Mistakes

By: RavenHeart101

Summary: James made a stupid mistake, he really did. And Sirius didn't like that he's the one that had to pick up the pieces.

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Warnings: Slash and angst, a bunch of "song fics", bashing James… sort of…

A: N- Random story… a one shot, and it spans over the Marauder's seventh year to the day Lily and James got married. Uh… I realize that some of it makes no sense sometimes but I was tired when I was writing this. I'm a fan of both the pairings: James and Remus and Sirius and Remus and decided to throw them into one story that was slightly angsty. I actually have no idea what to classify this story as… I hope you enjoy it though… and the song lyrics kinda fit… I guess… they are what inspired each part.

"He's the reason for
The teardrops on my guitar
The only thing that keeps me wishing
On a wishing star
He's the song in the car I keep singing
Don't know why I do…"

"Teardrops On My Guitar" by Taylor Swift

It was true that Sirius knew about their relationship. And it was true that he didn't approve of it. It was not that he did not approve because they were both boys it was just that, despite it all, Sirius knew that his best friend would take up the challenge of Lily Evans and leave Remus Lupin in a mess on the floor. And he did not like that. He did not like that he could not even trust his best friend with something as important as someone's heart.

Sirius knew that James Potter would be made to choose one day. That day had come too early. Seventh year. The year that was supposed to make or break the Marauders. Sirius was in detention that night. And he always blamed himself for not being there to stop James from doing it. But he was not. He was in detention with no idea of the stupid mistake James Potter was about to make.

Said James Potter had just walked into the common room of Gryffindor with a serene smile on his handsome seventeen-year-old face. James had gotten a date, a date! With who, but, Lily Evans. The conquest of nearly seven years to the boy. And he had finally gotten her to cave. He had to tell someone, anyone, about the wonderful news. His hazel eyes fell onto a small tawny haired boy, sitting in the corner of said Common Room with a book propped on his knees which were pulled up to his chest. The smile fell from James' face almost immediately. Remus… how could he tell Remus gently that he needed space? That he needed this date with Lily? He could not. Oh, James would not. Therefore, his smile returned and he made his way over to the tawny haired teen, greeting him with a small kiss. He ignored the small twinge of guilt.

"Yesterday I found about you
Even now, just lookin' at you
Feels wrong

You say that you'd take it all back
Give you one chance
It was a moment of weakness
And you said yes…"

"Should Have Said No" by Taylor Swift

If Sirius had known the nature of that first mistake, he probably would have killed his best friend. But, of course, that was then… not now. Now Sirius was simply happy for his best friend and the werewolf. And then James had to let him see.

James Potter was a real idiot sometimes in Sirius' mind. He never really could have explained why to anyone. However, this was one of those moments. One of the few moments of clarity, Sirius could have blatantly pointed out to anyone how much of an idiot James Potter truly was. And, once again, Sirius was guilty for not being there to stop him.

Remus Lupin wasn't stupid. He knew something was going on with James. He was not acting the same for a few months now. And he knew Sirius knew about something too. But he was not about to go asking him about James. No… Remus would just ask James himself, he concluded. There really would not have been any of a problem with what Remus saw if he did not drop all of his books in the hallway. If he did not catch, sight of the kiss that was pressed the red heads lips. If he did not see the flutter of a red and gold tie landing on the ground. And it probably would have been better for all if he did not act as if he saw nothing.

"I couldn't tell you why she felt that way,
She felt it every day.
And I couldn't help her,
I just watched her make the same mistakes again…"

"Nobody's Home" by Avril Lavigne

Sirius knew Remus saw something. He just did not call him on it. But heartbreak was a funny thing, he knew that. He had broken enough hearts in the past year to know that. But one thing that Sirius never did was cheat. He never deceived. And he never purposely broke someone's heart.

But James did all of that. He did everything and he did not even seem to care. He did care that Remus had been not acting the same around him since he saw whatever he saw. And, once more, Sirius was not there to stop James from making another stupid mistake. This time he was on a date. A date with someone that he did not even want to be with.

And James… James was trying his hardest not to snap at Remus for not looking him in the eye and shying away from the kiss he gave him. But it was not Remus' fault, per say. If James had not made his first mistake, they never would have been in this situation to begin with. And James was starting to feel a little guilty. It could not be said that it was not James' fault, but he did not know. He did not know what was wrong with Remus and Remus was refusing to tell him. And he had this nagging feeling in the back of his head whenever Remus finally did look him in the eye. That the look in Remus' amber eyes screamed: "I SAW!"

"I can't bite my tongue forever
While you try to play it cool
You can hide behind your stories
But don't take me for a fool

You can tell me there's nobody else
(But I feel it)
You can tell me that you're home by yourself
(But I see it)
You can look into my eyes
And pretend all you want
But I know
I know your love is just a lie…"

"Your Love Is a Lie" By Simple Plan

Sirius had the feeling that something was going to happen that night that he would not be able to stop. But, God, how he wanted to stop it once it had already happened. It was not as if he could have stopped it even if he tried, even if he knew. James still would have done it. He still would have left Remus broken on the floor like Sirius knew he would.

But Sirius did not have to like it. Oh, no, Sirius would not have to like it; he would not even have to endure it. Why? Because he was not there that night. He was once more gone for another one of James' stupid mistakes.

Remus was helping Peter with his homework when it happened. It could not be said that Peter was good at most things but even Peter had an inkling feeling about what James was doing to the werewolf. He did not like it, oh, but how he could do nothing to stop him! "Hello." James said with a peck to Remus' cheek when he arrived at the Gryffindor Common Room. Peter was blessed with a good nose and he knew Remus was too. And with James draping himself over Remus like that, the werewolf had to know. He had to know that James smelled of female perfume. Perfume that a Lily Evans wore. And said Lily Evans had just walked into the Common Room with her hair mussed and that when it all clicked in Peter's small mind.

"My memory is cruel
I'm queen of attention-to-details
Defending intentions if he fails
Until now, he told me her name
It sounded familiar in a way
I could have sworn I'd heard him
Say it ten thousand times
If only I had been listening…"

"Between The Lines" by Sara Bareilles

Sirius finally found everything out when he was staying at the Potters for Christmas break. Remus had gone with his mother to France and Peter with his family to Bulgaria. Sirius was sitting on his bed at the Potter Manor as James sat across from him flipping through a catalogue. Sirius, himself, was looking through a motorcycle magazine.

Sirius found it strange how James was looking at all the girly things in the magazine. Remus was not a girl… but maybe he liked jewelry, so he shook the thought of James cheating out of his head. Maybe James was just looking for a present for his mother, aunt, or something. He did not want to think on it too much.

Sirius decided to call James on it when he glanced at the clock and saw that his best friend had been looking at the same girly pages for over two hours. "Who're you looking for?"

James barely raised his hazel eyes to look at Sirius. He just shrugged. Sirius glanced down at his own magazine before closing it with a practiced flick and quietly jumping off his bed and over to James' side of the room.

"I thought you already got Moony something?" He asked with a hesitant voice.

James glanced at him this time. "It's not for Moony." He muttered and turned a page in the girly magazine. Sirius furrowed his eyebrows.

"Then who's it for?" He asked, curious. James was silent for a minute or two, leaving Sirius without an answer. "Prongs?" He prodded.

"Lily." And then Sirius fell silent.

"Suddenly I'm all alone
Pushed away for nothing wrong
Don't you have the guts to say
How you feel about me

Out of the blue
You said we couldn't be together
I have to get over you
Given no choice, have no voice
Out of the blue…"

"Out Of The Blue" by Aly and AJ

Sirius knew it would happen one day. He knew that one day; James would have to make a choice about whom he wanted. What he did not know was whom he would choose. Whose heart he would break. Sirius never really approved of what James did, but at least it left Remus without chains holding him back.

James had just gotten in from Hogsmede when he decided to break the poor werewolf's heart. "Where're you going?" Remus asked quietly when James started walking away from him. James knew he had to do it. He had to just do it quickly, like ripping off a Band-Aid. Plus, he had somewhere he needed to be.

"Out." And yet he found himself pausing. He felt the guilt creep up his spine and he watched his hand begin to shake. He shut his hazel eyes when the hesitant where came out of the mouth that he had kissed so many times. "Lily."

Remus did not ask why. He did not need to. He just shut his eyes and swallowed the sob that bubbled up in his throat. But the tears still came. And James turned around, just once, to see Remus fallen and broken.

"Love of my life, my soul mate
You're my best friend
Part of me like breathing
Now half of me is left

I don't know anything at all
Who am I to say you love me
I don't know anything at all
and who am I to say you need me…"

"Who am I to Say?" by Hope

When Sirius found him, he wanted to rip James to pieces. When he saw James sitting in the Common Room with a frozen look he wanted to throw him into the fire. When he saw the look in James' eyes, he knew what happened. He knew how he broke the poor boys heart. And Sirius did not even spare him a glance as he ran up the stairs to their dorm room.

The first time Sirius heard Remus cry he wanted to cry himself. Instead, he gently pushed open the curtains and looked at his broken friend. He pulled the tawny head into his lap and smoothed down the locks of hair that were covering the red with despair face. He closed his grey-blue eyes and listened as the werewolf cried his heart out. And he felt guiltier than James ever could.

"Say you're sorry
That face of an angel comes out
Just when you need it to
And I paced back and forth all this time
'Cause
I honestly believed in you
Holding on,
The days dragged on
Stupid girl
I should have known, I should have known…"

"White Horse" by Taylor Swift

Sirius knew that with each day that passed Remus was beating himself up inside. He knew that James felt guilty for breaking his heart. And, quite frankly, Sirius didn't care. He wanted to kill James for what he had done.

Remus started avoiding almost every Marauder. He talked to Peter from time to time; he talked to Sirius every night. When Sirius would come in from practice, he often found Remus staring up at the ceiling with a blank look on his face. And once, just once, did he ever hear James apologize.

This time, James walked into the dorm with him, and not to the Heads Rooms. Sirius did not really want to know why, but James was his best friend. Despite it all James was his best friend and he still talked to him. Sirius felt guilty about that too. James stopped when he caught sight of Remus. When he saw him staring up at the top of his four-poster with a blank look. Sirius put his broom away and pretended to ignore the voice he heard. He tried to ignore the break in James' voice when he spoke. "Oh, God, Moony…" He tried to ignore how James trailed off and how Remus did not even twitch in response. He tried to ignore the urge to punch James in the face when he stepped even closer to the boy and placed his hand of his cheek. "Remus… I am so sorry…" Sirius tried to ignore when his best friend stood there for a few seconds before leaving the room. He tried to ignore the way James' eyes shimmered in the moon light when he left the dorm. He tried to ignore the noise that Peter made in the back of his throat as he turned in his sleep. He tried to ignore the pained look in Remus' eyes when they shut. But the crystal tear that fell down those cheeks he could not ignore. And how it made Sirius' heart ache when he heard Remus cry for the second time in his life and he silently noted how it was even worse than the first time.

"I was true as the sky is blue
I couldn't soon say the same for you
So now I find denial in my eyes
I'm mesmerized by the picture that's in my mind…

Tell me when I'll finally see your shallow heart
For what it is
'Cause I don't want to keep on believin' in illusions…

I've seen your act
And I know all the facts
I'm still in love with who I wish you were…"

"Wish You Were" by Kate Voegele

Sirius knew that Remus still hurt whenever he saw James. It was simply noted by the flash of pain in those amber eyes that even pained Sirius to see. The worse thing was when James started bringing Lily around to eat with them. The second to worst thing was that Sirius was beginning to feel things for Remus. Things that he did not want to feel for his heart broken friend.

Remus started healing when he admitted to himself that he was still in love with James. Remus started breaking again when James began acting as if nothing had happened between them and began bringing Lily around everywhere with him. It was not as if it was Lily's fault, she had no idea what James had done. Which was rather naïve seeing as to how they were quite open? Well… more like James was quite open and dragged Remus with him into openness.

James' guilt had begun to fade when Remus began talking to Peter and Sirius more. His eyes began to gain some of their old light. And James started seeing Lily a lot more. He was relieved when Remus began to even act as if nothing had happened between them. But Sirius knew better. Sirius knew Remus would cry at night if James touched him that day.

"After all the things you put me through,
tell me why I'm still in love with you.
Why am I, why am I still waiting for your call?
You broke my heart, I'm taking it back from you.
I'm taking back the life I gave to you.
Life goes on before and after you.
I've got some growing up to do…"

"Wishes" by Superchick

Remus was beginning to get frustrated with himself and Sirius could tell. It was hard to say exactly why Remus was getting frustrated with himself because it could have been any number of things. It could have been, perhaps, that his schoolwork was taking a blow from his broken heart. It could, also, have been that his heart was telling him that he was not ready to let go of James when he really wanted to. It was probably the latter.

Remus could have told any number of people that he was fine and it was just the effect of a horrible full moon that left him in pieces. They would have been convinced. Sirius would have if he did not know the truth. If Sirius had not seen Remus broken, he would not have known that he was trying to put himself back together. If Sirius hadn't known Remus enough by then he wouldn't have ever guessed that the problem lied within the Marauders and that he would never fully heal until he was away from them all. But, he was trying.

"We break up
It's something that we do now
Everyone has got to do it sometime
It's okay, let it go
Get out there and find someone…

It's too late to be trippin' on the phone here
Get off the wire
You knew everything was good here
Stop what you're doin'
You don't wanna ruin
The chance that you've got to
find a new one…."

"I Don't Wanna Be In Love" by Good Charlotte

It was a good thing that when they got out of Hogwarts that Remus was going to France for the summer. Sirius knew that and he let him go. He let him go after he got a hug goodbye, that is and a whispered promise that Remus would write. He did the same to Peter, Sirius knew that. He did not ignore how Remus did not give a hug to James and did not even say goodbye to the eldest Marauder. James was too busy with Lily and her parents anyway.

In the beginning of summer, Sirius got very few letters from Remus. The ones that he did receive were full of needs to be reassured that is was not his fault that James left. And soon James was knocking on Sirius' door begging him to help him because his parents had fallen in love with Lily and wanted him to marry her. Sirius just shook his head and tried to help his best friend the best he could.

At the end of the summer, Sirius noticed how Remus was getting a lot more joyful in his letters. It seemed that he had turned into the old Remus. Sirius also noticed that they were flirting. Flirting! His heart fluttered at the thought.

"Without you, I live it up a little more everyday
Without you, I'm seein' myself so differently
I didn't wanna believe it then
But it all worked out in the end
When I watched you walk away
Well I never thought I'd say
I'm fine
Without you…"

"Without You" by Hinder

When Remus came back, he had this certain glow to him that made Sirius beam. Remus could even talk about James without his eyes clouding over in sadness. Oh, Sirius was ecstatic. Remus moved in with him, him, and when James came over to visit with Lily Remus did not even pause in his hellos. James did though.

James was beginning to regret choosing Lily over Remus but he would not show it. However, Sirius saw it. Sirius saw how James' eyes clouded over in sadness when Remus hugged him hello. And Sirius got some strange sort of satisfaction that he did not feel one bit guilty about. When they left, Remus was cleaning the dishes. Sirius walked over to him and leaned against the kitchen counter searching in Remus' eyes.

"It hurts, you know?" Remus whispered raising his eyes to look at Sirius. Sirius felt his heart drop when Remus looked at him with those pain-filled eyes. Maybe he was not ready. But then Remus sighed and his eyes cleared up and his smiled at Sirius with this goofy look and flicked water at him. "Don't look so depressed, you're the only one for me." Sirius was not sure if he was joking or not, but he did not really care. He just laughed along with him and flicked him with soapy water. Thus started a water fight in which neither won.

"Stars feel like knives,
They tell us why we're fighting.
Storm, wait outside.
Oh, love, hold us together.

Love, save the empty.
Love, save the empty.
Love, save the empty.
Love, save the empty, and save me.
And save me."

"Love, Save The Empty" by Erin McCarley

The first time Sirius kissed Remus was the day that he felt complete. And the blissful look that was on Remus' face the rest of the day told him all that he needed to know. But Remus was still worried. And he guarded himself from Sirius even though he knew that he needed the love that he could give. And it broke his heart to know what he was unconsciously doing.

Sirius found him under an apple tree in the park across from their flat. He found him with his head down and tossing leaves out into the air and never once watching where they were going. And Sirius found himself walking towards the man before him and dropping down beside him, not even caring that these were the designated Auror in training clothes and that he shouldn't get them dirty. "Rem?" He asked quietly, poking the man beside him. Remus looked up at him through tawny lashes and amber eyes.

"You won't, will you?" He asked softly searching Sirius' eyes for something.

"Won't what?" Sirius asked back with a confused note to his voice. Sirius felt guilty for that too. For not knowing what Remus meant.

"Hurt me?" Remus all but whispered. Understanding shone in Sirius' grey-blue eyes now as he took Remus' smaller hand in his own and shook his head.

"Never." And it was a lie. But that was another story… for another time.

"I don't think that you deserve a song
And I won't write this about you
It's about someone new
He's so fair, baby I'm not trying to compare
But there's no comparison
You're the moon and he's the sun

Sigh, as you witness all the crazy things we're doing
Try to understand he's now the man that I am doing…"

"The Whoa Song" by Karmina

Sirius knew that it hurt Remus when James came over and announced that he was engaged to Lily. And he knew it hurt James even more when he saw him and Remus holding hands when he told them. And he knew that James asked to speak with Remus alone for a reason. And he knew it was wrong to listen in but he did anyway.

Remus was sitting at the table as James frantically apologized. Remus would hear none of it, casually dismissing what James said by bringing up the wedding and Lily and "oh, how happy I am for you!" James watched as Remus and Sirius said goodbye to him. He walked down their street and turned back for a second, hopping to catch Remus staring at him. Instead, he saw him hugging Sirius and turning up to look him in the eye and kiss him.

James realized his mistake as he sat at the table with Lily after their wedding and he noticed the glittering ring on Remus' finger.