This is the product of an idea that _lefthanded had on twitter for a Halloween Challenge (which I've posted both on A03 and )
There is some slight Mary/Pamuk unpleasantness, so if that offends you, please turn back!
I'd like to thank lefthanded for her idea, support, and the push to write another one shot, and Eolivet for giving my story the spit and polish it needed!
I hope you enjoy, and please take a moment review!
Mary was exhausted. She felt like she had been running around all day. First she had an appointment with Dr. Clarkson, then with Madame Swan and finally she had met Matthew for an early supper because he had to work late in Ripon. When she had returned to Downton she didn't feel much like company so she went straight up to her room. She removed her hat pin from her aching head and then proceeded to remove the hat. It had been an extremely long and hard day. She leaned back on the bed staring up at the ceiling. She closed her throbbing eyes for a moment when she heard the door open and some heavy footsteps coming through.
"Oh darling, you're back early. Thank goodness you didn't have to stay chained to that wretched desk any longer than you did. Will you be a dear and ring for Anna?" She muttered, her eyes still closed.
"Not just yet I think," The deep and somewhat familiar voice said.
Mary felt a moment of terror pass through her. The voice wasn't Matthew's, she knew that, but she also knew that she had heard the voice before. But it couldn't be, it couldn't be…He was dead. She opened her eyes and gasped at the cold dark eyes she was met with.
"Surprised to see me, are you?" Kemal spoke, taking a seat in the chair opposite her bed.
"It's not possible!" Mary gasped.
"Not likely certainly, but not possible? Well it's as you see before you." He gave an empty half smile as she felt his icy stare boring into her.
"But you can't be here, you're, you're dead, I saw you, I felt you-"
"Die? Yes you did I'm afraid feel me die." He punctuated the word feel and it made Mary's skin crawl. "But we won't let something as trivial as death get in the way of why I'm here, now will we darling?"
"Why are you here?"
"To congratulate you of course. On the child."
"I-" Mary looked down at her lap. She had hardly come to terms with the news herself, let alone allowed herself to say it out loud. "But how could you know?"
"I think you'll find that once you're freed from the slavery of life you'll know quite a lot."
"I don't understand."
"Well you're pregnant now. It won't be long until you're on the other side."
"You don't know what you're-"
"Look at Sybil. Poor sweet, attractive Sybil –"He smiled when he mentioned Sybil's name which made Mary's blood run even colder.
"What happened to Sybil was a tragedy, but it was hardly common."
"Hardly common? Women die in child birth every day."
"I won't discuss this."
"Never mind you're right. It probably won't be you. It'll be the wretched child."
"Stop…"
"It's far more likely that you'll either miscarry or that the thing will die at birth."
"Get out!"
"Get out?" Pamuk smiled and moved from the chair. "I couldn't possibly. I've come all this way for you and I intend to have you." His smile of amusement had changed to a scowl.
Mary immediately felt the danger that she was in. She moved to slide off the bed but he moved quickly and grabbed her wrist. Mary tried to remove her wrist from his grasp but she simply felt his hand clasping tighter and tighter with every movement."
"I won't, it's not possible, that you're here at all."
"But I am here darling."
"This must be a nightmare." Mary said at last. She had simply fallen asleep and would have to wake herself up. She had to wake herself up.
"A nightmare? Certainly not. It was quite enjoyable, up to a point if you remember." He threw her on the bed and covered her body with his. He grasped both her wrists now with one hand, running his other hand roughly down her body.
"I'm a married woman, Matthew, might be home any minute!" She had to try something, anything to make him stop!
"Ah yes, that weakling you call a husband. Took him eight years to finally drum up the nerve to make you his, didn't it?"
"It wasn't like that."
"Well I'm sure that whatever he has to offer certainly doesn't compare to this."
He pressed his frigid lips on hers with intense pressure. His move had relaxed his grip on her wrists long enough for her free them from his grasp, and push him away. She felt the bitingly cold hand grabbing her already sore wrists and dragging her back to bed, pressing his forearm over her arms, continuing back down with his other hand and moving to the hem of her skirt. She once again tried to move her limbs and fight but to no avail.
"This will go more smoothly if you simply lie back as before," He bit out, attempting to raise her skirt.
"Please, please don't do this." Mary managed to speak in between the tears that were now falling down her face.
"Why are you fighting this? It's not as though I can get you with child now, can I?"
"No. This can't be happening, this simply can't be happening!"
"Mary?" She heard another voice. "Mary, darling, are you alright? Wake up, you're having a bad dream."
Mary's eyes opened to a hand shaking her shoulder. She slapped the hand away from her, looking around for Pamuk, but instead finding a pair of worried eyes. She closed her eyes, tears still streaming from them thanking god silently that she had awoken from her nightmare.
"Oh Matthew!" she managed to get out before the sobs had overtaken her and she had found herself in a familiar, comforting pair of arms."
"It's alright, dearest. It was just a bad dream that's all. It's over now." He felt her nod into his shoulder.
Gradually her sobs began subside. It had been a dream. But it had felt so real, his hands, his body. She shook her head again and simply tried to take comfort in her husband's presence.
"There now, darling." He spoke reassuringly. She looked up at him and he smiled at her but said nothing. "What's brought this on then?"
"It's just that…" she paused and looked up at him. She wasn't ready to reveal her secret just yet. "Oh never mind." She settled back into his comforting embrace.
After a few more minutes Matthew stirred and asked "Shall I ring for Anna?"
Mary shook her head. "No, it's alright. I think I can manage for tonight."
"I'll tell Moseley then when I ring for him that Anna may go to bed."
Mary nodded but didn't move. Matthew paused at the door.
"Are you sure there's nothing I can do for you? Truly darling you still look a little pale."
She once again shook her head, and moved off the bed but stopped. "Just come to bed as soon as you can." He smiled again and left the room. Mary removed her clothing quickly and changed into her nightgown, removing the pins from her hair and tying it with a ribbon.
By the time Matthew had returned, Mary had climbed under the covers and had shut her eyes. She felt his weight dip the bed slightly and Matthew adjust his position with a sigh before hearing his breathing become more regular and deep beside her. She wouldn't sleep tonight but she was glad that he could.
Matthew was tired. No, more than tired, he was exhausted. His day had begun with a particularly unpleasant confrontation with Robert about the running of the estate that morning which he had been unable to resolve because he was late for his train only to be greeted when he arrived at the office with a long day of work on a case that was causing him more grief than reward. Not only that, but he simply couldn't banish the thought of babies from his mind. Logically he knew that it had only been eight months since their marriage, but he just couldn't shake the thought that something must be wrong. More particularly, that something was wrong with him.
When he had met Mary for an early supper she looked pale and distant but said nothing out of the ordinary, choosing to chat away about the new frock she was having made. And then to come home to his wife crying and writhing on the bed in the midst of a terrible dream. He knew that something was troubling her. Even perhaps the same thing that was troubling him. But he wouldn't, couldn't press it just now. He was simply too worn out to get into it. When he came back in from dressing for bed he was somewhat relieved that Mary had appeared to be asleep and so he settled into bed beside her.
He closed his eyes for a moment but found his mind running through the events of the day, so he opened his eyes and removed the covers carefully, trying not to disturb his darling Mary, and put on his discarded dressing gown. He knew what his mother would recommend for insomnia and so he made up his mind to wander down to the kitchens for some warm milk. He knew that if Mary was awake she would have protested that one of the servants could do it, but here was no need to disturb anyone with his request. He would simply wander down to the kitchens and heat it himself.
As he entered the hallway he heard music. It struck him as odd given the late hour, so he walked down the stairs to the main hall. He could see a figure in the distance. Edith perhaps? It couldn't be Mary, he'd just left her in their bed. He walked closer and realised that he recognised the tune. He hadn't heard that song since he and Mary had danced together, When Lavinia had come down… He froze. Ginger hair. He shook his head and attempted to blink the distortion away. Surely it was Edith and his mind was simply playing tricks on him. He took another few steps closer and saw the red headed figure turn to face him. Lavinia. But no, it couldn't be, it couldn't be –
"Hello Matthew," Lavinia said, giving the same sweet smile that she always given him.
He stared at her, aghast. "But it can't be you, can it?" he asked.
"I'm afraid it can. Poor darling. I know it must be a dreadful shock to see me," Lavinia replied.
"But you're, you're,"
"Dead? Yes, I'm afraid that's true as well." Poor darling, she thought. The record finished and Lavinia went over to the gramophone.
"I'll just start it again, shall I?" she asked, not really waiting for an answer. She walked over to the needle and started it again.
"Now then, it's been an age since I last danced." She held out her hand. "It's alright, you mustn't be afraid. I'm not here to haunt you, as it were."
Matthew reluctantly moved closer to Lavinia and took the offered hand into his, while placing his hand on the small of her back. She was cold, terribly cold, and as he began to move, he struggled to make sense of it all.
"I'm sorry," he said finally. "I'm not really sure what's happening here."
"Well, we're dancing," She said simply
"Yes, I understand that. What I don't understand is how."
"It doesn't matter how, does it?"
"Of course it does!" he retorted with an exasperated sigh.
"Oh Matthew. Always a lawyer, collecting evidence and trying to piece it together."
Matthew didn't know what to say, didn't know what to do. So he simply continued to hold her close while they danced.
"What's wrong? I mean, apart from the shock of seeing a dead lover."
Matthew finally had to smile at the absurdity of it all.
"There now, a smile," she replied. They continued to move. "I'm not angry, you know. About Mary I mean."
"How did you-"
"I just know darling. And anyway, it's how it would have been even if I had lived."
"Is it?" He knew the answer in his heart, but he was surprised to hear her say it.
"Oh yes. I knew before that night, you know. I knew the moment you saw her at the concert that first time."
"You couldn't have. I didn't even know myself. Not for sure. Until the night when you saw me and Mary dancing together."
"But I did. I suppose on some level, I always knew. The dance was the thing that finally made me see."
"Oh Lavinia," Matthew held her tighter.
"Please, no more guilt. Everything has happened how it was supposed to happen. All I've ever wanted was happiness for you, both of you, my darling Matthew."
"Please." Matthew felt the tears well up in his eyes.
"And that's why I'm here now, you see. You must stop worrying about the trouble you've been having."
"But how could you possibly-"
"I know, and I know you. And right now I know that you're probably blaming yourself, but you must stop."
"But how can I? It's more than likely my fault. With my injury."
"Nonsense. It's nobody's fault. These things simply take time."
"But my back-"
"Is healed, and is almost as good as new. Except for when the weather changes, and it aches a little."
"But how can you be so sure?" He was insistent.
"Because I've seen him," she replied.
"Seen who?"
"Your son darling." Lavinia whispered into his ear.
The record player began to skip and Matthew was speechless. His son? What son. Mary wasn't pregnant. That is he didn't think so. Although she had looked rather tired at dinner that night. Perhaps, perhaps she was. Tears began to sting his eyes at the thought that he might finally be a father. He closed them, allowing emotion to wash over him. The record player stopped skipping. Matthew opened his eyes again only to find that it was nearly dawn and he had been asleep next to his wife. He wiped the tears away from his eyes. He felt Mary begin to stir beside him.
"Darling, what is it? What's happened?" She saw his tears and immediately knew that something was up.
"I've had the strangest dream." It had all felt so real.
"There must be something going around."
"What was yours about?" Matthew asked.
"It…" Mary stopped. Perhaps some dreams were better kept to oneself. "Do you know darling, I can't quite remember."
"I can or at least..." He turned and looked at his ravishing wife beside him. "It doesn't really matter. But it's going to be alright darling. It might be strange but I had a dream where someone told us we're having a son." He felt Mary freeze in his arms. "Darling, what is it?"
Mary held him tighter, and took a deep breath. "The thing is, I went to see the doctor yesterday, I mean obviously I don't know the sex yet but-"
Matthew maneuvered her in his arms and kissed her. He stopped after a moment to look at her properly. He cradled her face with his hands and gently wiped a tear away with his thumb. He searched her eyes for how she might be feeling. After a moment she smiled at him and he began to kiss her again. The past might always come back to haunt them but their future was far too bright now to ever think of dwelling on it.
Happy Halloween! Thank you so for reading! Please feel free to type a few words in the box directly below this!
And for anyone who has been waiting for an update for 'Her Great Matter' I'm currently in the process of editing what I've written so hopefully it will be posted soon!