Chapter One
November 19th 2006
I woke up, already bored out of my fucking mind and tired. Who wakes up bored and tired? I mean that's just an unnecessarily depressing thought. I looked at the dizzy pink calendar Renee made last month in a spate of something called decoupage.
Oh, Novemeber 19th , of course.
November 19th or, also known as the day my world fell apart. God I miss my dad. I miss his shy quiet way. I miss the way he minded me, well in the best way he fucking could. I miss the way he'd polish his gun with a few beers whenever he felt threatened by something new. I missed his help, his honesty. Senior year had rolled round way to fast. Where was I going? What was I doing? Who am I, other than my mother's minder?
Distracting me from my train wreck of thought, I felt something with my left leg. Something cold, hard, but not smooth, it was a body part, I could feel the prickly hairs.
Who the fuck was in my bed?? What the fuck was in my bed???
I whipped my blanket off disrupting the dog from her cosy spot at the end of my bed angrily rubbing my sleepy hands against my skin. That big mongrel had leant so heavily on my leg she had actually succeeded in numbing it. Fuck sake. I really needed to shave my legs. That was the third time this week I woke up with an animal in my bed. At least this more recent one was domesticated.
'Mom, seriously?? I mean you've got to stop letting them upstairs.'
Her perfected wolf whistle gave the mental shove I just didn't have the energy or heart for. I loved them too. They were kind of like my patient, attentive friends who listened to a world of teenage angst and upsets, things that seemed so trivial now that I was halfway through my senior year. They never interrupted, barked at scary shapes outside, never judged, let me play my guitar and sing in the shower. Marla and Tyler were my friends, something that was few and far between, in Forks.
'Right, gotcha, sorry honey.'
I laughed out loud, my voice hoarse from sleep, as I heard her downstairs singing her favourite song, Dolly Parton, Jolene. She was ridiculous, but she was my family now. She minded me, not in your run of the mill suburbanite cookie baking Julia way, but she took care of me. She was my mother and I loved her. Her favourite lines were coming up and she gave it socks….
Your beauty is beyond compare
With flaming locks of auburn hair
With ivory skin and eyes of emerald green
Your smile is like a breath of spring
Your voice is soft like summer rain
And I cannot compete with you, Jolene
It's way too early for dealing with this, 8am in rainy Forks on the 19th of November of this year.
By Bella's decree, Sundays are now known as fuck-this-I'm-getting-some-more-shut-eye-day.
I readjusted my blankets, wafting them until I was comfortable and any potential irritating lines in my cotton were spread. I peeled off my socks, my right foot tingling gently as blood pooled back into its constricted crevices. Taking a deep breath I willed myself to not think about today and what it meant, or didn't mean. My flat palms met either sides of my face rubbing my mind into submission. I exhaled. Just sleep Bella. Escape today while you can, just for a few more hours.
Good. Smooth. Better. Sleepy.
Peace dropped slowly for me, like it should on a normal Sunday morning. It tugged carefully at my consciousness until the threads that connected me to this world unravelled. My mind, unbridled now, raced. Thoughts, seemingly brilliant, so much so that I wished I had the energy to scribble down, skipped along like a smooth stone across steady water. I gave in, ignoring everything around me.
________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
I was running away from Marla, but of course, in my dreams I was clumsy to a point of disability. Dreams are stupid, in fact, dreams are so fucking stupid, I could actually comprehend that very fact whilst dreaming. My feet mashed against each other and the ground and I tumbled, shirking to stay vertical. Tumbling and tumbling I went as I reached out my arms, not feeling unlike Alice in Wonderland…..minus the dress and pretty blonde hair, plus the crust of drool, shabby clothes and untamed dark birds nest.
As I fell a crow paused mid flight, tilted its head to me, giggled like a little girl and said 'It's like totally fine Bella.' Swirls of colour crept around me, obscuring the point of contact I was sure I should have met by now. The ground, which was once below me, took on the effect of an optical illusion of sorts. I kept gathering pace, but I was getting further and further away from impact. It seemed, in this particular dream, my direction and my pace were directly proportional. So what…I was falling up? Wherever that was.…
I noticed that sinking feeling in my body gradually abated. I was moving slower now and slower again. I could smell sweet and soft fragrance, not like anything I could describe with words, but feelings. It made me warm, peaceful and calm. It made me pretty fucking happy I guess. Slowing gently now, I was floating to the ground. I exhaled loudly, taking in this amazing scent that built up within me. Stationary now, I turned to take in my surroundings. I was at the edge of a meadow. A beautiful luscious layer of grass and wildflowers beckoned me to rest.
So I did, but there was more of a flopping action involved, rather than a slow gracefull kneel. This was much better than any talking crow.
The dry grass cushioned me, holding me above any difficult points on the ground. I leant back, every inch of my body relaxing. Wherever the fuck I am, I don't want to ever leave. Marla can have my bed. I turned my head up to the sky, breathing in that impossible scent once more. There was no sky, no sun, no moon, no stars. Just a light fog whitened, crisp even, hung overhead as my breathing slowed. I lifted my head minutely and pulled my hair to one side, smiling lost in this easy quiet comfort. I rubbed my face with my fingertips removing the remnants of sleep.
Can you fall asleep, while asleep? I laughed to myself, 'Anything's fucking possible in-'
'Hello?'
I tossed my head to find the owner of that voice but it was difficult in the fog.
'Hello, is anyone there.'
I kept quiet holding still not quite sure if I was trespassing on someone else's happy place.
'Hello. You don't have to be afraid, I won't hurt you, you're completely safe here.'
Those words gave me such peace. It was a moment of pure comfort. I was safe, I was free to be here. I had escaped the boring mediocre nature of my life. I leant back, relaxing into the grass again. I didn't answer, I just lay.
The voice was definitely male and so full of fucking contrasts. An archaic hue was cushioned by a youthful curiosity. He sounded serious but, I could almost swear he wore a smirk. He was sincere, but, had a hint of cockiness. Judging by the voice alone, he was completely beautiful and original to the extreme. What degree of sadist am I to dream up some excessively superior being to haunt my newly found happy place?
I'm way more fucked up than I thought I was.
'Hello', he called again.
'Hello', I giggled. I couldn't wait to see what physical form I was taunting myself with. I still couldn't place him although twirls in the mist surrounding the edges of the meadow now hinted his direction. At the opposite end of the small meadow, the mist was pushed aside as he came into being.
My god, I was good. I was really good.
My "dream boy" was tall, built and muscular but still lean. His frame was the kind of muscle that you loved because it made you feel smaller, safer, like he could just easily carry you in his arms, but you'd never feel intimidated. As he moved closer, I began to see his face. My heart all at once broke and reformed. It strengthened and shattered. Who was he? Why did I never miss him until now? Happiness was never true. Despair never so acute. I was screwed. I was in love. I was also a shallow bitch because I had fallen in love with a face. Glimpses at first teased me. As he moved through the meadow, slowly and calculatedly, I was given full shots of his face. In almost slow motion I was shown everything.
His face was angelic and incredibly masculine. Smooth angular lines swept his features into place, which contorted to form a scowl. Keeping his head down as he walked he really didn't look happy. I laughed to myself, I didn't care if he was angry. This is my bloody dream. Biting my lip I controlled myself. Seeing him now so clearly, only mere metres from where I stood, I realised where I got my dream boy from; Renee's singing just moments earlier. I really have no a minute amount of imagination and I was officially a sadist. He was the epitome of untouchable, absolutely awesome with ivories, auburns and emeralds.
'Excuse me, but, are you ok? Do you know where you are? How you got here perhaps?'
He looked worried now, wondering how he was meant to communicate with me. Staring at me, he attempted to smile and put me at ease. Here I was, a girl, absolutely stunned and incapable of muttering two thoroughly simple syllables which formed one of the most well known words in the English language.
I tore my eyes away from him and became quite interested in my feet, bare uncovered. I curled my toes inwards putting the majority of my weight on my heels.
'Oh, look at you, you're all shaken. What was the last thing you remember?'
Pull yourself together, it's ok, just speak. Don't look at him, just say Hello. Say hello. You're ok. You're bound to find something wrong with him in a moment. Nobody is really that intensively attractive, beautiful and kind. He will be an asshole. His type calls his size 4 girlfriend fat. He will be ridiculously self obsessed. He probably usually sits at a corner in a house party, brooding and ignoring girls until he's picked the one he wants for the night. Don't be fooled by the face Isabella. You're not in love.
'Hello. Yes, I'm sorry, thank you for coming over. I'm fine. Really, I'm great.'
He smirked at this, I didn't know why. I felt so juvenile in comparison. My checks were washed in a red glow, which spread carelessly to my face. I was crimson and he was an asshole. I waited for his icy comment with baited breath. He saw this, of course, feeding his smirk until it erupted into a smile. Of course, the most beautiful smile I had ever seen. All teeth, all jaw, all incredible. My eyes, taking on a personality of their own, rolled. He sensed my disdain, I could feel it.
Crap.
Wait, why did I give a shit? This is how it usually goes, you know hot guys are usually assholes. You're right. Stand your ground. It's ok.
His face changed and all of a sudden he became vulnerable. He was none of those things I had presumed, not cocky, not presumptuous, nor self obsessed.
'I'm sorry, I didn't mean to startle you. Forgive me. I shouldn't have intruded.'
Shit, shit, shit. He was either not an asshole at all, or a really fucking smart, controlled manipulative uber asshole.
I did the only thing I could in this situation, I gave in. I didn't want to hurt him cause I had judged him so quickly and I didn't want to be right about him.
'Sorry, I didn't mean to be rude. I just…this is…strange. This usually doesn't happen to me. Would you mind if I asked your name?'
'Sure, no problem.'
His smile threw itself across his face again. Features which would on an average person become contorted instead became more refined. He was just one of those people who had a fucking great smile, amongst other things.
'My name is Edward, Edward Cullen.' His grin left for a moment as he hesitated, his eyes twitched ever so slightly and his eyebrows furrowed before easing again leading to a man who stood in front of me completely submissive and unsure.
'Would you mind, if I perhaps, asked you your name?'
'No, of course not. Eye for an eye and all that…I'm Isabella Swan, but Bella really.'
'That's a beautiful name.' He smiled again literally throwing his warmth in my face. His expression grew thoughtful, 'Bella.', he mused. 'Well, it's very nice to meet you Bella, I'm glad to meet you, it can get rather lonely up here.'