Tenten's pie (and everything that happened after that)

AN: This story came about while I was pasting strange quotes from fanfics at my sister. She wrote back, and we kinda started tag-storying. And something very strange evolved. It's about a pie Tenten made when she was trying to cook in secret. And Sakura's birthday. And there's a Mary Sue, and a Mary Sam. And us trying to make up some really soppy love stories, and of course, randomness. It gets more and more complex as it goes along because MSN crashed and we started using word over the network.

When it says switch, that means the authors are switched, since it is a tag story and all. It starts off with a quote from the middle of some fanfic I can't really remember so if you find it please tell me and don't sue! I think what happens is Tenten looks at Shikamaru who is unhappy because Neji and Kiba and some others are fighting over something or something. Hope you like it but I don't mind if you don't. R&R please!!!

Oh, and by the way, we weren't being that serious when we wrote this... enjoy!

Chapter 1: Pie and all (the strange start)

Tenten looked into his eyes and realised it then... Shit! I think I'm in love with him.... Shikamaru meanwhile was getting all the more so-very-annoyed-because-i'm-being-made-to-be-doing-something-troublesome-cutting-into-my-cloud-watching-time and didn't hesitate to remind everyone. They said they didn't care. Tenten sighed. SHE cared. ((switch)) Though she knew he'd never return the feelings, and suddenly she felt a sudden wrongness in her life. Shit! She ran up to the oven and pulled a black pile of meant-to-be-pie-but-turned-into-charcoal-from-excessive-cooking charcoal. ((switch))

Tenten sighed again. Shit. This was meant to be for him. I mean, shit. What the hell is wrong with me? THIS was MEANT to be for Sakura's birthday. Now she burnt it. Thinking about Shikamaru. Ohh.... Shikamaru... he had just stepped into the middle of a fight and he knew it and it was going to get ugly. Or it would've. But this is Shikamaru. His bothersome face turned even more bothersome. "che..." ((switch))

Uh oh, Kiba just grabbed the black pile of meant-to-be-pie-but-turned-into-charcoal-from-excessive-cooking and chucked it at Neji... this was getting ugly. She winced as ((switch)) Neji scowled and took up a fighting stance. Kiba growled and held up his own claw-sporting hands menacingly, all of Tenten's hard work landing kind of lamely with a dull thump and a small puff of coal-dust on the ground. The boys could fight, she reminded herself although Neji's tempers seriously creeped her out... but, Shikamaru... ((switch)) no, he was something else... no one was so... LAZY! It pissed her off so much, she felt like taking her rage out on the poor oven sitting meekly at the side of the battlefield. Of course, it was really HER fault the pie was so... mutilated. Yes, sure she was a bad cook, but REALLY. Anyway, the fight was getting very ((switch)) tense, as Kiba and Neji stared daggers at each other (...an expression) and began circling slowly, planning their attacks no doubt. Tenten looked from them to the pie, and felt like crying. Fk. It had taken all night to find a recipe and to beg her mum to leave the oven outdoors out of the sight and smell of everyone in case something should go wrong. And rising at dawn to cart enough kitchen equipment to this secluded clearing outside the village to actually make a pie. And all morning just to get the stuff made. And three whole hours to bake. ....well, shit, maybe that was what went wrong BUT. She gathered herself. Her eyes watered slightly, but then she had an idea.

But just before she could make her move, Shikamaru did the unthinkable... leant down... and picked up her failed (but so full of effort!) attempt at cookery... and aimed... -she gasped- ((switch)) ...at her beloved! He didn't notice until it was too late. He was covered at strangely sticky black charcoaly mess. Oh shit, he was turning to her... and then his gaze fell upon the lazy piece of-- ANYWAY, the fight was progressing painfully slowly. They were still circling each other with kunai wedged in their hands threateningly. But as she was having her painful memories playing back in her head, her beloved had joined in the fight. The discarded pile in the corner looked sadder and sadder to her. Her eyes went blurry as she thought of how long she'd spent on it. Shit, she couldn't start crying now, her beloved couldn't notice! He'd think she was a wimp, crying over a pie. Well, maybe she was but that's NOT the point. The remains were sitting in a small pile, having being thrashed so much around the room. She vowed to successfully make one for his birthday, so he wouldn't start chucking it at people like everyone else. ((switch))

Because she, Tenten, was going to wow him with her fantastic cooking skills and somehow make him fall in love with her... shit, childish, isn't it? But, when it came to love it was like that. She dreamed one day she'd be a brilliant housewife to her dreamy-eyed darling and everyone for miles would be jealous. In fact they'd ask her to cook for them (kiba started... launching at Neji with a warcry of something along the lines of, "you GIRL!!") and she'd make something spectacularly bad because only her one true love could really taste her magnificent kitchenous splendour. In fact, it would be as bad, she decided, anger, resentment and self-pity welling up inside with a deep breath, as that miserable thing smushed into Shikamaru's hand. He looked at the fighters and smirked... that jerk. She hated HIM most of all.

She sidled over to the oven... to her carefully arranged and heavily worn kitchen utensils, neatly aligned on a large chopping board, and felt around behind her - while looking at the warring three with her best mask-of-save-me-terror face - and found, at last, her...

AN: How'd you like it? There's more and more between each switch as it gets on, and the story actually starts to make sense a bit... R&R!!!