Face All Our Fears
"You still have glitter in your hair." Sam smirked, pointing the shiny bits out to her in the mirror.
"Okay, when are you going to let this go?" Andy demanded, shoving his had away.
"When the glitter goes away."
"It was two weeks ago!"
"Ya, that stuff really does stick around."
"You know what? It was your loss! That night was a lot of fun!"
"I could tell by the hangover you showed up with the next morning."
Andy rolled her eyes and finished brushing her hair. When she crawled into bed a few minutes later, Sam was smirking at her again.
"What?"
"Nothing." He shook his head, but didn't stop smiling.
"You're being weird."
"I'm just remembering the drunk texts you sent me that night."
Andy groaned and rolled over, hoping to ignore him and go to sleep. Instead she felt his arm creep around her waist.
"Am I really so dashingly handsome that you forget how to speak sometimes?"
"No! That is a complete lie!" Andy told him, trying to roll out of his grasp.
"See, I always understood that people tell the truth more when they're drunk." His fingers tightened and she started to giggle as he tickled her.
"Sam!" She squealed. "Stop it!"
"Only when you admit that I'm dashingly, roguishly handsome." Sam grinned down at her, not letting up. She gasped for air, unable to stop laughing.
"Okay! Okay! I give!" She finally screamed.
"Say it," Sam prompted.
"You are a child!" Andy shot at him. "But you are incredibly handsome."
"Damn right I am!" Sam leaned over her and captured her lips with his. Andy smiled into the kiss, and let her hands creep under his shirt.
"Why are you so cold?" Sam demanded, flinching away from her freezing hands.
"I'm always cold." She settled her hands on his back and reached out to kiss him again, before rolling over and placing her head on his chest.
She didn't remember falling asleep, but the next thing she knew she was terrified. She didn't remember why She didn't know where she was or what was happening.
Then she looked around. She was in her childhood bedroom and her mother was kneeling beside her bed, begging her to leave with her. Andy was shaking her head, begging her not to leave.
Then her father was there, passed out on the couch with a bottle of scotch in hand. Andy knelt beside him, shaking him and begging him to wake up.
He didn't move and her dream changed again. Luke and Jo were in her house, in her bed. And then they were walking away, just like everybody else. Andy screamed after him, begging him to stay.
And then Sam appeared, lying on the ground and bleeding. Andy hadn't noticed that she was crying before that, but now she sobbed freely. She fell to the ground beside Sam's broken body, and Traci appeared in front of her.
"There was no way to help him. He's gone." As she turned to walk away, Andy jerked herself out of the dream and had forgotten every detail within seconds. That didn't stop her reaction, however. Her body shook with uncontrollable sobs.
Sam reached out for her in his sleep, but woke up when he felt her shaking. Groggily, he realized she was crying and quickly pulled her close to him again.
"It's okay," he murmured. "I've got you. I'm right here, and I'm going to hold onto you and never let you go." His arms tightened around her even more as he woke up. He kept whispering quietly until she stopped shaking. He gently lifted her chin so he could see her face, and swiped at the lingering tears.
"It's okay now. You're okay." He promised, not loosening his hold on her. She nodded, took a few deep breaths and tried to pull away, but his grip held.
"What happened?"
"I don't know. It was just a dream. I forgot it when I woke up. I'm sorry I woke you." Andy mumbled, just like she always did when this happened. He knew that Luke had always ignored her when this happened, either not waking up at all or telling her she was being silly and to go back to sleep. Sam had wanted to track the detective down and beat him into a bloody pulp again when she had told him this.
It had been the first night she stayed at his place after the UC incident. He had woken up to get a glass of water in the night and noticed she wasn't in bed. On his way to the kitchen he noticed the light on under the door to the guest room and heard her. He eased the door open and found her sitting on the floor, leaning against the bed with her head on her knees, shaking.
"Andy?" He had immediately hurried to her side, kneeling beside her. "What's wrong?"
Her head flew up and she swiped at her eyes.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake you. Go back to sleep. I'm fine." Her voice shook as she spoke and tried to get up. Sam gently pushed her back down, recognizing all to well the symptoms of a panic attack. She was shaking and having a hard time breathing, and he was almost positive that if he were to take her pulse it would be the same as if she were being shot at.
"To hell with sleep. Just sit, okay? Take a deep breath." His voice was calm, but stern. "Breathe from your diaphragm." He took her face in his hands, one finger settling on her pulse point, and locked eyes with her.
"Breathe with me, okay?" He took steady breaths, his eyes never leaving hers, monitoring her pulse. When it finally slowed, he spoke again.
"What happened?"
"It was just a dream. I would have been fine. Sorry." She muttered, trying to look away from him.
"Don't apologize, Andy. You never have to apologize to me." He sat beside her and pulled her into a tight hug. "Do you want to talk about it?"
She shook her head. He didn't release her. She relaxed a little bit and rested her head on his chest. They sat like that for a good fifteen minutes. Sam thought she'd fallen asleep and was about to carry her back to bed when she finally spoke.
"Thank you."
"For what?" Sam asked, confused.
"For understanding."
"Why wouldn't I?" He asked, not following her thought process.
"Not everyone does."
She was quiet again, but Sam knew she was trying to decide whether or not to continue. He gave her arm an encouraging squeeze.
"This happens a lot. Ever since I was a kid and my mom left. Especially when I'm sleeping somewhere other than my own bed."
Sam could tell there was more to her explanation, but didn't hurry her. He knew she hadn't told many people about this, there was a very good chance that he was the first one.
"The first time it happened at Luke's he got upset. He thought it was his fault. And then, after that first time he didn't even notice. Or, when he did, he told me I was being stupid, that it was just a dream and I was being childish, so I tried to hide it. I would go sit in the kitchen and pretend I'd just woken up early. I didn't want to be a burden."
As she spoke, Sam had to keep his emotions in check. He wanted to hunt Luke down and thrash him, but he also wanted to pull Andy even closer and promise he would take care of her forever. Both of these options seemed extreme. Instead, he moved to sit in front of her again and took her face in his hands again.
"You will never be a burden to me. Ever. You don't need to explain yourself or hide." He locked eyes with her until she gave a small nod.
"I get it. I completely get it."
Andy stared at him in awe before leaning forward and kissing him.
"What the hell did I do to deserve you?" She asked.
"I ask myself the same thing about you every day." Sam told her, pressing a kiss to her forehead. "Will you come back to bed now?" Andy gave a small nod and he helped her to her feet, slipping an arm around her waist.
"No sneaking out on me anymore, okay?"
She gave him a small smile and nodded.
She had kept her promise, she always stayed in the room, but she still didn't like to wake him. In fact, she had only done it once, and only because she had been having one of the most severe panic attacks Sam had ever seen. She had been completely unable to catch her breath, and Sam had made her hyperventilate into a paper bag. He had almost had to follow suit, he was so worried.
"What are you thinking about?" Andy's voice pulled him from his thoughts.
"How lucky I am to have you." Sam told her, not wanting to bring up her previous attacks, or Luke. "Try to sleep a little more."
She looked worried by this idea, so he squeezed her tightly again and pressed his lips to her forehead.
"I'll be right here the whole time. I promise."
She didn't seem overly convinced, but he finally saw her eyelids flutter shut and her breath even out. What was he going to do with this girl?