HESTER, ALONE

The moonlight glowed faintly and vanished from the cabin wall as the Jenny Haniver bobbed it's way east over the dead Hunting Grounds. Hester awoke, sweat covered and aching all over. She squeezed her eyes shut to recall what had happened before she fell asleep. Anna Fang had told her to wait while she left to get something for her wound, and Hester laughed softly knowing that she had lied, or at least forgotten. She felt the bitter rightness of it, sure that her guess had been correct, and the world was exactly what she thought it was again.

Feeling the twinge of her leg as she sat on the side of the bed, reaching for her clothes, she found they had been washed while she was asleep. She checked them quickly over, making sure there were no Goggle-bugs planted or anything missing. They smelled faintly of grass.

There was a knock at the door while she dressed, she pulled her trousers up quicker, wincing through her teeth when they touched her wound. The door opened for Anna Fang, smiling in that red-tinged, trying-too-hard-to-look-kind-for-her-own-good sort of way she was so fond of. Hester's hand went up to her face as the aviatrix's brow furrowed, stepping quickly over to her and pulling Hester's trouser leg off the wound. Hester grimaced as Anna poked, frowning to herself and mumbling in Airsperanto. Then quietly Anna said, "You are very lucky to be alive."

Hester thought of Shrike, the sword in his chest twisting and sparking his insides, his green eyes going dark. Lucky. She thought of Peavey and the rest of the pirates who had been ready to shoot them when Shrike came. Maybe, she thought. Not that she would show Anna Fang. She winced as the aviatrix began redressing the wound, with a bandage seemingly out of nowhere. Her hands were soft, and for a moment Hester thought of her mother, when she was very young in Oak Island, checking she had brushed her teeth with a smile at bedtime, lifting under her arms to tuck her in.

She leered at Fang with her good eye, "What do you want. What do you want really. I don't know anything about London. I don't know about any Old-tech. I don't care about it if you must know. They can all rot for all I care."

"All of them?" Fang smiled, as though that was supposed to mean something. Fang tilted her head, still dressing around Hester's leg, "As for what I want, I want to see this leg heal. And then come with me. With the rest of you of course, provided it's all willing." She smiled up at Hester again, and though Hester's hand itched to cover her face, for some reason she didn't want to in front of Fang. Whenever people did kind things for her, there was always something else, but the woman hadn't done anything but help her along with Tom, even though Tom was the one who knew about London. The aviatrix continued, "Or we could simply let you down on the Grounds, and you could start your walk again, all that way to London on your own." Though she joked often, Hester still braced herself for the cruel joke waiting behind, like the jaws of one of those monstrous towns.

Monster..

She thought back to the Black Island again. Tom shouting at her, 'You're not a monster, you're my friend!'. She felt herself glaring as Anna tied off the bandages. Why couldn't he have just let her die?

She leaned over to see through the doorway, but although Tom's cabin opposite was open, she couldn't see him inside from this angle. She tried to calm, ready to fight if she had to, "Where's Tom?" The last she had seen, they had taken him away to that too-smiley Nuevo-Indian doctor before shutting the cabin door and shooing her away.

"In his cabin. Healing. There is no need for panic just yet." Anna Fang was looking at her, a brow raised in a faint smirk of knowing. "What will you two do when we get to the Shield Wall, I wonder? Should you both choose to come." Anna added, "It's a very nice place, so you know. Lots of dazzling lakes and shops and good food, oh far better than Airhaven- you will have to try the Frog-gut puree!" She made a noise of delight at the thought of it, motioning the old bandage away from her mouth, "Mwah!" She giggled, then turned sadly serious when Hester didn't move. "But first, naturally, you will have to tell the Governor what has happened." The red smirk returned with a sigh, "He'll never believe me otherwise."

Hester grunted. Though she wouldn't say it now, Fang's Anti-Tractionists didn't matter much to her either. They seemed to have more sense than the city idiots, but they still kept fighting when they didn't need to. All she wanted was to kill Valentine. Kill Valentine and die. Maybe someone at the Shield Wall could make her a Stalker, she could go after Valentine like she wanted, kill him and then..

And then what? She shook the thought away, but her frown deepened to realise Anna Fang was right. As much as she still wanted to die and still wanted to get back to Valentine, it would be days before the airship would refuel and stock up on supplies and they would fly back again. And she probably wouldn't find an Old-tech engineer, or one that could turn her into a Stalker. And the thought of walking back out into the Hunting Grounds for London seemed silly when she could have an airship take her there. It couldn't hurt to stay in one place for a few days could it?

And then her wound was dressed, and Anna stood up, shrugging, "There! All made up and ready for dinner. Or supper as it may be soon. But, you have already brushed your teeth!" She hovered, seemingly expecting more, or about to say something else. Then turned for the door, "Well, whatever you decide, we won't be there for a few days yet. Perhaps you'll have time to practice your story for the Governor? What you'll want to leave out.." Another smirk. Hester wasn't sure she'd ever understand the aviatrix, but she realised as Fang reached for the door that she wanted to talk to her. But she didn't know what she wanted to say exactly. And she didn't know how to say whatever it was. She stood to lean weight on her leg. It still hurt, but less than before. She opened her twisted mouth, feeling the toughness pull at the scarred side, "Is Tom coming?"

Anna stopped, turning back and nodding. For some reason Hester felt good about that. It must have been because he would be there in case someone betrayed them again. If someone wanted to lock her up, it would be good to have Tom there with his smile. For other people, not her. Even though he did for her as well.. She had thought she had said all she wanted to say, but she found herself speaking again, against her will, "Tom killed Shrike on the island."

Anna crossed her arms, nodding in approval, "I heard. The metal-man was well dealt with when we arrived. You were very brave to face him the way you did." She looked at Hester curiously. "And on Airhaven. You seemed to know him?" Hester glared at her. She put her hands up, then spoke again, an afterthought, "And Tom must have been very strong to get that sword all the way through as he did."

Hester frowned, sitting again. Tom wasn't strong, he cried all the time and trusted people like the Speedwell lot and Valentine without thinking. And kept trying to stop people from fighting when they wanted to. Always thinking people would help them even though they never did. Except for Anna, for now, people never helped anyone without a reason. But Tom was still stupid for thinking that. And he wasn't strong.

'Well', said an annoying voice inside her, 'He did spend that whole day clawing himself bloody at that plank in Speedwell.' And he had run at Shrike even though he had been so scared of him before, thinking Stalkers were something from his history books. Tom was an idiot. For some reason the thought made Hester want to smile. But she let it drop, thinking of the things he had said, realising how horrid she had been to him even though he had been so kind.

She couldn't stop herself, she needed to find out.. something. "At Tunbridge Wheels, they caught us and we were in these cages 'cos they wanted us for slaves. And Peavey let him out, he could've left me in there. Peavey told him to and he said no. He didn't even think about it." She found herself looking at Anna, the words tumbling out faster, "That's why Peavey let him out. He said 'No!' like that. Well, and Peavey found out he was from London." Anna just watched her, nodding faintly along to the story. Hester found that she wanted to know something more, though she didn't know what, or how to find it.

Her ruined mouth kept on against herself, "Tom said he was my friend. When he saved me. He said it before as well. He could have left me and he didn't. He could've left when I was slowing him down on the tracks. Or before you came, when we were escaping those Speedwell people. And when Shrike came, I told him to run but he didn't. He killed Shrike so I wouldn't be like him. I- I didn't have anything to give him back, and he knew, he must have," she finished awkwardly. It didn't make sense. Hester didn't know what she was saying. But she still said it. "Why?"

She certainly didn't like the way Fang was looking at her now. It wasn't pity for her face, but it was similar, and it was annoying. The aviatrix shrugged, "I wonder.." And smiled again. "You say he saved you?" Hester nodded. Fang said, "And he kept you two together when he could have left you?" Hester nodded again, waiting for the joke, wishing she had kept her twisted mouth shut. But Fang just said, "It sounds very much like he is your friend. And you say you did the same for him? Saving him for nothing?"

Hester ran her tongue over her broken teeth in thought. "Not nothing. It was annoying, I wanted to pay him back. I think. So he wouldn't have that over me, or-or-" Hester thought she had saved him for that, but that didn't make sense either. Even if she was paying him back by having Shrike let him live, he didn't have anything to go back to if she had. He had no parents. No friends. Well, he did have London. And what was her name.. Katherine.

But Hester felt a twist in her gut at the thought she had wanted to save him for her, of herself killed by Shrike and leaving to be Resurrected and go after Valentine, and Tom back in London with Katherine. Valentine's daughter. She hadn't thought about it at all, and now that she did.. She felt uncomfortable even though the ship was warm, and the bed softer than she had slept on in years.

She stared at the wall, watching the moonlight come and go. And for a moment her shadow looked just like anyone's. Like any normal girl her age. "Sometimes, since I met him, I think I want to be more like him. More happy like Tom, but.." The outline of her shadow vanished. Anna stayed silent. And Hester still hadn't found the irritating 'something'. Why couldn't I try to be more like him? Just a bit. Maybe. Once. She tried the words out, just to see how they sounded, "Me and Tom are friends." They sounded strange. "Like you and Khora?" She heard the wood creaking softly from the door as the aviatrix spoke softly, leaving,

"Perhaps. But I think that is not what you want, no?"

The door shut behind Anna, leaving Hester more confused than before. She raised a hand to her face, touching the scar faintly, fingers feeling over it's grooves and cracks and ridges, her bump of a nose. For a moment it didn't feel as bad, she thought it might just look like the wood wall in front of her. She thought it might not matter if it was on her stomach, or her leg.

She thought of Tom and her stomach seemed to perk up, something rushing faintly into it. He would be there at Bahmunk.. whatever. With her. And if someone attacked them again she would save him or he would save her. He'd smile again. She blushed, wishing she had her veil back.

Her hand dropped, hoping maybe it didn't matter that much. She thought back to when they first met on London. She was annoyed to think of him as just another person then, disgusted by her like everyone else. Well, she couldn't blame him then. Now that they had spent more time together and knew each other better, maybe.. She thought of Tunbridge Wheels, and the Black Island and noticed that Tom hadn't flinched when he looked at her anymore.

But then she remembered Valentine. And the plan that had taken her all this way. And her mother, dead in the attic. And her face, how truly ruined it was, and the way everyone looked at her. And how even if she felt more kind, even for a moment, something would happen and Tom would leave, or show her what he had really wanted all along.

And Hester tucked herself back into bed, alone again, more confused and less happy than before, wishing she had never met Tom, and wishing that there was a way he could be there with her after she had killed Valentine.