This is actually the first story I've written in about four years and my very first Zutara Week entry ever, so please bare with me.
With this story, I wasn't really focusing on the feeling of euphoria, but rather the feeling that happens after it. To me, it's like a drug. After you feel the initial high you try everything you can to feel that way again but you never do because you were never suppose to feel it in the first place. You constantly deny your doubts, even though deep down you know the feeling that you are looking for, doesn't even exist.
This is euphoria.
Despite his element vanishing over the horizon hours earlier, the firelord failed to find solace within his bed. He had made his movements as soft as possible, keeping in mind the sleeping noblewoman beside him, as he sought a position of comfort.
With eyes slightly ajar, he sighed, accepting the fact that his drowsy mind would continue to deprive his body of sleep until he found a way to pacify the surging thoughts that aggravated it. This was a common scene of the firebender's nights since he had ascended his throne one month earlier. He hadn't realized how fragmented his country had become since his banishment four years prior. Ozai had placed unreasonably high taxes on the lower and middle class, endorsing the nobility's desire to bathe in innumerable riches. The war had also been a primary source of revenue for the country and without it, he knew his people would soon feel the ramifications of a declining economy.
His journey to Ba Sing Se, to visit his friends, had failed to serve as an evasion from his country's predicament but rather, an extension. He found himself having to distribute even more reparations to the Earth Kingdom than originally described in the Harmony Restoration Treaty in addition to reluctantly renouncing the Fire Nation colonies, further decreasing his country's revenue.
Attempting to push his mind on something more pleasant but inadvertently failing to do so, he suddenly turn over again to face a sleeping Mai. If he viewed their relationship as a whole, there was nothing actually wrong with it. He had, of course, been surprised to see that she had been released from prison; however, getting her out was not first on his agenda as Firelord. Their relationship had always seemed satisfactorily to him. Mai was still Mai and he was still himself, therefore nothing had really changed. Truthfully, he had gotten back with her because he thought that she would understand him better now that he had found the right path for himself. Be that as it may, his increased workload was beginning to put a heavy strain on them both yet Mai loathly agreed to travel with him to Ba Sing Se, reasoning that it was better if she went rather than getting left behind again.
As he watched her narrow body rise and fall under the silk sheets, he thought about what he had gone through with this woman. They had broken up a total of three times, and he would have thought that that would have made them stronger but sadly, it hadn't. He was hoping that this time, it would be different, that something would have changed, that somehow they could feel that unlikely spark of passion that seemed to manifest whenever they had broken up, but as the days passed, he found himself waiting rather than hoping. He was waiting for the day that she would become jaded with him, waiting for the day that his longing for an ideal relationship would inevitably blow over in his face.
He let out a growl, feeling his resentment and disillusion bubble within him. He had grown tired of having his despondent thoughts consume his head day after day. Closing his eyes shut, he rose from the bed. His feet traveled, before his mind could, to a place where he had always gone when his reason seemed to run out of reach.
Her body clung to the moon like a tree does to the ground beneath it. Even with closed eyes, she could feel it taking it's unearthly mount in the sky. It made her blood pump faster and her heart thump with anticipation. She could feel the supplementary energy slide down her spine and into her core like a waterfall rushing into a barren cove.. It overflowed within her and it was nights like these that she had been accustom to every month since her journey to her sister tribe. Pakku had described it as Elemental Manifestation, that as one's bending abilities become more realized, their element's source becomes more realized as well.
She heard a light snore emerge beside her and turned to face its origin. There the airbender lay, his arms stretched out like noodles towards her, in search of the refreshing chill of her natural body temperature.. With the moon howling in her veins, she had almost forgotten that he had recently been sneaking into her room and insisting on sleeping in the same bed as her now that they were officially together. She, not wanting to offend the affectionate airbender, reluctantly obliged since he always wanted spend as much time as he could with her now that their responsibilities had changed.
Other than Aang's overexertion of PDA, she hadn't had any real complaints about their relationship. Even though she would never admit it to herself, she liked the attention he gave her but in the last few days, it seemed like he needed to express his undying love for her at all times, like he was constantly warding off alluring admirers of the newly distinguished waterbening master. It had become slightly annoying for her, and more annoying for those around them, but it never made her regret being with him. She had rather she be with him than those plastic girls that pigeoned to him for the sheer fact that he was the Avatar.
Regardless of them, she was, in fact, sincerely happy with him, elated, almost prideful if you will, that she had found, nurtured, and trained the boy who had single-handedly defeated the Firelord and saved the world. It touched a particular place in her heart, knowing that this boy had finally avenged the death of her people and the death of her mother.
So, was she happy to be with him because she loved him or was she happy to be with him because he had saved the world? That she couldn't tell.
Nevertheless, she felt like the world was suddenly new and thus, so was she. The sense of regeneration had entered her like a virus, infecting everything in it's path, including her relationship with Aang. It blinded her sense of reason and she had kissed him out of a feeling she had yet to understand. Euphoria, was what she guessed it to be. Their kiss and suddenly she realized, their relationship as whole, felt nice but didn't feel quite right. After their kiss, she had felt slightly embarrassed and guilty for rushing into it, almost forcing herself onto him. Maybe it was because he was still a kid, just grazing his teenage years, or maybe it was because she was just use to thinking of him in that way. Either way, she would deny herself an answer for as long as she could.
Maybe she was just over-thinking it, but they just seemed to just . . .push each other
into a relationship like when she kissed him or when Aang kissed her before the invasion and at the Ember Island Players. It was honestly too early to tell but it still didn't stop her from thinking about.
Feeling her hyperactive mind dig deeper into a cavern of her heart she never even wanted to acknowledge was there, she climbed out of the bed, taking one last sentimental glance at the sleeping Avatar before swiftly exiting the room
She crept crisply through the hallways of the upper level of the Jasmine Dragon, making sure to stay as silent as possible. She had no real sense of direction or destination yet made sure to bound her steps to make her journey a bit quicker. She could hear the familiar sluggish snort of her brother then the soft murmurs of a certain seasoned earthbender. She grinned inwardly as she made out something about the "melonlord" and "making fruit punch".
As she reached the end of the whindy hallway, she noticed that the last door was slightly extended from the wall. Letting her curiosity get the best of her dreary mind, she silently slide the door open to find a set of upward stairs.
On impulse, she felt her heart begin to thunder against her chest, almost painfully. She ascended the stairs quickly, loud squeaks of worn wood following each step. She forgot all about her stealth as the moon nearly dragged her up and once she reached the top, she felt it's embrace coil around her like a snake taking down it's prey.
Her skin was tingling as the late night air brushed against her bare arms and thighs. She sighed as a feeling of calmness began to bloom, and her ambiguous relationship problems seemed to fade away. Suddenly, she looked out and noticed the picturesque landscape that was midnight Ba Sing Se. She stood there on the shingles of the roof for awhile, admiring the way the moon's rays fused seamlessly with the golden lateens, the way it bathed the ornate architecture and long dirt roads in an enchanting silvery gleam. Once the initial high of the moon had slightly wore off, she took a few steps closer to the front of the house then stopped as she noticed a dark figure sitting on the curved edge of the building.
"Can't sleep either?"
Her breath nicked in her lungs and she froze and stared down as the pale face of a once banished prince emerged from concealment. She quickly regained her breath and gave him a coy smile as she felt herself get hot from embarrassment. He must think her crazy for standing around on a roof in the middle of the night. With a very visible blush, she quietly took a seat next to the Firelord, making sure not to look him directly in the eyes, a very feeble attempt to hide the redness in her cheeks.
"I don't really sleep well on full moons," she answered sheepishly. Zuko turned to her, trying to figure out what exactly she was looking at however, became slowly distracted by how she seemed to look more radiant in the moonlight. Her skin looked velvety under the soft light and her eyes were slightly washed out, making them appear almost as clear as a glass. Her chocolate hair fluttered mystically around her in the night wind. He quietly swallowed and nodded, feeling his gaze becoming a little too intense for the negligent waterbender. She finally turned to face him fully, with a raised eyebrow, but he missed it as he turned back to the cityscape. A medley of deprivation of sleep and the absence of intimacy with Mai was probably the reason why his mind journeyed to his friend in such a crooked way, he reasoned. They sat in silence together for a while, neither realizing how short or how long the period really was, lost in their thoughts of their new responsibilities to their people and to their "lovers".
Suddenly, she shivered as a rush of wind hit her and the words of father crept into her mind. She shut her eyes tight and drew her thighs to her chest, placing her head in the cusp of her knees. He noticed her swift movements and turned to her again. She was still staring outward but he could tell that there was a faint sense of fear in those crystal eyes. Feeling his gaze on her again, she decided to speak.
"Do you ever get scared?" She prodded, her voice still harbor a quiver. "Scared of the future?"
His face remained static as he re-ran her words through his mind. He had opened his mouth to say something but quickly thought against it. The more he actually thought about it, the more he realized how scared he truly was. He had thought that he should be fearless after having his father disown him and becoming a laughingstock of the Fire Nation but, what could be more frightening than having that power, the power to destroy anyone's life, to reduce it to where it is worth absolutely nothing to an entire country.
"Yes," he admitted, slightly ashamed for still being doubtful about himself after everything he managed to accomplish in the last few months.
"I know I was destined to be Firelord but . . . I hadn't even realized how bad things had gotten since I left. " He sighed, running his fingers through his loose black hair. "Not only do I have a responsibility to my people but I also have one to the world. I have to undue a hundred years of devastation and murder that my nation . . . my family created." There was genuine hurt embedded in the last words he muttered, she could tell. She moved closer to him and placed her hand on his shoulder. She was slightly surprised to find that he had shared something like that with her. Part of her honestly expected him to say 'no' to her question. In their time together, it always seemed like she had been the one expressing herself to him like in the crystal catacombs and the morning before they faced Yan Rha.
"You don't have to do this alone," she softly replied, a sense of urgency laced in her voice. "We're all here to help you."
He turned to her. "I know, Katara. But not even the Avatar can restore honor back to the Fire Nation. Only Its leader can."
She stared at him blankly, unable to find a reply and for the first time she realized that he had deep dark circles under his eyes. She realized why he had been so quiet lately. There was obviously more bothering him than what he had admitted but she refused to ask. She realized how alone he must have become without his family. It reminded her of how Aang must have felt about his deceased people but, this was slightly different. Aang actually had an honorable memory of his 'family', while Zuko didn't have the luxury of a memory but the petrifying fear that his would inevitably escape and seek his death.
"I know you will," She spoke confidently, her eyes shining with assurance. "You're the leader that your people have been waiting for, someone that will listen to their problems because you've gone through it too. Zuko, I know you'll find a way to restore honor to your people because you've already restored honor to yourself." He could tell that she was not only talking about restoring his rightful place on the throne but also restoring his honor in her heart. He was grateful, so unexplainably indebted to the Gaang for accepting him on their team after everything he had done to them, and he was especially grateful for Katara. She had proven to be a greater friend than he could have ever asked for.
His shoulders had relaxed under her touch and his face had began to do the same. A small, yet very powerful smile crept onto his lips."And what about you? Are you afraid of the future?" he said in a very indulgent tone, not wanting the conversation between them to end. Her hand moved from his shoulder to her hair, fiddling with her loose strands thoughtlessly.
"I-I guess. I mean, I don't have as many problems as I could have but . . ." She tucked a fly away behind her ear. She was no Firelord. She didn't have a nation, she had a tribe. She felt like her problems were somewhat minuscule to his. The firebender didn't say anything but gave her a look of interest by raising an eyebrow. She sighed unwillingly and stared back out at the landscape. "I overheard my Dad and Arnook at your coronation. They were discussing rebuilding the south pole and there was a certain tension between them. Our cultures are similar but yet, so different. They've built their entire society around waterbending and we . . . we lost that connection to the moon and ocean spirits decades ago. I-I just don't want our culture to get lost in theirs."
The wind started to pick up and Katara shivered again, her hair slightly tornadoing around her. She felt slightly silly for venting her problems out to the Firelord in the middle of the night. He was her friend, not her therapist. He didn't need to hear every problem that she had. She should be talking to Suki about this, or maybe even Aang She crossed her arms over her chest as the wind settled down and he spoke.
"You've been to the North Pole. You've gotten to know their people and culture and you've also lived in the south pole most of your life so you have an understanding of both similarities and differences in customs. My uncle once said that destiny sometimes disguises our similarities as differences so that when we figure out that we aren't so different, we form a stronger connection. Maybe if you just focus on your similarities then it will form a greater bond between the two tribes."
She sighed agreeably and nodded. She knew he was right but wasn't expecting him to be. Maybe she was just over thinking it all again. Maybe it wouldn't be so hard if she just focused on the many things that the tribes shared. She smiled at him and involuntarily, he smiled back. She knew Suki wouldn't have been able to give her this type of insight and Aang would have just said something vague like "You have nothing to worry about. You can do it." All those years living with Iroh had apparently rubbed off. She had never expected the man who had threatened her tribe, almost two years earlier, to be helping her find a way to fix it.
"Thanks." Was all she could muster up. They sat again in silence, each looking over occasionally at the other, smiling inwardly. Neither one of them would have ever guess that they would have formed a special connection like they did. The relentless wind blew another gush and Katara hugged her knees tighter to her chest.
"Do you want to go inside. It is getting pretty-"
"No, no. It's okay. I'm fine."
"But Katara, you're shaking."
"Zuko, I'm fine."
With a unconvinced look, Zuko slide closer to her, the cloth of his pants and her thigh touching. Her head raised up in curiosity. Taking a deep breath, he slowly raised his body temperature, surrounding her in an orb of warmth. She grumbled something inaudibly but sighed in relief, moments later, as the new temperature allowed her sleep to get the best of her. Ever so slowly, her head began to nod until it finally landed softly on Zuko's chest. The firebender raised an eyebrow as he felt her head gently crash into him. He was going to wake her up but decided against it. She looked so peaceful, so . . . enchanting, still wearing the smile from earlier. As the minutes passed, his eye lids began to flutter, allowing himself to get a little too comfortable with his friend's girlfriend.
The moon was making its descent behind the clouds and he could feel the sun moving closer even though the sky was still dark. He sighed, not wanting to leave his current position; however, the thought of Mai finding him like this in the morning was too much of a risk so he moved Katara in the slightest way possible, picking her up bridal style as he stood. She slightly stirred in her sleep mumbling something impossible to hear and curled herself into him. He walked slowly to her room, partially because he didn't want to wake anyone else up and partially because he didn't want this moment to end. When he reached her door, it was already ajar.
He walked in to see Aang sprawled out over the bed. Seeing. the airbender like this made him look so helpless, so vulnerable, so childlike. It made him uncomfortable to be there and he shifted his weight from one foot to the other. This felt so wrong to him, like she didn't belong there in his bed, such an exotic watertribe woman with a meager nomad boy. He cringed at the thought of what might have happened in this bed. He knew Katara was better than that and that the Avatar was probably still too immature to indulge in pleasure but still, a green snake of jealousy began to creep up his spine. He held back a growl and tightened his grip on the was he feeling this way? This was Aang, Aang his friend. Aang who had defeated his father and saved the world.
Still feeling a bit of envy within him, he forced all of his thoughts on his friends' relationship away. He gently placed Katara onto the bed, instantly missing the cool feeling of her body against his robe. She stirred again, her eyes slowly fluttering open as her body too, longed for his warmth. Zuko stood and looked down at her. It only took less than a second to realize that he needed to go. The lack of sleep and emotional satisfaction was beginning to drive him mad. The way she looked up at him. Her hair was sprawled out like a dark sea around her. Her sapphire eyes low and alluring. She looked almost celestial as the last of the moonlight engulfed her.
He swallowed hard and turned around quickly, heading towards the door but before he could even take a step, she seized his hand in hers, the pleasing cool sensation returning to his skin.
"Thank you, " she breathed. He more so read her lips than actually hearing her. He looked down at her again and wanted to smile but couldn't as his eyes journeyed across to the air nomad.
"You're welcome, Katara, " he returned, letting his hand slip out of hers.
He walked into the hallway towards his room, making sure to silently close the door behind him. His eyes never left the floor as he reached his room. He walked in to find Mai still sleeping soundly in the same position he had left her with the early dawn gleaming through the shear Earth Kingdom drapes. He threw off his shoes and climbed into bed, looking over at the woman he had been in an on-and-off relationship for about five years now. He saw her sleek bangs and her long straight black hair. He saw her narrow eyes, still hard, even when sleeping. He saw her long slender nose and the small cusp over her lips. He saw everything he should want in a future Fire Lady but yet, the same green snake of jealousy continued to inch it's way, up his spine.
Thanks for reading. I sincerely appreciate it and I hope you enjoyed. Constructive criticism is also welcomed