Behind the couch from the almighty Zims point of View
Disclaimer: I want to thank Alohilani for doing the FILTHY DIB version and giving me purpose to do this from my point of view. I do not own this story.
In Ms. Bitters klassroom on that filthy earth day, we were learning about how the foriegn people of some sort were trying to take over the earth. I had that all covered since I'm destroying a world right now, so during a fire drill, I left to go to my home where I could get MUCH MORE done.
"GIR! I'm home early!" I yelled when I got inside. There was no answer. "Computer, where is Gir?"
"How should I know?" The computer backsassed me.
"Stupid robot..." I took my disguise off because it was irritating my eyes and head. I dropped the contacts on the floor.
"Computer. Turn the TV on." I was tired from always hearing these stupid earth lectures from Ms. Bitters, so I decided to sit down and see what Gir was always going on about with the television. I saw a Krazy Taco commercial. "Dib wasn't in skool today. Probably planning something HORRIBLE... or... maybe hes just dead. heheheh." I smirked to myself. That would be great. "oh well, turn the tv up."
As I was watching the scary monkey show, I sniffed the air. Something was wrong, it smelled like human in that place. "What is that horrible human smell? COMPUTER! Scan the area." It was a horrible stench. I felt like I had to open a window or something. The computer scanned the area.
"No human life detected."
"Gir..." He was probably off playing with filthy earth pigs. He loved those things... I dunno why... but, that was probably the source of that AWFUL smell.
"Computer! This show is horrible! Turn off the TV!"
Anyhow, I saw a forecast for rain tomorrow, so I reached into the drawer right next to the couch and pulled out some glue in order to protect my glorious body from the rain. I took off my gloves and laid them on the couch. I started taking my shirts off...
"Master... do you have to do that in front of me? Please don't take your shirt off."
"Oh... sorry, i... HEY! YOU BE QUIET!" I yelled at that useless peice of junk. I took my shirts off and I thought I laid them out on the couch. (Mind you I still had my pants on.) I began to rub the glue on myself so that I wouldnt burn to death. AHHHHH...
"Youre getting a gut." Remarked the computer.
"I AM NOT!"
"Oh yeah... you already have one..."
"SILENCE!" I yelled at that stupid machinery.
My head was aching from that disguise I had to wear CONSTANTLY! I took some of my Irken cream stuff and started rubbing my head. I touched my antenae. It hurt just as much from being pushed down constantly by the wig.
"Stupid disguise... huh? whats that?" I saw something scurry across my foot. "mice again... COMPUTER! set some more traps."
I rubbed my head some more and then reached out for my clothing on the couch... but it wasnt there, so I reached a little behind the couch to see if they dropped to the floor and they had, so I took them and put everything back on.
"Computer, contact the tallest." I said as I forced my head through the shirt. The monkey picture above the couch was removed as the screen underneath it lit up. I started speaking to them in Irken code so that if anyone was hearing this transmition, they wouldn't understand. They responded the same way. I argued with them because they told me that they would give me battletanks fo the sweet enialation of the humans. When they refused the second time, I knew that it was time to give up.
I turned and flopped over onto the couch. I asked computer for a pillow. He threw one at me from the ceiling. It landed on my lap and I layed on my side hoping to get a couple of hours of sleep before Gir returned from wherever he was at...
"Computer."
"whaaaaaaaaat?"
"Where is Gir?"
"How should I know?"
"Run a scan"
"He's behind the couch." The computer said.
"Gir, have you been there the whole time? That must be what the horrible stench was."
"Yes?" Girs voice sounded a little wierd...
"What are you doing back there?"
"Uh... Playing with dust?"
"Oh... okay..." I was too wiped out to analize Girs brain to see what was wrong...
"Get me a soda, Gir."
"Um... I don't want to." That horrible robot... I took off one of my boots and threw it at his head. MEHEHEHEH... ehem.
"I work hard, you know! YOU HORRIBLE EXCUSE FOR A SLAVE! GOOD THING I DON'T NEED YOU! I, ZIM, WILL GET MY OWN SODA!" I walked out of the room to get my soda. I opened up the fridge, pulled out a soda can and was on my way back to the living room where I would try to rest. I opened the can, drank it in one gulp, and dropped it on Girs stupid head. I talked a little while about the fire drill, and the experiment where I would send chickens into space. I asked Gir what time it was... a few seconds of silence.
"GIR! I asked what time it was!" Still no answer. "You don't even know, do you." No answer. "YOURE HORRIBLE!" Anyhow, It didn't matter what time it was. I needed to think of a new plan. I layed on my pak which elevated my spine. I started thinking of plans. Yep... the plans... ung... and before I knew it, I was asleep. I was dreaming of all of my slaves when I was done anigalting this place, when my antenaie picked up some sounds and some movement.
"Huh? wuzzat? ung..." I decided it was probably Gir and then continued to sleep. When I woke up again, I could almost feel the presence of a human... or at least my antenaie picked up some sort of other life form.
"computer. Scan for humans."
"I just did that."
"DO IT AGAIN!"
"Nothing."
"GIR! Have you seen anything suspicious?"
"No?" Gir is starting to sound a little bit like Mickey Mouse.
"Gir? Did you wake me up?" No answer. "I KNEW IT!" I threw another shoe at him. HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I TOLD YOU GIR? MY BELLY IS NOT A DANCE FLOOR! ... ugh. just dont wake me up again."
"Okay." Okay... now I really want to know whats wrong with Girs voice box...
"You okay? Your voice sounds funny."
"I'm... doin... the... monkey... voice?"
okay... that makes sense... he does do that often..." I thought to myself as I drifted off to sleep again. As I'm just about to close my eyes, I hear a squeek.
"GIR!" I threw another shoe at him. "I TOLD YOU NOT TO WAKE ME UP AGAIN! I DONT WANT TO HEAR ANOTHER WORD FROM YOU! OKAY!" No answer. "Gir? Are you even listening to me?"
"I wont talk anymore?"
"SILENCE!"
"Geez, there's no pleasing you, Zim! Ow! Where are you getting all those shoes?"
"SHUT UP AND GO TO BED!"
"Hey, just because you're sleepy doesn't mean I a- OW!"
"GOOD- NIGHT- GIR!" I was too tired to investigate his new level of vocabulary. I fell asleep for the 1000000000th time and all of a sudden, I hear Gir clearing his throat. Can robots even do that? ... oh well...
"GIR! I TOLD YOU TO SHUT UP!"
"Sorryyyyy," Gir said. His voice sounded better now. Even so, I threw another shoe behind the couch to get the little thing to SHUT UP!
"WATCH IT!" He yelled.
"Be quiet, GIR!"
He kicked the couch.
"Ow! Hey!"
"I'm colorin' a picture, Masta!" Gir said.
"Yes, yes, whatever! Ohhhh…" I said. I was annoyed. "Well, I'm up now! Thanks a lot, GIR!"
"You're welcome!"
I took a rubix cube from my draw and tried to click it back into its place again. I thought I heard some wispering behind the couch, but I assumed that it was Gir humming his wierd songs. Just as I got all of the red cubes on one side, my antennaie jerk up. Now I know that theres someone behind me.
"Computer... ANNIHILATE THE HUMAN!" I see the Dib monkey make a run for the door. I command the spider legs out of my pak and run for the human. FILTHY WORM! Just as I was about to grab him, My spider legs were too big to fit through the door and I crashed. Then, Dib slammed the door in my face. I opened it again, only to see Dib trip, fall, and get back up and run again. Then, his proof of my existance smashed by a car. He was the wierd sounding Gir and the source of the horrible stench the whole time... oh well... hes not a threaght anymore... think to myself as I get back inside the house and finally fall asleep for the rest of the night. AHHH. Silence...
"MASTAH! LOOK WHAT I GOTS! I made a picture! AN' I COLORED IT! AN' (etc.)"
Well... It was a good attempt...