For the Lottery Ticket Competition (Week Three) with the prompts:

8. Lily Evans/Potter

27. Snow

28. Winter

41. MuggleHospital!AU

44. I love you a lot, but I hate you more.

Frozen Hearts

I

They say there's no cure for crazy. But I don't think they truly know what crazy is. If they did, they surely wouldn't have slung me in here like vermin.

I don't remember much of what happened; there was just a flash of green light and the feeling of plummeting to my endless death. But I didn't really die, did I? Because I'm still here, aren't I? In my head.

Alone.

I don't remember.

It was winter when I opened my eyes for the first time in months. I knew because I could feel the cold in the air with my first breath, the way it rasped in my throat with a distinct, sharpening sensation. The calendar on the wall opposite me announced it was December; a festive picture painted in gold and green and crimson, of children sitting around a fanciful Christmas tree. When I looked towards the window, I could see snow on the hills and trees outside, stretching out for miles and miles and miles…

It was like I was reawakened. I felt virginal, almost as pure as the day I was born. My memories were scattered, almost incomplete. There were shoddy images of a man with glasses and black hair that stuck up at the back. And a baby; the most beautiful baby, with glittering green eyes, chubby fists that clutched handfuls of my amber coloured hair, and laughed out loud with a giggle that melted my heart.

My chest pained with the thought of my baby, and it was then I noticed that the calendar's picture was unmoving.

II

"Lily, you're a freak!" Petunia hissed, snatching the lily flower out of my hand and throwing it to the ground. She spun on her heel, her ponytail slapping me in the face, and ran back towards our house. "I'm telling Mummy!" she called back over her shoulder.

I watched my sister run, her skirt swishing around her knees.

oOo

"Don't upset your sister, Lily," Mummy told me over dinner.

"She's crazy!" Petunia whined.

"Be nice to Petunia, Lily," Daddy said into his newspaper.

III

I just wanted to be accepted, by Petunia most of all. Especially then, when I was young, and I didn't understand what my body was doing. I didn't know what I was; what I was capable of. All I knew was that I could make things happen, make flowers blossom and people trip when they upset me. Mainly Petunia.

I didn't know that Petunia wouldn't be able to do the same things as me. I didn't know there were such things as witches and muggles, and a divide between them.

But I did know the jealousy in Petunia's narrow eyes when Professor Dumbledore sent me my Hogwarts letter. Mummy and Daddy were overjoyed.

"We have a witch in the family!" Mother exclaimed.

"Well, isn't that something?" Father agreed.

They threw me a family party that evening – of course they didn't tell our guests what the real occasion was. They made up a story about me being accepted onto a scholarship for Eton. Though, I know Petunia would have preferred it if the lie was true.

She hung back all night, lurking in corners and rubbing her dark eyes. When I wandered over to her to ask her if she was feeling okay, she spat at me and ran upstairs to her room.

That was the last time I saw Petunia, before I went to Hogwarts.

IV

The calendar wasn't moving, and that could only mean one thing. I wasn't among wizards here, I was among muggles. I sat up in my bed, and looked down at the blue striped nightshirt that I was wearing. It was the first time I got a proper look around my confinement – a small white room, with a bedside table and a door with a small window at about face height, with blinds across it.

There was a pair of eyes staring at me through the blinds.

I jumped out of my bed and flew at the door, beating my fists on it in a rage. Where was I? Where was James? Where was Harry? With each thought and each pound my fist made on the door, tears spilled down my cheeks. I didn't know what was going on.

"Miss Evans, please move away from the door so we can come in and treat you," a female voice called from the other side of the door. I stepped back automatically at the sound of my name. My wrong name.

"Potter…my name is Lily Potter," I whispered hoarsely, continuing to back up until my shins made contact with the bed. I fell onto it, staring at the tiled floor. The door swung open, and a kindly looking nurse with soft blonde hair and very pink lips wandered in. She was holding a clipboard and a tray, the tray held a jug of water, a small, paper cup, and a plastic glass. She placed the tray down on the bedside table, and then shut the door behind her. "Where am I?" I gasped, suddenly realising how thirsty I was.

The nurse reached for the jug and poured the plastic glass full of water, and then handed it to me. I drank it readily, inwardly thanking her. In seconds I had downed the whole glass, and I placed the cup back on the bedside table. "How are you feeling today, Lily?" the nurse asked in a sweet voice.

"What do you mean? Where am I?!" I shouted.

"Calm down, Lily. Here, have some more water, and take your medication," the nurse poured some more water, and then passed me the small cup. I noticed a few pills in the bottom of the paper cup, and I blinked.

"Where is my husband?"

"Lily, you don't have a husband."

"Where is he?!" I stood up, throwing the water and the pills out of my hands. The water flooded the tiled ground, and the pills fell in them, smearing a gritty, white paste across the floor.

Suddenly, the nurse stood up and removed what looked like a syringe out of the pocket of her tunic. She uncapped it, and tested the needle by giving it a short pump. A squirt of pale liquid shot out of the end.

"Don't come near me!" I screeched, backing up against the wall. The nurse didn't listen, and started towards me.

"I'm just trying to help you, Lily. This will calm you down so that we can talk properly," the nurse said softly, stepping towards me, with the needle outstretched.

She didn't listen. She wasn't listening to me. As she reached towards me with that needle in her hand, I let out a piercing scream, and threw out my fist. It made contact with her cheekbone, and knocked her square-rimmed glasses askew. She gasped and recoiled, clutching her face. Then she reached into her pocket again, and withdrew a small, plastic object, that looked like a key ring. There was a button on it, and she pressed it, hard.

The alarm sounded instantly, making me clap my hands over my ears and screw my eyes shut. Before I could adjust to the sound, there were suddenly two pairs of hands on my arms and legs. My eyelids flew open, and I tensed up. There were two men, in the same white uniform as the nurse, hanging onto my limbs. The blonde nurse advanced on me, pulled up my nightshirt slightly, and I felt the pierce of the needle, straight into my left buttock.

Darkness loomed, and the nurses and the two men swam out of my view.

oOo

"Li-ly," a voice was singing. "Li-ly."

"Hmm," I murmured, and tried to force my eyes open. I felt groggy, and my eyelids were heavy. Through my slightly parted eyes, I noticed a shock of short, dark hair, and a pale, bony face. "Petunia…"

It was Petunia. My sister, but she was looking older than she had before I went to Hogwarts. She was thinner, with grey streaks running through her hair, and distinct lines under her eyes and cheekbones. "Good morning, Lily," she said in a stiff voice. She was sat in a wicker chair next to my bed. I tried to sit up, but my limbs were too heavy. I was drugged.

"Petunia," I whispered. "You have…you have to call the police. No, call James. I don't know what's going on, but you have to get me out of here…I need to see Harry…"

Petunia sighed, but I couldn't mistake the nasty glint in her eye, even in my stupefied state. "No one is trying to hurt you, Lily. The good doctors are going to make you all better."

"What do you mean…there's nothing the matter with me. Please, Petunia, I need to see Harry."

"Now, now. We've spoken about this. James, and Harry, and this Hogwarts business – it's all part of your schizophrenia."

I felt my blood freeze. My mouth opened slightly, but I couldn't talk. Petunia continued.

"We took you away from Eton because you were having a breakdown. You thought you were mixing poisons and casting spells and living in Scotland. You had an imaginary relationship with an imaginary person called James, and an imaginary wedding and an imaginary baby. Vernon and I are paying for you to stay in hospital, Lily, so you can get all better," she stood up, clutching a peach pink handbag. "We're doing this to help you, Lily. I love you a lot," she paused, and then looked towards the window. "But I hate you more."

I tried to speak, but no words came. I simply lay there, staring at Petunia through my half lidded eyes.

V

As I laid there, in my forty year night, I had time to think.

I was in the winter of my life. My heart became frozen; bitterly iced over. At night I fell asleep with visions of myself, dancing, and laughing, and crying. I remembered a ball, a great, glitzy Christmas Ball, in the castle that Petunia told me I had imagined. Now, the memories of those times are the only things that sustain me – the only things that keep me sane.

I was a mother, a wife. A student, a friend, a daughter. I did have a hundred dreams of how I wanted my future to pan out, but this unfortunate series of events has seen my dreams dashed and divided like a million stars in the night sky that I still wish on, over, and over again, sparkling and broken.

But I suppose I no longer mind. It takes getting everything you ever wanted, and then losing it, to know what true freedom is.

But I know I'm not crazy. It's the world that is crazy.

A.N:

Just to clear up any confusion. The idea is that Lily never actually got killed, and instead was discovered by Petunia in a hazy state, and Petunia had her sectioned because of her childhood jealousy towards Lily being a witch. She makes Lily believe she is crazy in order to stop her having her true identity, which she is so envious of.

You may recognise the end section, 'V'. If you do, you get a cookie – it has been inspired by a particular song. My entire inspiration for this story has been from that song, so I felt compelled to integrate it part of it into my story.