"I'm fine."
"I'm just tired."
"I've just got a headache."
Josh was getting sick of making the excuses every single day. People would look at him through concerned eyes and worried expressions, and his mouth would open and tell them he was okay. The only other option would be to let people in. And that was the last thing Josh wanted. He'd much rather be left alone.
Tom had noticed something was wrong, too. Josh had schizophrenia, yes, but he was on the tablets for that. This was different. There was a strange look in his eyes, a heaviness in his body language, which Tom didn't recognise. This wasn't schizophrenic Josh, but it certainly wasn't normal Josh. He was quiet, reserved, secretive and irritable. A far cry from what he used to be. Maybe it's his medication, Tom told himself. I'll make an appoinment with his psychiatrist. But Josh insisted he was fine, he'd just been sleeping funny, there was no need to worry. His father didn't know what to believe.
"C'mon Josh, get the speed up a notch!" shouted Mr Diamond across the yard. The boy was lagging behind the rest of the PE group and was sweating profusely underneath a baggy grey hoodie. "Why don't you take off the hoodie?"
"Nah I'm okay Sir, I'm a bit chilly to be honest", Josh panted.
"You don't look it! Just take the thing off, for crying out loud."
"No, honestly Sir, I wanna keep it on. It's freezin' out here." At this point, Jez decided to leave it; the boy wasn't going to co-operate. He decided to have a word with him at the end of the lesson.
When the match was over and everyone had gone inside and changed, Mr Diamond caught hold of Josh just as he was walking out.
"Josh, mate, can I have a word?" A flash of panic crossed Josh's face, followed by his normal, blank expression. "Yeah, course Sir, what about?"
"Well", Jez began, "I just wanted to check everything was alright, you know, after earlier..." He trailed off. He didn't really know how to continue the conversation, as he knew there was something wrong, but he couldn't put his finger on it.
"Yeah Sir, it's all good", Josh replied with a smile that was too perfect to be real. "I just haven't been sleeping very well." That bit isn't a lie, Josh told himself. I really haven't been sleeping.
Jez was still unconvinced, but decided to let it go.
"Well, if you ever need to talk to anyone..."
"Thanks, Sir, I really appreciate it. But there's nothing to worry about." As Josh bent down to pick up his bag, his blazer sleeve rode up his arm, exposing the skin.
And cuts.
Lots of cuts.
Jez blinked a couple times, then registered the marks. "Josh, wait a minute -". He was cut off by Josh pulling down his sleeve quickly and visibly panicking. "Sir, it's nothing, our cat's really violent, gets a bit excited sometimes", he said, half-running off down the corridor immediately afterwards. Shit, Jez thought, did he do that to himself? He managed to convince himself that it was just an overexcited pet and tried not to think any more of it, but if anything more came of it, he'd report it to the pastoral manager.
Later, in the staffroom, as the teachers were winding down, the day's earlier events sprung to Jez's mind. "Tom", he approached the head of English, "Do you have a cat, by any chance?"
"No, Josh is allergic. Why d'you ask?" Tom replied, a frown forming on his face.
"Oh, no reason, just wondering about... maybe getting one." Jez pulled out of the air.
"Oh right, sorry, can't help you there."
Something was definitely up with Josh.