This is me, the great and grouchy King Wart, who was having a pretty rough life since my banishment from the dream world Subcon, which happened years ago. I once tried to get my revenge on Mario by kidnapping all of the Toads, but after our recent defeat, we quit our role as villains because it wasn't worth it to do anything bad. As of now, I live in rotting hut in a swamp along with my minion-turned friends Mouser, Clawgrip the monster crab, Fryguy the fireball, and Tryclyde the three-headed snake; Birdo left us to join the green dinosaur Yoshi. As usual, I was getting up from my rock-solid lily pad bed groggily, mainly because I had to stay up late for keep guard of our stinky home.
"Good morning, your majesty," hissed Tryclyde. "How was-s-s-s your s-s-s-sleep?"
"How can it be a good morning when you always wake up groggily after a nightmare?" I croaked.
"You got that right," added Mouser.
We had a lousy morning routine of taking a slimy bath in the swamp and eating some dying algae for breakfast, when I should've been bathing in a Jacuzzi and gobbling up chocolate-hazelnut and banana crepe. After that, I decided to go to a flea market at Toad Town, in hopes of a more pleasing day. Unfortunately, all of the tents, trucks, goods and flowers were all gone, leaving only the parking lot. This was when I realized that the flea market was closed due to some week-long geek fest.
"Why is everyone gone?" I asked.
King K. Rool then came along, dressed up as Lord Fredrik the Snowmad King from Donkey Kong Country Tropical Freeze; like the tubby walrus, the gator wore a helmet with two spikes on each side. He also wore a fake mustache and two plastic tusks. Furthermore, he had a white fur cape and a belt with a snowflake-shaped jewel.
"Didn't you hear the news, old frog?" replied the ecstatic reptile. "The day after tomorrow is the first day of Contendo Week! Get it? If you fuse 'con' and 'Nintendo', originally the name of a card company, you get 'Contendo'! Are you excited about it or what?"
"Don't remind me, please," I ribbited.
He then enthusiastically showed me a brochure focused on the fan convention. "Read here, where you find out that there'll be lots of toys, comics, costumes, and attractions, like scavenger hunts and dance competition to win exclusive action figures and cards! Mario, who'll be dressed as various characters like Red the Pokémon Trainer, will be hosting the event that will be recorded LIVE on television as well as other guests such as Pauline, as Captain Syrup, and Donkey Kong, *whispers* who is my enemy. Special visitors like Sonic and Mega Man will also appear to give us autographs! And best of all, it's FAMILY-ORIENTED (mostly), meaning that I can bring my kids to the con!"
"I'm fine with the 'Nintendo', but it's the 'con' that worries me, considering the fragile toys and how loud the event would be. And those geeks…"
I always hated merchandise because of their association with the greed of various companies that try to raise the popularity of franchise. Nonetheless, the gang and I have planned to go there to spread our pity over those nerds obsessed with action figures, comic books, and all of the junk they waste their money for. Much to my dismay, Tryclyde repainted himself as Serviper the Fang Snake Pokemon and wore red fangs; Mouser disguised himself as a green-haired caveman, named Joe, with Fryguy as his torch, and Clawgrip dressed himself as Wonder Red from The Wonderful 101.
"Don't tell me that you're dressing up as your favorite characters," I groaned.
"Oh, come on, big green dude," replied Mouser. "Can't we just have a little bit of fun once in a while? It's not like we're deceiving you or anything."
"Argh, let some friends take t' ship and travel to a new island to seek new adventure, captain, for they shall learn something new and not be trapped in a bubble for all eternity," added Clawgrip.
"Huh? Speak plain English, you crusty crustacean, or walk the plank!" Fryguy scolded the crab. "Sheesh…"
"Shut it, ye big ball o' flames! I get t' speak me language as ye get t' speak yours!"
"Seriously, no one could understand your tall tales!"
"Then I'll splash ye with water and put your heart in Davy Jones's locker!"
"S-s-s-simmer down, you two!" hissed Tryclyde. "Or you will both walk the plank!" He then turned to me. "Now, Wart, wouldn't it be nic-c-c-e if we had a little bit of fun onc-c-c-e in a while? No one loves-s-s a party pooper who jus-st holds us-s-s back."
I let this situation go, but I kept my oath not to wear any ridiculous costume ever. Gawsh, it seems like if my friends ARE betraying me… And by the way, Clawgrip was every so often criticized for his bothersome pirate talk and for telling tall tales that were claimed to be true, like how he "defeated a giant octopus", but never proven.