Here Without You
A SasoDei Fanfiction
username: anime-fan-willa
Inspired by a SasoDei music video on youtube called "(SasoDei) Here Without You"
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto Shippuden or it's characters. Sasori, Deidara, Sakura and Chiyo belong to Kishimoto.
…
My Dyeing Thoughts
"How could I tell you, Dei?
How could I tell you my emotions?
After all, I made myself into a puppet so I wouldn't feel anymore.
But I was unsuccessful…
Although my body feels nothing, my heart is human.
So I feel for you, even now.
My heart was then, is now, and always will be, yours."
So when my heart-as my last human organ-grew numb, I tried to glare at my grandmother.
As I whispered my last words-those words I was never to say-you didn't leave my mind. Not once, Dei.
And as my eyelids grew heavy, and began to droop, I tried to cling onto my life. I NEEDED to live.
I didn't want to leave you.
I couldn't leave you.
Not without telling you how I felt.
…
Heaven's Not Heaven Without You, Dei.
Heaven is nice.
It's not like living.
No one there hurts you, or mocks you.
No one keeps secrets from you.
No one dies. No one cries.
And everyone around you gets along.
But no one kisses you.
No one hugs you.
No one calls you "Danna" or moans from beneath you.
The space here is endless.
There are no walls, and the bright blue sky seems to go on and on forever.
Blue. That was your favorite color.
And those clouds up in my sky?
Each one looks like a clay bird.
And each and every laugh sounds like yours, Dei.
Yet you're not here with me.
No, the only thing by my side is regret.
Regret for the one thing I wish I did when I was still alive.
I wish I told that lovable, blue-eyed blonde how I felt.
If I could redo anything, I'd re-live my last day with you.
...
My Final Day
"Danna?"
"What is it, Brat?"
"Well, un, I was wondering…"
"Get to the point. You know I hate waiting."
"I was wondering… do you… un… love me?"
"That's a stupid question."
Hiruko turned and began gliding away then.
"But, Danna!"
"What is it now, Brat!"
"Well you see, Danna, you're so sweet in our bedroom but when we're in front of other people and in public you act all mean!"
"BAKA! That's because no one knows our secret!"
"Well why can't they know? Is it because you're lying to me? Maybe you DON'T love me!"
"You talk to much, Brat. Now shut up, you're irritating me."
That wasn't true. I loved your voice.
I loved your smile, your laugh, your eyes, your EVERYTHING.
But how could I tell you, Dei?
I didn't want to feel.
So I ignored the aching in my heart.
That urge to tell you EXACTLY how I felt.
"GIVE GAARA BACK, YOU BASTARDS!"
"Naruto, take it easy. He's dead…"
"Your friend's right, un! He's been dead for a while now."
You liked teasing him. Do you remember? You smiled as you mocked his loss.
"To a puppet master, true strength is measured by how many puppets you can control."
"I can't die! Not yet! Not until I tell him…" I thought that, right then. At that exact moment, I decided that no matter how tempting it was to give up-despite the incredible techniques Grandma Chiyo and that girl threw at me- I promised myself I'd live through it. I had to. I had to because I hadn't yet told you my feelings. And I couldn't die without doing that.
"You're trying to protect her? That's stupid. She's going to die from that poison soon, anyway."
Blood poured from her side, as I twisted my sword inside that girl, causing her to spit out a dangerous amount of blood.
Yet she didn't move.
Not even an inch.
Is it possible… she felt love too?
"Alright then…"
My arm split, and I jumped back.
"THEN DIE!"
I ran forward with my full force, my arm swinging behind my head.
But then I was stopped.
When those swords went through my heart,
I was defeated.
I didn't kill her.
I failed my mission.
But more importantly,
I failed you, Dei.
"I was supposed… to meet him there…"
I fell, and I could hear my wood crack as I fell apart at the impact.
But I never told you.
I couldn't die yet!
Slowly, my hand dipped in the blood I lay in, and with the last of my strength, my fingers moved just enough.
…
My Dying Message
So then, Dei…
You're probably angry at me right now, aren't you?
I don't mind. It's what I deserve. But if it helps, find my body.
Find it, Dei. And maybe then it'll be okay. I'm sorry I couldn't say it in person, but I had to tell you before I left.
Find my body, and find my dying message to you.
"How could I tell you, Dei?
How could I tell you my feelings?
After all, I made myself into a puppet so I wouldn't feel anymore.
But I was unsuccessful…
Although my body feels nothing, my heart is human.
My heart was then, is now, and always will be, yours.
Deidara…
I love you."
A single tear fell from a blue eye, landing on the dying message written in blood.