A/N: I've been itching to write a new fic. And omg SURPRISE it's to an ADAM PASCAL song! –palmface- I seriously need to stop. But I love his music. And I can find a story in every song. Anyway, it's a small bit depressing. Try to enjoy. R&R.
Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Ringing in my Ear lyrics belong to Adam no middle name Pascal, and the lovely characters of Roger, Marky and April belong to the amazing Mr.Larson.
So scared to love, so cared to take a fall
Afraid of god and sex, why do I wake up at all
Today I'd like to stay at home,
hide myself from all the world
It had been three months since April had passed, and as hard as he tried, Roger had gotten to the point where he had been living, literally, in his room, for those whole three months.
He had kept himself inside his room, seldom leaving the small space. Once or twice he'd get up to take a shower or get a glass of water, but 80 of the time was just him and his guitar. He was convinced that that was all that he needed in his life now, because, after all, what had he contributed to society, and even now, what could he could contribute to the rest of the world?
It's hard to see, but yet it's in your eyes
I'm just an empty shell, holding on for dear life
You got one over, you really won me over
He had never fallen for anybody quite the way he had fallen for her. It was stupid, he knew it, and he knew that he should have never let somebody into his life like that. He felt bitter towards her. He felt like it had been his fault. AIDS was a two way street after all. He could wrap his head around the fact that she had left him there, without explanation of why she did it. Didn't he deserve one?
It started raining down from puddles above
It's too much information
still I can't get enough
But then once in a while
I take a break from the weight of the world
Go walking for miles, just to see you again
Every now and then he'd visit her grave. Sometimes Mark would tag along, usually keeping his distance from Roger while he sat there, giving a blank stare at the stone. The day of the funeral hadn't been easy. He still didn't know how he paid for it, considering he blew half his money on drugs and the rest on April. He had a feeling Mark had sold some film or something in order to scrounge enough money together. It was the kind of thing that you thank somebody for, but Roger suddenly had a hate-on for practically everything and everybody he knew, so thanking somebody wasn't on the top of his priority list.
The night is gone the sun is on the rise
I step out from underneath,
love is pain and truth is lies
Days turned into weeks, months turned into years. Everything blurred together now, nothing really mattered. Mark always tried to get him to go out somewhere, even after Maureen broke up with him (that didn't really bother Roger at all considering he never did like Maureen. Her 'look at me' attitude was enough to make Roger happy to give up women.).
He promised himself that he would never, ever, fall into the trap of any girl again. It wasn't worth the pain, it wasn't worth the suffering, and it wasn't worth the virus.
Unbeknownst to him, in a year, or maybe even a little more, this would all change. He just had to wait, and he just needed faith.
You got one over, you really won me over
It started raining down from puddles above
There's too much information,
still I can't get enough
I understand it still it don't make it clear
Am I the only one around who can hear?