Name: So Happy I Could Die
Cats: Victoria & Mistoffelees
Summary: Something terrible has made Victoria Suicidal but no one believes her cries. When Mistoffelees decides to perform a new trick she forms an idea…

'I'm going to kill myself,' Victoria said out loud. The words startled even her. Et Cetera, who had been sunning herself on the terrace, rolled over lazily and opened one eye to look at her friend.

'No, you won't,' she said, poking out her tongue, 'you don't have the guts.'

Victoria pushed back her ears and fell silent. Perhaps she didn't have the guts; and perhaps she did. She hadn't tried anything yet so she didn't know if she would actually go through with it – but a large piece of her hoped that she could. She had kept her secrets for long enough and being unable to tell anyone had taken its toll on her psyche. Who in the world could she tell anyway?

Munkustrap had seen everything and he had done nothing. If she could not rely on him then she couldn't rely on anybody. It's not easy to watch another cat die in front of your eyes. It does something to your soul. Makes it weaker. Cats get run over all the time, every day; but when you're so close to the tyres of the car you can smell the dirt between the grooves, and you can see your friend rolling under it, the reality of death on the road becomes far too real.

Et Cetera playfully batted Victoria's ear at that moment, pulling the white cat out of her far away thoughts, 'you wanna go see Misto?' she asked, 'I hear he's working on a new trick.'

'Sure,' Victoria replied; but she cared little about seeing the magical Mister Mistoffelees.

Mistoffelees was in the attic of his family's townhouse home when Victoria arrived with Et Cetera. The attic was decked out in boxes full of old records, stored clothing and photographs, drapes and boxes of linen – but in one corner was the magical cat's mystery corner. There he kept all the special tricks of his trade – including the hat he had produced seven kittens from.

This time he was standing in front of a large box which was separated into three compartments.

'Victoria!' Mistoffelees cried when he saw her; his face suddenly beaming with happiness, 'and Et Cetera. It's great to see the both of you! Victoria, I need a new assistant for this trick. Would you like to help?'

'Not really,' she said softly.

'She'd love to!' Et Cetera replied, 'so what is it, Misto? How does it work?'

'Well,' Mistoffelees began, revelling in the attention, 'it's not magic this time it's an actual magician's trick. My humans were watching it on TV the other day and I thought I would give it a try,' he motioned to the large box, 'a cat lies flat inside this box; and then I cut it into three pieces with a saw! The cat's head will be in one end, the body in the middle, and the tail and feet in the other.'

'So what's the trick?' Et Cetera asked.

'That's for me and Victoria to know, and for you to find out,' Mistoffelees replied. He looked up at Victoria, 'you interested?'

Victoria pondered the strange box for a moment; then nodded slowly, 'sure,' she replied with a shrug, 'it could be fun.'

It had been a week since Victoria had decided to help Mistoffelees with his magician trick; and the Jellicle cats had gathered in the Junkyard for one of the Conjuring Cats many mysterious shows. Half the time they could never tell whether it was real magic or simple trickery. The Rum Tum Tugger spent as much time as he could talking up his best friend until everyone was excited.

Victoria sat towards the front of the group with Et Cetera and Jemima. The kittens were excited; but she simply could not find the strength to share their enthusiasm. After all; she had a decision to make – one which she was still not sure about.

Did she want to live? Or did she want to die?

Would she lift her legs or not?

When Mistoffelees took to the stage there was a cheer among the cats and they inched forward with excitement. The Conjuring cat started with a card trick…

'Hey, Victoria?' Mistoffelees asked.

'Yes?'

'I really like you…'

'Oh…'

That memory only made Victoria sad; but it didn't change the way she felt inside. She had lost a fantastic friend; she had seen them squashed into the road; she had seen their beating heart forced up and out of their mouth; and she had felt the warmth of their blood on her fur. She had been unable to remove the red stains…

Mistoffelees smiled at her from his spot on the stage. He was now performing one of the tribe's favourite tricks; producing amazing things from his magical hat. He started with a rabbit, just a simple small rabbit, then upgraded to a lamp post, then pointed to Alonzo and started pulling Alonzo's left leg up and through the hat!

The black and white tom had been sitting towards the back; perched on an old tyre, when suddenly his left leg had disappeared and reappeared on stage. Et Cetera squealed with delight.

'Hey!' Alonzo cried, 'hey stop that! I need that leg for later!'

Even Munkustrap was laughing. Tugger tried to push the rest of Alonzo into the disappeared space in front of him; and after a while the tom also reappeared on stage; falling out of the hat and onto the stage with a huge thud.

'That hurts!' Alonzo cried; then stood, shook himself down, and stalked off the stage with his tail held high in the air – but they could all see the huge grin on his face.

'I'll race you across the road,' Victoria said, 'I bet I'm faster!'

'Oh you're on, but I've never lost a race before!'

'You are so losing!'

'On three?'

'Okay!'

'Victoria, will you come on stage?' Mistoffelees asked; beckoning to her from his position. He was grinning broadly; giving her the same wonderful smile that he had given her two days ago when he had confessed his feelings. It was as though her rejection had not happened. He didn't grudge her at all.

She smiled weakly and stood up to follow him. The Conjuring Cat disappeared behind a red curtain and returned a moment later with the box which she would be lying down inside. He also brought with him two household saws used for cutting down small trees; which he brandished knowingly to the tribe.

Et Cetera Ooh'd and Aah'd.

'I discovered this amazing trick from the magical box in my human household,' Mistoffelees announced, 'and have recreated it for your entertainment. I will attempt to saw Victoria in half and then put her back together again! You must be quiet for this trick; for it is incredibly difficult magic. Terrible things have happened to humans; terrible…so I need absolute quiet.'

As he spoke to the Jellicle's Victoria's hands were shaking. Even now she was not sure if she could go through with it. Mistoffelees had no idea of what was about to happen.

The trick was simple enough. Once the box had been closed instead of slipping her feet through the holes at the end of the box she pushed through false slippers with her toes; then drew up her legs into the first box and held that position. Technically; Victoria's whole body would be in the first box and safe from harm's way.

But would she lift her legs or not?

'Are you ready?' Mistoffelees asked her.

She paused for a moment and looked at the tribe. They mistook the look on her face for coy fear; but in reality her heart was breaking inside.

'I'm ready,' she said with a smile.

Mistoffelees held her shaking hand and lead her over to the box. She laid down inside and looked up at the sky as Mistoffelees closed the lid. It was cloudless; and the stars were shining.

'Victoria, what happened?'

'Oh my god, this is terrible!'

'No! No! NO!'

'There's so much blood…'

Mistoffelees watched Victoria as she smiled inside the box and he nodded to her. She nodded back. He was lucky to have her as an assistant; and he was happy to have seen her smile over the last couple of days as well. Ever since the car accident she had slowly been growing more distant and he wanted nothing more than to pull her back into the light. He hoped that by involving her in his magic he could distract her from the past.

Mistoffelees raised the two garden saws to show the tribe then placed them vertically against the box. He was about to push down when Victoria said 'hey.'

'Nervous?' he asked, 'don't worry.'

'No, I just want to say thanks,' she said to him.

He smiled.

And then he pushed down on the saws and they sliced through the box. The smile on his face disappeared completely.

He knew something was wrong. There had been too much resistance against the blades. Victoria's head rolled back. She had made a strange sound as the last breath of life in her disappeared. A small and almost inaudible gasp. Nobody else had heard it except him. Blood seeped from the bottom of the box and dripped to the floor slowly.

There was so much blood. Mistoffelees let go of the deadly device, shocked and speechless, with fear and pain growing in his eyes. What had he done?

There was a minute of silence before Et Cetera started screaming.