A few quotes and quips from the Professor of Equestrian Studies, Lenobia. Bear in mind that she hasn't actually said any of this in the series, this is a very sarky but very very funny Lenobia.

Snippets from Lenobia's end of term reports.

"I would not allow this working-pupil to breed."

"Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap."

"When she opens her mouth, it seems it is only to change whichever foot was previously there."

"He would be out of his depth in a leaking water trough."

"This working pupil is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot."

"Not the sharpest hoofpick in the grooming kit."

"Probably has an IQ of about room temperature."

"As bright as a tackroom in a power-cut."

"Donated his brain to science before he had finished using it."

"Has two brains – one is lost, the other is out looking for it."

"One dandy-brush short of a grooming-kit."

"The horses would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity."

"His brain, is like the four-headed man-eating fish beast of Aberdeen. It doesn't exist."

Random comments:

"I like you. You remind me of when I couldn't do half-pass either."

"I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in my manege."

"This isn't a manege, it's Hell with sand on the floor!!!!"

"Not all stallions are annoying. Some are dead..."

"I'm trying to imagine you can ride..."

"I would explain the movement to you, but I fear your brain may explode."

(To Neferet) "Would you like to give your lecture now, or shall we let the audience enjoy themselves for a few more minutes?"

"Haven't you just always wanted to ride around in circles and be shouted at?"

"There is only one way to make a small fortune out of horses. By starting with a large one."

"I'm still out here because I wanted to find a place that Loren wouldn't go."

"Heil Totilas!"

"The Americans will make it into a film, called, the Jump that Saved the World."

"If I had a deathwish, I certainly wouldn't waste it on you."

"I won't have sissies in my yard!!!!!!"

Loren: "Don't you like me?"

Lenobia: "I only like people who are of use to me, and let's face it Loren, you're about as useful as a cat-flap in an Elephant-House."

"Mr. Halligan, stop masticating."

"Es gibt ein Loren in meiner Reithalle. Reit ihn uber, Kinder!!!"

(When a pupil says that Loren was interested in her) "The fact that Professor Blake would go to bed with the kitchen-sink if it put on a tutu, simply reassures my conviction that if you gave Mr. Reaves a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change."

"I could have eaten that horse and crapped out a better half-pass."

"Never hit Dragon with a foil... Hit him with a baseball bat."

(When a pupil asks if they will be able to race their old horse.) "I expect so. And you'll probably win."

"I think I'd be breaking the rules if I told you where the next fence is."

Neferet: She was a responsible pupil.

Lenobia: In the time she was here, seven horses got colic, fourteen had thrush, the tackroom was ransacked, rats got into the feed stores and I nearly had a nervous breakdown. And in each case, she was 'responsible'."

(singing)

"Neigh neigh racehorse,

Have you got a brain?

No sir, no sir,

Just a fancy name.

I spook for the master,

I spook for the dame,

I spook at nearly everything I see down the lane."

(when asked by a pupil why the cow had no horns) "Well my dear, the reason why this cow has no horns is because it's a New Forest pony."

"The horse does not care if your hair and make-up are not done, Miss LaFont."

"You got me out of the shower to tell me that???"