Well who are you supposed to be then?" AHH, I should have known she was going to make this difficult.

"I'm Britney Spears okay? You remember when one of her first videos when she was dancing on a pier or something like that in all white?" I really have no idea what the song was or anything else but the blond hair and outfit worked in my head. I stood watching her hoping that she would just let it drop. I saw her pout start to change to satisfaction and realized I'd won this small battle.

"OH! Yeah the sometimes video okay I guess that will do."

As she turned to walk out the door I glanced over her outfit. Her short dark hair was done up in cute little pin curls and she was wearing a light flowy white dress. "Um Alice what celebrity are you supposed to be?" She stopped dead in her tracks and turned to me wide eyed.

"Bella" She scolded. "okay I know she isn't really a celebrity more like a famous character but I thought you of all people would know." She paused while I looked her over again with the famous character thought in mind but still nothing was coming into my head. She huffed and continued. "I'm Daisy Buchannan, you know The Great Gatsby ." Oh, I guess I can see how she would think that I would get that right away being a lit major and all.

"Well you look great and you definitely grasp the era." I smiled.

She smiled in return with no further debate, grabbed my hand and pulled me down the stairs. I was thankful that we didn't have a long discussion over my outfit or her outfit for that matter but it was just wrong. Alice would never have let things slide so easily last semester and I know that. I was different now and it was making my friends change too. I wasn't being fair to them and I knew I had to move on the question now was how do I do that exactly?