Pick a Pic Challenge

Title: The Trouble With Not Knowing

Banner #: 3

Pairing: Edward and Bella

Genre: Romance

Rated: T, for coarse language

Summary: The world doesn't make sense to Bella Swan. Something weird is happening, and the more she tries to understand, the more she realizes everything she thought she knew was... wrong.

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

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—The Trouble With Not Knowing—

The sound of endless waves crashing over the sinister, jagged black rocks of the Olympic shoreline was interrupted by the incessant call of a crow somewhere in the trees. His screech was perfectly timed with the beat of Bella Swan's heart, as if he knew what she was about to do.

"Screw the damn bird," she muttered, taking a brave step toward the edge of the cliff. She wondered if crows were a bad omen, or was that ravens? She shook her head and rolled her shoulders. "It doesn't matter."

Jacob had laughed at her, said she was "too Bella" to do what the boys did. Well, she would show them. What did "too Bella" mean, anyway? She wasn't prissy or timid. There was no reason to deny her the same thrill of jumping from the high cliff. Every time the boys' heads broke out of the water, they would whoop and yell and say, "Let's go again!" It was only natural for Bella to want what they had.

The drop seemed farther down from the top of the cliff. If Bella were anyone else, she would have recognized her fear and left, but she was stubborn and defensive. Who was Jake to tell her she couldn't do something she wanted to do?

It was as she plummeted toward the violent surf that Bella understood what Jake had meant by "too Bella." She didn't listen, not even to herself. From the second her feet left solid ground, Bella knew she was making a mistake. She hadn't wanted to cliff-dive for enjoyment, like the boys, but because she thought it a challenge. And no amount of common sense had deterred her.

Icy shards pierced her lungs, brain, and heart as her body punched through the surface of the waves. She twisted with the current, losing direction. Though she tried to kick, her strength meant nothing within the clutches of Neptune's fist, and so she sank and spun. As her vision clouded black from the lack of air, she wondered why she could still hear the crow, now mimicking the drums of death.

. . .

Bella tapped her pencil irritably. Homework, she chided herself. Get to it. But something was beeping, breaking her concentration. Didn't people know a library was supposed to be quiet?

A deep laugh coaxed a growl from Bella's chest. She knew that laugh. And she would bet anything Edward Cullen was also responsible for the beeping. Taking care to close her book gently, instead of slamming it like she wanted to do, Bella decided to give Edward a piece of her mind. She rounded the corner and spotted him immediately. He was kind of hard to miss with a head of shocking bronze in utter disarray.

"Hey, Ducky," he said, his eyes glinting with the hidden slight.

She hadn't known, at first, what Edward's nickname meant. He had called her Ducky on the first day of junior year, surprising her out of a daydream. He had just moved from Port Angeles to Forks and had every girl from ninth through twelfth fawning over his every move—even Bella. There was something about him that just screamed, "Boyfriend Material." That was until she realized he had called her ugly.

She had been stupid to think it was any sort of favoritism, that he might actually want to get to know her, outspoken little Miss Bella Swan. She had heard a couple guys laughing at lunch over what Edward had called her, the ugly duckling that would never grow into her name. With her bubble sufficiently burst, Edward became nothing more than a nuisance, someone to be avoided. She refused to let him see how he got to her.

"There are no phones on campus," she said. It seemed implausible the boy, however popular he may be, would receive a text every two seconds, but the beeping had to be coming from somewhere.

"Can she hear me?" he asked one of his friends, grinning his stupid, gorgeous grin. Was he serious? "Oh, Ducky. What have you done to yourself?"

Bella tried to casually glance down at her clothes. Had she spilled something? Did she have dirt on her nose? She hated that her heart fell. She didn't want to feel embarrassed in front of him ever again.

"I'll be here waiting for you when you're ready," Edward said. He lifted his eyebrows suggestively, and Bella felt her cheeks flame.

"You are a sorry excuse for a human being, Edward Cullen." She returned to her table and gathered her things, but the beeping followed her out of the library and down the hall.

. . .

"Get off him!"

Desperation clung to every syllable as Bella screamed and begged. Edward had Jake in a headlock while Jake punched Edward's ribs over and over. Blood streamed from Edward eyebrow, making Bella lightheaded. What was happening? she wondered.

In the distance, a car alarm beat a steady tattoo as background noise to thuds and grunts. Bella fell to the ground, clutching her wrist. It hurt something fierce, and she wasn't sure why. Consciousness wavered, and blackness encroached. As Bella's senses dulled to the outside world, the car alarm remained sharp and consistent.

. . .

Edward's face was red with fury, his fists clenched and straining at his sides. "You want the asshole, Bella? Fine. I never want to see your ugly face again."

Bella recoiled as if slapped, but kept her voice strong. "At least you're being honest, now."

"You don't know a damn thing, do you?" Edward screamed. "Fuck you. Go run off to that idiot kid you call a friend. I'm sure he knows just how to comfort you," he finished snidely.

A trail of moisture fell from Bella's lashes. "You're horrible."

"And you're nothing, not a damn thing. Now go. You don't want to be here, and I don't want you here."

Bella scrambled from the room, wiping her eyes. She had been at Edward's house to work on their project for English, and everything had gone terribly wrong. A pounding in her head became searing as she started the car to a skipping CD. A CD had been skipping on Edward's stereo as well, and no matter what she tried to get the noise to stop, it remained.

"Bella, wake up," she heard her father say over the noise. The next thing she knew, she was in her bedroom, wrapped in her blankets and bathed in the sunlight that flooded her room. Her alarm was going off.

Relief lifted Bella's shoulders, like helium filling a balloon. It was a premature reaction, for when she pressed the snooze button, the off button, and unplugged the damn thing from the wall, the beeping refused to quit.

"What the hell is going on?" she yelled to the ceiling.

Charlie took her hand and squeezed her fingers. "Fight, Bella. Open your eyes."

She didn't understand. Was she not out of bed and staring at him this very second? It dawned on her that perhaps she wasn't.

. . .

Everything ached. Sleep called to Bella, wanting to fold her in its comforting embrace, but she knew she had to make things right. And, for the love of God, get someone to turn off that beeping.

Her eyes fluttered and a voice she knew and hated so well yelled, "Someone get a doctor! She's waking up!"

Edward stroked Bella's cheeks as if making sure he was really seeing her. Tears marked his own. "Oh, God, Ducky, you scared the hell out of me."

"Don't call me that," she mumbled, the words scratching all the way up her throat.

A frown developed on Edward's brow, highlighting his confusion. He looked to be considering what to say when the doctor strolled in, a smile brightening her beak-like face.

"There she is," she said, then pointed her thumb at Edward. "You've given this one quite a scare."

Her chart checked and her vitals jotted down, Bella was then provided water and ice chips, and asked a series of questions she didn't know the answers to. "It's all right, Bella. This is normal," the doctor said to Bella's frustrated grunt. "A little memory loss is to be expected."

"A little?" Bella barked. "I can't remember four years of my life, or even segments before that."

"I understand this is hard, but you have a dedicated support system. Edward hasn't left your side since the accident," she said in a soothing tone.

Bella's eyes snapped to Edward, who looked white as a ghost and scared beyond measure. She couldn't understand why the boy who obviously hated her would be so concerned. "I'm right here, Bella," he said, and something in her subconscious stirred.

"You talked to me," she said. "I heard you."

"Did you?" he asked, a timid smile lifting the corner of his mouth.

"You said you were waiting for me. Why?"

A look passed between Edward and the doctor, a question and permission. Edward gathered Bella's hand and stroked his thumb over her knuckles. "We… well, the simple answer is that… I love you." Pain shot through Bella's chest as she sucked in a breath. Edward hurried to continue, "I know you don't remember, and that what you do remember isn't very good, but I'm asking you to trust me when I tell you it was all a huge misunderstanding. Ducky doesn't mean what you thought… what you think it means. I swear I'm not that guy."

Bella was having a hard time making sense of anything. "Then what does it mean?" she asked.

"My mom's a veterinarian. She owned a place in Port Angeles, before we moved to Forks," Edward said. "You came in one day—I think we were ten or eleven—holding this pitiful-looking duck. I didn't know your name, so I called you Ducky in my head. I thought you were the coolest girl in the world, because you were covered in mud and oil, but all you cared about was that duck."

"I remember that," Bella said, tears forming in her eyes. "You never meant that I was ugly?"

Edward's lips mashed together, an acre of pain in his eyes. "You're not ugly, Bella, not even close. It kills me that you thought that."

"But you called me ugly. I remember you calling me ugly."

"God, you were being so damn stubborn," Edward said, a wry laugh lacing his words. "I was angry that you thought so poorly of me and hurt. It was before I knew about the Ducky thing."

The bed was soft beneath Bella's cheek as she watched Edward pace across his room, tossing a ball repeatedly in the air and catching it. "So, are you going to Prom with anyone?" he asked out of the blue.

She turned her eyes quickly back to their project, even though Edward hadn't looked her way; she didn't want to risk getting caught staring.

"I don't think I'm going. Dancing isn't really my thing."

The constant pat-rub of the ball landing and leaving Edward's hand stopped, forcing her eyes back to him. He had an odd expression on his face, as if trying to decide something about her.

"Would you go with me if I asked?" he said finally.

Bella's scowl was immediate. "Why?"

"I don't know. Because I asked and you think I'm kind of cool so why not?"

"No, why would you ask? You don't even like me."

"What?" he exclaimed. "Of course I like you."

"Oh, please, Edward. I know what you think of me." He shook his head and raised his eyebrows to show he clearly did not, so Bella spelled it out for him. "I'm ugly."

Edward scoffed. "You most certainly are not! Bella, you're beauti—"

"Can we stop it with the pleasantries? It's great that you've been cordial since we got stuck together on this project, but you're an asshole. We both know it."

"Ex-excuse me?"

"You think you're this awesome catch, like anyone would be lucky to lick the ground you walk on. Well, you're not. You're a jerk. And I'd rather eat glass than go anywhere with you." Not that the invitation was real, thought Bella. She could imagine a Drew Barrymore moment in Never Been Kissed, getting egged on her front porch or having dog food poured on her while she gazed up at Edward.

Edward's face turned red with fury, his fists clenched and straining at his sides. "You want the asshole, Bella? Fine. I never want to see your ugly face again."

"Oh, my God. You asked me to Prom," Bella said, to which Edward asked eagerly, "You remember?"

"I do. That part, anyway."

"I was so nervous to ask you. I'd been trying to talk to you for months, but you always blew me off. Then, when we got paired together, I got a laugh out of you a few times and some smiles. I figured, what the hell?"

"And I shot you down in the worst way possible," Bella said sadly.

"It was good, though. Because we cleared the air. My mom made me go talk to you after it happened, and I was able to explain about Ducky." Edward got an adorable grin on his face. "You were so embarrassed."

It was strange for Bella to feel comfortable with Edward. She knew their relationship had changed, but all she remembered were the bad parts. "Did we go to Prom?" she asked.

Edward laughed, and said, "I guilted you into it. You really didn't want to go, because of the whole dancing thing, but I used your first rejection as leverage."

Her dress was pretty, she would admit, but Bella was loathe to wear the matching high-heeled shoes, choosing instead her trusty Converse.

"Your mom's face when she saw your feet!" laughed Edward as they walked into the gym. He was entirely too amused by Bella's argument with the mother's. "And then my mom… Are you ready for it?" He cleared his throat and adopted a feminine cadence. " 'Oh, dear,' " he mimicked perfectly.

Bella backhanded him with her purse. "Behave, or I'll sic them on you," she said, but her threat was contradicted by her smile.

"You had you're own style, though. You wore—"

"Converse," finished Bella.

Edward's eyes lit up. "Yes!"

"Keep talking," Bella said. "I want to remember more."

For several days, Edward regaled Bella with their many adventures. Sometimes she would remember. Sometimes she merely laughed along with Edward as he told it. The day before Bella was set to leave the hospital, she asked Edward about a fight he had had with Jacob. She wasn't sure if the vision was real or not, but it felt real to her.

Edward sighed heavily. "He hurt you," he said simply. "I couldn't let him get away with that."

"My wrist?" Bella asked.

Edward took her dainty wrist and kissed just below her palm. "It was stupid. He was just being a boy, roughhousing. I think he forgot, sometimes, how little you are. Anyway, he was trying to get you to go down to the beach, but you had homework. Junior year, you know?" Bella nodded. She did know. "He tried to pick you up, but I guess he twisted your wrist the wrong way and sprained it pretty bad.

"I had just gotten there when you cried out. I didn't know what was happening. All I knew was that he had grabbed you, and you were crying. So, we got into it."

"My hero," Bella said and rolled her eyes.

"Hey! That was the second time I had met Jake, and the first time he was being a brat because he had a crush on you and I actually had you. Do you blame me for assuming the worst?"

"No, I suppose not," Bella said. Edward seemed a little annoyed, and it was then, as his nose twitched and he huffed, that she realized something important. "I love you," she said.

Edward grinned. "Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"So, I guess I better pop the question, huh?"

White covered everything.

There were flowers everywhere.

All Bella wanted was to be with Edward. Forever. Their mothers had had other plans.

What should have been a simple affair had turned into a week-long process of parties and dinners and meetings of every kind. Bella was just about ready to pull her hair out.

But today was the last of it. Today, after standing in front of too many people to declare her love for Edward, Bella could finally relax.

She grinned impishly as she slipped off the fancy flats her mother had bought her and pulled on her brand new baby blue converse, ready at last to walk down the aisle to her future.

"Oh, my God, we're married!"

Edward doubled over laughing while Bella ranted about having plans to wait until she was twenty-five. "Who gets married at twenty?" she complained.

"We did," Edward said. And then he happily kissed his wife.