After
By Spunky0ne
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(I usually write Bleach fanfics, but I've been wanting to dip a toe into Star Wars for a while, so here's a little sampling. It's Finn/Poe, set just after Rey leaves to find Luke. As Finn recovers from injury, the hotshot resistance pilot, Poe Dameron, insists on caring for him personally. Just some fluff and lots of warm fuzzies. Enjoy! Love, Spunky)
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The first thing that seeped down into Finn's hazy mind was that the annoying, constant beeping of the monitors had stopped and he felt incredibly warmer and more comfortable. He wondered briefly if that meant that he had died and was passing over, but he was sure that his ears had picked up Rey's distant voice telling him that he was going to be okay.
Dead sure as hell isn't 'okay' and Rey said I was going to be okay, so I'm not dead, he reasoned.
He tried to open his heavy eyelids, but found he couldn't. The drowsy feeling that hung over him and which seemed like a kind of deep drunkenness convinced him it must be drugs, pain medication to keep him from feeling the full effects of what had happened to his body. For a frightening moment, he was transported back into the forest, and he felt again the jolting shock of his injury at Kylo Ren's hands.
"Easy there, buddy," Poe Dameron's voice purred in his ear, "You're okay now. Just relax and try to sleep. I'll take care of you."
He felt something then that he had never, ever felt before…the compelling warmth of another body, pressed up against his side. Even as removed as he was from everything, he caught Poe's clean, masculine scent and for some reason, it was enough to make him yield a little, shuddering sigh and sink back down into the grayness of sleep. By the time he began to surface again, that warmth was gone, but he felt his lips smile at still being able to pick up Poe's scent in the bedding he laid on.
"You must be having a good dream," Poe chuckled, "but do you think you can wake up now? You've gotta be hungry after sleeping for so long. I made you some hot coffee and dinner. If you don't wake up, I'm gonna eat it all. And if I end up eating many more of your meals, I'll be too fat to get into my flight suit. So, wake up for me, okay, Finn?"
There was something about the sound of Poe's friendly voice delivering his name with that very slight inflection he had learned Poe didn't use when talking to anyone else. Just him. He wasn't sure why, but it made the smile on his lips widen and caused the heaviness over his eyes to suddenly vanish. His eyelids lifted and blinked, trying to make sense of the blurred outlines of the room he laid in and distorted shape of the young man who was seated at his bedside and talking to him.
"P-poe," he croaked, his face burning slightly at the weakness in his voice.
His vision cleared just in time to see Poe's handsome face breaking into a pleased grin.
"Welcome back from la la land," he laughed, "I'll bet you're hungry now."
A hard rumble quaked in Finn's deprived stomach as the savory scent of the food impacted with his fully restored senses.
"Oh my god, YES!" Finn said enthusiastically.
He lifted a shaky hand, then felt a little twinge in his belly as Poe's free hand touched his, stopping it and pushing it gently back down.
"Hey, you're still pretty groggy. Let me do it."
"Yeah, I guess your aim will be better than mine," Finn chuckled weakly.
His face burned hotter as he realized what he had said, and he heard Poe's relaxed, easy laugh.
"Hey, I'm the hotshot pilot. You're the gunner, man."
"R-right," Finn snickered, struggling into a seated position and looking around.
To his surprise, he wasn't in the infirmary.
"Is this your place?" he asked, sipping at the dark, hot liquid in the cup Poe brought to his lips.
"Yeah. It's not much, but it's bigger than most pilots get. I'm just glad to be out of the barracks, you know? I like my privacy."
"Damn, that coffee's good! Did you make that?" Finn asked.
"Uh-huh. There's more if you finish it," Poe informed him, pausing to wipe away a little dribble of the coffee that had escaped onto Finn's chin, "You want to try some food?"
"Did you make that too?"
"Yeah, it's one of the fun things about having my own space. I can cook for myself if I want to. My parents loved to cook. After they got out of the service, it was the thing they liked most about civilian life."
Finn started to answer, then froze, reeling as Poe fed him a bite of something hot, creamy and salty that exploded across his shocked senses and left him salivating for more.
"Oh man," he mused, blinking and staring at the plate on the tray, "I didn't know anything could taste that good."
Poe laughed again and fed him another large bite.
"You look like you've never had real food in your life," he commented.
"Well, I really haven't," Finn confessed.
Poe's smile faded and he fed Finn the next few bites in silence.
"It was rough growing up a stormtrooper, wasn't it?" he asked finally.
Finn nodded.
"I don't remember much from early on…just when they took me away from my parents. I lived in a barracks with a lot of other kids. We had to follow rules about everything. We all dressed the same, ate the same rations, did the same training every day and slept the same hours."
"Like worker bees," Poe said sympathetically.
"Right."
Finn accepted several more bites of food, then stole the tray from Poe and set it in his lap.
"I think I can manage now."
"Go for it," Poe said, nodding.
He remained sitting at Finn's side as his friend wolfed down the rest of his food and drained the coffee cup.
"I would have been punished for eating like a pig," Finn laughed anxiously, "The rules were really strict and the punishments were awful. And if you really screwed up and they gave up on you, they would use you for the executions practice."
"Executions practice?" Poe inquired, his face paling and his voice shaking slightly, "That's how a lot of our captured soldiers died. You mean, you…?"
"Oh, not me…luckily," Finn answered quickly, "See, that was the last step before being made an officer. They said that it was to show obedience to the leadership, and to prove that you put the First Order's pride above everything else. Anyone who failed, needed to die and officers had to be willing to kill them. I was just a rank and file soldier. I didn't want to be an officer. I figured out just how good I needed to be so I wouldn't be killed, but so I also wouldn't be put in the officer's program."
Poe let out an unsteady breath.
"I knew it must be pretty twisted, but I had no idea."
"Well, you learned a little about their ways when they captured you, didn't you? You were pretty beat up when I got you out."
"Y-yeah," Poe agreed in a softer voice, "Kylo Ren wanted information and he was willing to do whatever it took to get it out of me. I tried really hard to resist him. My parents had even practiced with me when I was little, but…there was no resisting that guy."
He drew an unsteady breath, reeling at the memory.
"Sorry," Finn apologized, "I didn't mean to bring back the bad stuff."
"Well, they were good at domination. I'll give'em that. I knew that whether I said anything or not, I wasn't walking out of there alive. I wouldn't have, if you hadn't saved me, Finn. I'm not going to forget that."
"Hey, it's not like I was being anyone's hero," Finn said, shaking his head, "I was in it to escape, end of story. I had heard you were the best pilot in the resistance and I figured you wanted to be out of there as badly as I did. I was a different person then. I didn't know the things I know now…the things that you and Rey taught me."
Poe gave him an oddly vulnerable looking smile.
"Like…?"
"You taught me how to think for myself, how to fight for the right things. You taught me about friendship. I'm glad we all came back alive."
"Yeah," Poe agreed softly, stealing the tray away and looking back over his shoulder as he refilled it, "me too."
"I hope she's okay."
"I'm sure she is," Poe said reassuringly, "She's smart, and from what I hear, she's a good fighter and pilot."
"Yeah…and I'm…"
Finn frowned as he accepted the tray back and took several more bites of his meal in silence.
"I don't know what happens now, Poe. I mean, I wasn't planning to join the resistance. I just wanted to get away. That's all that was in my mind before."
"You can still do that if you want," Poe said, giving him a sad smile, "No one's going to make you stay here, Finn. General Organa is just grateful for your help. She isn't going to put pressure on you to stay if you don't want to. You're free to make your own choice."
He went quiet for a moment, then flashed Finn a more charismatic smile.
"I was kind of hoping you would stay on. I mean, you're a damned good gunner. I wouldn't mind you flying with me sometimes. We go out on a lot of survey missions in two man rogues."
"Don't you have a wingman already?"
"No," Poe answered, looking down at his hands, "I did, but he was taken out just before my mission to Jakku. So, they're looking for someone to fly with me. I'd kind of like it if it was you. Not to put pressure on you or anything…"
"It's fine," Finn answered, smiling back at him, "I'm flattered. And I'll think about it. I don't know, though. I've never had much choice about anything I did, so it's a little overwhelming to have a whole life full of things to decide. But I would like to be close to you and Rey. I don't know if I want to be a fighter…"
"There are non-combat positions," Poe offered, "If you don't want to fight, you can still do something."
"Yeah," Finn laughed unsteadily, "I'll think about that…that and the million other things I have to figure out."
"Hey," Poe said, laying a hand on his forearm and locking eyes with him, "take your time. For now, you don't have to think about anything but getting well. You almost died, Finn. Don't rush things. Give your body a chance to recover."
Poe sighed softly and let go of Finn's arm. Finn's dark eyes followed him as he rose and walked into a partitioned off area of his quarters that appeared to be a dressing area.
"What're you doing?" Finn asked, taking another large bite of his food.
"Me?" Poe asked, "I'm getting ready for bed. I guess you don't know, being in here, but it's pretty late and I have to be up early for some status updates. I might be sent on some recon to figure out just how much of the First Order is left and how long it might take them to recover. I mean, this thing's not over…especially not as long as Snoke is alive and Kylo Ren is running around free."
Finn's jaws stopped moving for a moment as Poe removed his shirt and treated his injured friend to a handsome display of his muscular shoulders and fine carved breast, right down to the dusky, erect nubs.
Oh my god…
Finn frowned as Poe turned slightly to pick up a fresh nightshirt, revealing a number of large, healing bruises on his shoulders and back.
I shouldn't be looking. Should I say something? Damn…
"I uh…eh…those bastards did a number on you, didn't they?" he mumbled awkwardly around a mouthful of food, "That hurt a lot?"
"Naw, not so much now," Poe chuckled, "But it hurt like hell when they did it. Still, the shit they did to my body didn't hurt or scare me half as much as when that son of a bitch got into my head. You kind of know the rest of it's going to happen and there are little things you can do to try to protect yourself, but you can't really prepare for having your mind raped. That's on a whole different level."
Finn sighed and set his empty tray on the nightstand.
"I'm sorry he hurt you like that," he said sincerely, "I wish I'd gotten you out of there sooner."
"The important thing is that you got me out," Poe said, bending to remove his pants.
I'm glad he can't see when I blush. Just thinking about what he has uncovered behind that partition…
"They had all they wanted from me," Poe went on, "and they knew better than to hand me back to the resistance if they didn't want to pay for it with a bunch of their fighters' lives. I was sitting there, wondering if they'd be cruel about it, or if it would just be a quick thing. I think I'd just figured that while I was a notorious pilot, I wasn't all that important, so they'd probably make it fast unless they thought it would make resistance fighters more fearful if they tortured me more first."
"You thought that much about it?" Finn said, shaking his head, "I probably wouldn't have gotten past repeating, Oh my god, these guys are going to kill me!"
Poe bent over again, bumping into the partition and causing a slight separation…just enough to offer Finn a stunning glimpse of his long, pale, shapely leg and one soft looking, round buttock. Finn choked on an intake of breath and was sure his face must be fire engine red despite the dark tone of his skin.
Don't stare…don't stare…don't stare…ohmygodhe'scute! Don't stare, Finn!
He cleared his throat and looked away, pretending to study a picture on the wall as Poe emerged from behind the partition.
"That your folks?" Finn asked, trying to calm himself with normal conversation.
"Yeah," Poe confirmed, "It was taken just before my mom died."
"Sorry."
"She got sick," Poe explained, "It was ironic after how many times she cheated death as a fighter pilot. I became a pilot because of her."
"She must have been amazing…cause you're amazing," Finn said.
He sucked in a surprised breath at his own words and backpedaled madly.
"I…I mean, you're a great pilot, so it must run in the family," he corrected himself hastily.
"I like to think she'd be proud of me," Poe said, turning towards the door.
"Hey, where are you going?"
Poe looked back over his shoulder.
"To the barracks," he answered quietly, "I stayed with you while you were unconscious because I was worried you might need something during the night, but I don't have to…"
"I can go and sleep in the barracks," Finn offered, "You shouldn't have to give up your place."
"It's okay," Poe laughed good-naturedly, "You're still recovering. You wouldn't be comfortable in the barracks."
"You can stay here with me," Finn suggested, lowering his eyes, "I mean, conscious…unconscious, I'm just gonna be asleep too."
Poe gave him a curious look.
"You uh…you don't mind?" he asked, giving Finn a sideways glance.
"No, it's your room. You were really great to share it with me and take care of me like this. You're a good friend, Poe."
"Thanks," Poe said, turning back towards the bed.
He seemed to move in slow motion, his brown eyes closing slowly and opening again as he strode across the room, a little flutter going through the wavy ends of his hair.
Whoa…
Before Finn quite realized what was happening, Poe was sliding into the bed beside him and reaching over him to turn off the light that glowed over the top of the headboard. The light clicked off, leaving the two facing each other and intimately close.
"Goodnight, Finn," Poe said softly, looking into his eyes.
"G-goodnight, Poe," Finn answered.
I wonder if he can hear my heart pounding. It seems so loud. How can he not hear it?
Finn swallowed hard, clenching his teeth as Poe laid back and gazed up at the ceiling.
"Are you comfortable? Warm enough?" Poe asked, a sleepy edge to his voice.
"Yeah, fine," Finn managed, "Thanks."
"Sure."
Finn closed his eyes and tried to drift off, but couldn't let himself sleep, knowing that Poe was so close and barely not touching him.
We slept alone in the barracks at the training hall. We knew there were surveillance cameras. We were always watched. But some of the boys knew their beds weren't fully visible to the cameras and they'd touch each other under the blankets. There were no girls.
He peeked out of the corner of an eye and realized the Poe was gazing silently up at the ceiling.
"You having trouble drifting off?" he asked.
"A little," Poe confessed.
"If I'm making you uncomfortable," Finn said, starting to sit up, "I can…"
He froze as Poe's hand curled around his arm, stopping him and leaving him staring wordlessly into Poe's widened eyes.
"No," Poe said quickly, "you're not…"
He paused, still looking into Finn's eyes and trying to remember what he had been about to say.
"I have nightmares since…you know…" he said finally, "Sometimes, it seems like he's still in my head…hurting me."
"It takes a while to forget something like that," Finn said numbly, looking down to where Poe's hand was still wrapped around his arm.
"Yeah."
Poe let out a nervous breath.
"If I was five, I'd go and crawl in with my folks. It's been forever since those days, but I still remember how safe it felt, you know?"
Finn looked back at him wordlessly.
"Oh," Poe said, his face falling, "Sorry, Finn. I forgot that you were taken away from your parents."
"I've never slept this close to anyone," Finn confessed softly, "It does feel safe…and really, really warm."
Finn's heart melted at the smile that overtook Poe's face at his admission.
"It's good for both of us then," Poe concluded, letting go of Finn's arm and lying back on his pillow.
"Poe?" Finn began.
"Hmm?"
Poe's head turned and their eyes met again. Finn took a shaky breath, his mind going into a spin as he focused on his friend's handsome face and soft, smiling lips. He couldn't think of anything at all to say and he was surprised that Poe remained silent and waiting far longer than he needed to.
God, could he possibly be thinking what I am?
Or is he completely confused by the way I'm…
Finn's thoughts escaped him suddenly as those soft, warm lips he'd been staring at came closer and touched his lightly.
Oh…my…fucking…god!
They kissed once, twice and a third time with just their lips touching. Then, Poe's smiling lips parted and Finn's tongue plunged in deep, sliding along his friend's and caressing it longingly. Poe was still smiling widely as their lips broke away from each others' and the two men laughed softly. Poe turned away and laid down, and Finn wasn't sure how he knew to curl up snugly to his back and wrap strong arms around him. Finn's face flushed hotly and he wasn't sure how he'd ever fall asleep, so he kissed Poe gently on the back of his neck and buried his nose in his friend's hair and the back of his shoulder. Neither man said a word, but Finn didn't have to wonder what it meant when Poe's hands slid along his grasping arms and curled around his hands.
I hope this night doesn't end.
I could lie here like this forever.
I've never been in love.
Could that be what this is?
He remained awake as Poe's breathing slowed and fell into a gentle rise and fall.
You're amazing, Poe Dameron.
Yeah…this must be what love feels like.