The Legend of the Haunted Tiki Man
By: A small little man named Bob
Cast:
Car: Hummer
Steven: Main character
Chris: Steven's best friend and likes to build
Car: Intergalactic space vehicle (ISV)
Ratchet: Galactic hero
Clank: Robot sidekick
Car: Dune Hopper
Jak: Hero Extraordinaire
Daxter: Fuzzy little fuzzball
Car: Gummi Ship
Sora: Keyblade master
Kairi: Princess of heart
Riku: Fallen angel of the twilight
Chapter 1: come back to Ohio!
Our story begins in a group of cars where a group of people from everywhere in the universe are all on one dangerous mission. Two words…
Daxter: ROAD TRIP! HA! HA! HA!
Jak: Are you kidding? This is a dangerous mission?
Ratchet: Well I kind of think this is going to be kind of scary. (looks at Daxter)
Daxter: What? Are you saying that I'm scary?
Ratchet: Well duh! At least I don't itch in strange places.
Daxter: I resent that!
Steven: Knock it off you two! This might be fun. The map says we get to go to the Caribbean so it's not all that bad. Besides we're going in different cars. We have walkie-talkies so that if we want to stop somewhere we let each other know ok?
Everyone: Yes!
Clank: I think it would be a great time to get going shall we?
Sora: Yeah! Let's go!
Once the group got ready to go, Daxter told jokes about farting into the walkie-talkie which everybody laugh but then Jak got really annoyed so he took the walkie-talkie and told Daxter no food for him unless he stop telling jokes and Daxter agreed.
Daxter: (turns on radio) Why is it nothing but country music on this radio? Country is worse then being shot by a beam reflector.
Jak: Hey! That's a good idea! Want me to help? (Points beam reflector at Daxter)
Daxter: No! That's ok!
Steven: (talks into walkie-talkie) Hey Daxter! Why don't you pick up the radio waves off of my car so you can listen to my CD.
Daxter: Ok. (presses button that picks up radio waves) (listens Party Hard) Hey! I like this song!
Jak: Hey this songs pretty good. Mind burning a copy of your CD?
Steven: Sure (burns a new disc of songs) I'm done but we have to find a rest stop.
Clank: Excuse me if I interrupt but my sensors indicate that there is a McDonald's so we could stop there.
Chris: Yeah that would be great because we need to fill the tank up.
Steven: Ok we can also catch some grub to. But you guys need disguises for you and your vehicles because people will shriek if they find you Ratchet, Jak, and Daxter because first of all, Ratchet, you are a little bandicoot so you could be disguised as a guy in a tux so how 'bout it?
Ratchet: Fine… I was hoping it could be a little more modest.
Clank: How about this? (scans Ratchet into a human)
Ratchet: Cool! Now I can look like a lawyer!
Steven: Jak, hide your ears because they are a little big so how bout being a Mexican because they have big hats and mustaches.
Jak: (dresses as a Mexican guy) That could work I guess.
Steven: Ok Daxter this could be hard… hmmm… how about a ferret?
Daxter: FERRET! FERRET! FERRET!
Steven: Ummm.. yeah that's the only thing that suits you.
Daxter: Ok that's cool.
Clank: I'll get started disguising our ships.
Steven: Ok good now let's get eating!
Everybody: Yeah!
As everybody ate at McDonalds, there was somebody following them that were mysterious. Jak got into big trouble because his sombrero knocked over a chandelier and two waitresses. Daxter was almost sent to animal control for backsassing the manager and flirting with the waitresses. Clank made some major money because he helped extinguish a fire in the kitchen and caught a burglar for stealing fries and burgers. Steven met an old friend who missed him a lot and that was Dean. Dean met Chris and company.
Dean: Steven, you know that these people you are going on a road trip with are our favorite video game characters right?
Steven: Yeah! We were sent on a mission to the Caribbean to relax and have fun.
Dean: Can I come to?
Steven: Of course! You can also come with us. You can car pool with us.
Dean: Good because there is also someone who wants to meet.
Steven: (gasps in horror) Samantha?
Samantha: You got that right. (slaps Steven)
Steven: Ow! That hurt. I think I deserve that one. You still are mad at me about what DJ told you right?
Samantha: Oh yes I am!
And so, as this chapter ends, the heroes gain to more passengers Dean and Samantha. Who is this mysterious person that follows them? Why does Daxter hijack the Ratchet's ride? Will Jak get his ears shrinked? What other people might come along? Tune in to the next chapter of this insane road trip.
CHAPTER 2: Ferrets Gone WILD
When we last left off the heroes, they embark on something insane in this chapter! It goes a little something like this…
Daxter: THANKS FOR THE RIDE HATCHET! Bwahahahahaha!
Ratchet: Hey! That's my vehicle! And the name's Ratchet!
Clank: It's ok Ratchet I got it under control. I'll use my computer to get into the car's system so it can return to us and spit out the little hairball.
Ratchet: Thanks Clank. That's the first time I ever heard you say hairball.
Clank: I looked at a name-calling website.
Daxter: Awww! C'mon you piece of junk! Work already! (ship shakes) Wahhahawhahwaaaaaaa……………….
(ship lands)
Jak: What were you thinking! You are so reckless!
Daxter: I know! But it was fun! I'm starting to itch in that strange place again.
(Steven, Dean, and Samantha come in. Samantha yanks Steven by the ear.)
Samantha: And this is for telling DJ to ask me out for you.
Steven: Ok! Ok! I get the message! Sheesh! What's going on here?
Ratchet: Well apparently, this little furball here decided to take a joyride with my ship! How are the readings Clank?
Clank: They are normal but it's saying that we shouldn't do that again.
Ratchet: Good. I'll let you off this time but… Hey what's wrong with you?
Daxter: Gosh it itches really bad! (scratch) (scratch) (scratch)
(Steven picks off a note)
Steven: It's a note for me. Its saying I have to meet this person at Lake Erie.
Sora: Well then let's go! I've always liked mysterious people. (makes an eerie noise)
Steven: You can cut that out.
Sora: Sorry, got carried away.
And so as they traveled to meet this mystery person, our heroes are at Lake Erie and sit at the beach. While Steven was reading the note some more he noticed someone on his side. It was Kairi.
Kairi: Hey. Are you feeling ok?
Steven: Yeah. Just trying figure out this mystery person that's all. I know somebody who has that same writing, but it just seems all blurry.
Kairi: You know, this mystery person can be anyone, including people who are from the road rally pack.
Steven: Wait a minute, are you saying that it's…
Kairi: Yep, it was me, the person who put the note right on Daxter's rear end.
Steven: So uh… what do you want?
Kairi: I would like to learn more about you. You are a good leader, you are always calm, and you always care for other people.
Steven: Well that's only my positive side. My dark side is terrible. I've done so many bad things.
Kairi: Like?
Steven: I told DJ to tell Samantha to ask her out for me while I was in Michigan; I betrayed a promise to a girl named Allie… Oh what am I saying? That's as far as I can go Kairi. I'm sorry.
Kairi: Well still, even you aren't trustworthy; you are the finest leaders I ever met. (kisses Steven on the cheek)
Steven: Does this mean you…
Kairi: Like you as a boyfriend? Yes. But let's keep it secret; Sora and Riku will fight you if they found out about this.
Steven: Ok. Thanks for cheering me up Kairi. I really appreciate that.
Kairi: Your welcome.
And so as these 2 pure hearts fall in love with each other, are heroes pack up and leave Ohio to go to Kentucky where our heroes will pick up someone new there. Will Samantha keep her grudge of Steven forever? Does Kairi get busted by Sora for kissing Steven? Does Clank ever make any mistakes? Tune in next chapter.
Chapter 3: the grudge of someone
As we continue, there is something that I always wanted to say… I am not the most popular guy ever met so what sue me! I have a deep dark past and life. I wanted to get a girlfriend but I never got one. Well once but that was for only 2 minutes. Anyway, let's continue with the story. When we left off, the crew was going to Kentucky… or are they?
Steven: God! This is so boring! I wish that someone would entertain us. (screen pops up with Daxter on it doing the "can can") I'm sorry I even asked.
Dean: I need to go to a rest stop now!
Steven: Well then go do your business in the woods. We are only stopping for eating. (parks car) Go ahead.
Dean: Fine! (pees in a bush) (comes back to the car) Done let's go!
(screen pops up with Clank on it)
Clank: Steven! Steven! Steven!
Steven: What! What! What!
Clank: We have problem!
Steven: What is it?
Clank: It appears to me that we are heading the wrong direction. After we stopped at McDonald's, we accidentally went north into Canada!
Everybody: WHAT!
Clank: That's right and it's winter so we have to find a hotel before it snows or else our cars will rust except for yours.
Steven: Do we have to?
Clank: Do you want to have everyone in your car?
Steven: I'll take the hotel. But it better have cable and video games.
Samantha: You still obsessed with video games.
Steven: Of course. It's part of who I am. I am a genius at video games. How dare you defy me! I should slap you for that.
Samantha: Sorry I even asked. Slap me and I'll slap you ten times harder!
Dean: Guys! Let's go to the hotel now shall we.
Steven and Samantha: FINE!
As the pack goes to the hotel, Jak, Ratchet, and Sora park there cars somewhere safe and easy to find. As the people by the hotel rooms, they mixed up the order of who is going to sleep with whom. Here are the groups. Room #1: Steven, Kairi, Daxter and Clank. Room #2: Jak, Riku, Dean, Sora, and Samantha. As they hang out in there rooms, they both call for room service because the hotel they went to is a 5 star hotel. They eat and relax. Anyway, let's get back to the story.
Steven: (watching the discovery channel) Wow! I never knew that snakes can make anti-venom. Well I'm bored; I'll be at the pool everyone. Hey Clank, can you give me a towel?
Clank: Sure. And party out.
Steven: You kind of act different. Something wrong Clank.
Clank: No. Why do you ask.
Steven: No reason. Bye guys.
Everyone: Bye.
Kairi: Wait! I'm coming with you.
Steven: Ok.
As they walk to the pool, Steven goes into the hot tub and chills.
Steven: Man what a rough day.
Kairi: Yeah I know. (dives in the pool)
Steven notices a girl walking into the pool room. She looks familiar. Then all of a sudden she notices him to.
Girl: Steven?
Steven: Allie?
Allie: Hey! What are you doing here?
Steven: Oh well I'm taking a road trip with some buddies. We went the wrong direction and ended up here. What are you doing here?
Allie: I'm visiting some relatives here.
Kairi: What's going on?
Allie: Nothing we were just talking. Well I'm going to bed now good night.
Steven: Good night.
(Allie leaves room)
Kairi: Can I join you in the hot tub?
Steven: Um… umm… uhh...okay I guess.
(Kairi gets out of pool) (Steven notices she's wearing a bikini)
Kairi: So, why don't you tell me more about you? (puts hand on Steven's face)
Steven: Well… I umm… well… I love to play video games and mind games.
Kairi: Really? So do I! Do you love chess?
Steven: I have a passion for it.
Kairi: Just like I have a passion for you? (bats eyes)
Steven: Umm… well… uh… (Kairi makes out with Steven) (Steven notices someone behind Kairi) Kairi! Watch out! (man strikes with a knife)
Kairi: (gasps) That was close! Get him Steven!
Steven: I'm on it! (kicks man into water)
Man: AHHHHH! (hood falls off of man revealing the face)
Steven: (about to punch face until notices something) (gasps) Allie! But why?
Allie: Can't you see it! (makes out with Steven) I love you! I loved you ever since I saw you on the first day of school during math class.
Steven: But why did you dump me after 2 minutes during Library?
Allie: I did that because I didn't want to blow your cover. Ever since you gave me that one note, the one that said that you loved me, I said in my head yes!
Steven: But know I don't love you. Your ways of saying you don't love me is over. I love Kairi.
Allie: No! You can't you shall love me! Well I went into your room and hacked into your robot.
Steven: How did you do that?
Allie: Why don't you ask the hairball and robot.
Steven: You mean Daxter and Clank? What did you do with them?
Allie: Oh there all right.
Daxter: Wow! What a babe! Hey Steven! Did you get kissed by a black hooded girl yet?
Steven: Yes! Yes I did. Why?
Daxter: Well she wrecked our room and hacked into Clank.
Steven: Allie you'll pay for this! (notices something on her back) What's this? (takes black gear out of her back)
Allie: Ow! Ohh... What happened?
Steven: Someone must have been controlling you but who? (reads what's on the gear) It says that if this is taken out of the person, the person who did all the bad deeds to anyone or anybody will happen to them ten times worse. So that means you will be kissed, your computer will be hacked, and you will have a messy room. (all of what Allie has done happens)
Steven: Dax go tell Ratchet about Clank. I'll be if you need me.
Daxter: Got it.
Daxter informs Ratchet about what happened to Clank so he gets mad at Daxter thinking he done it because he probably thinks he's a toy. Allie comes to Ratchet telling her the story. Ratchet fixes Clank and Clank exams Allie to see if she has anything else in her. Steven studies the gear and finds out if she does something very good, all of the bad things won't happen anymore. She asked everyone how she can help with anything and everyone didn't want her to help with anything.
Kairi: That was pretty brave of you saving both me and that girl.
Steven: All in a days work. I took karate when I was 6.
Kairi: I guess I have a hero now. (laughs)
Steven: Well I'm tired. I'm going to bed.
Kairi: Can I sleep with you?
Steven: What? So you can make out with me?
Kairi: (blushes) Maybe… (pushes Steven onto bed and bends over)
Steven: (hits head on the backboard) Arrgghh! My head!
Kairi: Sorry about that.
Daxter: (looks at Clank) No fair that get all the fun.
Clank: God will find a girlfriend for you in time.
Steven: I love you Kairi.
Kairi: I love you to Steven.
Sora: (stands at the doorway) I thought you loved me.
Kairi: Sora! I can explain…
Steven: It's alright. I'll accept the consequences. Sora I'm sorry. It's my fault that I made out with Kairi because I love her as much as you do. I asked her if she wanted to make out with me and she said I don't know if Sora will approve. I rushed into things and I'm sorry. I shall assist you in any service. It's my honor to give you the position as leader due to my rash thinking.
Sora: Wow! I'm impressed! If you said that to her father, he would approve you for a son. I am mad but I shall forgive you. You and Kairi may make out with each other as much as you want only if you let me make out with Samantha.
Steven: Well don't look now. She's standing right behind you.
Sora: Oh hi Samantha.
Samantha: Hi Sora. I wanted to ask you something. Would like to be my boyfriend?
Sora: Um… well… ahh… (Samantha makes out with Sora) Um well Steven the deal is done. You may now make out with Kairi. And as a bonus, I'm giving you back the leadership you deserve.
Steven: Thanks Sora. (Sora and Samantha leave) Now where were we? Oh yeah! (starts making out with Kairi)
And so in conclusion of this chapter, Steven sticks up for himself and Kairi so that she doesn't get into trouble. These 2 purest of hearts will soon find tragedy in the future. Sora and Samantha take a liking to each other. Daxter wants a girlfriend and soon that wish will come true in the future. Allie seems to have trouble with the group and the group decides to let her in the road rally pack. There awaits many questions to be answered. How in the world did all the video game characters get into this world? What is Kairi's reason for liking Steven? Why does Sora like Samantha? Why is Riku silent? Was Allie lying about coming to the hotel? Why does Steven get hallucinated about the hotel? Tune in to the next chapter of this insane story.
Chapter 4: pure tragedy
In this new chapter, Steven wakes up in the middle of the night after a nightmare that involved him having the choice of sacrificing himself or Kairi. He wakes up next to a vending machine with no shirt. He buys himself a granola bar and goes back to the room. He wonders how he got to the vending machine. He sits on Daxter's bed and watches the news. He sees that people wearing black hoods terrorizing people. He flips the channel to cartoons and laughs at them. He was bored so he went to the pool and exercises. He sleeps on a chair after being exhausted of swimming. Later, when he woke up, he tried to get up but something was holding him down. It was Allie.
Steven: Allie? What are you doing here?
Allie: I'm really sorry for being such a pest yesterday. Can I do something for you?
Steven: Allie, even though you have done something tremendously bad you are forgiven by me. You don't have to be a slave to anybody. I only need to ask you one thing.
Allie: What do you need?
Steven: I need to ask you a few questions.
Allie: Ok shoot.
Steven: How did you get that gear into your back?
Allie: I saw it on a flyer in the mail. It said that it would grant me any one wish. I wished that I could be with you and be my boyfriend. When I went to the place, it told me that I could make that wish come true if I put the black gear in my back. I said it was worth a shot. I started to ache and scream and then I went blank.
Steven: Where was this place?
Allie In the Caribbean.
Steven: At our vacation spot! So I guess this is a dangerous mission.
Allie: I lied about coming here to. I said that I was here for being with my relatives so I could capture you and bring you to the headquarters.
Steven: It looks like we are going to drive there. I forgive you. (Allie's curses lifts)
Allie: Thank you.
Steven: All in a days work. Let's go and find our way to the Caribbean. But first, let's take a vote. Who wants to leave right now or stay here.
Daxter: I want to stay. Being lazy is fun.
Jak: We need to get these bad guys so let's go.
Everyone else: We want to stay.
Steven: I guess we're staying.
Jak: Some leader he is.
Steven: Jak, I know how much you want to fight but you got to learn to relax so more. Besides, a leader thinks of his teammates first. You got outnumbered. I admire your persistence Jak.
Jak: Thanks Steven.
As they party together all day, Daxter goes to the vending machine and gets himself some pop. He notices a maid working. He goes over to the room and sees the maid making the bed. He goes over to her and sees her. The maid is an Otsel! He introduces himself to her and asked if she wanted to do lunch together. She says it's fine. Then he says bye to her and goes back to his room.
Daxter: YES! Yes! Yes! Yes! Thank you God!
Steven: What happened?
Daxter: I met this maid in a room and she is the same species as me!
Steven: Really?
Daxter: Yep! And we are going to lunch together with each other. Isn't that great?
Steven: Bravo! You finally found someone right for you.
Daxter: Well you're lucky! You're a genuine chick magnet! You already have two girls surrounding you.
Steven: Yeah that's true. But I don't know which one is right for me.
Daxter: Hey it's like what the robot said, God will choose the girl that's right for you. If none of them is right there's plenty fish in the sea. C'mon let's go play Monopoly with the other guys in the other room eh?
Steven: Nah. I feel like meditating for a moment. I'll play later. Save the cannon piece for me alright?
Daxter: Ok. Take it easy.
Steven: Alright. See ya. (gets into meditative pose) (thinks in mind) Who is the right girl for me? How hard is this black gear gang? Can Samantha forgive me? How did my friends get here? Why does Kairi love me? My life is so mixed up. I forgive people but why doesn't Samantha learn that. I am a nice person. Dear God, please help my mental compass steer me into the right direction. I want people to know all across the world I am here! (looks out the window) This world is a mess, a group of people can change the world. This black gear gang is trying to do that for evil. (hears knock at the door)It's open!
Kairi: Can I talk to you Steven? About our relationship?
Steven: Ok. I was just praying to God. So what about it?
Kairi: I say we should advance our relationship. In other words, I think we should be more of boyfriend and girlfriend. More like husband and wife.
Steven: Whoa now! I think you are being a bit hasty on this wouldn't you think? I mean I'd love as a girlfriend but as a wife? I think we are a wee bit to young for that. We can advance it to more of a way were you can sleep with me. I'll take off my shirt at night so you can put your hand over my chest knowing that I'm here to protect you.
Kairi: Ok. I think putting my hand on your chest is kind of dreamy. Do you want to have dinner with me tonight?
Steven: Ok. But I pick alright?
Kairi: Ok. The time will meet to go is 7. Deal
Steven: Deal.
Kairi: Bye. I love you. (kisses Steven on the cheek)
Steven: If you need me, I'll be here meditating. Thinking about what's best for the team.
Kairi: Ok. (leaves room)
Steven: Ok now where was I ok. (hears knock on the door) It's open.
Allie: Hey! How are you and Kairi doing?
Steven: We're doing fine. How are you?
Allie: I'm just dandy. (sits on bed with Steven) You know I still am in love with you right?
Steven: Yeah. I'm still thinking about stuff. Like for example what to do with relationships.
Allie: Well if you want to be my boyfriend. Let me know all right.
Steven: Ok. Oh and to repay for aiding me with some stuff. (kisses Allie on the cheek) Bye.
Kairi saw Steven kissing Allie on the cheek. She thinks that Steven might like Allie more than her! What will happen in the next chapter? This time it will be a cliffhanger. (laughs manically)
Chapter 5: "I got nothing" By: Da Man
When we last left the pack, Kairi thinks Steven cheated on her for Allie but he really doesn't. Daxter goes to lunch with this "maid". But that only leaves 1 question, who is this maid? Where did she come from? Another question is that will Riku ever get a line in this story? All of these questions are going to be answered in this chapter.
Riku: Hey! I finally get a line! I think I should say something funny! I know! (puts on glasses) The theory of Ask is completely pointless now that they come out with Google and Dog pile.
Sora: That wasn't funny. That wasn't even in the same zip code funny.
Riku: COPYRIGHT INFRIDGEMENT FROM YAHOO MESSAGEING!
Sora: At least I can say something funny!
Riku: Do you wanna go?
Sora: Yeah! Bring it all talk but no brains!
Riku: I'm smarter than you! AHHHH! (tackles Sora)
Steven: See what I have to put up with?
Riku and Sora: Do you wanna join in on this little brawl with us?
Steven: No thanks? I'm on a diet to stay away from pinheads like you.
Riku and Sora: Why you little…
Steven: Hey! But that's only one guys opinion. Wanna here all the other peoples' opinions?
Riku: Now that you mention it no. I guess we are acting stupid right Sora?
Sora: Yeah! I just hope no one was able to see that.
Steven: You better hope that no one makes a story about this. (looks at the author) Oh! Wait! That's already happened. Now we are totally humiliated in front of tons of people. NOT MY FAULT!
Riku and Sora: This is shared in public? NO!
Steven: Look at the bright side, this might make some many and Riku finally said his first line!
Riku: Ok. I'll by it.
Know that the boys got to humiliate themselves in public in front of you guys, the get to laugh at themselves and cry about it. They want to say good night but it ain't the end of the chapter just yet.