Fandom: The Mentalist
Character: Patrick Jane
Genre: Episode tag, introspection, Jane/Lisbon (friendship)
Spoilers: Red Brick and Ivy (episode 10)
~ 500 words
Feedback is love!
With gratitude to the beta-eyeballs of the lovely pixie-on-acid.
A/N: This is a bit of introspection on the scene when Jane has popped his head into Lisbon's office to thank her for not telling Minelli that he "made" Lisbon take the case involving Sophie Miller, revealing when Lisbon insisted that Sophie was his psychiatrist when he was (secretly) hospitalized for a mental breakdown.
-----------------------------------------
No matter what, he never wanted Lisbon truly angry at him. Sure, he would annoy, cajole, tease, embarrass and harass her, but he never crossed a certain line – a line it seemed that only he and Lisbon could see. Unlike the rest of the team, he had no problem differentiating between the put-on angry that cowed them into submission and when her dander was truly up; he was always careful never to cross that line … or not without a damn good reason, anyway. The rest of the team took her tone and manner at face value – so he guessed it was no wonder they thought he didn't care what lines he crossed, who he pissed off. Really though? He knew exactly where to step to avoid the landmines; giving him the freedom to enjoy teasing, annoying, irritating and embarrassing her the rest of the time. That it puzzled and alarmed his teammates to no end was just a bonus, really.
Jane was also always scrupulous about keep himself carefully concealed – and usually he managed it; except when Lisbon got angry. When he saw that coming, he would do and say and reveal whatever he had to, to keep her from being truly angry at him, up to and including, if necessary, revealing himself; which he hated doing more than anything. Of course, Lisbon never asked for much, considering. All the more reason that when she really insisted, he gave. He could not and would not lose Lisbon's respect; that trust they shared.
As she slammed the cabinet drawer and wheeled on him, then, he knew instantly that this was one of those moments when there was to be no dancing around landmines. He was already feeling raw and exposed with this case involving his former psychiatrist; he was vaguely aware that his casual, carefree façade was wearing thin. He had hoped that he could get through this case without revealing too much, but he could see in an instant that that was not to be; not with Lisbon. He had asked a lot of her – he often did. But this time he could see that he had crossed a line, and only the dreaded self-revelation would get them back to where he needed to be with her.
So, he took a deep breath and told her one of his biggest secrets.
Normally, he practically was psychic; in the sense that he could tell what people were thinking – the gist of it anyway – by the minute expressions that passed across their faces. So, he studied Lisbon carefully, intently, watching for that flash of …what? He didn't even know what he was expecting from his revelation -- that causing a serial killer to murder his family was more than he could handle for a while. Disgust? Disappointment? He stared at her, waiting. And she just… looked at him. Really saw him - from the inside out, it seemed. It was momentarily terrifying and a huge relief, all at the same time.
But? She wasn't angry at him anymore. She wasn't even annoyed or irritated. She was instantly just that same determined Lisbon who would search out the truth, like she always did.
She had seen him and she was still there, being Lisbon and doing what Lisbon did best. Somehow that made a piece of him unfold, inside, just a tiny bit. He trusted Lisbon, more than anyone, and at this moment in his life, that was something.