This was meant to be a one shot but I actually wrote another chapter, so I thought I would put it up on here as an ongoing story, seeing as I now have a plot of some kind.
Anyway this is like, the introductory chapter!
I've only just finished the game and I fell in love with Carth! ^_^

Anyway it is pretty mushy so you have been warned!

Contains KotOR Spoilers from the very beginning!

Freya sat back against the cold metal alcove that the beds on the ebon hawk where all encased in, it was small and ever so slightly cramped but she hadn't even noticed. As she drew her legs up and hugged them, a small tear made its silent journey down her cheek.

It was all a lie...

Her life had all been a lie...

She wasn't Freya, she was the dark lord, Revan, and all the while she had been trying to follow the path of light, but how would she possibly be able to follow the light when her whole history was shrouded in pain and darkness, she was no longer her own person, she was a merely a replica, merely an artificial mind...

The tears came thick and fast as she remembered the things that had been said, how all the crew members... her friends... had talked about her, as if she hadn't even been standing there, ignoring her as she had stared blankly into space, Carth's words had stung the most, he had flipped, shouted at her as if it was all her fault , but it wasn't, she had no relocation of the war... the destruction that Revan... she... had caused was something she had never seen, she had hated Reven along with everyone else, it wasn't her fault... was it? She could still hear them, even though it had been hours since they had first discussed it, talking in hushed voices in the main control room, talking about her, she could hear Carth's voice raised higher than anyone else's.

"But don't you get it? She was responsible for the destruction of Telos, responsible for the death of... of my wife!"

"Calm yourself son..." Came the low, even voice of Jolie but even as he spoke these words, Carth interpreted him,

"How can I keep calm about this, we're travelling with Darth Revan! I swore to protect her... and... and I know she says she's changed but... how can we tell?... how can anyone tell..."

The rest of the conversation was cut short by the dormitory door slamming shut. She just hadn't been able to stop herself. She stood there, panting slightly by the force in which she had used to close the door remotely, she had concentrated the whole strength of her mind on it, causing the Hawk to rock ever so slightly. There was no way the rest of the crew couldn't have heard it, even if someone had been listening to Mission's music player on full volume! Revan, collapsed on her bed again, sobbing gently into her pillow, silently reciting the Jedi code in her mind,

There is no emotion, there is only peace... there is no emotion, there is only peace... there is no emotion... no emotion...

But that was just the problem, there was emotion, and there had been for some time now, ever since she had been rudely awakened on that fateful day by an unsuspecting republic soldier. It felt like years ago, but in reality only a few months had passed. She had only been aboard the Endar Spire for a few weeks when there had been an almighty crash and she had found herself being shaken roughly awake. But that wasn't when the emotions had started to really kick in. No, as a last minute recruit she had never actually met the commander, but even though it had been a blur of activity, she could still remember walking towards the escape pods, pretty much being bundled into one of them and then the ear-splitting headache that she had woken up to. But above all she remembered the commander himself, he had seemed so concerned about her... she could tell in his voice that he had been genuinely worried, something that she wasn't used to, and she could still remember the fluttering sensation that she had felt inside her somewhere when she had first looked into his face...

She had changed a lot since then of course, she had got to know Carth Onasi a lot more, she had found out about his problem trusting people because of what happened to his wife... but finally she had won his trust, and after the horrible fight with Saul he had promised...

Now she felt further away from him then ever, he would never be able to trust her after this... can I even trust myself anymore?...Her thoughts where suddenly interrupted as something heavy landed on her bed, causing her to sit up. It was only a small Gizka though, half the size of an adult one and it cooed at her, showing a large pink mouth. She smiled, no matter what other people thought of them, she thought they were cute, and she hadn't had the heart to rid the ship of them, even when she could've sold them to the newly reinstated zoo on Mannan. She put out a hand and stroked its surprisingly soft skin, it nuzzled her legs, pushing its nose into her lap as she wiped away her tears.

I have to be strong, for my friends... I can't cry, It doesn't matter what I think... what I feel... I have to push away my emotions...

She let that thought take over her mind, trying desperately to forget that she had been Revan, somehow the presence of the little Gizka made her feel a lot better. Just then the door opened slowly and the blue face of Mission Vao appeared through the crack.

"Hey there! Just thought you might like some company!" she said as she walked in,

"Do you trust me?" Revan said, before even saying hello, keeping her voice level, devoid of all emotion, but inside she just hoped... hoped...

"Like I said before, I don't see the dark lord standing here, I see a friend who's been with us through thick and thin!" Revan smiled at that response. She knew she had gone over this before but she wanted some clarity now, her mind had been completely crammed full of emotions and thoughts back then that she hadn't really taken any of it in at all.

"Thanks Mission, I know I can rely on you to understand!" Mission smiled at her,

"Well hey, its no big thing. When you've lived in Lower Taris for years you learn not to question people's past too much." Misson sat down on one of the chairs opposite that were sunk into the wall slightly too, then, after putting her head in her hands and leaning enthusiastically forward she asked the question that Revan had been dreading slightly.

"So... are you ok, I mean with Carth's reaction an all, you know..." Sometimes Mission wasn't the most tactful person, still Revan knew she needed to talk about it, but perhaps not quite yet...

"Well he was a bit harsh but... I'm fine about it, It's not as if what he says would have any influence over me or anything..."

"Aw cumon! I've heard the way you constantly ask his advice on things! And the look you give him sometimes, you would have to be blind not to notice there's a thing going on... oh yeah and not to mention the flirtatious talking..." she put her hands on her hips, lowing the tone of her voice " does,' I'm gunna put you over my knee and teach you a lesson' sound familiar?" She raised an eyebrow as Reven blushed, Mission was a great friend and companion, always voicing her mind, creating amusing moments that came as a breath of fresh air in amongst the darkness of the last few months, Revan couldn't be angry with her, although she did try by putting on her best annoyed voice and placing her hands on her hips also,

"You've been listening to our conversations?"

"I only heard that bit! I was gunna fetch my music player out of the cockpit but when I heard that I left again!"

"Look, it wasn't what it sounded like ok?"

"Sounded pretty kinky to me!"

"Well it wasn't... Danmit, who am I kidding!" Revan laughed slightly, giving in, "Ok, so I have feelings for him, is that so wrong?"

"Weeell, you're a jedi, doesn't that mean you're not supposed to..."Mission asked, leaving the question hanging in the air for a moment,

"That's why it can never go anywhere, and anyway he would never want to, I mean, not after finding out... that I'm... I'm Revan!" She hung her head,

"Joeli told me love isn't something to be feared, he said the Jedi have got it wrong, it's passion that can lead to the dark side but love... it should be embraced, you know!" Mission smiled at her, "And anyway, I'm sure he will come around to your real identity sooner or later, it's not as if he can get away from it anymore then you can, and then he will see you're not Revan anymore, you're a good person!"

"You really think?"

"Well yeah!"

"Thanks Mission!"

"Hey no probs, I'm always here, you know!"

Revan sighed and lay down on her bed, "I think I'm going to get some shuteye if you don't mind, it might help me relax!" Revan turned over as Mission left, something inside of her couldn't believe she had just taken love advice from a 14 year old kid...

Carth was up late again, the rest of the crew had gone to bed ages ago but he couldn't sleep even if he wanted to. So instead he had gone to sit in his pilots chair, looking out at the stars, finding comfort in them, it was a fact that he had noticed long ago, 'no matter what changed in the universe, they always stayed the same'. About an hour passed as he just sat there, arms crossed, lost in his thoughts, when he heard a small creaking coming from one of the other rooms, then a small red light on the control panel in front of him blinked, telling him that the food storage had been opened, a few seconds the light blinked off again. Cursing under his breath, he got up and headed towards the storage room,

"Damn Gizka..."

When he got there however there wasn't a Gizka in sight and that was a worse sign, it meant that he would now have to search the ship for the little critter, before it gave birth to thousands of babies... Shame...And they had finally managed to patch up the hole in the cargo hold too...

Half an hour later he stormed back into the cockpit, he had searched high and low and there wasn't a single Gizka in sight, he hadn't been in the best of moods before this happened but now...

It wasn't until he went to sit back down that he noticed there was a unmistakeable female form sitting in his seat, she was wearing red pjs with white embroided hearts and her auburn hair was out of her, too familiar hair tie, flowing over her shoulders like a cascading waterfall. Carth had never really seen her like this before, as the men and women had their own dormitories at opposite ends of the ship after much insisting from Bastela, (apparently it just wasn't right for men in their 30s to share a room with a 14 year old...) and Revan was particularly good at getting dressed before breakfast. She turned around, jumping,

"I didn't think anyone was awake..." "What are you doing up at this time..." they both said at the same time, they paused, then started again...

"Hey don't worry you can have your seat back..." "Hey no don't get up I was just..." Again they talked over each other, there was an awkward moment when Revan stood up and tried to move around the chair and Carth took a step forwards at the same time, silence fell across the room as they noticed that their bodies where touching, then,

"I'm sorry I was just... uh..." "Oh um... sorry about that," "I'll just leave you alone..." "I'll be off to bed now then..." they paused again, finally, Revan smiled which slowly turned into a twinkly laugh that sparkled through the room, immediately ridding the awkwardness that had spread through the air, Carth couldn't help but chuckle too, it wasn't often she laughed and it was a pretty sound. Revan moved out of the way and looked down slightly, her hair fell over her face, hiding her blush, then she spoke,

"I guess you couldn't sleep either huh?" Carth nodded,

"Yeah it must be the... uh... Solar storm brewing somewhere..." Revan turned to go but Carth grabbed her arm, she spun around to face him, her pale face looking up at him,

"Was there something you wanted Carth?" her voice was smooth and quiet with no hint of emotion, but her face told a different story, her lips where turned down, her eyes crying out with pain...

"I uh... you don't have to go if you don't want to... I wouldn't mind some uh... company, you know!" He scratched the back of his neck nervously, letting go of her arm at the same time, Revan smiled,

"You've spent too much time around Mission, saying 'you know' after every sentence, you know." she sat down in the co pilot's chair as he also sat down, moments passed but it felt like decades to them both. Carth didn't look at her, he couldn't bring himself to look into the face who had brought about so much pain in the universe, it just, didn't fit, it didn't make sense that the Dark Lord of the Sith... the evilest woman alive... Revan... could be so enthrallingly beautiful...

It felt like an age before either of them spoke, then,

"No matter what you think... what anyone thinks, Revan is gone Carth, I'm really desperately sorry about what happened to your planet and... and family. If I could do anything, anything at all to erase the pain that so many people suffered under Revan's command I would willingly do it but... but I don't know what I can do... what I can do to gain your trust again..." Revan hadn't turned around as she said this, she just kept staring straight ahead, looking out at the stars but Carth couldn't mistake the small tear that sparkled in the light as it trickled down her small features. The familiar feeling spread through his body again, he wanted to hold her, protect her from the darkness, never let her go, and a few days ago he had been ready to mention something to her but now though... How could he protect her... Revan. It seemed to go against everything he had learnt over the years, his head was screaming that it wasn't right, but his heart... his heart just couldn't help feeling sorry for her, he admired her more then anybody, after all she had been through she had taken it all on the chin, never once complaining. She seemed so small and fragile but she was so very strong inside, stronger then I was...

Even after finding out that she had once been the dark lord, and that the Jedi had re-established her mind, her very identity, even after all that, which was as much reason as she needed not to trust any one of them on this ship... she was still talking to him, him and everyone, even Bastela, she still trusted them. Now she turned to face him and he could see that she wanted to talk to him, he couldn't take it anymore, he couldn't help but listen to his heart, as Jolie often advised. He took a deep breath, it was cool and he could feel it flowing down his throat and into his lungs, filling him with courage,

"Revan, I'm sorry for everything I said to you, you... you didn't deserve..." His voice was quiet and he felt embarrassed that it had been so hard to apologize to her. She didn't look at him, she didn't seem to move at all so he continued, "I can't hate you," he said. "I tried... I wanted to hold you responsible for all the things you've done. For my... for my wife, for Telos... for Dustil. But I can't."

"I'm glad to hear that." Was her only words, they where emotionless but it spurred him on, to know that she wanted to hear what he had to say was a comfort, he knew he owed her an explanation,

"I got the revenge I always wanted when Saul died, but it hasn't brought me the peace that I thought it would. All I can think of now is the promise I made to protect you," he faltered slightly but continued, "from... from what's going to come. It's given me a reason to look past simple revenge." He looked at her and finally she turned to face him, her dark hair falling down around her face, her brown eyes glistening in the starlight, he swallowed, but now that he had started it didn't seem so hard,

"Despite whatever part of Revan is inside you, the... the darkness that must surely be there, it isn't who you are. That's why I can't hate you, why I don't want any more revenge. You don't have to be Revan; you can be so much more. Whatever the Jedi did to you, they gave you that chance." She nodded once, it was a slow, painful nod, but it gave him the confidence to continue,

"You have this huge destiny waiting for you, and I just fear that if you're alone it could swallow you whole. I mean, is there room in there for me? Will you let me help you?" He let his words hang in the air, he had no idea how she would take it but he just hoped...

"I don't want you hurt protecting me, Carth." Her voice was quiet, almost as if she was unsure of herself, unsure of what that might imply, there was feeling in her words, a feeling that he wasn't used to hearing but he had to reassure her,

"I think I would be hurt worse if I didn't try."

"Carth—"

"Whatever's happened up until this point," he blurted out, interrupting her, "there's going to come a time very soon where you're going to have to make a choice. And there won't be any turning back."

"How… How could you possibly help me?" her voice wavered as she said this, it hadn't been a question to him, and he knew it just by the way she stared out at the stars as if in a trance, but he couldn't let her mind make its own conclusions...

"I want you to make the right choice. I want to give you a reason to."

"And if I make the wrong choice?"

"Well then, I hope I can save you... From yourself."

"Carth, I—"

"You gave me a future, I want to give you a future, too... with me." He took a deep breath, "I think I could love you, if you give me the chance." He released the air, he had finally said it, he had finally told her how he felt. It had been a feeling he had wanted to ignore, he had felt like he had been betraying Morgana, but he came to realise, this was how she would've wanted it, she wouldn't have ever wanted to see him so lonely, trapped in a spiral of despair and the longer he had stayed with Revan, the more he knew he couldn't push this new found hope away. When he had been searching for Saul it had been easy to focus on something else, but now this was it, and he wouldn't let the opportunity go, he waited patiently for the reply. The silence that followed his words seemed like years, and all he had was hope, hope that she felt the same, for he just couldn't imagine his future without her in it... She turned towards him, the tears had gone, and a small smile spread across her face, then, almost a whisper escaped from her lips. Carth held his breath as he leant in closer to hear them. They where the most beautiful words he had heard in a long time,

"I… I think I could love you, too."