No One Here to Save Me Chapter 1: Breathe, a chuck fanfic

A/N: I've set this story in the not-so-distant future, around five years from the current storyline of the show. It is very much Chuck/Sarah. I've taken some artistic license with certain details, please forgive me if I've gotten something wrong. =)

This story is a songfic to the song "Breathe" on Taylor Swift's new album. I do not own this song, these are not my characters, I'm simply borrowing them. I highly recommend listening to this song over and over while reading this story. It's much more powerful, as most things are, with backgound music.

Thanks so very, very much to one of my best friends and beta, mugglecastlover31, for helping me get all the characters into the right groove. Any mistakes left over are entirely my own.

This is my first ever attempt at FanFiction for Chuck, I hope you enjoy it.

I see your face in my mind as I drive away,
Cause none of us thought it was gonna end that way.
People are people,
and sometimes we change our minds.
But it's killing me to see you go after all this time.

Reassigned.

The single word stung more than any bullet ever could. This wasn't happening to her. Not when things had finally started going right.

It wasn't fair.

But this was the end. Casey picked up the last box of things from her apartment.

"Walker?" he had stopped in the doorway when he realized she wasn't behind him. "Come on, we've got a lot more packing to do back at the Orange Orange." She caught the meaning in his words: pull it together.

She sighed. He was right of course. She was highly trained and well aware of the realities of this job.

That didn't mean it was easy.

She followed him to the doorway and he continued down the hall to the elevator. Frozen in the doorway, she couldn't stop the flow of memories that overwhelmed her. All the times she'd hurt him, all the times she'd stood in this very spot gazing into those gorgeous eyes watching his heart break... She couldn't stand the thought of having to do that to him one last time.

She blinked rapidly to clear the tears from the corners of her eyes. She flipped the lights off for the last time as she pulled the door closed behind her.

It just. Wasn't. Fair.

Music starts playin' like the end of a sad movie;
it's the kinda ending you don't really wanna see.
Cause it's tragedy and it'll only bring you down,
now I don't know what to be without you around.

Relocation.

The word made him physically ill. This was not happening.

He stood in his sister's doorway staring dumbly at Casey.

"What? I think I misheard you, it sounded like you said I was being relocated." He chuckled uneasily. Casey's expression didn't change.

"I'm sorry Bartowski," the normally stoic NSA agent broke eye contact and looked heavenward as though some explanation for this horrible injustice might drop from the sky.

Chuck's heart had stopped beating. Hard as he tried, it just wouldn't start up again. Maybe that was because he was holding his breath.

"No," he breathed. Casey's eyes snapped back to Chuck's face.

"Bartowski-" his brow furrowed.

"No," Chuck cut him off. "No, you promised. They promised! They promised. The new Intersect… The tracking device…they promised!" he growled the last words. He wasn't even making sense anymore. His heart rate plummeted. Casey's brow furrowed more and he looked concerned.

"Bartowski! Snap out of it man!" Casey growled. He gave Chuck a rough shove in the chest knocking him back a step into the living room, kicking the door shut as he followed the dazed man inside. He continued prodding Chuck until his knees hit the couch and he landed heavily on the cushions. Luckily Awesome and Ellie had pulled double shifts at the hospital today. Otherwise this would have been tricky. Casey took a quick look around, just to be on the safe side, and then sat down next to Chuck.

"No, no, no. Casey-" he struggled to stand. Casey kept a firm grip on Chuck's shoulder, restricting him to the couch.

"Bartowski, calm down. You're going to hurt yourself." By that Casey meant: my orders include the words 'by any means necessary'. "I know what the general said, but even with the new Intersect, that computer in your head is too valuable…it's too risky," he paused. "At least this way you get to continue living," he offered. The words meant nothing to Chuck as Casey tried and failed to reassuringly pat his shoulder. Living. Right. Life wasn't worth living if you didn't get to spend it with the people you cared about.

A thought struck Chuck.

"Sarah?"

"Reassigned."

Chuck let out a sharp breath.

"What about you?" he sounded very young, vulnerable. Casey's expression softened for a millisecond.

"My orders are to see that you're relocated, and then remain here, watching over your sister and brother-in-law for a stretch. Then, same as Walker: reassignment."

Chuck felt like Casey had punched him in the stomach. Everything he'd grown accustomed to over the last five years was being ripped out from under him.

"Do I get to say goodbye?" he turned to look at Casey, trying not to blink and consequently let fall his tears. Casey studied the door, and Chuck read the answer in his recently expressive face. He couldn't breathe. He couldn't think. The room was spinning and distantly he thought he heard Casey's voice.

He couldn't handle this.

And we know it's never simple,
never easy.
Never a clean break, no one here to save me.
You're the only thing I know like the back of my hand,
And I can't,
Breathe,
Without you,
But I have to,
Breathe,
Without you,
But I have to.

Break up.

It was the most horrendous term she'd ever heard. It had taken them years to develop a complicated, but solid relationship. And now the government was dictating their lives. Her job was making her decisions for her. She loved this man. She really loved him. He was genuine, goofy and just generally…perfect. She'd never met anyone like Chuck.

Now she'd never get to see him again. They had this perfect harmony going. They understood each other. They accepted that their relationship was tricky. But they loved each other, and that made the struggle worthwhile. All the work, all the time, all the heart, soul, tears, pain, all of themselves that they had put into making this insane relationship work.

It was all for nothing.

Because the general had been very clear on her instructions for "The Asset": relocation and severing all ties or death. The choice was obvious.

But that didn't make it simple.

Never wanted this, never wanna see you hurt.
Every little bump in the road I tried to swerve.
But people are people,
and sometimes it doesn't work out,
nothing we say is gonna save us from the fall out.

When Chuck's breathing had eventually returned to normal, Casey briefed him on the next steps.

Chuck sagged into the couch cushions and cursed Bryce Larkin for what felt like the billionth time since he'd met him all those years ago.

Casey was informing him that as soon as Chuck was ready, they'd go. No packing, no notes, no final I love you to his sister. Nothing.

The CIA had a very elaborate fake death planned for Chuck and if he removed anything from the house, or spoke to anyone, it might raise suspicions. He leaned his head back onto the cushions, silently attempting to commit the familiar feeling to memory.

"Bartowski," Casey's slightly softer voice broke his concentration. Chuck stared at the older man. Casey was a little taken aback by the utter hopelessness in Bartowski's expressive eyes. It frightened him. This young man who was normally so exuberant appeared to have the life draining out of him before Casey's eyes.

"Bartowski," he started again, "it won't be so bad. You're not going to an underground facility. The government just feels it's best to move you somewhere closer to D.C., where you'll be more adequately watched over and away from the last place any Fulcrum agent might think to look for you. Your family will be protected." Chuck let out a humorless and disturbing laugh.

"But I can never see them again, and they'll think I'm dead. Right. Not bad at all."

Sarah watched from a distance as Casey herded a listless Chuck into a large, black, obviously government SUV. She wished it would rain. That would suit this situation so much better. The warm sunshine mocked them from its low position in the western sky. She watched as Casey handed Chuck bottled water and said something to him. Chuck must have said something heartfelt in reply because Casey's face hardened and he avoided eye contact. When he looked back at Chuck, he reluctantly extended a hand and Chuck's arm appeared briefly as he shook Casey's hand.

Sarah fought the urge to sprint toward the vehicle and latch herself onto that arm and never let go. She wouldn't do that though. They had both known this was a possibility. An eventuality actually, because they had always known that once the new Intersect was up and running, Sarah would be reassigned.

She had just always assumed that that would be a long time off. That she would have time to consider a contingency plan. That somehow, they would find a way to be together.

And either way, she had thought he would still be here. It would have given her peace of mind, even if they were worlds apart, knowing that Chuck was happy and safe around the people he loved.

Now she didn't know where he was going and she would never see him again.

Thinking about it made her lungs feel like ice.

She couldn't breathe.

There's still time! her mind screamed at her. The door was still open. She could quit her job and go with him. But she knew in her heart she wouldn't do that. This job, unsteady as it was, was the only thing she'd ever done. Settling as a housewife…she just couldn't picture it. They'd been expecting this startling break up ever since they finally decided to give it a try.

Now it was time to let go.

The door slammed shut and Casey pounded twice on the passenger's side window, giving the driver the go ahead.

She couldn't stand to watch the car fade into the distance so she turned toward the ocean. Casey strode over to stand next to her. They stood in silence, watching the mocking sun leave behind a brilliantly colored sky as it slipped beneath the surface of the sea.

She hadn't said goodbye to him. Hadn't told him she loved him as many times as she should have. She knew it was better that way. If they said their goodbyes, she wasn't sure she would have been able to keep her resolve. When she looked into those eyes she simply wasn't in control. It was better this way.

The tears that poured down her face disagreed.

She sniffled, annoyed with herself for crying in front of Casey. Casey turned his head to look at her.

"You knew this was coming Walker," he voiced her thoughts. She let out a harsh laugh and bit back a sob.

"I didn't think it would…hurt…quite this much. With Bryce-"

"Chuck Bartowski is not Bryce Larkin," Casey pointed out with an unexpected about of emotion. She turned to look at him, but his eyes were locked on the now dark water.

"I know that," she followed his gaze, "of course I know that. They couldn't be more different. It was just so much easier letting Bryce go." Casey grunted.

"That's because Larkin is a tool." She smiled and laughed at his use of slang, wiping tears from her face with the sleeve of her sweater. He clearly had spent too much time around Morgan at the Buy More.

God. She'd really screwed up here. Her emotions were all over the place.

She loved it here. She loved these people.

She loved Chuck.

And he was gone forever.

It's two a.m.
Feelin' like I just lost a friend.
Hope you know it's not easy,
Easy for me.
It's two a.m.
Feelin' like I just lost a friend.
Hope you know this ain't easy,
Easy for me.

And we know it's never simple,
never easy.
Never a clean break, no one here to save me.

I can't,
Breathe,
without you,
But I have to,
Breathe,
without you,
But I have to.

I'm sorry.

Chuck squirmed in his seat, struggling to see out the back window. But she wasn't looking. Her back was to him. Casey gave a small salute and turned toward Sarah as the SUV pulled away from the curb.

Chuck pulled in a ragged breath. He couldn't take this. He had to see her face one more time.

Turn around. Come on, turn around!

But she didn't. The SUV swung around a corner and the two figures disappeared from his sight.

This wasn't real. He felt like the Jaws of Life had just ripped his heart from his chest cavity.

It wasn't supposed to go like this. He was supposed to be giving Sarah the white picket fence she'd always wanted. It was supposed to be over. Not like this.

Sure, they'd told each other this was a possibility, but that was only so they could convince themselves that it was okay to have this relationship. It wouldn't last long, they'd told each other, so why not give it a shot? Enjoy it while it lasted.

That was years ago.

And he was still very much enjoying it. Before it had been snatched away from him. He hadn't even been given the chance to say goodbye. To tell her, as cheesy as it was, that she completed him. But maybe it was better this way. What could he possibly have said to her that would have made this easier? That he loved her? That he would miss her? There just weren't words in the English language that would spell out his emotion, his regret, his love. No, he decided, you couldn't have done it. You would have ended up begging. Begging to stay. Nothing would have changed. Saying goodbye wouldn't have given him closure.

He fumbled in his Buy More work pants and pulled out a black velvet box. He popped it open and stared down at the miniscule diamond. It wasn't much, he thought, but she would have loved it.

And he'd been looking forward to the look on her face when he knelt.

The way she'd say yes.

The kiss that would follow.

Stop it, he told himself, stop torturing yourself.

He snapped the box shut and tossed it onto the seat. He watched it bounce off the leather and drop onto the carpet, disappearing under the driver's seat.

He leaned his head back against the cushion and closed his eyes.

"Forget about us Bartowski," Casey's words echoed in his mind. "We've set up a nice life for you. Throw yourself into it. You'll never survive otherwise."

Chuck let a single tear roll down his cheek before sweeping it away and stifling his emotions.

He couldn't live without her. She was…everything to him.

But he didn't have a choice. Life sucks and then you die. He'd always thought that was a rather harsh sentiment on the complications of living.

But now he wholeheartedly agreed with whoever had spoken those words.

It sucked. And it wasn't fair. Not only was he losing the love of his life, he was losing his sister and his best friend. He couldn't force his mind to think about how hard his fake death would be on them. He and Ellie had become so close. His big sister was always looking out for him and he knew, no matter what people told her, she'd find a way to blame herself for his death. He wished he could tell her it was in no way her fault, that he wasn't really dead. He wished he could tell her how much she meant to him and how he had always appreciated her over-protectiveness. He wished he could have told her goodbye.

He had to stop thinking this way.

He unbuckled his seatbelt and leaned over, sweeping the ground for the box. He scooped it up and stared at it, twirling it in his hands.

He shoved it back into his pants pocket. He'd find a safe place for this, a place to match the special place in his heart that would always belong to Sarah.

His friend.

His savior.

His love.

The woman he'd never see again.

I can't,
Breathe,
without you,
But I have to,
Breathe,
without you,
But I have to.

But I have to.

Like it? Love it? Hate it? Let me know.