A/N : Um, I don't know if anyone ever crossed these two shows before, and it may not be the best idea I ever had for a fanfiction, but if I entertain just one person, it'll be worth it... even if that one person is me! haha

Title : Going Home

Rating : PG-13

Summary : The four humanoids aboard the JMC transport vehicle Starbug had no idea that the sudden appearance of a timehole would land them back on Earth in the year 2002, in the state of Kansas, in a little town called Smallville... Crossover - Red Dwarf Series Six / Smallville Season 2

Disclaimer : All recognisable characters from 'Red Dwarf' belong to the wondrous gestalt entity that is Grant Naylor. All recognisable characters from 'Smallville' belong to DC Comics and Miller Gough Ink.

Chapter 1

Somewhere out in deep space, three million years from planet Earth, a large red ship as big as a city floated aimlessly amongst the stars. Its original crew of 1169 had died long ago from a radiation blast and the small posse of creatures that had inhabited it since had managed to misplace their home ship.

Dave Lister, born in 2155 and the last human being alive, co-piloted the Starbug, a green insectoid transport vehicle, along with a creature known simply as Cat, because of his origins from that species. Behind them, seated at their consoles, were an android called Kryten and a hologram of Lister's dead bunkmate, Arnold Rimmer. This motley crew steered their ship through the stars in the vain hope of first finding the Red Dwarf, and maybe, someday, the planet Earth, in their correct century. In truth, their search was almost completely pointless, but something drove them on.

"Hey man, check the scanners, something doesn't smell right" the Cat called back to Kryten.

Clearly, having evolved from felines gave the Cat a heightened sense of smell, as well as heightened vanity. He adjusted his lapels and took another deep breath as the dutiful android checked the monitors.

"Nothing in range, sir" Kryten reported, though he was careful of his tone, after all accusing the Cat of a mis-smelling would only offend.

"But it's there, I know it is" the feline protested, as was expected.

"What's there, Cat?" Lister was curious, since he couldn't see anything of interest beyond the plexiglass in front of him.

"Oh, just ignore him, Lister" Rimmer sneered, "You know what he's like. He's probably making it up so that we'll pay attention to him"

"Hey, watch it, Goalpost Head" Cat shot his favourite insult at the hologram, flashing his feline fangs as he did so.

Rimmer, as always, was unimpressed.

"Come on, we all know how vain you are" the hologram sighed, not having time for all this pointless prattle, it grew very wearing over time.

"Well, thanks very much" the Cat grinned, apparently genuinely happy "I'm glad you noticed"

Rimmer shook his head and went back to his console, and Lister sighed in annoyance.

"Rimmer, just leave him alone, man, he's not hurting you" glancing behind at Kryten he added, "Krytie, check the scanners on mid-range"

"Yes, sir" the mechanoid said, immediately, "Oh, er, sir, I think perhaps that will be unnecessary" Kryten continued, pointing out through the plexiglass windscreen.

Three pairs of eyes followed the mechanoids gaze to see the huge orange swirl that had appeared in the black sky, as if from nowhere.

"What the smeg is that?" Lister said astonished by the size of the entity and how quickly it had appeared.

"Begging your pardon, sir, but I do believe it is some sort of time hole" Kryten informed him as the four watched the swirl in the sky with increasing horror.

"A time hole?" Lister shook his head, "Oh no, not again. I remember the last one of those"

"The last one took us to Earth. What's wrong with that?" the hologram behind him asked.

"Backwards Earth, Rimmer, time was running backwards!" he was quickly told by the man in the pilot seat as he turned to look at him, counting points off on his fingers, "Eating was disgusting, a pint was not enjoyable, and I don't even wanna mention what happened when the Cat answered the call of nature in the bushes"

"Less said about that the better, bud" his feline friend agreed, before all attention was directed back to the windscreen by Kryten.

"Sirs, I don't believe we have time for a discussion" the mechanoid informed them, "The force of the time hole appears to be pulling us through. At present speed and course, I doubt we have more than two minutes before we are completely sucked in"

"Oh smeg, hit the reserve thrusters, man" Lister grabbed at the steering column in front of him and together he and the Cat tried to steer out of the pull of the time hole. Unfortunately, the force against them was too strong and the ship was quickly dragged into the centre.

"Come on, Clark, hurry up" Chloe called to her friend.

He appeared seconds later in his vampire costume and his friends looked suitably impressed.

"You look great" Lana smiled her sickly sweet smile as Clark flipped his cloak and flashed his fake fangs at the group.

Lana herself was of course a fairy princess, just like the day of the meteor shower, which Chloe found quite disturbing. Why would anyone want to remind themselves of such a tragic day? Pete was dressed as a mummy, rolled up in bandages, while Chloe was a sight to be seen in a tight black cat suit, pointed ears, tail and whiskers. She had noticed she received most of the two males attention, despite the fact that Lana was present, and although she was flattered that was not why she'd done it. Chloe was finally over Clark, and both him and Pete were simply friends to her now, nothing more and nothing less.

The four young people climbed into their specially sent limousine, courtesy of Lex Luthor, and were on their way to the mansion for a Halloween party.

Clark peered out of the window thoughtfully as the three other people chatted about nonsense.

"You okay, man?" Pete checked when he realised how quiet his friend was being.

"Yeah, I was just thinking" Clark sighed, "I've got the weirdest feeling about tonight"

"Well, it is Halloween, Clark, and a full moon" Chloe pointed out, "You're meant to feel strange, especially in Smallville"

Clark smiled and tried to put his thoughts to one side, but it wasn't easy. Something was going to happen, he was sure of it - he just didn't know what it was.

"Hold on to your wage packets, guys! We're going down" Lister yelled, grabbing hold of the seat with both hands.

Starbug hurtled through the time hole and then began a death dive towards the ground. A high pitched whistle rang out as their speed increased and gravity played its part, then suddenly it was all over.

A smash and a bang meant their journey had ended with a crash landing... again.

"What was that?" Clark said suddenly.

"What was what?" Chloe looked at him oddly, "I didn't hear anything"

"Oh, I did" Pete said quickly, covering for his not-so-average farmboy friend.

Of course he hadn't heard a sound but figured Clark's enhanced hearing had picked up on something. Since the girls had no idea about his friends secret, he had got used to covering in situations such as this, by making Clark's often seemingly strange actions and behaviour seem a little more normal.

"Stop the car please" Clark called to the driver and was out of the limo door before the wheels had even stopped turning.

Pete went immediately after him and Chloe and Lana moved to follow.

"You girls stay in the car, we won't be long" Pete told them knowing that if anything really was wrong it would be easier for Clark to solve the problem with his powers and without either Lana or Chloe watching.

Lana agreed immediately, not really wanting to go out into a dark and potentially dangerous situation anyway, but Chloe looked set to argue about it.

"You'll stay with Lana, won't you, Chloe?" Pete insisted and the blonde gave in, knowing she didn't ought to leave her friend alone.

All kinds of weird and often bad things happened in Smallville, and Lana wasn't exactly adept at defending herself.

"Pete over here!" Clark called as his friend jogged up.

Both guys looked over at the next field, where smoke was rising from some green and indistinguishable shape.

"There must have been an accident" said Pete, but Clark didn't even hear him as he supersped through the space between themselves and the smoke.

To Be Continued...