Hai there. I don't usually write stories mainly because I lack the confidence and the capability. Once you graduate college you quickly lose the ability to write anything longer than a status update. But I thought I'd try it out and see what happens. I spend an abnormal amount of time thinking of Downton and the big story (that I think most are aware of) is that Grigg is coming back which appears to bring Carson, Hughes, Mrs. Crawley and Dr. Clarkson all together. I'm barely including Mrs. Crawley and Clarkson because I honestly don't like them. Not like Carson and Hughes. ANYWAY, you make or break me. If you read this, LOVE THIS, or believe it's simply average, let me know. Because I will literally measure my success based on what others tell me. I like positives. Don't tell me negatives or I'll delete this story so fast you won't even be done complaining. I'm excited about where this is going, and I hope you enjoy it. Thanks!

Chapter 1

The letters had arrived in quick succession. Mrs. Hughes can clearly remember when the first one appeared. Mr. Carson went white as a sheet after the new maid handed him the letter and retreated to his pantry for the remainder of the afternoon. That evening he retired early to bed. It was clear something had affected him in a dramatic way. But, what? Had someone died? Was there a woman in his life and things weren't working out? Had he lost all his money in a gambling rage? There was really nothing she could think of that would justify or fit his type of behavior. The following days continued in a similar fashion, he occasionally took a working meal, which greatly irritated her. Finally he took a day to run into town for errands and didn't return until late in the evening. That was all she could stand.

She marched into his pantry when he returned. He was hanging his coat as she threw open the door. Carson started to protest but she set him with one of her steely glares, turned and actually locked the door behind her. He gaped at the knob. Such scandal had to happen, if she were to finally get the story from him.

They stood and stared at each other for a few minutes. He, nervously hanging and re-adjusting his things and she, somewhat impatiently, waiting for him to speak. Finally, he found his voice.

"Won't you sit, Mrs. Hughes?"

She did so, not saying a word. He had his back to her and she could see him close his eyes thinking of his defense. Or his escape route. He sighed and joined her. He was sitting in front of the one person would help him, if he let her. If he was honest with himself, he wasn't so sure he wanted her help - at least at the present moment.

"I suppose I owe you an explanation."

The scowl on Mrs. Hughes face vanished as he sat and told her his story. A man named Grigg had written him several times asking to see him. Carson did his best to ignore the initial first few letters, assuming Grigg was writing in an altered state of mind. However as they kept coming, Carson realized that they weren't some kind of ramblings of a depressed drunk. He agreed to meet where Grigg was staying and the meeting did not go well. Grigg was ill; he had some sort of terminal disease of the liver, and had no one to turn to.

"How do you know Grigg? Were you friends?"

Carson scoffed bitterly. And here, whether she knew it or not, she was treading dangerously. But she had to know, if only to give Carson the support he needed. It took him a few minutes to determine how he should go about explaining.

"We were work acquaintances."

He had told his lordship that once, and it worked until Grigg opened his damned mouth about what they exactly did together.

"When you were on the stage."

She didn't ask, she knew. He looked up at her sharply. After Grigg initially left Downton, only a few people knew of that encounter. As far as he knew, no one spoke of the incident. He sat there racking his brain as to how she found out. Her eyes went down to her lap.

"I overheard his lordship say something to her ladyship one evening many years ago. Honestly, I didn't believe it. I thought I imagined it. But O'Brien went in the next morning and found a pamphlet on the dresser that apparently had your name on it."

He stared at her.

"You and O'Brien were working together?" She knew that tone. She had to calm him and fast.

"No, of course not. I only heard it, she only read it. I suppose she felt the need to blurt it out to the first person she saw, which was me. I'm still shocked to this day that she never told anyone else."

"Anyone that you know of."

She was practically digging her own grave.

"If it were anyone else, it would be Thomas. And how bad is that?" He looked at her incredulously but she continued,"'You know Thomas' secret, he knows a bit about yours."

His eyes narrowed. "Everyone knows Thomas' secret."

She laughed. He smiled.

So, she knew he was on the stage. But she brought up a valid point, and it was something that Carson had just realized – she, and no one else knew what went on. Only his profession and now, association to a man who did not belong in any sort of respectable establishment. It wasn't what Carson wanted, but it wasn't the worst thing they could know. That gave Carson a bit of comfort.

Some time had passed. Carson was staring at his hands deep in thought, Mrs. Hughes at the door.

"You're a good man to help him."

"If I help him," Came his short reply. The temper had returned. Carson clearly needed time to think of what he should do, and he wanted to be alone. He was making it clear.

Mrs. Hughes recognized this. It typically took Carson longer than her to come to any sort of decision, and time was something this Grigg did not have much of. A surge of emotions went through Mrs. Hughes all stemming from her previous health scare. Pity, anger, sympathy. Grigg certainly couldn't be that bad of a man, and even if he was, no man deserved to die alone and in pain. She knew what he was feeling. Carson did not. Her mind was set; she would go and speak to this man. Just to get his story and to see what his options and plans were. She stood, Carson followed.

"Well, I trust you will do what you believe is best. I'll send some tea and sandwiches in for you later. Goodnight Mr. Carson."

She unlocked and opened the door, but froze. She softened.

"If it makes you feel better to go over your options at a later time, please do not hesitate to seek me out. That's what friends do. I know I always feel relieved after we've discussed things together." She gave him a small smile and headed down the hall, praying he wasn't reading too much into that statement.

Carson slammed his fist into the desk after he heard her door shut. This whole situation should not be happening. Grigg didn't deserve his help, let alone his money, his time or his energy. And the one person Carson held above all others did not need, nor deserve to hear anything more about his past. He was bitterly brought back to her health scare. She hid it from him and was angry with him when he hinted that she should rest. He wanted to help her, but she wasn't having it. Now, she was offering her help and although he wasn't dying, to Carson this was the most horrific incident he could go through in his life. Did friends seek each other out during trying times? Yes, of course they do.

But she didn't. The one, absolute time she should have, she didn't.

He thought he was over the anger at how she handled that situation. Apparently he simply buried it. She was healthy, she was here. And now he was back to that moment, sick to his stomach, thinking she would have died before she told him she was ill and needed his help. He rubbed his eyes violently. They were friends, damn it.

He knew it. He repeated it. But it didn't make him feel any happier.

His decision was made. What she didn't know, wouldn't hurt her. It was the only way.