The Insanity of Harry Potter and Friends
By Kelso44
Harry: Hello. My name is Sylvester.
Hermione: No it isn't! It is Harry, Harry.
Harry: How do you know?
Hermione: Because that's what it says by where it says what you're saying.
Harry: *is cunfuzzled* Well, call me Sylvester anyway.
Ron: *wakes up*
Draco: Anyone seen my Garfield boxers?
Harry: Oh, yeah. Here they are.
Draco: Thanks!
Harry: No prob, Bob.
Draco: My name isn't Bob!
Harry: Neither is mine.
Ron: Sassafras.
Harry: Oh look! A letter from Dumbledore!
Snape: What? A letter from Dumbledore?! 50 points from Gryffindor, Potter!
Harry: My name isn't Potter! It is Sylvester!
Filch: I love you Mrs. Norris!
Mrs. Norris:*somehow in her cat voice* EW! Get away from me you greasy haired old coot!
Filch: I knew you felt the same way, my sweet! *hugs his cat and starts to kiss her*
Everyone else: *tries to block that memory form their minds*
Hermione: So... what does the letter say?
Harry: I don't know. It is in Russian.
Hermione: Then how do you know it is from Dumbledore?
Harry: I'd recognize that smell anywhere.
Ron: I like hens.
Hermione: *ignores both Harry and Ron's comments*
Draco: I've lost my boxers again!
Mad Eye Moody: I'm holding them hostage for my peg leg. Somebody stole it.
Flitwick: *trying to hide Moody's leg behind him* It wasn't me...
Draco: Give the man back his leg, Flitwick. Those are my favorite boxers!
Flitwick: Never! I love his leg! And she loves me!
Moody: *slaps Flitwick and grabs his peg leg*
Hermione: Does anyone know how to read Russian?
Crabbe: I do!
Hermione: Sure, and I'm the Tooth Fairy!
Ron: Really? How come you only gave me a nickel for my front teeth? Were they not good enough for you? Huh, is that it, you CHEAPSKATE?! *bursts into sobs and runs off*
Hagrid: Everyone, I have an announcement to make.
Harry: Yeah?
Hagrid: *imitating Tim Curry from Rocky Horror* I'm just a transvestite!
Draco: *faints*
Harry: I understand Hagrid. I'm behind you 84%. The other 16% of me is behind Cho Chang, looking at her butt.
Hagrid: Thanks Harry!
Harry: YOU STUPID OAF! MY NAME IS SYLVESTER!
Hagrid: *wails as buckets of tears fall from his eyes*
Harry: Can somebody get him out of here? I just can't work like this, people!
Draco: Sure thing Har- I mean Sylvester.
Harry: I thought you fainted a little while ago...
Draco: I was only pretending so I could look up Parvati's skirt. *to Parvati* Nice panties by the way... *lifts up Hagrid and takes him to his hut*
Parvati: That PERVERT! Oh well, if he's strong enough to carry Hagrid, I guess he can look up my skirt.
Lavender: You little scamp! Draco's mine!
Lavender and Parvati: *begin to claw at each other's eyes with their perfectly manicured nails*
Ron: Cat fight!
Harry: Two, actually. *points at Crookshanks and Mrs. Norris who are also clawing at each other's eyes with Parvati and Lavender's perfectly manicured nails*
Dobby: *slams his ears in the oven*
Draco: Ah... just like the good ol' days...
Dobby: *takes Draco's boxers and put them on his head*
Draco: *takes his boxers off Dobby's head and puts them on his tushy*
Ron: Toucan feathers taste good!
Draco: *munching on colorful feathers* It's true! They do!
Everyone: *grabs some toucan feathers and gulps them down*
Hermione: These are delicious!
Harry: These are scrumptious!
Ron: These are pogo sticks!
Ginny: I'm going to dye my hair hot pink!
Mrs. Weasley: Oh no you are not Virginia Amelia Weasley!
Harry: Amelia? I didn't know your middle name was Amelia...
Ginny: Me neither! Since when is my middle name Amelia?
Mrs. Weasley: Oh don't ask. Your father decided last week he wanted to change you middle name...
Ginny: Oh, okay. It's better than my old middle name anyway...
Harry: There is something worse than Amelia?!
Ginny: Yeah, Maurice.
Harry: *splits a rib laughing so hard* Your middle name used to be MAURICE?!
Ginny: NO! It was Sylvester! *shudders*
Harry: Hey! That's my name! *curses Ginny for making fun of his name*
Ron: That's my sister!
Harry: Naw, really?
Ron: *missing the sarcasm* No... I'm just kidding...
Harry:???
Hermione: I've decoded the letter Dumbledore sent us!
Harry: What does it say?
Hermione: If I've translated it correctly, it says... "My diaper needs changing."
Harry: You wear diapers?!
Hermione: No! That's what the letter says.
Harry: *is extremely relieved* It took a page and a half to say "My diaper needs changing."?
Hermione: It looks that way Sly.
Firenze: Mars is unusually bright tonight...
Ron: Unlike me.
Trelawney: Oh no!
Harry: What is it this time you old bag?
Trelawney: There are dead flies on my glasses!
Harry: *sarcastic* Oh my gosh! The world is going to end!
Trelawney: I know! Isn't it horrible?!
Harry: *groans*
Snape: No groaning! 50 points from Gryffindor!
Harry: Huh?
Snape: *groans*
Draco: Where the hell are my damn boxers now?!
Fleur: They are on your very cute tushy.
Draco: Hm... so they are...
Fleur: I'm not really Fleur you know...
Draco: You aren't? Then who are you?
Fleur: I'm Voldemort.
Draco: Oh. Cool. What's up my homie?
Voldie: I'm not a homie! I'm an evil lord!
Draco: Did you say my tushy was cute?
Voldie: *blushes*
Colin: Hey Sylvester!
Harry: Yeah?
Colin: Wanna have a sleepover tonight?!
Harry: That's a great idea, Colin!
Colin: *grins form ear to ear*
Harry: *gathers everyone and takes them to the Gryffindor common room*
Voldie: Hey... this place is pretty fancy...
Draco: Much better than those freezing dungeons where I sleep.
Voldie and Draco: WE'RE MOVING IN!
Ron: Oh how fun! We can paint our nails, and do our hair, and put on make-up!
Harry: Uh, Ron... I don't think that Draco and Voldemort want to do that kinda stuff...
Ron: I wasn't talking to them anyway. I was talking to my pet gerbil, Gabby. She's a lion.
Everyone but Ron and Gabby: *is totally bamboozled*
Harry: Well, what are we going to do at this wonderful sleepover?
McGonagall: Absolutely nothing since it ends right now. Lights out!
Everyone but McGonagall: Awwwwww...........
McGonagall: All right, everybody out! Hop to it!
Ron: *hops to his dorm*
Everyone Else: *goes to bed*
Kelso44: And so the insanity ends... for now... *laughs evilly*
THE END
Disclaimer: I do not own any Harry Potter characters. They belong to J.K. Rowling. The Garfield boxers belong to Draco. Gabby the Lion/Gerbil belongs to Ron. And 16% of Harry belongs to Cho's butt.
A/N: No need to review unless you really wanna make my day. Flames are understood. Sequel could be coming along if ya'll really want one. Lata. ~Kelso
By Kelso44
Harry: Hello. My name is Sylvester.
Hermione: No it isn't! It is Harry, Harry.
Harry: How do you know?
Hermione: Because that's what it says by where it says what you're saying.
Harry: *is cunfuzzled* Well, call me Sylvester anyway.
Ron: *wakes up*
Draco: Anyone seen my Garfield boxers?
Harry: Oh, yeah. Here they are.
Draco: Thanks!
Harry: No prob, Bob.
Draco: My name isn't Bob!
Harry: Neither is mine.
Ron: Sassafras.
Harry: Oh look! A letter from Dumbledore!
Snape: What? A letter from Dumbledore?! 50 points from Gryffindor, Potter!
Harry: My name isn't Potter! It is Sylvester!
Filch: I love you Mrs. Norris!
Mrs. Norris:*somehow in her cat voice* EW! Get away from me you greasy haired old coot!
Filch: I knew you felt the same way, my sweet! *hugs his cat and starts to kiss her*
Everyone else: *tries to block that memory form their minds*
Hermione: So... what does the letter say?
Harry: I don't know. It is in Russian.
Hermione: Then how do you know it is from Dumbledore?
Harry: I'd recognize that smell anywhere.
Ron: I like hens.
Hermione: *ignores both Harry and Ron's comments*
Draco: I've lost my boxers again!
Mad Eye Moody: I'm holding them hostage for my peg leg. Somebody stole it.
Flitwick: *trying to hide Moody's leg behind him* It wasn't me...
Draco: Give the man back his leg, Flitwick. Those are my favorite boxers!
Flitwick: Never! I love his leg! And she loves me!
Moody: *slaps Flitwick and grabs his peg leg*
Hermione: Does anyone know how to read Russian?
Crabbe: I do!
Hermione: Sure, and I'm the Tooth Fairy!
Ron: Really? How come you only gave me a nickel for my front teeth? Were they not good enough for you? Huh, is that it, you CHEAPSKATE?! *bursts into sobs and runs off*
Hagrid: Everyone, I have an announcement to make.
Harry: Yeah?
Hagrid: *imitating Tim Curry from Rocky Horror* I'm just a transvestite!
Draco: *faints*
Harry: I understand Hagrid. I'm behind you 84%. The other 16% of me is behind Cho Chang, looking at her butt.
Hagrid: Thanks Harry!
Harry: YOU STUPID OAF! MY NAME IS SYLVESTER!
Hagrid: *wails as buckets of tears fall from his eyes*
Harry: Can somebody get him out of here? I just can't work like this, people!
Draco: Sure thing Har- I mean Sylvester.
Harry: I thought you fainted a little while ago...
Draco: I was only pretending so I could look up Parvati's skirt. *to Parvati* Nice panties by the way... *lifts up Hagrid and takes him to his hut*
Parvati: That PERVERT! Oh well, if he's strong enough to carry Hagrid, I guess he can look up my skirt.
Lavender: You little scamp! Draco's mine!
Lavender and Parvati: *begin to claw at each other's eyes with their perfectly manicured nails*
Ron: Cat fight!
Harry: Two, actually. *points at Crookshanks and Mrs. Norris who are also clawing at each other's eyes with Parvati and Lavender's perfectly manicured nails*
Dobby: *slams his ears in the oven*
Draco: Ah... just like the good ol' days...
Dobby: *takes Draco's boxers and put them on his head*
Draco: *takes his boxers off Dobby's head and puts them on his tushy*
Ron: Toucan feathers taste good!
Draco: *munching on colorful feathers* It's true! They do!
Everyone: *grabs some toucan feathers and gulps them down*
Hermione: These are delicious!
Harry: These are scrumptious!
Ron: These are pogo sticks!
Ginny: I'm going to dye my hair hot pink!
Mrs. Weasley: Oh no you are not Virginia Amelia Weasley!
Harry: Amelia? I didn't know your middle name was Amelia...
Ginny: Me neither! Since when is my middle name Amelia?
Mrs. Weasley: Oh don't ask. Your father decided last week he wanted to change you middle name...
Ginny: Oh, okay. It's better than my old middle name anyway...
Harry: There is something worse than Amelia?!
Ginny: Yeah, Maurice.
Harry: *splits a rib laughing so hard* Your middle name used to be MAURICE?!
Ginny: NO! It was Sylvester! *shudders*
Harry: Hey! That's my name! *curses Ginny for making fun of his name*
Ron: That's my sister!
Harry: Naw, really?
Ron: *missing the sarcasm* No... I'm just kidding...
Harry:???
Hermione: I've decoded the letter Dumbledore sent us!
Harry: What does it say?
Hermione: If I've translated it correctly, it says... "My diaper needs changing."
Harry: You wear diapers?!
Hermione: No! That's what the letter says.
Harry: *is extremely relieved* It took a page and a half to say "My diaper needs changing."?
Hermione: It looks that way Sly.
Firenze: Mars is unusually bright tonight...
Ron: Unlike me.
Trelawney: Oh no!
Harry: What is it this time you old bag?
Trelawney: There are dead flies on my glasses!
Harry: *sarcastic* Oh my gosh! The world is going to end!
Trelawney: I know! Isn't it horrible?!
Harry: *groans*
Snape: No groaning! 50 points from Gryffindor!
Harry: Huh?
Snape: *groans*
Draco: Where the hell are my damn boxers now?!
Fleur: They are on your very cute tushy.
Draco: Hm... so they are...
Fleur: I'm not really Fleur you know...
Draco: You aren't? Then who are you?
Fleur: I'm Voldemort.
Draco: Oh. Cool. What's up my homie?
Voldie: I'm not a homie! I'm an evil lord!
Draco: Did you say my tushy was cute?
Voldie: *blushes*
Colin: Hey Sylvester!
Harry: Yeah?
Colin: Wanna have a sleepover tonight?!
Harry: That's a great idea, Colin!
Colin: *grins form ear to ear*
Harry: *gathers everyone and takes them to the Gryffindor common room*
Voldie: Hey... this place is pretty fancy...
Draco: Much better than those freezing dungeons where I sleep.
Voldie and Draco: WE'RE MOVING IN!
Ron: Oh how fun! We can paint our nails, and do our hair, and put on make-up!
Harry: Uh, Ron... I don't think that Draco and Voldemort want to do that kinda stuff...
Ron: I wasn't talking to them anyway. I was talking to my pet gerbil, Gabby. She's a lion.
Everyone but Ron and Gabby: *is totally bamboozled*
Harry: Well, what are we going to do at this wonderful sleepover?
McGonagall: Absolutely nothing since it ends right now. Lights out!
Everyone but McGonagall: Awwwwww...........
McGonagall: All right, everybody out! Hop to it!
Ron: *hops to his dorm*
Everyone Else: *goes to bed*
Kelso44: And so the insanity ends... for now... *laughs evilly*
THE END
Disclaimer: I do not own any Harry Potter characters. They belong to J.K. Rowling. The Garfield boxers belong to Draco. Gabby the Lion/Gerbil belongs to Ron. And 16% of Harry belongs to Cho's butt.
A/N: No need to review unless you really wanna make my day. Flames are understood. Sequel could be coming along if ya'll really want one. Lata. ~Kelso