You're walking in the woods.
There's no one around,
And your phone is dead.
Out of the corner of your eye you spot her,
Maxine Caulfield
She's following you
About 30 feet back.
She gets down on all fours and breaks into a sprint.
She's gaining on you.
Maxine Caulfield.
You're looking for your car,
But you're all turned around.
She's almost upon you now
And you can see there's blood on his face!
My god, there's blood everywhere!
Running for your life
(From Maxine Caulfield)
She's brandishing a knife.
(It's Maxine Caulfield.)
Lurking in the shadows
Amateur photographer Maxine Caulfield.
Living in the woods,
(Maxine Caulfield.)
Shooting for sport,
(Maxine Caulfield.)
Eating all the bodies
Actual, cannibal Maxine Caulfield.
Now it's dark and you seem to have lost her.
But you're hopelessly lost yourself.
Stranded with a murderer.
You creep silently through the underbrush.
A-ha! In the distance,
A small cottage with a light on.
Hope!
You move stealthily toward it,
But your leg! Ah! It's caught in a bear trap!
Gnawing off your leg,
(Quiet, quiet.)
Limping toward the cottage,
(Quiet, quiet.)
Now you're on the doorstep,
Sitting inside, Maxine Caulfield.
Polishing a lens.
(Maxine Caulfield)
But she doesn't hear you enter,
(Maxine Caulfield.)
You're sneaking up behind her.
Strangling photographer Maxine Caulfield.
Fighting for your life with Maxine Caulfield,
Wrestling a knife from Maxine Caulfield.
Stab it in her kidney.
Safe at last from Maxine Caulfield.
You limp into the dark woods,
Blood oozing from your stump leg.
But you have won.
You have beaten Maxine Caulfield.
Wait! He isn't dead! Maximum Surprise!
There's a gun to your head, and death in her eyes.
But you can do Jiu Jitsu
Body Slam picture taker Maximus Caulfield
Legendary fight with Maxine Caulfield
Normal Tuesday night for Maxine Caulfield
You try to swing an axe at Maxine Caulfield
But blood is draining fast from your stump leg
She's dodging every swipe, she parries to the left
You counter to the right, you catch her in the neck
You're chopping off her head now
You have just decapitated Maxine Caulfield!
Her head topples to the floor, expressionless
You fall to your knees and catch your breath
You're finally safe from Maxine Caulfield.