Title: Special Occasion
Author's Note: This is just something I had to write.
Disclaimer: They're not mine, and I'm not making a cent off of this. If they were mine, it would be very different show.
"So basically, I just can't connect with this guy on any level. I don't know. Maybe it's me."
Eric lets out a long breath and pushes his gloved hands into the freshly-tilled earth, his fingers threading through the cool dirt. Licking his bottom lip, Eric forms a small hole, and then reaches over and tugs on plastic container holding one final plant. His eyes scan the already-transplanted flowers and greenery that now line the smooth marble headstone. Not too bad, considering he hasn't done this since he was a kid.
"Anyway, it's not that I don't like him," Eric says, gently depositing the plant into the ground. "I just…don't like him. He's definitely not you." Eric leans forward and runs his fingers along the engraved letters that spell out Timothy Speedle. "You know," Eric says, half-grinning. "I can hear you now. 'Delko, come on. I'm a guy. You don't bring a guy flowers.'"
Shaking his head, Eric clears his throat. This is Speed's first birthday since they lost him. Birthdays were never an earth-shattering thing in the lab, but they were definitely celebrated. Eric, Speed, Calleigh, and sometimes Alexx and a few of the lab techs—H would rarely join them, even though they asked every time—would try to go out to dinner somewhere. If schedules were crazy, it might be a three or four days before they made it to a restaurant, but they'd make it eventually. And Calleigh, Calleigh would take charge of the traditional office birthday card. She'd hunt people down like dogs and make them write some witty phrase in a glittery pink card. Eric didn't begrudge her the tradition, though. He understood it made her happy.
Of course, not much seemed to make her happy these days. Sometimes it seemed to Eric that Calleigh had ceased to exist the day Speed died. Who knows? Maybe if he kept digging in Speed's grave, Eric would find Calleigh in there, too.
Or part of himself, maybe.
Eric leans back, resting his weight on the balls of his hands. Part of him wants to just break down and cry for his own loss, but for some reason, he can't, or won't. Maybe it's because if he finally lets the tears out, he'll be admitting Speed is really gone. Or maybe it's because if he does break down and start sobbing, he won't be able to stop. Closing his eyes, Eric tries and fails to ward off his dismal mood.
After a few seconds, or maybe minutes, Eric hears the sound of footsteps padding through the grass behind him. "So," drawls an unexpected but familiar voice. "This is where you go on your days off."
Eric twists his body slightly to see Calleigh standing a few feet away, her arms crossed tightly over her chest as if she's freezing.
"On your lunch break?" Eric asks.
"Yeah," Calleigh says. "Flowers for his birthday, huh?"
Eric gazes at the smooth marble stone that mark's Speed's final resting place. "Yeah," he says, shrugging. "It's something I needed to do."
Calleigh nods. "I think he'd have appreciated it." She rocks forward on her toes, trying to get a better look at Eric's handiwork. "Looks really nice."
Eric cocks his head. "He'd still grouse about it, though," he says, smiling slightly. Pushing himself off his knees, Eric walks over to Calleigh. "He won't bite, you know."
"Oh, I know," Calleigh says. Still, she stays frozen in place, her arms closing even tighter across her chest. "Do you come here a lot?"
Eric nods. "Yeah. Yeah. I come and tell him what's been going on. Keep him in the loop. Before you got here, I was telling him how much I enjoy working with Wolfe."
Calleigh glances over her shoulder, and then up at the sky. "You've been spending too much time around Alexx," she says in a hollow voice.
Shrugging, Eric says, "It helps me, Calleigh. It makes me feel like he's still here."
"He's not, though, Eric," she says.
Pulling off his gloves, Eric says, "Well, he kind of is. To me, at least."
Calleigh takes a step—just a step—forward. "Look, Eric. I've been kind of worried about you lately. You know…you've been keeping to yourself."
"Least I'm not walking around like a robot," Eric mutters. As soon as he says it, he wants to shove the words back into his mouth.
"What?" Calleigh asks. The expression on her face is a mix of disbelief and pain. For a moment, Eric thinks she might turn around and leave.
"Look," he says, eyes fixed on the ground. "I'm sorry."
"No," she says after a moment. "You're right, I guess. This is the first time I've been here since the funeral, you know."
"Yeah?"
Calleigh hugs herself even tighter. "I guess I just really miss him."
"C'mere," Eric says, holding his arms open.
After a moment of indecisiveness, Calleigh lets out a breath and walks straight into Eric's embrace. She lays her head on his shoulder and wraps her arms as tightly around his waist as she had them wrapped around herself.
For several minutes, they stand there, Eric's knuckles gently rubbing Calleigh's back. Finally, Calleigh places her hands on Eric's shoulders and pushes him back. "Sorry," she says.
Reaching forward, Eric caresses Calleigh's cheek with his thumb. "Don't be."
Eric's gaze at Calleigh, and realizes for the first time, that she's holding an envelope in her hand. "What's that?"
Calleigh rolls her eyes, her cheeks turning a deep shade of red. After a moment, she thrusts out her arm and hands Eric a bright pink envelope. "Well, it's tradition," she says. "Say something nice."
Eric tugs the card out of the envelope and stares at it for a moment. Sure enough, it's filled with signatures, heartfelt comments from everyone from Tyler to Valera to Alexx. Swallowing, Eric says, "You got a pen?"
Calleigh nods and fishes a pen out of her purse.
Kneeling down so he can use his knee as a table, Eric holds the card open and taps the pen on the smooth surface. What's supposed to say? He usually tries to write something snarky, something not-too-mushy. But now? Nothing seems appropriate. Biting his lip, he finally takes the cap off the pen and writes, "Hey buddy. I guess I could say I miss you. And I do. But you're still here, right? It feels like you're still here. So, I'll just say 'Happy Birthday' like always. And I hope you like the flowers, because I think I got grass stains on my jeans. This is how much I care. Eric."
As he slides the card back into the envelope, Eric feels his breath hitch. He blinks as he feels a tear escape his eye. Calleigh kneels down next to him and quietly takes the card from his trembling hands. Wordlessly, she props the card up against Speed's gravestone, and loops her arms around Eric's neck.
Eric melts into her touch, and finally allows himself break down. It feels good in a way, and in a way, it hurts worse than that punch in the gut he felt the moment he found out Speed had been shot. But he's needed to do this for a long time, so he doesn't fight it.
After several minutes, Eric rubs his eyes, and clears his throat. "So, Cal. You're taking kind of a long lunch, aren't you?"
Calleigh smiles—not a beaming smile, but a real smile, nonetheless. "I think Horatio will understand. Special occasion and all."