The Boy and The Man: Both Lived, But Neither Survived
By. SadieAnnabethMellark
Summary: When a ministry official comes to tell Sirius of his brother's death, Sirius is practically delighted. And then the grief and misery comes. "Sure, the death eater, the criminal Regulus Black was dead and gone. But, so was the sweet raven haired gray eyed boy who loved to eat cockroach clusters and listen as I told him the old tales of Beetle the Bard."
Disclaimer: Sadly, I am not J.K. Rowling. If I was I would own Harry Potter.
"Black!" I turned my head towards the voice that came from the other side of the grimy black bars.
"Stevens." I acknowledged the auror who I use to work with. Stevens had been a fairly nice bloke to me before all of this had happened; before I had been framed, "What're you here for? Came to escort me to my trial that I have been waiting for for the past four months?"
Stevens glared at me before spitting out, "I hope you rot here in this cell Black, and then I hope, when you die, that you'll continue to rot in hell." I tried not to let that hurt, but those comments still stung. It was my fault and I did deserve to rot in hell, but not for this. Not because I tried to kill Peter, but because I convinced James to switch secret keeps and not tell a single soul about it or because I had picked Peter instead of Remus.
"So, why are you here? If you're here just to tell me to go to hell-"
"Your brother's dead." Steven told me so bluntly as if I had asked what color the sky was.
Pride and a sense of joy seemed to swell in my chest. Regulus was dead. Regulus was DEAD! Merlin, the thought just seemed to be getting better and better and better. I was feeling so happy, I couldn't help but laugh.
A half crazed sounding chuckle escaped my lips, "Did he now? Did his precious "Dark Lord" murder him?" I couldn't help it; I chuckled again.
"We don't know how he died." Stevens told me in his still cold auror tone, "All we know that he is dead and has been for about six months. And as you know it is ministry policy that we send a representative to tell people of the deaths of their loved ones even if they are criminals. Unfortunately, I was the auror on desk duty that week." I snorted; a smile still playing at my lips.
Stevens was quiet for a few seconds before he spoke again, "You're not even upset in the slightest that your brother is dead? You are sick Black. No wonder You-Know-Who loved you." That snapped me out of the joyful thoughts of Regulus being gone from the world.
"I was not a death eater, Stevens." I snapped, "I'd rather die than be a dark wizards' lap dog! I'd rather be here than be the scum on the bottom of that bastard's shoes!"
Stevens continued to glare at me, "Whatever, Black. Enjoy your cell." And then he was gone leaving me here back in the dark that was filled with the sounds of crazed laughter, heartbreaking sobs, quiet and wispy mumbles, and loud terrified screams of my fellow inmates.
When I had first been thrown into the dark pit they called a cell, I was absolutely tortured by the noise. Even before the dementors had made it to this cell block. It was so loud and so emotionally scarring that I hadn't been able to even think period. Now, I was so use to it that as I thought of the death of my baby brother I didn't even have to tune out the noise around me.
Reggie was dead. Perfect little Reggie, Mother and Father's pride and joy, was dead. The death eater scum that was my brother was now absolutely nothing.
He hadn't always been nothing, a soft voice at the back of my mind told me. But, he had been. Regulus and I had hardly seen each other after I ran away to the Potters; only seeing each other a few times in the halls of Hogwarts, but even those events had been rare and we had only spoken to each other once. And the only reason we did, was because I was so pissed off that he was even thinking about taking the mark. And before that, we hadn't ever really talked at school except for once when he was a first year and sat in my compartment with James, Remus, Peter, and I.
I leaned my head back against the wall of my cell. He had been so young and small back then. He had been so nervous and so excited to finally go to the place I had told him all about through letters and stories I had told over the summer holidays. And then when we got there, I had kept my fingers crossed. Maybe he would be a Gryffindor. He had wanted to be one so badly. That's all he told me about for the whole week leading up to his first year and my third. And then he became a Slytherin and we hadn't talked very much after that.
It was so hard at first too. I just didn't quite know what to say to him. I really had hoped that he would have been a lion, not a snake. That the hat would be able to look past the family name and pronounce another Black a Gryffindor, or a Ravenclaw, or even a Hufflepuff. But, sadly, reality had come crashing down and Regulus had been sorted into Slytherin.
At this I remembered that Regulus had not always been the Slytherin and Death Eater scum that my parents had tried to make us be. He and I had once use to be so close. We had been true brothers, just like James and I had been, all the way back when all that mattered to us was how big our next stuff animal mountain would be.
And that was when tears pricked my eyes. Regulus was dead. Regulus was DEAD! My baby brother was not alive anymore and he hadn't been for about six months if Stevens was correct. Merlin!
"Oh, God, Reg." I whispered to myself as I pulled my knees closer to my chest curling into a ball. I felt thick hot tears run from my eyes down my cheeks and onto my neck, "Why didn't you listen to me? Why? I told you that you would get hurt and that I wouldn't be there to stop it."
And I hadn't been. And he had died before I was even thrown into this miserable pit of agony. He had been gone for at least two months before I had been sentenced for life here. And I still hadn't been there to save the day. I had failed once again.
"I'm sorry." I cried, "I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry, Reg." I had failed James. I had failed Lily. I had failed Remus. I had failed Marlenne. I had failed Harry. And I had failed Regulus.
Stevens was right. I was sick and I did deserve to rot in Hell. How could I have laughed about something so horrid before? How could I have laughed at the idea of my brother being killed by the hands of a dark wizard who had also taken more people from me? How could I have just sat here and smiled like a mad man at that news?
I already knew the answer though, even as I pondered these questions. I was happy that Regulus the death eater was dead. I was happy that the evil follower of Voldemort was no more. But, so was the little raven haired gray eyed boy and that's what I grieved over. I missed the boy that I had lost and not the dark wizard that he had become. I missed the kid who would eat cockroach clusters until he was sick or the boy who would climb in bed with me when ever a storm blew in. I missed the nine year old who sat in my trunk the night before I first left for school to try and keep me from going without him.
I would miss the boy who was my brother, but I wouldn't miss the man that he had hastily tried to become.
THE END
A/N: (So, obviously this takes place before we all realize that Regulus is a good guy and that he helped take down Voldemort and I know he was dead longer than two months before Sirius was tossed into Azkban, but for the story's sake I wrote it this way. I know Sirius is a little OOC, but I love him so much that I have such a hard time doing his character justice in my personal opinion. Anyways, R&R. Thanks. S.A.M.)
p.s. Oh my God! Sorry about the glitch. I had to copy and paste it from my phone and something went wrong.