Hello people, Obsessedwithalmosteverything here! Phew, I'm finally done with my first chapter of the rewrite. It took longer than I thought, but fortunately I finally finished it. The plot of the story hasn't really changed, just the characters and the situations. I hope you guys like it. Anyways,
Enjoy (I hope)
Long, long ago, when the pyramids were still young, there was a boy named Atem. But he was no ordinary boy, for he was the son of the great Pharaoh of Egypt; Akhnankadin.
Mystery surrounded him because of his personality. He was rude and coldhearted to everyone, except one person; his mother. So, when she dissappeared, seemingly into thin air, he turned his back to everyone, even his own father.
He never said anything to anyone, unless it was necessary, and when he did, his voice betrayed no emotion.
Everyone cowered in fear when he walked by, because the second he snapped his finger you could be enslaved, and his slaves always got the worst beatings.
His father wasn't happy with his behavior, but he knew he couldn't stop him, for one was not to mess with the One.
But he knew that somewhere, there was a one who could change him for the better, and he hoped he would find that person soon. Every night, he prayed to Ra he would find his son's savior, and one day, his prayers were answered.
Atem was sixteen when it happened. One day, when he was hunting with his father, he came across a girl, a person who would change history.
"Rashim, I think I see something through this cloud of sand.", he said to his most loyal servant, the one who got punished least.
"I think I see it too, My Prince."
"Yes, I agree.", the mighty Pharaoh Akhnankadin said, "I suppose we are to investigate it."
"Father, it's an animal for sure. Can't we just shoot it from here?"
"No, we can't. We have to be absolutely sure."
"But then I will have to go all the way over there, and that's so much work. Can't we just let one of our servants do it?"
"No, we can't. Now quit whining. It doesn't suit a prince."
"Yes Father.", Atem sighed. He always thought his father was so demanding, unlike his mother. Thinking of her always brought tears to his eyes, so he prefered not to.
He quickly shook his head to clear his thoughts and ran towards the figures in the cloud of sand. "Atem!", his father shouted at him, "Come back this instant! Don't make rash decisions!"
'Like I care!', Atem thought. He was never one to listen to his father, or anyone for that matter.
But as he rode on his horse towards the figures, something in the air changed, Atem could sense it. Curious, he ran even faster towards it. But what he saw surprised him.
'These figures aren't animals!', he thought, 'They are soldiers!'
The figures were indeed soldiers, Persian soldiers in fact. The closer he got, the more apparent it became that they weren't alone.
'That's weird. They seem to be hitting someone.'
And again, he was right. They were hitting someone. But not just someone, it was the person his father had prayed every night for to find, the one that would change his life, the one that would change the history and course of the world.
"Hey you!", one of the soldiers shouted to him, "You ain't seein' nothin'! Now walk away before we do somethin' really bad to ya!"
Atem was furious. How dare such a low peasant talk to him like that. He would make sure they would be punished for their insolence.
"You bastard! How dare you speak to me like that, you scum! Do you even know who you're talking to?"
"Why should I care? Now go away and leave us alone, or we'll take ya with us and dump ya with the freak!"
"Do you dare threaten me? I am Atem, feared Prince of Egypt, and you will be killed for this brutality, for I will not tolerate this kind of speech to anyone of royalty!"
"And we're all s'posed to believe this? Come on guys, let's get'em!"
All the soldiers stopped with what they were doing and started walking towards him.
"My Prince!", Atem heard Rashim shout, "Where are you, My Lord?"
He smiled when he heard him. He knew Rashim and his father would be here in time to capture these soldiers. That's when his attention got drawn to a moving bundle of clothes on the ground.
? POV
I flinched as I got hit.
And again.
And again.
And again.
I had given up any hope of being found.
We had been walking through the desert for what felt like a week, but was probably only two or three days. I hadn't eaten since we left, and I had collapsed from hunger and thirst.
That's when they started this.
They had been punching me for a few minutes when I heard a horse. 'Saved!', I thought.
But it was probably just an innocent passenger, who would run away as soon as he saw them.
Suddenly, one of the soldiers stopped punching me. "Hey you!", I heard him shout, "You ain't seein' nothin'! Now walk away before we do somethin' really bad to ya!"
I sobbed when I heard silence. He probably ran away. I was surprised when I heard him answer.
"You bastard! How dare you speak to me like that, you scum! Do you even know who you're talking to?"
I was surprised when I heard his voice. It sounded so mature and so deep, like no one could touch him, but also completely void of any kind of emotion besides anger. It also sounded so familiar, even though I never even met him.
Apparentely the soldiers noticed that I was lost in my thoughts, because one kneed me in the stomach, and another hit me in my face. This broke me out of my trance.
Suddenly they stopped hitting me.
Seeing this as an opportunity to escape, I quickly crawled away, as far as I could.
But then I felt like I was being watched. And I still don't know why, but it was like someone was forcing me to turn around and look at my savior.
When I did, I couldn't have been more surprised.
Oh My God! A cliffhanger. Yeah, it probably wasn't that exciting, but it could've been worse. Anyways, let me know if you like this story, and, of course, if you see any grammatical or other errors. I'm not amazingly good at English. I hope you liked it and I will update as soon as possible.
BYE
Obsessedwithalmosteverything