Not Alone, an agents of s.h.i.e.l.d. fanfic

Fitz found solace in the tiny room with a view; stumbling upon it by accident while trying to hide from the team he found a place to be alone. They had been in this space station for a week, not knowing what their purpose was; they had not been placed in prison cells and no one had really explained their reason for taking them but Coulson had disappeared throughout the days saying he would let them know when it came time. Fitz had not really kept up with the progress; instead, he spent most of the days dodging in and out of rooms at any trace of the team. He could not face them, could not see the looks of disapproval on their face, on her face. It haunted his dreams every night when he closed his eyes; he dreamt about the framework, all the victims he killed including Mace. He could see her looking at him screaming at him, pleading him not to shoot ADA's real life inspiration; the gun would go off and he was jolted away in a panic sweat, breathing erratic.

This room was only a temporary fix to what seemed like a permanent problem. It was his own undoing; the trust he had broken and the crimes he had committed. He just stared off into space, the beauty of the unknown out in the vast galaxy he dreamt of exploring someday. A bell in the distance sounded, it was lunchtime, he liked to wait about twenty minutes after the bell; he found this about the average time it took for them to get in and out. Unfortunately, today was different; he got up and walked down the long corridor to the mess hall, it was almost empty with a few of the station workers. He slid in and made it to the line serving him the slop they had made for the day, not a Gordon Ramsey meal but it did. He found a spot in the corner of the room, with a book that he had found in their makeshift library the size of a broom closet. He had not made it through the first page when he heard a voice clear next to him and he knew who it was.

"Can I sit here," She asked, he did not even look up at her; he couldn't. She sat when he did not answer taking a place directly across from him. "You are a hard man to find," She tried to stir the conversation.

"Maybe I don't want to be found," He retorted closing the book and summoning up the courage to finally look up at her.

"I see," She said looking down at her plate. He hated being so distant but when he looked at her his mind flashed back to the day on the island as he held a gun to Agnes Kitworth head ready to fire. "Listen Fitz, I have been looking for you for a week so I think the most you could do is talk to me." He pushed aside his tray and coupled his hands together letting out a lengthy sigh and looking her in the eyes. She was beautiful, more beautiful than the day he met her those beginning days in the academy. That first day he was so intimidate by her, smarter than anybody he had ever met, the only one who would ever stand a chance with his intelligence. That intimidation was back now but only because he knew that he had betrayed her in so many ways and now… well now she was too good for him, he did not deserve her.

"You have been impossible to find, this week."

"I thought we could all use some space." In his mind, he thought this to be impossible given the small space station they were on.

"Fitz…"

"Jemma, could you please just stop dancing around it, I know how it is; I've seen everyone look at me, what I did…" She watched him carefully as he cut his sentence short. "I was too far into the framework, I killed a woman, hell I killed multiple in humans; there is no forgetting what I did."

"Fitz, what happened in the framework, none of us are going to forget what happened with any of us but you cannot close yourself off."

"It was always inside of me, ADA only gave me my father back, what happened, what I did it was my own doing not ADA's not the frameworks, I'm the Monster." She was about to protest again but he shot up from his seat. "I have to go, I'm not hungry anymore."

"Fitz," she called after him but it was too late he was already gone.

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Jemma sipped her tea as she went over the information that Coulson asked her to look over. She wanted to focus but her mind stayed on Fitz, since the day he returned from the framework things were different. He was not the same though, throughout the years with S.H.I.E.L.D they all had changed. She knew that he was lost, the framework had messed them all up, trying to navigate back to reality when such horrible thing had happened. She at the same time was trying to assimilate the changes and the horrors that she had seen, watching the man she loves turn into this person she had never seen before, filled with hatred, something she had never seen in him. She knew about his father, the monster before it all, the man who left his son and wife but not verbally abusing his boy to believe he was worthless. Seeing the result of him staying made her glad that all those years ago, Fitz was left with his mother, a kind hearted woman who love her son more than anything in the world. She had met her a few times and there was not a mean bone in her body. Still now, the taste of the horrors the absent father caused and it had torn them all apart.

"Hey," Daisy strolled in grabbing a mug from the cupboard and pouring herself a cup of coffee.

"You okay Simmons; you look a little lost in those files."

"No, I just am thinking." Daisy slipped into a seat beside her friend staring out into the endless universe that was behind them.

"This is crazy, I feel like the time we went to the hub and didn't know anything about the mission; we are being left in the dark."

"It's not the only thing left in the dark," She mumbled.

"You're talking about Fitz" She sighed. He was on Daisy's mind too, he had not been around, and she knew he was hiding.

"I saw him today, he was in the dining room but we only talked for a moment."

"What did he say," She knew they all were a little distance from him, he was family and though the framework had created a riff between him and the rest of the team. He didn't realize thought they were all trying to make sense of it all and if anyone could relate it was May who was still trying to outrun the nightmares she had of the horrors she saw. She somehow confided in Daisy, it was a shock but Daisy was there for her even though for Melinda May opening up was hard to do, and maybe it was all of the emotion, all the events that she had to deal with while she was part of S.H.I.E.L.D.

"He said he was a monster… Daisy I'm so worried, I am terrified that he won't get through this, that he will shut us out."

"Jemma, he is stuck on this ship or whatever it is for God knows how long there is no way he can avoid us for so long."

"But he looks different, I mean he looks so tired, so thin, and its only been a week."

"He is going through a lot I wish he would stop taking on the blame, I tried the best I could but I think right now maybe he might need some space to figure it out." Jemma nodded, she was right but at the same time that worry still sat wrong with her.

"I'm going to go find Coulson; I want to go over my findings… Thanks for the talk Daisy." She gathered her belongings and walked out of the room, she was going to find someone but it wasn't Coulson.

She was tired; she had been looking for over an hour but with no luck. He was officially the master of hide and seek in this god-forsaken place. Searching though each room was getting tedious and she soon wondered if she would ever find him.

"Hey there Simmons," It was Mac, he had been hiding out lately with YoYo, they had become so close the whole team had pieced together that they were an item when YoYo went into the framework to convince him to come back, since then she had helped him get through saying goodbye to his daughter again.

"Hey Mac, have to seen Fitz at all?"

"I saw him a little while ago, but he was fast I went to go after him, and it was like he disappeared."

"Yeah it seems like he knows all the hiding places."

"You worried about him too?"

"More than worried Mac, he is going insane trying to punish himself for the framework, avoiding us all."

"We are all going though our own demons but Turbo somehow seems to be struggling the worst."

"It's the murder, he was never supposed to be like this, he is full of goodness but ADA she wrecked everything."

"He is just trying to adjust we all are."

"Mac… He called himself a monster," She buried her face in her hands trying to hide the tears that were welling up.

"He's not," Mac barked, not at her but to the space around them hoping that Fitz may be listening.

"Remember how I told you about his dad, and the horrible things he told Fitz."

"Of course, and look what he did to him in the framework."

"Before I killed him, before I had to I tried to talk Alistair but I could see it in his eyes, he was too far gone, there was no good in him he was only filled with hatred and anger… it terrified me because in the framework I saw that look in Leo's eyes and I felt empty." She wiped the tears away. "For the first time in my life I saw this whole other side of him and I was so scared that there was no going back but I remembered all the love and courage and caring that this man had in him."

"We have to make him see that," Mac replied.

"I tried earlier but the murders even though they were all just a piece of the framework he still blames himself, especially for Agnes and Mace."

"I think we blame ourselves for some part of it."

"I'm going to go find him." Mac nodded and she continued on her way.

She found him in a room she hadn't seen before; it was hidden in a hall that was utility closets and one small bathroom but this room was amazing. He sat alone lost in thought for sure, staring out into the abyss.

"Quiet beautiful, right," She snuck in surprising him.

"It really is everything I dreamed it would be." He had since calmed down but was still distant.

"Can I tell you something," She asked sitting beside him on the bench facing the window. He looked over at her, his eyes seemed a little sunken and black rings lay beneath them.

"I have nightmares, about the framework… about killing your dad."

"He wasn't real," He reminded her.

"Doesn't matter, in there it seemed real, in there I wanted to say so much to him but instead I shot him."

"It was self defense," He reasoned with her.

"No, I hate him Leo, I hate him so much… even before I met him face to face I hated him and then I got the chance to meet him." She was now staring out at stars that decorated space with light. "When I met you I was impressed, you were kind and caring and the most brilliant person I have ever met, and then I met your mother and I saw where it came from, you are just like her."

"She made me who I was."

"She made you who you are, that framework erased your memory of our world, gave to the world where that hateful man took you and there was no mother in your life." She slid a little closer. "In that world you were raised by hate and it showed an ugly side but Leo please remember who you are because I do!"

"Jemma…"

"You are the man who stood up for Daisy when she changed; you are the man who sacrificed himself at the bottom of the ocean when there was only enough oxygen for the one of us. You're the man who went to space to pull me back from that horrible planet and then said you would save the man I fell for even though you loved me."

"Please Jemma…"

"Fitz you have more love in your heart than anyone I have ever known and always try to see the good in people even when we don't trust them so cant you try to find it in yourself?"

"Jemma I killed a woman," He looked at her with hurt in his eyes.

"And I killed a man, your dad."

"That's different, he wasn't real."

"Agnes was already dead; as soon as we shut that framework down she was gone anyway."

"And Mace, he died because I built this stupid framework!"

"But Radcliff helped and he was the one who created it for evil, I don't blame you, no one does."

"I just know how to live with myself, after all I did.

"You follow Daisy's advice; don't shut yourself out, know you have a team beside you who will be with you every step of the way, don't shut us out Fitz, we are here for a reason." She placed her hand on his shoulder and he place his hand on top of hers giving it a light squeeze as both of them had tears rushing down their faces. She knew that there would always be love in her heart for him; he was the man who had sacrifice everything for her. Slowly but surely she was going to get her trust back with him and maybe they could finally have that fairytale ending but for now he needed to forgive himself and she needed to get over the haunting memories of the framework. For now with her hand on his shoulder and him holding hers, they sat in silence and looked out into the beauty that was space.

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I really hoped you enjoyed this story, I cannot wait to see what happens next this fall but for now I guess we wait. Please let me know what you think!

Thanks always!

Layna