Dance; Ten. Looks; Three

A/N: This is actually meant o be a parody. For my friends, they know I love theater arts, and many of my jobs have been technical crew for various shows. The one I'm doing right now, is called 'A Chorus Line', in which I run the light board. (Meaning I do all the lighting for the show). I have seen the show about 10 times, and I know the whole thing by heart Also, I know this isn't interesting, but this song is called "Tits and Ass", and I thought it would be a funny Sakura fanfic, so I decided to write it while looking for something to do. I hope you like it...

And for some reason it's come to my attention that some people think AU means high school fanfic. AU means Alternate Universe.

This is meant to be humors, I like Sakura fine, but I thought it would be funny to write this. No offense is targeted towards Sakura.

Summary[SasuSaku[AU Sakura is in a chorus line to see if she can get the lead female role so she can get a kiss from her high school sweet heart, Sasuke. She sings her little song and dances so she can get into the musical. ALl the other girls have also come to get into the show, who will be choosen to be the female lead and with it, get the kissing scene with Sasuke[Comedy

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Sakura smirked and stepped out of line. She was at an audition for a line in a play she had seen about 100 times since she was a small girl. It was her favorite musical, and guess who had the lead?

Uchiha Sasuke!!

She wanted to squeal and just jump into his lap, begging him to get her the main female lead. She knew that would be a good idea, but she knew that with Sasuke in her pocket, they'd have no choice but to hire her, right?

She looked around the panel of judges. They all wanted her to relax and sing a small song with a dance to tell if she was good enough. She knew she was, and almost all the girls in town ahd tried out.

Sasuke was the best thing that ever happened to their small town. He was amazing. He started out as an orphan and then wound up singing and dancing on Broadway, in movies, musicals, solo albums anything you can name, Sasuke did and could do. He had it all, money, fame, fortune, a marvelous future.

Well... there was one thing he didn't have and didn't seem to want to acquire yet. A good woman. A strong woman, a woman who would take care of him, someone he could depend on, someone who would love him.

Sakura went to high school with him. She smiled and then looked over the judges again.

"Tell me about how you started." He said, smiling at her sweetly. He was quite attracted to her, she was beautiful indeed.

She stepped forward, out of line of woman waiting to be picked to talk to the director and producer. As a light was put on her to bring her attention to everyone else, the lights dimmed slightly, Sakura smiled and winked at Sasuke who was sitting with everyone else.

"Well.. I never saw the red shoes, I never cared about the red shoes, I couldn't give a fuck about the red shoes..." She said, glaring at Tenten, one of the other girls who talked about seeing the Broadway play when she was a little girl.

She continued however on a different note. "But once I turned 18, I kissed the folks goodbye, got on the first train to Tokyo and here I am!"

Sakura sighed slightly and then looked up at the ceiling. She continued smiling slightly. "I wanted to be a Rockette. And there's not story behind it, like I fell in lveo with it or I saw it on Broadway.." She said, looking towards Tenten once more.

"I decided to be a Rockette because this girl in my hometown – Mitarashi Anko – had actually gotten out and made it in Tokyo. And she was a Rockette. Well, she came home for Christmas to visit, and they gave her a parade. A god damn PARADE! I twirled a friggin' baton for two hours in the rain." Sakura looked at Sasuke again, knowing he remembered when she made it. He wasn't really paying attention, he was reading a script, not that she blamed him. A bunch of girls jsut came to treat him like eye candy. She knew him.

She smirked. "Unfortunately though, she got knocked over Christmas..." She trailed off as she leaned forward and waved slightly in a teasing manner. "Merry Christmas Anko... And then she never made it back to Radio City."

She stood up straight once more and then at Sasuke quickly. She needed to stop getting distracted by how handsome he looked.

"That was my plan. Tokyo, Japan, here I come! Except I had one minor problem... See, I was ugly as sin! I was ugly, skinny, homely, unattractive, and flat as a pancake." She moved her hands over her chest as she said the last part, taking the attention of the men on the panel to her chest, even Sasuke looked up at her.

"Get the picture?" She asked sighing.

"Anyway, I got off the bus wearing my little white shoes, with my little white tights, in my little white dress, and my little ugly face. And my long pink hair. I looked like a fucking NURSE!" She said, referring to where she had once went to school. She had a masters degree in medicine, but she wanted to dance. She wanted to be the people in movies, on tv. She wanted to be with Sasuke!

"I got off the bus with 9,903.10 yen in my pocket. (which is about 86 US dollars) And with my seven years of tap and acrobatics I could do a 180 degree split and come out tapping the morse code. Well with that kind of talent I figured the mayor would be waiting for me at Port Authority." She said smiling slightly, at the day dream she once had. But no... nothing like that happened. Did it? She questioned herself. Of course not. To her? Never!

"WRONG!" She yelled, making one of the woman on the panel jump slightly.

"I had to wait six months for an audition. But finally, the big day came. I showed up at the music hall with my red patent leather tap shoes. And I did my little tap routine. And this man said to me: "Can you do fan kicks?" Well sure! I could do terrific fan kicks, But..." She trailed off, sighing slightly. She hated this part of her life. When she was in the slums.

Sakura sighed slightly at the unpleasant memory. She had hated that man, but oh now she had shown him. She had become beautiful, perfect even.

"But they weren't good enough." She said, her eyes starting to get watery at the unhappy memory. "Of course, what he was trying to say was... it was the way I looked, not the fan kicks. So I said: "Fuck you Radio City and the Rockettes, I'm gonna dance on Broadway!" She said smiling slighlty, glad she had finally gotten Sasuke to look up from his script.

"Well.." She said, sighing once more. "Broadway – same story. Every audition. I mean I'd dance rings around the other girls and find myself in the alley with all the other rejects." She smirked slightly at her next few thoughts as she looked over at Ino quickly.

"But you know, after I while I caught on. I mean, I have eyes! I saw what they were hiring." She said, looking over at Ino, her ex-best friend. Someone who was flawlessly perfect. Long blonde hair, a beautiful body, curves like a cul-de-sac, body banging, no corset, and men all around her, trying to get her name number, or know anything about her.

"I also swiped my dance card after an audition once. They gave me, for Dance, ten." Sakura held up ten fingers as she spoke.

"For looks..." She said, grudgingly, reducing the number of fingers she had by seven. "Three..." She said, now only holding up three fingers.

"WELL!" She said, loudly running down the stage. "Dance ten looks three! And still on unemployment, dancing for my own enjoyment!" She kicked up in the air.

This caught Sasuke's attention. He had always thought she was very attractive. They had been friends in high school, but never really close. He put his chin on his head and then smirked and looked up at what she was doing. He smirked slightly. She was so pretty, especially now as she danced before him.

Sakura kept dancing and singing. "That ain't it kid, that ain't it kid!" She mocked them as they told her what she didn't have.

Sasuke smirked. She seemed to have it so far. He had always liked Sakura's confidence in herself. It was impressive and it was something he had always liked about her. He smirked at her beautiful face as her hair moved around it. She looked so cute when she was mad, and he could tell she was mad. So many people had called her unattractive, made fun of her chest, her butt's size, how flat it was, and then there were her small breasts that got most of the attention. But now, she'd grown bigger. Or so, Sasuke thought...

"Dance: ten; Looks; three, I'd like to die!" She sang, kicking her foot up in the air and then seemed really annoyed.

"But then of course, I did something else, something much more constructive!" She said, instead of sang.

"Left the theater and
Called the doctor for
My appointment to buy..."

Sakura paused for a moment and then looked over at Sasuke quickly once more, back at Ino and then started to dance, turning around and showing her butt.

"Tits and ass.
Bought myself a fancy pair.
Tightened up the derriere.
Did the nose with it.
All that goes with it..."

She spun around twice and then smiled and put her hands so they where hovering over her chest as her smile stayed ever remaining on her face. She was right. This defiantly helped her, more so than anything. She sighed out to calm her slight nervous and then started to shake her hips as if she was a show girl.

"Tits and ass!
Had the bingo-bongos done.
Suddenly I'm getting national tours!
Tits and ass won't get you jobs
Unless they're yours..."

As se sang, Sakura put her hands over her chest, then on her hips right beside her butt. She shook her hips back and forth and laughed slightly. She smirked and raised her arms as she sung the long note of national tours and then shook her hips a bit more. Showing what you have will get you jobs, and she knew it. She shook her finger as she sung won't get you jobs, and then smirked wider as she held her arms open and shook her hips side to side and wrapped her arms around her waist as she sang the end.

"Didn't cost a fortune neither.Didn't hurt my sex life either..."

She took in a deep breath, starting to get slightly tired. She had no microphone and she had to make her voice make it to the middle of the auditorium. And it was tiring on the voice, more so then the body. But she pressed on. She had to be with Sasuke, had to. She lost the chance when they were in high school and she wouldn't loose it again. She glared at once of the girls and then winked at the guy beside him,

"Flat and sassy,
I would get the strays and losers.
Beggars really can't be choosers.
That ain't it, kid. That ain't it, kid..."

She opened her arms, welcoming any attention to her chest and thin waist. She knew Ino was thinner then her, but that was because of her diet. She was always dieting and it made Sakura sick,. Who could just eat certain foods? Sakura ate what she wanted and she was still thin. She sighed and then started to shake her hips once more as she sang the third line of the verse and then looked back and forth and pushed an imaginary person with her arms as she did the final one.

"Fixed the chasse.
"How do you do!"
Life turned into and
Endless medley of
"Gee it had to be you!"
Why?"

She gestured towards her breasts again and then smiled at the director and producer, both of which were male. She said louder, as she got all her confidence to return, ignoring the pain in her throat from singing so loud. She Bent down and put her hands on her knees as she shook her hips and then looked out at the audience once more. She looked at Sasuke, who she had gotten the full attention of.

"CHA!" Yelled Inner Sakura. "We got him!"

"Tits and ass!
Where the cupboard once was bare
Now you knock and someone's there.
You have got 'em, hey.
Top to bottom, hey..."

She put her arms in front of her chest once more and shook her shoulder, making her breasts move in the tight red body suit she was wearing. It made her feel good. She could dance, sing, and get Sasuke's attention. This part was so hers!

It's a gas!
Just a dash of silicone.
Shake your new maracas and you fine!
Tits and ass can change your life.
They sure changed mine..."

Sakura put her hands on her hips and gave a slight smile. She leaned forward and looked at the other girls in the line. "You're all looking at my tits now aren't you?" She asked happily.

"They aren't that big..." Tenten said dully, leaning against the wall and starting to get bored.

"I heard that you bitch!" Sakura said loud and annoyed. "I didn't want them like yours... I wanted them in proportion." She said smirking and then putting looking over at one of the other girls as she stepped out of line.

"I wouldn't mind have just one of yours!" Moegi said smiling at her.

"Well go out and buy them!" Sakura said happily, smiling at Sasuke again.

Moegi seemed embarrassed and then got back into the line and blushed.

"Have it all done.
Honey, take my word.
Grab a cab, c'mon.
See the wizard on
Park and Seventy-Third
For..."

Sakura put her hand to her face like she was telling a secret to a close female friend and told the woman in the audience her advice. She smiled and shook her hips a few times more. She loved shaking them, it made her look good, made her body move in all the right places and made her look so sexy as she did it.

"Tits and ass.
Orchestra or balcony.
What they want is whatcha see.
Keep the best of you.
Do the rest of you..."

She pranced around the stage, touching her sides, running her hands down them. She couldn't help it. Ever since she had gotten every thing done, she was perfect, flawlessly perfect, and she wanted everyone to know ti too.

"Pits or class.
I have never seen it fail.
Debutante or chorus girl or wife..."

Sakura seemed quite impressed with herself. She was amazing and she knew it. She ahd a smile on her face as she finished singing and she couldn't help but shake her hips once more as she finished and then bend down as she sang the end.

"Tits and ass,
Yes, tits and ass
Have changed...
My...
Life...!"

Sakura carried the last line for almost a minute and then smiled at the director and producer and waved. "Bye bye.." She said, smiling.

Sakura stepped back in line and the director went on to some of the other girls that were there to get the lead and with it, the many kissing scenes with Sasuke...

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A/n: Lmao. As you can see, I have a script with me. I needed to study my cues. I hope this was more funny then insulting, and I hope you enjoyed it.