Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.
The rain soaks her long black hair as she sits on the bench. She barely notices the storm that soaks her clothes and chills her skin, as she thinks, contemplates, and dreams without hope.
Hinata doesn't know why she does what she does to herself. She doesn't know why this sweet torture is so intoxicating, why she doesn't just choose self-preservation over pain.
Hinata's not sure anymore, if what she feels for Naruto is love…
…Or just obsession.
Once, she was sure it was love, for what else would make her blush and faint when he came into her presence? What else could make her eyes watch him even when the focus of the crowd was on someone else; what else could make her heart beat faster in the rare occasions that he noticed her?
For so many years, she was sure. For so many years, she dreamed of the day when they would be together, and she would be happy.
She dreamed…
But her dream is falling apart.
Seeing Naruto and Sakura together makes her think. Maybe it isn't love, because if it was love, wouldn't she have had the courage to go up and tell him how she felt before Sakura did?
And thinking of Sakura unearths an uncomfortable truth. Hinata's own behavior towards Naruto practically mirrors elements of Sakura's towards Sasuke when they were all genin, because Hinata (and just about everyone but Sakura) knows that Sakura was not in love with Sasuke; she was obsessed with him, but not in love with him.
And Sakura's just so different than Hinata. Sakura's brave and bold and beautiful, everything Hinata will never be. She captures the moment, and lives for joy and life. She could have any boy she wanted, and she set her sights on Naruto. And now she has him, hook, line and sinker.
The way they seem to love each other (Hinata has so little experience with love of any kind that she can not truly be sure, but it's what it seems like; all the signs are there) is so alien from the way Hinata thought she loved him that she just can't be sure anymore.
The way Sakura loves Naruto is so different; it's so open and fresh and pure, while Hinata only dares to think about her love in the dark, and only lets loose her whispers of longing and pain to the shadows on her night-darkened ceiling.
If what Sakura feels for Naruto is love, than how can what Hinata feels, so utterly dissimilar, than how can what she feels be anything other than obsession? How can it be love? And if it is, does Hinata even have a chance now?
Hinata bows her hands, feeling her fingernails dig into her palms like miners into a coal mine. She hopes that what is falling down her face is only rain. She flicks her tongue to find out; no salt.
Maybe, it's just time to give up. She's lost; Sakura holds Naruto's heart now, and she doesn't see how she could ever…
Hinata holds back a gasp. Because there they are.
Naruto and Sakura are both dressed in rubber raincoats and boots, with fedora-like hats on their heads. Naruto's are bright yellow, Sakura's dark green.
They bob up and down under a red umbrella; Sakura is holding the handle of the umbrella, and Naruto, Hinata registers with a stab of pain, has his arm wrapped around Sakura's waist.
They don't seem to notice her at first; they are talking and laughing, Naruto splashing in rain puddles like a little child (Hinata feels her lips upturn so briefly in a moment of rare joy; she loves to see the way he still acts so innocent at times, when God knows he is anything but).
Then, he looks up. Their eyes meet, and Hinata, despite the summer rain, feels her face grow hot.
"Hinata-chan!" They walk over to where she sits, side-stepping puddles in their haste. "What're you doing out here in the rain?"
Sakura casts a slightly embarrassed look at her and turns away, her eyes staring at the trees, at the buildings outside the park, at the pond, anywhere but at Hinata and Naruto.
"Oh, oh! Well…I…"Hinata looks down miserably, staring at her twiddling fingers, cursing her inarticulacy, wishing that she could be eloquent and didn't stutter as much as she did. She doesn't look up; she doesn't want to see those blue eyes, because if she did she was sure she would weep…
"You wanna walk home with us? There's plenty of room under the umbrella."
Hinata looks up in shock, her face growing darker, and when her eyes meet his, she surprises herself by not bursting into tears.
Hinata is caught in indecision. It hurts so much to be near him, but at the same time, the proximity that burns her very bones is all that she lives for anymore. But it hurts so much…
Hinata's mind is unsure, but her body is not. Almost of their own accord, Hinata's legs move and before she knows it, she is standing under the umbrella, huddled behind them.
As the three move, Hinata feels something inside of her singeing and shriveling, like a dry old piece of paper caught on fire. It might hurt to see Naruto and Sakura together, but Hinata savors every chance to be near him. And that, she thinks, is why she can not discern her feelings as love or obsession.
As she begins to again ponder the nature of love and obsession, her thoughts are drowned out by the pattering of raindrops on the red umbrella…
…And her thoughts are shed like dust during a fresh summer's rain.
Cuttin' through the darkest night in my two headlights
Trying to keep it clear, but I'm losing it here to the twilight
There's a dead end to my left, there's a burning bush to my right
You aren't in sight, you aren't in sight
Do you want me, like I want you?
Or am I standing still, beneath the darkened sky?
Or am I standing still, with the scenery flying by?
Or am I standing still, out of the corner of my eye?
Was that you passing me by?
—Standing Still by Jewel
And I don't even like NaruSaku.