THE LOVE I HAD
~REMAKE~
CHAPTER 1
-UNFORTUNATE INCIDENT-
"Tsuna! Thank god, you're conscious! Doctor!"
I heard a girl was squealing in happiness and walk away from my side trying to find the doctor while I was trying to figure out the consequences that I am in. I don't know why, but my body felt weak and my head was spinning every time I tried to sit up.
"What's wrong with me?" I felt pain all over my body and I jerk a lot while I was trying to sit up and finally I failed and bumped on the bed hardly causing me more dizziness and I can felt my vein popping out on the neck.
"Don't. You should not force yourself."
Suddenly I felt my whole being stiffen upon hearing this familiar voice. My heart is practically pumping harder against my ribs.
"Your body is still adapting."
'I knew this voice.'
And his warm hands were touching me on the back...trying to cool me down…and he put a blanket on me to warm me up. I can feel my goosebumps. Anxiety and loved...
"K-Kyouya-san? I-is that you?"I was stuttered but still manage to ask him clearly. But I slipped using his nickname I used to call him back then when we were exchanging letters with each other.
I can feel my cheek was flushing hot under those bandages around my eyes when I realized I have been too excited to meet him more than meeting with my mother or my sister. And it was by then, I realized...
'Why were my eyes bandaged? I wished to see him..'
"You were just conscious for a few minutes, and now you abruptly want to sit up. That's stupid, herbivore. I know you are stupid but not this stupid...your body had stiffened..."
And his words snapped me out from my own thought. 'Stiffened? What does he mean?'
I am surprised that I didn't get a whack on the head for calling his first name...and to find that he was there when I wake up makes me happy than I ever imagine...and it was a warm-hearted feeling.
I felt loved...but something was not right.
"Hi-Hibari-san..." and he just 'hn' me.
"When you said, my body was stiffened...how long have I been asleep..?" I don't why, but I tried my best to prevent my voice from vibrating. I am afraid to learn the actual thing which happens at that evening...
I am afraid...really afraid...
He just stayed silent and helped me drink my water...until I asked again...
"Why were my eyes bandaged? Did my face got burned or something?" I asked calmly, but the tone was reduced and vibrating even more. He just grunts at me. I touched my face, my upper body, and lower part and I felt a bit relief when I realized that I have no fractures on my limbs or body. I don't have any loose limbs. I didn't have a bandage on my body, so that means, I am alright.
"You got many injuries, of course, they were bandaged."
"Ah...right. You got that right Kyouya-san, no, I mean Hibari-san. But you still didn't answer my first question... How long have I been asleep -?"
"Tsuna!"
I nearly cursed when our conversation was interrupted by a voice who squealed my name, but I am alarmed; it was Natsu's.
"Natsu. Is that you?" I asked monotone, slightly angry. But I know she was the girl who called out to doctor earlier.
"Yes, dear. The doctor will come and see you after this." And she was happy.
"Yeah. Right." I felt irritated just because I can't hear anything from Kyouya Hibari. The truth.
"What's with your tone, Tsuna? Don't worry, you'll be just fine."
'Great! She thought I am worried of my conditions and she came closer and kissed my forehead which makes me stiffened on my bed. I don't know what reaction I should make as for weird, sudden, alien affection. She had never held me since we were kids, much less to kiss me on the head.
What was that?
It was unacceptable.
Did she purposely trying to show her kindness, showering me with her love in front of Kyouya-san?
"Tsuna-san, It's time for your medicine!" a nurse slide open the door with a tray of medication on her hands perhaps.
"Excuse me, sir and madam, can I have a minute with her, please?"
And with that, they both step out and close the door, and I asked the nurse.
"Where am I?" I asked bitterly as I feel the substance going through my vein.
I could feel her smile against my face. "You're in Tokyo Hospital."
I was surprised. "Tokyo Hospital? That far away from Namimori? But why?"
"You've been treated here for many months Tsuna-san. Your sister probably just wants the best for you."
"Really? Is that really what she want? Oh, By the way, can we open this bandage around my face later, It's itching and you know -"
"Oh, that's probably impossible." the nurse voice sounds darken and I swallowed down my dry throat. "You have to be passion until the doctor decides for you."
"Okay..."
I had a feeling that all of them were hiding something from me. But the sick me didn't dare to ask for more...
When I asked about my condition, they firmly answered saying, 'don't worry! You'll be better soon!", and they just laugh to ease my feeling. But, truthfully, I had been really anxious and distressed when nobody was answering my question
'What were they hiding from me? What is happening?'
Even when I was trying to ask Natsu, she immediately changed the topic or went home. It's just been a day I had been conscious, but it seems better for me if I didn't get up. I didn't felt any better or appreciated.
Maybe she felt better without me around...
And I got a weird feeling when Kyouya-san was always there wherever she was. What in the world is happening? Why were they always together?! I kept asking myself because they didn't give me a chance to ask. Both of them always cut me down until I lost my will to ask.
I felt something gravely wrong is going on...and it was starting to scare me.
…
…
"Hye! Tsuna-chan? How are you today?" It's my doctor. Shamal sensei.. .Giving the name, I thought he was a shaman or something; but otherwise, he is a real pervert with very good skills as a doctor.
"Oh..? I am alright." I flinched a bit at the dull sound of my voice. It was less energetic.
"What's wrong? Your beautiful face doesn't match your dull voice you know. You should be lively!"
I forced myself to smile at him as an appreciation.
"Don't worry, Tsuna-chan, everything is going to be fine," he said caringly.
"May I asked, doctor? What was the situation of my eyes? Apparently, I didn't felt any better right now. It's getting itchy and all. Can't you change it?"
"Ah..yes. we are going to change it today...according to the schedule...haha..." He said nervously and suddenly fell silent. I frowned at him because I realized something was off in his tone. It's like, he was trying to lie to me...but, why was that?
"I am fine, right? Doctor?" I was starting to stutter in my speech.
"Oh, yes, Tsuna-chan! Where were your sister and her husband?" I flinched, a bit confused. I know he wants to divert my worries towards my sister's issue, but I didn't know any of my sister was married. To whom?
"W-what do you mean, her husband?" I asked feeling confused. "I don't know any of it."
"Didn't she tell you? Hibari-san is her husband, and they were married for two months." He said happily while I was starting to get hick-up and failing to breathe.
"Hi-Hibari…san?" My eyes go wide under that bandage. "He got married? I - I don't understand."
"What's wrong? Didn't she tell you? That's weird. She was really happy and all and they were preparing for their child for a while now."
I was silent. I don't know what to think.
'Kyouya-san was married? With Natsu? What's going on here? I don't get it!'
"Tsuna.."
'When did all of this happen?'
"Tsuna..chan?"
'I knew I was going to tell him that it was me who wrote him letters. And I want to tell him that Natsu was using my identity. But then..'
"Tsuna? Are you alright?"
'But, I failed…because I involved in an accident... No! This can't be happening!'
"Tsuna-chan? Tsuna!"
'NO! I can't accept this! NO!'
"Calm down! Tsuna-chan!"
I was oblivious to the surrounding. I could not hear any of Dr. Shamal words and instructions. The next thing I know, I was failing to breathe and my lung felt heavy and stuck. I can't breathe.
"Tsuna-chan! Take a deep breath!"
'Why can't my mind follow his instructions? Damn it. It hurt so much.'
I noticed some tingling in my arms and fingers, and my stomach too. My chest tightens and I can hear my lung is wheezing loudly. The pain seemed to rotate from left chest to right chest, and it was killing me –
'Am I going to die?'
"This is no good! Nurse! Bring me the pain killers!"
I feel like my heart stops pumping and it gets weak... the more I think of Kyouya and Natsu, the more serious it becomes. It won't go away. It was a painful sharp feeling and I can't shrug it off my mind. I find my world darkens. Hopes failing and my spirits were reduced so low. I feel so hopeless and found a dead end... It's the end...
I could never find my happiness anymore or even tell him that it was me, I am the one who wrote that letter, told him that I loved him...
'Kyouya-san, I made it, Kyouya-san. I fulfill our promises. It was me, and I loved you. I really love you. I hope you forgive me.'
I could only imagine that I was telling him that day... and he was smiling warmly to me...even though it was just a smirk, I knew he was sincere towards me... And I know he would forgive me because, deep in his heart he will realize that I was the girl he loves. He has been waiting for me, but sadly, I didn't manage it. I failed him.
I involved in an accident that day and it was tragic...
It was becoming bad because he didn't even know it was me who was going to meet him that day...
Why did these happening to me?
The beeping sounds turning louder but I can't think of anything. Everything was dark.
I could still smile just now, but can I smile again after this? I don't know...I really don't know...
'Kyouya-san...'
After a while, I felt a weird tingling sensation flowing through my vein. The painkiller is working out on me.
'What will happen to me?'
'Kyouya-san is leaving me... He was married, much less to my own blood...why did she do this to me? Why? Kyouya-san I still love you...I love you yet until now. Don't you still love me like you always wrote in your letter..? Kyouya-san...'
Why did you marry to Natsu?
But it wasn't his fault.
He didn't know it was me. It was not his fault.
I got in the accident and failed, it's still not his fault.
He didn't know that the girl who supposed to meet him that day was badly injured trying to fight with death, still was not his fault.
He knows nothing.
Surely, he hated me for not fulfilling our promises.
'I'm sorry Kyouya-san..I'm sorry...' and the tear flowing down my eyes dampen my bandage.
It was her...
'Natsu,why are you doing this to me? Tell me.'
And later, I feel lightheaded and falling into unconsciousness.
…
…
"What happened to her that she turned like that?! She had no asthma and respiratory problem. So, what was the problem now?!" Natsu was being over exaggerated and overbearing towards the still unconscious me. But I guessed I am a bit conscious since I can hear her shouting like that.
She was angry. Real angry.
Suddenly I heard some metal things fall onto the ground and apparently, Shamal-sensei was shifting at his sit by the sound of his shoes. "About that – Tsuna-chan…" he suddenly stops talking.
"What's wrong?" She asked sharply.
"You didn't tell her of your wedding, no?"
Suddenly, another bumped on the wall was heard. A loud bump. I wonder what happened between them.
"Don't tell me. You told her?!"
"Why? Is it wrong?" He asked dead-pan.
"It was supposed to be a secret! Kyouya and I, no, I didn't want her to know. I even forbid Kyouya from talking about us. Yet you..!" and she was sobbing...
"I'm sorry, Natsu...I thought she ought to know about you and him."
"No! She was not!"
He was sighing deeply taking his deep breath before he starts talking to her. I turned anxious and suddenly felt scared about the news to be heard.
"But, Natsu. You can't hide everything from her...She had the reason to know. What would you feel if she hides something from you?!"
"You can tell her other things! But not about my wedding! You don't know anything about us!" She was yelling and shouting but, she was still crying.
"Okay. I will not know if you didn't tell me. What if she knew before I even told her?" He asked back. I was getting teary because it seems like Dr. Shamal was voting for me.
'What was the truth hidden from me..'
"Just now, Tsuna asked me about her eyes. Would you mind telling me how should I explain it?"
I flinched on my bed. 'My eyes… what's wrong?'
"I..I don't know…" I heard Natsu was becoming uneasy and worried. "I really don't know. I didn't expect her to wake up at this time. I wished she would be conscious but inversely I really hope she won't wake up..."
At the end of her words, I suddenly felt sad and my heart was experiencing sharp pain. The tingling sensation rose into my veins, rushing to my head. My head was going to explode; angry. I ignore the dizziness and abruptly sit up on my bed.
"What do you mean Natsu? What was wrong with my eyes?" I asked didn't realize the grim of my voice. It was deep and threatening.
"Tsu-tsuna?!" She was frightened and shocked.
"Please rest Tsuna-chan." Dr. Shamal walks over to me and pressed my shoulder hard forcing me to sit.
I slapped his hand harshly and abruptly stood up on my still weak legs. "No. I deemed an explanation Natsu. What do you mean?" I asked her calmly, but the grim was still there.
She was silent.
"What's wrong with my eyes?"
"Tsu-tsuna? It's nothing.."
"It's NOTnothing! I knew there was something hidden from me. You! Even Kyouya-san! What's going on?!" I was being persistent and sharp. I knew I am being sarcastic and selfish at this time but I had to do this, or I will never learn the truth.
"It's nothing," Natsu said again, refused to tell me anything.
"TELL ME, Natsu!" I yelled loudly.
There was no way I will sit shut like I knew nothing. It was my life! Not her's! It was mine to decide and to know. I still am angry and shocked hearing about her wedding with Kyouya-san, but I want to hear everything directly from her petite poisonous mouth. I ought to know everything! And I am ready. I want to know everything!
"Shrug it off Natsu!" Suddenly, Dr. Shamal raised his voice towards Natsu and I can hear the drape of his shoes towards me.
"What? Don't Shamal!"She squealed horribly.
"Actually, Tsuna-chan..."
"Shamal, stop it!" I can hear Natsu was begging Dr. Shamal to stop but it seems like he was rejecting her.
"Tsuna..I hope you will relax."
"Don't worry..tell me..." It was hurt to hear him said that. I knew it was something really bad. So bad that he was afraid that I can't take it.
"Shamal!" and Natsu was already crying in my place, first before he even said it.
My heart was beating faster and I am feeling anxiety.
"We found that your eyes are... malfunction."
He stopped. And at that time, my heart stops beating too. "What do you mean doctor?"
He sighed again exasperatedly. "We had done everything that your sister asked, but unfortunately, your eyes had been damaged badly and now, it's totally damaged."
"What do you mean it was damaged?" I shouted out loud. I was too shocked and turning angry at the sudden unexpected news and I can't control it. All feelings just burst out.
He chose to be silent.
"You are blind, Tsuna-chan. Is that what you want to say?! How do you know if I am blind or not if you're not opening my eyes! Now! Removed the bandage! I want to see it for myself!"
The doctor didn't make any movement or an attempt to remove the bandage. He gives me no hopes.
"Why are you like this?! Please, remove this bandaged..!" My hands practically work on my face and tearing down the bandage, but he was holding my hands tightly preventing me from removing the bandage by myself.
"Don't! Tsuna...Please don't do this..." Now, it was Natsu who was begging me, clinging to my arms tightly.
"Move, Natsu," I said sternly. And she was crying her eyes out.
'Why does she need to be pretending? Would she just stop?!' Here I am feeling annoyed, angry, hopeless, empty... I don't know what's going on in my head too...
"I need you to calm down, Tsuna-chan. We will open it for you," He said softly, caressing my hands and ease my anxiety. I was impressed that he managed to make the enraged me calm down. I guessed that's what he works as a doctor for.
"Are you alright now, Tsuna-chan?" He said softly, and makes me settle comfortably and he was kneeling on his knee, hands still on mine, gently.
I finally can feel my arms and face calm...a bit. And Natsu was distancing herself from me.
"Before I told you, I need to tell you something…"
"What was?" I asked blankly. Apparently, I was anxious to know.
"You had been sleeping serenely on this bed for over 6 months Tsuna-chan."
"6 months? Are you kidding me?" 'It felt just like yesterday I had been crashed.'
"But, it was Tsuna-chan…You had been unconscious for those months and your sister had done everything to cure you."
"Was she?" I didn't have any feeling of thankful for her help. Now, I just resent her. Hate her, with all my heart.
"She was, Tsuna-chan. She cared for you."
"I didn't think that was the problem." Both of them were silent at my sentences. The tension was growing high and intense. It seems, I had cut them off from convincing me, even Dr. Shamal didn't know how to reply back. "She was always...cared for me..." I can feel my voice was shuddering and vibrates. I tried to hold my tears aback. " - to show off to people, and used me...You don't know a thing doctor..." I took a deep breath. "So, you want me to believe that crap that easy? It doesn't matter she cared about me or not. I always know she loves me but not the way every other love each other."
"Tsuna..I'm sorry..." she said faintly from the corner of the room. I can hear she was sobbing, but I couldn't care less about her. I just think about myself and myself only.
I just stayed silent and tried to ignore her.
"Otherwise, Tsuna-chan, it was your sister idea to continue, bandaged your eyes. She knew you cannot accept this cruel fate, hence she asked me to always cover your eyes, so that, when you wake up, you won't be surprised."
"Huh? So I won't be surprised? But, I am surprised! You gave me hopes! Useless hope! When I asked you what happen, you said it's nothing. Don't you, Natsu?" I know she paled immediately at my venom words.
" - and you doctor, you didn't even tell me about my condition. Yes, I am unconscious and thank you for treating me. I really appreciate it but can you hide this from me? I would rather know about this early! Not days later. I feel stupid for having hopes and dreams to look up again. You don't know how I felt under these bandaged. It has always tortured me! Day by day waiting anxiously for the time to look again, waiting for chances to look even if it was a blur...I know that the probability was very thin, but you still said that, I am alright, I am fine, I can look again, don't worry. That was all rubbish! You lied to me!" I can't hold my cries anymore, my eyes unconsciously shedding tears. I cried so hard that the cloth is wet.
"andI already sensed that there were many things going on if the doctor didn't say anything." I was stuttered and starting to whimper a bit. "And it feels weird as no one ever talked to me about my eyes. They just tried to make me laugh. And laugh... I laughed stupidly. I am an idiot."
"We didn't mean to – "
"But you did! You all did! Even Natsu! The Nurses! Kyouya-san! They all lied to me! You too, doctor! Everyone lied to me! You treated me like an idiot." I am wailing again, like a child losing her toys...
"I didn't do anything to all of you... But, why are you doing this to me?" My voice sounds so wistful and I cried in my palms. I didn't care anymore. I just want to cry.
"I am sorry, Tsuna-chan...We are sorry..." He said softly, patting my hands and back probably staring sadly at me whose tears were trickling her face every time she closes her eyes. I am tired of crying...The marriage thing has not even fade, then, my blindness... How should I accept this? God, how?
Then, he held me closer in a tight embrace."We are -chan..." and he kissed my forehead.
"Tsuna..I – " Natsu said trying to touch me.
"Get lost Natsu. I don't want to be near you at this time. Give me, times..." And I heard a soft sobbing before the door was closed tightly and I nuzzle towards Dr. Shamal. I felt guilty towards Natsu, but I can't think anything straight now.
'Sorry...Natsu...'
And I don't know how I should face the truth now...and my heart just keeps crying...
Who can ever except they were blind right after their morning? I never believed in something outrageous or scary could happen in my life -
But - Now, I, Sawada Tsunayoshi 18-year-old girl was surprised to find the cruel world could be so dark that I can't sense a thing.
I am blind. Forever.
And Kyouya Hibari is leaving Cielo forever.
Mama, I am too late...
...
XXX
A/N: this is a remake 2015. So much irregular have been discovered. hehe. I'm sorry very much! So, minna san. I would like to inform you to just read the further chapter which have 'remake' on top of the chapter- for the new readers especially. You don't want filler's aren't you.? because the story line isn't change, but is revised and remake.
Again, this story was in an inspirational from 'Brown eyes girl-cleansing cream' I think its the song was? Sorry, can't remember. But I love the song. Feel free to google and watch the MV.
same as always. a review is appreciated from each of you.