Summery: NOT for Ron Weasley fans! This is 110 (even though there is no such thing as 110) pure hatred that comes from the Author! So if there are people out there that don't want Ron Weasley in excruciating pain… you might want to leave.
A/n Okay this fanfic is about Harry Potter, Ron Weasley, Hermione Granger and friends… I'm now warning any Ron fans to leave now for their sake… For this Author loooves everything in the HP series EXEPT for Ron Weasley and Draco Malfoy… So watch out!
Disclaimer: J.K Rowling created Harry Potter… She then created Ron Weasley… I HATE Ron Weasley… So let's think if I am J.K Rowling I would have never created Ron Weasley… And if I did, he would most likely be dead by now in the HP series by a very painful and slow… death.
Now here comes the fanfic I have been waiting to write for a loooooonnnnnnggggggggg time!
Everything in the Harry Potter world right now was perfect! Harry had killed Voldemort.
Voldemort comes into authors room "Noooooooo! You said I wouldn't die!" "I said I would choose who died. And besides YOU didn't THECNICALLY die, you just never came into the story. So there I have done nothing wrong." Author pokes out tong at Voldemort and Voldemort goes out of the author's room sulking "Why, Why does it have to always be me!" Author replies at his statement "Well, if you MUST know. The reason it's always you is because you are Harry's archenemy and no one likes the archenemy of the main character and also you keep on trying to kill him. So there you have your answer!"
"I only wanted to kill him so then I would become all powerful and rule the world as the darkest Dark Lord!" Author replies viciously " I DON'T CARE! NOW GO BACK TO YOUR ROOM AND START POLL DANCING FOR DRACO MALFOY! HE'S BEEN WAITING ALL WEEK FOR YOU TO DO IT AND SO HAVE YOU! SO START STRUTING YOUR STUFF!"
Voldemort wining considerably loudly replies "Do I HAVE to STRUT!" Author is now officially pissed off and feed up "WHEN I SAY YOU STRUT, YOU STRUT! IS THAT CLEAR!" Voldemort mumbles confirmation.
Author then yells back (because I love to yell) "IS THAT CLEAR!" Voldemort now clearly scared out of his wits and maybe shitting himself. (A/n the author/ me couldn't tell… but like shouldn't I be able to tell. I mean I write about these people but I can't tell if their shitting themselves or not… now that's just sad…) And said aloud and clear so he wouldn't get yelled at again, though you could tell that he was scared because his voice was shaking soooooooooo badly it seemed he might have an epileptic fit or something and replied " Y-ye-ye-yes M-m-m-m'am!" Author though clearly enjoying tormenting the "darkest Dark Lord in the world" (a/n damn I must be powerful!) She gave pity on him and said "Okay I want to see those legs go right around those polls and see you enjoying yourself at the same time. NOW GO!" Voldemort then runs out of the room as fast as his pantyhose legs can carry him, clearly wishing that he had never been born and wondering how a 13 year-old girl can over-power a "Dark Lord".
Anyways life was perfect! Except for one thing. Hermione and Ron after such a long and good relationship (a/n yeah right!) broke up (a/n what I was sooooooooo NOT meant to write THAT! That's a good thing NOT a bad thing! Hermione deserves better! Ron doesn't deserve ANYONE! Oh actually he could probably go to Malfoy's standards and maybe they can have a gay relationship? I'd like to see that!).
Hermione walks into the room that is owned by the author. "Why did you say THAT'S a good thing to be broken up? I loved him!"
Author clearly paranoid because all of the intrusions and just want's to write her bloody story says "Okay I said that he didn't deserve you and that it was a good thing you broke up because I absolutely HATE him and he always treated you like bloody shit and he was and is to this day too thick to notice that you liked him, and yet he liked you but didn't say anything! That's the reason! And I know you two make a good pairing and all but this is a fanfic is not for Ron lovers and I am not a Ron lover so in this fanfic you have broken up! So there!"
Author almost tempted to poke tong out at Hermione but since she feels sorry for her poor taste in men… she doesn't. Hermione then puts all the pieces together and realizes… "Oh my gosh! Your right! Screw Ron! There's bound to be a better guy out there!" Hermione then quickly starts thinking on a guy that's better than Ron (which is everyone) but is not taken by another girl.
Author then helps by replying "What about Neville?"
"Ohhh I thought Neville was taken by Luna?" Author nervous on how to explain but replies for the sake of it " Well he was… until she died…"
" Died? How did she die?" Author not able to know what to say, says " Well… She kinda died by nargles…"
Hermione thinking it's a joke " Ohhhh… VERY FUNNY! NAGLES AREN'T REAL! THINK I'D FOOL FOR THAT ONE DID YOU?"
"Ummm actually she did. And they are real. She died after she walked under mistletoe trying to bring Neville in with her and believing nagles didn't exist anymore because everyone said they didn't exist. But nagles only inflict injury when you don't believe in them but you used to. So they attacked her and well one went up her nose and then she couldn't breath because it was blocking the air from coming through. So yeah she died."
Hermione then seeing the smirk on the author's face knew something was up. (A/n damn normally I'm really good at acting… maybe it's just because I'm sooooo excited because I know what's going to happen that I just can't hide it!)
"You planned this didn't you!"
Author nervous for her own health murmurs "Kinda…" Author then conveniently avoids eye contact with Hermione.
Hermione clearly starting to worry for other character's who might be the next "victim" from this author's planning to inflict internal pain on Ron says "But, why?
"Because I knew if you and Neville got together it would be forever painful for Ron. Because Ron always thinks that Neville can't get the girl. And although I hate the pairing with you two together I needed a pairing and since Harry is with Ginny and all and I couldn't find another main character with out making a sick and twisted pairing I had to use you and Neville! But Luna is meant for Neville so I got rid of her!"
Hermione shrugging and not caring a bit because secretly she absolutely hates… I mean hat-ed Luna says, "Fair enough, but I'm warning you. Do not kill anybody else with out asking me first."
" Why do I have to ask you?"
Hermione replies " Well… mainly because I think you are psychotic and need to go to a doctor for help in the future and because I know you don't want to kill everybody but Ron because the point of this story is to kill Ron and make his life a living hell. So trust me… you will want me around making sure you don't kill the first thing that moves."
"Fine… but then you owe me a fanfic that's just a killing spree!"
Hermione puts her hand out and shakes her hand with the author. They both shout, "Deal!"
A/N ok I'm stopping here because now I have a writer's block and don't know how I'm going to continue. As you may have guessed I am totally taking the piss out of Ron. Because… well I bet you can guess why. So please read and review! Oh and by the way I will not tolerate inflames about me destroying Ron. Only constructive criticism will be taken into effect. And I hope you enjoyed my first chapter of this fanfic.