A/N: Work is whipping my rear right now along with prior commitments so the writing is very SLOW at the moment on NTB, PTPoNR, and DiL. I'm sorry for that. However, I'm still here and actively pursuing all three stories. I'm also popping out a silly OS every now and then when I can't get my mind around anything more complicated. There will probably be three stand alone OS's (or Two Shots) in this series before it's done; all in a similar vein. Thank you for your patience on the other. It's greatly appreciated.~Calla
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Watching the door from her seat at a prime table, Lisbon waited for Jane to join her for a change. She'd been sitting here for a good quarter hour perusing the impressive menu and the more impressive prices wondering where he was. This was so not like him to leave her sitting without a courtesy call considering this was a personal evening.
Besides, it had taken him almost three months to wear her down. To get her consent to having dinner with him at yet another prestigious eatery on her coveted "Must Do" list. Not that they didn't have dinner together and hadn't for years. They did…often…just not like this. She couldn't exactly explain the difference. Cooking or eating take-out at her place was intimate. She couldn't deny that. It just was. How could it not be? They were alone.
It just wasn't intimate.
Not like this.
To Jane's credit, he'd wisely not mentioned the dreaded four letter word again. Not even casually in passing. The one beginning with a "d" and ending with an "e" he'd dared spout so casually that other time when she'd turned him down flat. While she was perfectly willing to let him foot the bill for another triple digit meal; she wasn't willing to call this tête à tête a d-a-t-e. That was a line she still wasn't willing to cross.
Not now; not ever.
Jane could just get over it.
This was, instead, a well deserved celebratory dinner between two dear friends. Lisbon conveniently ignored the fact her current argument didn't hold water for a very obvious reason. The one saying, if that were true, their meal would be Dutch Treat not Jane paying her way. Deciding her consultant owed her for the hell he put her through on this latest case, Lisbon ignored the nasty little voice whispering she was only deluding herself. The voice that was a frequent annoyance over the years and overly fond of stating the obvious she was equally competent at ignoring.
Like a date was still a date even when disguised as a private case closed dinner.
Dismissing that obnoxious, know-it-all voice out of hand, Lisbon glanced at her watch a little surprised Jane still wasn't here. Especially considering she was the one summoned for a last minute meeting with Bertram concerning how to best handle the Press. Figuring out damage control had taken a good half hour longer than she'd expected.
And none of the steps they'd discussed would have been necessary if she weren't dealing with a couple of well-heeled Kinkapoos living their lives like something out of a '90's porno flick….one with a decent story line in addition to the sordid sex. She'd made the mistake of saying that to Jane once. She'd never said it again. He'd teased her mercilessly about her "unexpected viewing habits." It hadn't mattered any such "viewing habits" had been part of solving a number of cases over the years. He'd taunted her just the same. There was something about seeing her blush that made his day.
Catching her server's eye, Lisbon ordered a glass of Cabernet Franc before losing herself in her thoughts yet again. No one, absolutely no one, had been expecting the twists and turns this last case had taken…Starting with the players…All rich and powerful…All seriously bent…Her least favorite kind of murder.
All she could say was thank goodness it was finally over.
Running over the case in her mind, Lisbon could do nothing but shake her head. She still got faintly queasy contemplating the details. While she wasn't quite the prude Jane made her out to be; some things were still disgusting. And this murder was one of them. As much it pained her to admit, the investigation had been filled with plenty of hurl worthy moments.
Starting with Kinkapoo One who wasn't quite the sweet young ingénue she pretended to be. If she were, as Jane had quickly noted, she wouldn't be doing her husband's nearest business competitor in their cabana while he was at work. She'd not asked how he knew that. She did not want to know...Particularly not when it turned out to be true.
Then there was Kinkapoo Two, her old money CEO husband who was doing equally unspeakable things with his regular ginger haired Dominatrix at the swanky, underground sex club no one was supposed to know about. Again, she had Jane to thank for that outing and thank him she had. She could have lived the rest of her life without the visions now looping through her head.
If all of that weren't enough, she'd had to add the actual crime to the mix.
As sordid as the Hoffstaeder's lives might have seemed, the truly kinky event was the scantily clad ex-wife hanging dead as a door nail off the master bedroom balcony by one mile long leg with one hell high stiletto still clinging to one elegant foot. That scene had needed some serious explaining by anyone's standards and no one involved seemed to have the right answers. Well, none they were willing to share.
Especially not when forensics indicated Gina McBride had been intimate with both spouses shortly before her death clearly making the Hoffstaeder's suspects number one and two. Lisbon had realized from the git-go they had an unholy mess to unravel.
But unravel it they had. Largely thanks to Jane. What was unusual about that?
Speaking of Jane, he'd better be making his grand entrance in a few or he was about to miss out on that swanky celebratory dinner she was moments away from ordering. The one that would go on her credit card as she wasn't about to let this opportunity go to waste. As disappointing as it might be to miss out on his company, she'd survive.
It wasn't the first time she'd eaten at a restaurant alone and it wouldn't be the last. She already knew there was a decadent cheese plate, a Caesar Salad, and a perfectly seared steak with her name on it. She'd already spotted it on the menu. One lightly covered in a fragrant red wine mushroom sauce accompanied by truffled French fries that would go a long way towards salving her wounded pride. The seasoned, steamed baby pitty pan squash and pumpkin chocolate cheesecake would do the rest. Not to mention the delicious glass of wine she was currently sipping.
Lifting her menu, Lisbon caught her server's eye subtly letting him know she was ready when he was and laughed at the not so subtle wink. She'd thought the kid was flirting with her earlier; but, that cinched it. He was definitely flirting…and all of a half-step up from jail bait on a good day. But, he was a looker. Ballsy, too, she'd give him that much. Prime Cougar bait…But, not for her. She wasn't remotely interested in adding that label to the list. She'd hand the kid something else. He vaguely reminded her of Jane in one of his more roguish moments so his audacity wasn't all bad.
And speaking of the missing golden haired devil…How like her consultant to be sliding in the chair across from her when she'd finally accepted he'd stood her up.
"Sorry I'm late." Jane said apologetically. "The D.A.'s office called wanting to go over some aspects of my statement. It took much longer than it should as they wanted a very unnecessary face to face. I think the new A.D.A. just wanted an excuse to flirt. Added to that, traffic is abysmal this time of night as I'm sure you already know. Oh, I tried to call you a few times; but, the signal never went through."
"That happens sometimes." Lisbon accepted his explanation for not calling as plausible knowing there were plenty of dead spots en route where the signal didn't always work.
"For the record, I never once considered standing you up." Jane said softly as he perused the Wine List.
"That's good to know." Lisbon said. "I was starting to wonder."
"No, you weren't." Jane called her on it. "It took me too long to get you to come out with me to throw it all away."
"This isn't a date, Jane, so don't go thinking it is." Lisbon corrected him.
"How about we agree to disagree on that point?" Jane said. "You call it what you want and I'll call it what I want. It's only semantics."
"It's not a date." Lisbon repeated firmly.
"Whatever." Jane abandoned the argument giving Lisbon a very blatant once over.
His companion was looking particularly soft and feminine as she had been that other night and every bit as lovely. He certainly appreciated the extra effort she'd put into her appearance especially considering she'd not had the easiest of days. She'd had to deal with a rather recalcitrant perp she'd quickly shown who was boss with a knee between the shoulders. After she brought him face to face with asphalt using one of her infamous running dives.
If that wasn't enough, he knew she'd left immediately after her meeting with Bertram to swing by her place to change when she was already running short on time. He'd watched her go before leaving for his meeting with A.D.A. Touchy Fingers. Unlike Lisbon, he hadn't had to swing by his place once he finally made his escape although he briefly felt like he needed a bath. And while, unlike Lisbon, he hadn't brought down any stinky, oil covered perps, he had had to deal with the new A.D.A. undressing him with her eyes. While a good looking woman, she hadn't remotely interested him.
Before it was over, he'd wanted to kindly ask her to keep her eyes, and her fingers, to herself.
Turning his thoughts back to Lisbon, Jane gave her a knowing smirk enjoying the blush suddenly staining her cheeks at the realization he knew she was wearing matching lingerie under that tomato red silk tank. Everything was just a bit perkier than normal and, unbeknownst to Lisbon, a tiny bit of red lace was peeping from where it shouldn't. Jane decided there was no reason to tell her that. It wasn't visible to anyone else and he rather enjoyed her faint air of dishabille.
"If it makes you feel better, we can talk about work. I seriously doubt the Hoffstaeder's business interests are going to survive the scandal. Not that it really matters; they're both going away for a very long time as they should." Jane started.
"Do we even have a clear cut motive?" Lisbon asked.
"Greed." Jane took a sip from the glass of wine he'd picked up at the bar when he'd stopped by to greet Jeri, his favorite Bartender, on his way through.
"Greed?" Lisbon asked.
"Plain, simple, greed." Jane flipped opened his menu although he was intimately familiar with every item.
"Explain yourself." Lisbon was curious exactly what Jane had learned and how he'd learned it.
The last she'd heard, no one had a clear cut motive for the murder and that had been a scant couple of hours ago.
"The way it looks, the ex-Mrs. Hoffstaeder decided she wasn't happy with the settlement she'd agreed to in the divorce which was quite generous by the way." Jane didn't have to say he was talking about their victim, Gina McBride, for Lisbon to know. "Apparently, she suddenly threatened to tell the world about her ex's little ginger headed friend with the whips and chains.
Darren Hoffstaeder then threatened to tell the world why he'd really traded in his first wife after twenty years of marriage. It wasn't because he'd found a younger model who'd tolerate his fetishes. As strange as it seems, that came after the divorce. Minus his peccadillos which didn't include intercourse, he was a faithful man.
It seems his threats were enough to halt the ex-missus in her tracks."
"That sounds like more than infidelity." Lisbon stared avidly at Jane deciding he spun a pretty good tale.
"It was definitely infidelity; but, with a little twist. It seemed Gina liked her girlfriends better than her husband and Darren got tired of sharing her. While he was tolerant of her habits for a while, every man has his breaking point. He finally reached his. I can't say I blame him. I don't like sharing."
"I never thought you did." Lisbon commented.
"It seems as well that he had the evidence to back up his charges. From what I've been told, the victim never knew her ex-husband had incriminating photos and videos as it hadn't been necessary to use such threats when their marriage ended. Their initial parting had been amicable and the division of assets considered fair on both sides. Times quickly changed over the next three years.
From what A.D.A Amy shared, things were at a pretty nasty stalemate for a while until the two Hoffstaeders and McBride decided to call a truce. The rest is history.
Gina decided, now that they were friends again, that it was all right to start playing kinky little games with both spouses and ended up dead for her trouble. "
Lisbon rolled her eyes at Jane's words. She'd expected something like this. The evidence had all pointed in this direction. Carrying the scenario out to its natural conclusion, she decided both sides probably started making threats and Darren wasn't the only one with the incriminating proof this go around. At some point, the threats probably started flying again. The Hoffstaeder's had reacted predictably by getting together to neutralize the threat.
Unfortunately, Gina hadn't responded exactly as they'd anticipated to the lethal cocktail of drugs in her system. She'd ended up taking a header off the master suite balcony and getting caught halfway down in the trees and Bougainvillea instead dying quietly in her lover's bed. Her awkward demise created a situation no one anticipated when a nosey neighbor's call to the SACPD ended any hope of disappearing the body with none the wiser.
So much for any plans Darren and Susie Hoffsteader had along the lines of offing Gina and dumping her body in the nearest landfield. That so wasn't happening as nothing had gone according to plan. If that wasn't bad enough, Jane had come along to draw the noose even tighter.
Lisbon smirked at her dinner companion's self-satisfied expression. She could so read every though winding through his head. He was thinking the whole darned thing was pretty half-baked and doomed to failure from the start. But, at least their perps had a plan which was more than he could say for most criminals. Especially the rich ones who thought their assets could buy them out of anything.
"Well, I'd say that's enough shop talk for the evening." Jane said as he closed his menu. "While I know you've already decided what you want to eat, I can assure you there are better ways to start our meal than that cheese plate you're contemplating."
Lisbon did not want to know how he did that.
"If you'll allow it, Geoffrey will prepare something that's not on the menu." Jane promised.
"You can do that?" Lisbon asked. "Order something that's not on the menu?"
"I have a little bit of pull with the Executive Chef." Jane admitted. "What do you say?"
"Yeah, I guess; if you can really pull it off." Lisbon gave him a look saying she wasn't exactly sure what all of this was about; but, he better not pull any Jane crap in the middle of a fancy restaurant.
"I can pull it off." Jane said as he rose to his feet. "Just give me a minute."
Walking over to their server who was clearly waiting on Jane's next move, Lisbon watched the young man nod his head before confidently disappearing back through the swinging doors separating the dining room from the kitchen.
"Consider it done." Jane slipped back into his chair.
"Do I want to know how you know this place takes off menu requests?" Lisbon asked quietly.
"It's nothing nefarious I can assure you." Jane said equally quiet. "Teresa, I had a life before you. One where I did some very good things and some very bad; but, I had a life. Sometimes that past life intersects the here and now. This is one of those times.
Geoffrey McKinney's first restaurant was in Malibu, and while he was never a client, he quickly became a friend. As a friend, he graciously offered to make some of his old specialties for my special lady and I graciously accepted. That's how I know he'll take off-menu requests.
If you want to know something else, we're not paying for any of this."
"Why not?" Lisbon's curiosity was thoroughly aroused.
"It's Geoffrey's way of thanking me for helping him with his first restaurant. While I did invest modestly in his success, the biggest thing I did was urge my well-heeled clientele in the direction of the marvelous little place I'd discovered. The atmosphere was quaint, the food was delicious, and it was somewhere they could let their hair down without causing a stir. It wasn't long before Hole in the Wall took off and Geoffrey was able to move on to bigger and better things. He's never looked back and he's never let go of Malibu. His brother runs the place and it's still going strong." Jane wrapped up his spiel with a well deserved sip of wine.
"Hole in the Wall?" Lisbon's eyebrow couldn't raise any higher.
"That's what it was and that's what he named it." Jane smirked at her disbelief. "Now he owns four."
"You're kidding me." Lisbon shook her head.
"I assure you I'm not." Jane countered her disbelief. "If you don't believe me, look the name up on the Internet."
"It's real." Lisbon said.
"They're real." Jane agreed. "I'll take you to the original sometime."
"I'd like that." Lisbon said before she could stop herself.
"Consider it a date." Jane dared her to challenge his choice of words knowing she darned well would.
As he'd commented several times over the years, Lisbon would argue over anything if the mood struck.
"What did you order?" Lisbon's curiosity got the best of her.
"Live dangerously." Jane said. "Take a guess."
"Something shrimpy." Lisbon took a stab in the dark knowing Jane's fondness for the Crustaceans.
"Maybe." Jane said evasively. "Why don't you see for yourself?"
"Oh, wow." Lisbon watched Kevin set the two platters in front of them filled with grilled shrimp accompanied by a horseradish infused Cocktail Sauce and a decadent Oyster Sampler with Champagne Mignonette. "I think you need to tell me exactly how friendly you still are with one of Sacramento's top Chefs to warrant something like this. This is more than just a casual favor for an old friend. You didn't blackmail him did you?"
She wouldn't put it past Jane considering he'd known him before.
"No, I didn't." Jane said morosely. "And good enough he'll eventually wander over here to try to steal my date."
"I'm not your date." Lisbon corrected him as she speared a shrimp.
"Don't tell Geoffrey that." Jane warned her. "He's currently between lady friends and he's never dated a cop. He'd find you a delectable morsel."
"Shush, Jane." Lisbon rolled her eyes as she dipped her shrimp in sauce. "I'm not telling him anything."
"I'm not kidding, Lisbon." Jane said gently. "Geoffrey will hit on you before the night is over."
"Let him." Lisbon snorted. "That's kind of tacky and it won't get him anywhere."
"Maybe it is at that." Jane smirked knowing Lisbon was going to be a hard nut to crack.
What was he worried about? It had taken Lisbon years to fully warm up to him. She wasn't going to instantly fall for Geoffrey's obvious charms. He should know better and maybe he did. He just needed to hear it from her lips.
That he just had was a good thing considering the charming devil in question was currently headed straight for their table in full Lady Killer mode.