Introspection

I come back to myself and find that I am now in a warm, dark forest.

I can't see much, but the air feels thick and humid on the back of my tongue-it has recently stopped raining.

I breathe deep, scenting the night around me.

I don't sense movement yet, so I wait.

I take silent, padding steps deeper into the thicket.

The underbrush grows thicker and I freeze, my ears standing at attention.

Finally.

I can hear movement...

I scent the rabbit's fear on the breeze, and I grin inside my head.

I can almost roll it around on my tongue, like candy.

But my prey doesn't know I am here, it only senses danger.

The fear excites me, and my heart beats faster.

The rabbit's pulse thunders in my ears; I can no longer hear anything else.

I tense in preparation for the best part-the chase.

I crash through the underbrush faster than my prey can move away.

A normal wolf couldn't.

But I'm different.

Faster.

My paw traps it.

A normal wolf couldn't do this.

But my paws are different.

Bigger.

I stare down at the rabbit.

As it struggles, my breath comes faster.

Its pulse beats against the skin like a trapped thing.

I want so badly to free it.

I know that I can wrap my jaws around it and it will be free in a scalding wave.

That wave.

It's what I crave; it's the thing I must have.

I lean close to the rabbit, pressing my muzzle to its throat.

Savoring the moment.

A normal wolf wouldn't do this.

But my mind is different.

Human.

I enjoy this.

I will hate myself tomorrow, but I love it now.

There will never be a greater joy for me.

I open my muzzle and descend.

I lift my muzzle skyward, and I know it's no longer white.

It's red, and it glistens beautifully in the moonlight.

Things thicker than blood slide down my face, and I feel enraptured.

My eyes find the brightness that is the full moon.

And I know my eyes glow just as brightly.

With all the breath I have in me, I howl.

I'm screaming.

I scream because in this one moment, I am happy.

I scream because of the form my happiness chooses.

I should be horrified, or disgusted.

Tomorrow, I will be.

But now, I am one with the night.

I am home.

A normal wolf only kills to eat.

I'm not hungry.

But I hear a rustling in the trees.

A deer this time.

A bigger kill.

I bound after it, joyously.

I know it can't outrun me.

Because I'm different.

And this isn't nature.

This is an atrocity.

I am a monster.

But I wasn't always this way...