AN: Second time working with second person narrative. My first attempt was like over a year ago, I think, and was entitled "Want" and this is a continuation of that. Second person POV is fun to play with and after feeling some intense Faberry feels I felt like trying, once more, to try my hand at something angsty.
You're parked outside their house. You have been for a few minutes now. It would be so easy to go up to the front door, give the doorbell a ring and then be welcomed inside with open arms. Of course, starting up your car and driving away would be as equally easy. But you're here so there must be at least some part of you that wants to be here, and there is. You want to see her. Not just Rachel, but Natalie too. You look out the window, staring at their home as you ponder your options. With a deep breath, you exit your car.
You walk up to the front porch and ring the doorbell. You hear someone yell, "I'll get it!" It's a male voice; you can tell that much so you're pretty sure you know who it is. You brace yourself unnecessarily. The door opens and you're proven to be right. "Quinn, oh hey you made it. Rachel told me you might be coming." He leans in for a hug and you hug back just because. You're not really sure how to act around him, or how to feel. It's confusing to say the least.
He's grown since high school; not in the literal sense of course. He's matured and you think that he's treating Rachel right and that he's making her happy. You kind of know that that's not true though because if it were then she wouldn't be sleeping in your bed every other night. Honestly though you don't really know too much about their relationship. There's kind of an unspoken rule about it. When the two of you are together, you're together. Natalie's an exception to that rule, but she's special. Rachel tells you about her every so often, keeps you informed about what's happening in her life. It's nice… sometimes at least.
Other times it's make you think about Beth and about how the two of you aren't as close as you'd like. You don't want the relationship you have with Natalie to end up the same. Finn leads you to the backyard as though you don't know the way. Of course it's been a while since you've been around so you find it understandable that he might think that you've forgotten. He asks you about what's been going on in your life. You don't give him too many details.
The fact is that the two of you aren't really friends, and if he knew what you've been doing with his wife then… well, suffice it to say that he wouldn't be acting as he is. And you wouldn't really be able to blame him; you'd probably act the same way. And so you do feel guilty about it. It had never been your intention to anything like this. You had promised yourself long ago that if she chose him, and if she really loved him, that you'd stop interfering and try to move on.
The latter proved to be more or less impossible, especially after that night. Rachel had come by to your place. She had had a fight with him and need a shoulder to cry on and someone to hold her. You were going to do just that; only that but you didn't. It was stupid and crazy and wrong but you kissed her. And she kissed you back. That was the first time you ever kissed her, the first time you touched her, and the first time you told her (even if only through unspoken words) that 'I love you.'
And for a moment, as the two of you laid naked together in bed with her asleep in your arms you let yourself hope. But you knew the reality and so you cried, tears both of joy and of sorrow. You knew that once Rachel woke up she'd say that everything that happened the previous night had been a mistake and then she'd leave. You were right on one point. She did leave, but only because she had to get back home.
You didn't expect her to come back… ever again.
And now, now you're at her home. You're entering the backyard and Finn calls out to everybody, announcing your arrival. Heads spin in your direction. Natalie sees you. She practically lights up before running towards you. "Auntie Quinn! Auntie Quinn!" You smile because you're happy to see her, but you really hate being called that. You don't want to be her aunt. You squat down with open, welcoming arms. Natalie almost knocks you to the ground when she jumps in for a hug. "I've missed you Auntie Quinn!"
"I've missed you too Little Star," you tell her as you lift her up and get back to your feet. "You've gotten so big," you tell her. And she has but she's still so small, just like her mom. She looks just like her, acts like her too. You love her so much. You kiss Natalie on her forehead and bring her over to her mother. Rachel takes her and gently lowers her to the ground. Then she hugs you.
"It's so good to see you Quinn," she says. It's time for you to play your part and act like you haven't seen her in a while even though she was just naked in your bed less than forty eight hours ago. It's because of this that you're really glad for those drama classes at Yale. You like to think that you could have fooled people without them, but in reality you're pretty sure that everyone in glee club was able to figure out how you felt about Rachel by the time senior year rolled around.
None of them seems to be the wiser but then again no one, not even you could have imagined something like this happening. Rachel pulls back and Natalie takes the opportunity to latch onto your leg. Rachel tries to pull her off but you tell her that it's okay. Everyone comes over to see you, Kurt and Mercedes, Santana and Brittany. You don't remember the last time that you've seen so many of you together in the same place. It was probably Natalie's birthday.
Even though she's not too heavy, you decide not to move around with Natalie hugging your leg. Because of that it's hard for you to converse with anyone, except for her of course. Just like Rachel she talks a lot, and quite loudly too. She tells you about how she's going to start kindergarten and how excited she is. She also tells you about her singing and dancing lessons, even going as far as offering to show you the current musical number that she's been practicing. You know that you have no other choice than to say yes. Otherwise she'll get upset.
She immediately gathers everyone around. Natalie loves being the center of attention just as much as her mother does and so she refuses to start until all eyes are on her. You're so focused on her that you barely notice Rachel walking up beside you. Out of the corner of your eye you can see that Finn has an arm around her. You feel the need to walk away, but you know that doing so will be telling too much. So you stay where you are and you try to keep your eyes front.
Once Natalie is done Rachel and Finn go over to her. Finn picks her up and they both hug her. The pain you feel is indescribable. You want that, not just Rachel and Natalie, but a family. God, you want a family so bad; a wife and some kids, a chance to cook them some breakfast, or to build forts with your bed covers. You know that life isn't fair but for once you just wish that it would give you a break.
You do your best to avoid Finn for the rest of the afternoon. It's not the easiest thing to do since there are just a little over a half dozen of you but with other people around Finn doesn't attempt to strike up anymore unnecessary conversation with you. You're able to catch up with everyone else and it feels good. You're glad that you stopped by. It's nice to just be able to forget about for a bit. You're always thinking about her and the drama that comes with having her in your life, but when you're talking with your old friends you can at least push those thoughts to the back of your mind.
Sometimes you wonder if you'd be happier without her in your life, but you can't quite imagine a life without her. You decide to leave early because you've got a busy day tomorrow and Rachel offers to walk you to the door. You want to tell her that she doesn't have to, but she's stubborn and she won't listen to you. Natalie's upset that you're leaving so soon so she comes along too. Once you're at the door you give Natalie a big hug, a kiss on the cheek and a promise that you'll be back soon. You give Rachel a hug too, minus the kiss.
"Good bye Quinn," she says before pulling back. Rachel then turns to her daughter. "Why don't you go back outside Natalie? I'll be out in a bit. I'm just going to walk Auntie Quinn out to her car, okay?" Natalie makes a face to disappointment but she always listens to her mother so after a minute or so she does as she's told but not before running up to you and hugging you one last time. You watch her go and then turn to leave. Rachel stops you before you can open the door.
She hugs you, tighter than she had originally and her lips touch your cheek. They stay there for once second… two seconds, and then they're gone. Before a word can be said she immediately spins on heel. She opens the door and as she had told her daughter, she walks you to your car. You don't say anything to her. You don't even think about doing so because you're confused and maybe a little bit scared. The two of you walk together, side by side, until you reach your car.
There's an awkward moment where you feel like you should kiss her for real, like at the end of a first date or something like that. You don't because you know you can't, or at least you shouldn't. Instead you just wave her goodbye. "I'll see you later." And for some reason you feel like you will. "Bye." You enter your car and start it up. You give Rachel one last look and you stop yourself from telling her something stupid like, "I love you."
AN: I know, the ending leaves a lot to be desired but I prefer angst to be left open-ended rather than depressingly sad. But that's just me.
And now a challenge to any writers out there (or even those of you who aren't writers) who read this and like it: Write your own version of what would happen after this, while keeping the same tone.
I think this would be a fun little challenge/game and I'd love to see what other people come up with.
Again, I am currently working on Faberry Week fics and, as of recently, a very interesting and fun prompt which I will not tell you any more about. I hope to have a chapter of that project published by the end of the month, if not, then by Rachel's birthday I guess... just because. Oh, and a question. So I stopped watching OUAT a while back because of reasons which may, or may not, be shipping related and I read something a few days ago which said that Mulan is gay in there. And... is there any truth to this?