A Change of Heart
Glancing at my watch, I sighed lightly before rubbing my eyes gently under my glasses. It was late, 12:32 in the morning late, and I was having trouble staying awake. Smiling slightly at the blueprints, textbooks, and notebooks that littered my desk, I set my pencil down and pushed the chair back. I turned my desk lamp off enveloping the room in darkness and stood stretching my arms high above my head. My Quiz Bowl cap fell to the ground softly as I ran a hand through my short red hair and I winced at the strain in my back trying to bend over to pick it back up. After several seconds of feeling around the floor and allowing my eyes to adjust to the lack of light I found it and put it back on my head.
A breathy yawn ripped through my lips. Today, well, yesterday, had been an exhausting Friday. I woke up late because I stayed up late the night before and was almost late to school. Literally ran into Johnny on my way to my locker and was tossed to the floor and kicked before I was able to escape. Nazz nagged me about a newly formed bruise on my arm that I had been inspecting, not realizing that she saw me. The only good thing was I managed to avoid the biggest annoyance for most of the day until I nearly got run over by stupid dick Eddward on the way home.
Sighing again, I walked to my bed and glanced out the window as I passed, the moon shining slightly through the curtains. The street was dark, no lights on in any of the houses but…wait, was that…Eddward? Confused, I watched as the practically black figure left his home and began walking down the pathway to his driveway, avoiding the faint glow of the streetlamps. He crossed the street and disappeared around my neighbor's house. Curious, I hastily pulled my shoes on and quietly made my way out of the house and into my backyard. Moving to the fence I found a small gap between the boards I could look through. I waited for a few minutes but when the tall asshole of a teen didn't show up I realized he wasn't headed down The Lane. So where did he go?
Looking around me I sighed. Why the hell did I care anyway? He's a jerk! My eyes flicked to the fence separating me from the side street and I couldn't help the small amount of worry gather in my heart. What if he was doing something dangerous? What if he was attacked? Groaning, I knew that despite hating this guy, because I did, I really did (I think), I wouldn't be able to sleep if something happened. Stalking to the small gate in the fence leading to The Lane from my backyard with unconcealed (cause who's gonna see me) annoyance, I quietly opened the gate a crack and checked to make sure he wasn't there before exiting and heading toward the main road versus toward the junkyard.
I stuffed my hands in my jean pockets and curled slightly into myself as a light but cold wind brushed passed me. Should have brought a jacket…no, shouldn't have come out here is more like it. Rolling my eyes at myself and my own stupidity I slowed and tried walking quieter as the park on the corner came into view. My heart sped up and I was sure it was loud and obvious and would give away my position but my curiosity got the best of me, obviously or I wouldn't have been out here otherwise. A high-pitched squeak reached my ears and I froze not sure what the noise was until I heard a 'tsk' and some shuffling.
Looking around me I saw a large tree and ducked behind it, peering around the large brown trunk. Unable to see anything, I inched slowly to another tree closer to the playground equipment and once again looked out around the wood and once again froze. There he was, Eddward Asshole Vincent. He sat on one of the swings but it was still. His grey hood was up and over his ever present black beanie and all Kevin could see was his side profile and his pale forearms. His black jeans, boots, and jacket made him blend well into the darkness of the night and the only source of light aside from the moon was a flickering yellow streetlamp at the park entrance.
Holding my breath, fearing that if I breathed to loudly I would compromise my position, I watched the tall teen just sit on that swing, not swinging. His arms were up and wrapped around the chain and his hands covered by black gloves gripped the metal. I couldn't see most of his face, that damn hood was in the way, the only thing I could see was his nose and it was pointed out ahead of him. Glancing in that direction, there wasn't really anything there to look at but just then a low growl interrupted my thoughts and I admit, I jumped a little…just a little, I swear.
Turning my gaze back to the teen I felt my mouth drop open slightly in surprise. The normally intimidating teen was hunched over with his face in his gloved hands, elbows resting on his knees. He looked…odd? Upset? I shook my head, I couldn't see his face, his eyes, I had no way of knowing what the other was feeling. Hell, even if I could see his eyes I highly doubt I'd see anything but contempt and sadistic humor. Turning away from the still hunched over teen I began to quietly make my way back home, stopping for only a moment when a deep, and dare I say upset voice floated on the cold breeze to reach my ears.
"Merde…"
Rubbing the back of my neck uncomfortably, I glanced up at the moon then back at Eddward, trying to decide if I should stay. Edd was acting weird, but would he accept a kind gesture from his verbal punching bag? Doubtful. Putting my hands back in my pockets I hurried home and to bed, hoping I could put the image of Edd in the park out of my mind.
Unfortunately, that scene haunted me all day Saturday. I couldn't help but wonder what he was doing there so late at night. Why he said that one word…What that damned word even meant…What could possibly make Edd do what he did…So many questions ran through my head and I hated the fact that I realized I didn't hate the asshole as much as I thought.
Sure he was a gigantic prick and he constantly groped me when demanding I attend his stupid swim meets but aside from that he never really physically harmed me. Not like some of the other school athletes. Hell, even Johnny and Jimmy weren't as bad as a couple of the football players and basketball players…and soccer…and…fuck tennis of all sports. Am I really that pathetic to these people?! Seriously, what the hell? Staring at my dark ceiling I sigh and sit up. My blankets pool around my scrawny waist and I rub my face roughly before reaching for my glasses.
It's late again, 1:08 in the morning this time. I can't seem to get any sleep tonight but I blame Edd for this. Shifting my legs over the side of the bed, I shiver as my feet leave the warmth of the thick blankets and I look out my window. The lights in Eddward's house are off again, but I now know that may not mean he's asleep or even home, despite his car still being in the driveway. Knowing I won't get to sleep any time soon, I stand and pull my pajama pants off before pulling on the jeans I wore yesterday. I throw on a mismatched pair of socks and shove my feet into my sneakers then grab a jacket and head out of my bedroom.
For the second night in a row, I sneak out of the house and into our backyard, quickly going through the gate to The Lane. I don't even bother to make sure the coast is clear this time. Shuffling my feet, I head toward the park, hands shoved in my jacket pockets and head bowed against the cold breeze. God, I hate the cold. Sighing, I make it to the swings without issue looking up only when a faint squeak reaches my ears. My head shoots up quickly and I lock eyes with narrowed and cold blue ones as I stop, frozen to the spot.
My heart starts pounding quickly and my wide eyes refuse to look away from the analytical glare I'm receiving from the Peach Creek Shark. I hold my breath as fear spreads through me quickly. Run Kevin! Damn it turn around and go back you idiot! But I couldn't move. The look in Edd's eyes froze me, stunned me, short-circuited my brain. What the hell was happening? Edd wore the same outfit as yesterday, black jeans, black jacket with grey hood pulled up, and those black gloves. From this angle I could see the deep blood red color of his T-shirt as moonlight shone down on us.
Neither of us spoke. Neither of us tried to. Neither of us wanted to it seemed. When those hard blue eyes turned away from my own wide, frightened ones, I felt as if a spell had been lifted. I could breathe normally, my heart, though still pounding, slowed its speed. My body relaxed slightly, though I didn't realize I was so tense. Standing in the same spot after awhile I decided to continue forward instead of going home. I couldn't sleep anyway, why go back? (Although the prospect of getting my ass kicked does scare me, Edd's never physically hurt me so maybe he wont start now. Hopefully?)
The swing set had three swings hanging on it, with Edd sitting on the one closest to me. I knew the middle one made rather loud squeaking sounds so, carefully and slowly (and giving Edd a wide berth) I walked behind him to the swing on the opposite side of the play equipment. Slowly sitting and making myself comfortable (as comfortable as you can be on a cold as shit swing), I refused to look at Edd and instead looked up to the stars and almost full moon. With my hands still in my pockets, I began moving my legs slowly back and forth. Unfortunately, I'm only just tall enough to have the front portion of my feet touch the ground, eh whatever…
Silence hangs around us, tense and awkward, at least for me. I'm too terrified to even glance at Eddward to see what he's doing. I'm still not even sure what the hell I'm doing out here with him for fuck's sake. Time passes, slow or fast, I'm not sure but eventually I hear Eddward stand from his swing and slowly make his way to stand in front of me. Because I'm still looking up at the stars I'm not shocked to lock eyes with hard, icy blue eyes, but I still feel my body freeze on instinct. That look, it's hard to describe the look in them. It's like he's trying to keep his eyes from showing what he's feeling but he seems to be struggling and that isn't like Edd. I hate to say this but my concern only increases at this revelation.
Gloved hands shifted and I flinch back slightly, again on instinct, only to blush lightly in embarrassment when they merely slide into his front jean pockets. How he can fit those large hands in those semi-tight skinny jeans I have no fucking clue. His eyes never leave mine and I find I'm struggling to keep contact with them. I'm pretty sure this is the longest I've ever stared into his (not beautiful) blue eyes. A soft cough gets my attention and I realize that my mind ran away with itself and Eddward had said something that I didn't hear. This thought sent shivers down my spine as I awaited the surely coming insult.
"Pumpkin," the teen's deep voice was gruff but soft and…and odd, not like Edd, "I'm going to ask you a question that requires you to answer. You will not discuss this with anyone or I may find that my pacifism does not apply to you, am I clear?" I feel myself instinctively nod, god where's my backbone when I fucking need it? This whole situation has thrown me for a loop and I'm having trouble processing it all. What the fuck is up with Edd?
"What…" Oh shit, did he just hesitate? My heartbeat races and I feel my breath catch in my throat. This must be real fucking serious for Edd to hesitate. And his voice sounds so low…so small. I can't. God I feel like a fangirl but I literally can't even right now! I don't think I can handle what's going to happen. What will Edd say? Am I gonna faint? I feel like I'm gonna faint…shit.
"What reason do you have for continuing to live?" My heart stops. I stare at his guarded blue eyes with what I know to be unconcealed shock. I know my mouth is hanging open and I've stopped my slight swinging but I'm too shocked to answer right away. Why is he asking me this? Is he gonna kill me if I don't give him a good enough answer? What?
"W-What?" I hear myself whisper slightly terrified. Oh great, now he knows I'm scared. And he's being an ass rolling his stupid (still not beautiful blue) eyes.
"It is merely a question Pumpkin, now answer it." His voice is clipped and deep (and not giving me chills). I gulp around the lump that formed in my throat and nod curtly, finally able to pull my eyes from his to look at the much more interesting (but not really) dirt at my feet. Pulling my lip between my teeth, I chew on it lightly and shuffle my feet in the dirt as I think. What is my reason for living? The hell kind of question is that? Is he going emo or something? Or goth? God, I don't even really know the difference between the two but whatever! I need to think of an answer before he decides to hit me. Glancing up slightly at his blank face I sigh softly and nervously rub the back of my neck before shoving my hand back into my jacket pocket.
"W-well," I stutter before taking a deep breath and continuing, "My family." I turn my face up to look at the tall teen in the eye and see a scowl start to form and his eyes darken slightly. "My friends." His scowl deepens, eyes grow even darker. I think I'm noticing something here. "School." Once again his face grows meaner. "My hobbies." And there it is. The look he's giving me now is downright terrifying but I have a small feeling that he's not pissed at me, but rather at himself?
He nods curtly and turns to leave the park and I notice that his normally perfect posture is slightly slumped forward at the shoulders. Dejected. That's what that look is and for some reason my heart clenches painfully in my chest and I stand up and go after him. I'm not sure why I feel the need to do so, maybe I subconsciously think the guy is okay, but whatever the reason, I feel like I have to stop him. But stop him from walking away or something else, I'm not sure, it's just a feeling.
I stop and he stops. He looks back at me with those gorgeous ocean blue eyes darkened with some terrifying emotion and I, for some reason, can't stop the small smile from spreading over my face. His eyebrows furrow slightly and he looks pissed but I'm not scared right now. He doesn't scare me in the 'I'm going to smash your face into the ground' sense, not anymore and I don't know why.
"What are you-,"
"Love." I interrupt him and he freezes, blue eyes going wide. Dear God, did I just interrupt Eddward fucking Vincent? Okay now he's going to kill me! But he doesn't move other than to turn slightly toward me. His lips are parted a bit and I can see that (not adorable) gap between his teeth. His face is slack and shock is evident before he schools his face back into a blank stare.
"What?" he hisses at me. Ha! He just fucking hissed at me! I chuckle softly. Asshole.
"I said love. That is my reason for living." He scoffs at me then gives me a cruel smirk and stalks toward me doing his best to intimidate me but for some reason it's not working right now. Either I've completely lost my mind or this is all a fucking dream because I'm not scared of Eddward Vincent at this very moment.
"Love is a pathetic notion." He growls out as he stops a foot in front of me. His (beautiful I mean ugly) face is scrunched up in anger and frustration. Whatever happened to Edd must really be affecting him if he's showing so much emotion to me. I'm curious to know what happened but I know better than to ask. One, he'd never tell me. Two, he'd probably kick my ass. And three, I'm too tired to actually do so.
"It's not." I stand up to my full height (which isn't much but whatever) and set a steely determined emerald gaze at the fuming swim captain. I see him clench his jaw tight and his hands, now out of his pockets, round into fists, shaking slightly in anger. I see him open his mouth to refute my statement but I interrupt him once more. God I must have a death wish!
"Love can be found in many things, places, and people Edd. You only have to look for it." Woohoo! Score another for me! I've managed to shock this asshole twice in like fifteen minutes! How fucking awesome is that! Oh shit! Edd looks terrifying now! Man, I really pissed him off this time. He grabs the front of my jacket and pulls me that last foot closer to him. His face is closer to mine and now I'm scared. Definitely should not have pushed this, now that I think about it.
"What if you aren't meant to be loved?" his voice an angry whisper. My wide eyes grow slightly wider at his question, trying to comprehend what he meant with it. "What if you are incapable of loving anything?" A cold shiver runs down my spine as I catch a hint of despair in his voice. Does he really think like this? Everyone has the right to love and be loved…at least I believe they do. Chewing thoughtfully on my bottom lip, I try to think of a way to convey this to him without him calling me childish or foolish.
Eddward always seems to hold people at arms length, even his so called friends. I remember hearing my parents talk about him a few years ago, mention something about his parents never being home. Could that be at least part of it? Was he never shown love as a child? As a teenager? Ever? I could feel the sharp pricks of pain behind my eyes and I realize with horror that I'm literally about to cry for Eddward. Eddward fucking Vincent! No one truly knows the genius, I don't even think anyone has really bothered to get to know him. Aside from maybe Marie and Johnny and Jimmy but…they have other friends and Edd…Edd doesn't.
At this point I'm aware that the Shark of the swim team is glaring hard at me as tears slowly run down my face, making me shiver from the mixture of warm tears and cold air. It's then that I remember something Nazz read to me from one of her favorite romance novels (let's not start with that one though okay?). Maybe this is why Edd is so…so Edd. Taking in a shaky breath, I slowly raise my hands to lightly grasp the one still clenched in my jacket and softly speak the quote.
"Holding people away from you, and denying yourself love, doesn't make you strong." I choke out, watching his eyes slowly widen before I continue to speak, "If anything, it makes you weaker, because you're doing it out of fear." Blue eyes, wider than I have ever seen them fill with an emotion I can't quite place, anguish maybe? His grip in my jacket loosens and he slowly takes a step back before completely letting go of me. I feel a surge of determination go through me again, I feel empowered.
"I don't know what the hell is going on with you Eddward, but seriously, I know there are people that care about you. It may not be the people you truly want love from, but they are out there. They like you as you are, all of your pent-up asshole-ishness included. You can hit me for saying this later or whatever, I don't care. You apparently need someone to tell you to stop being a whiny little shit and take charge of your own life. No one can control how you feel Eddward, not me, not your friends, and most definitely not your parents.
It's okay to fear things dude, but to not live your life for fear of people leaving you? That's kinda sad you know. Cause then…then you're not really living you know? You're letting fear control you and you, you, are Eddward Vincent, the scariest jerk in Peach Creek." I finish with what I know to be my best smirk and I feel proud of myself, well at least for now…I may end up regretting this later but I don't give two shits at the moment. I pretty much just told Eddward Vincent he was being a little bitch! I'm in too good a mood to let a possible future beating (or more) put a damper on how I feel at this very moment.
We both stand opposite each other for quite awhile, my smirk still firmly on my face and the dumbest look I've ever seen on Edd's. What I wouldn't give for a camera right now. His body is loose and his jaw slack but what surprises me the most I think and what finally gets rid of my smirk is what looks to be tears filling the taller teens' eyes. Now I'm panicking. Oh shit! Did I just make him cry? Oh crap! Now I'm really gonna die! I take a step forward with my arms raised but freeze because I have no idea what to do.
Do I hug him? (What?!) Do I leave him here by himself? Do I…Do I…oh for the love of shit what the hell do I do?! He turns away from me quickly, his body tense, and lifts his head to the sky, clenching his fists tightly at his sides. The grey hood falls from the beanie and I know I've just fucked up. Gulping fearfully I slowly move toward my bully (my?) and gently place a hand on his back between his shoulder blades. Holy crap! Are those muscles?! Damn! Shaking my stupid thoughts from my mind I slowly rub a small circle on his back.
"E-Edd?" My voice is shaky and I feel myself begin to tremble slightly at the lack of acknowledgement from the taller teen. I hope to god I didn't just break Eddward. I'd probably die…actually I would die. I feel him pull away from me and my heart drops. He doesn't acknowledge me at all and I have a terrible feeling settling in my gut as I think over the whole conversation quickly. Unable to stop myself I rush forward a grab one of his wrists tightly with both hands stopping him. I know I look scared and I can feel my own tears returning as I pull back hoping he looks at me. Once his eyes meet mine I can't help the soft whine that escapes my throat.
"E-Edd, please," I beg softly, "P-please don't do anything stupid." His beautiful blue eyes stare blankly into my own before he sighs and rolls his eyes as he detaches my hands from his wrist. He takes a couple steps, sees that I'm not next to him and glares back at me jerking his head in his direction. I stare for only a moment then stumble toward him, tripping slightly but catching myself. Once I'm even with him he starts moving once more, hands shoved in his tight pockets and looking ahead. I gaze at him curiously but stop when a low growl reaches my ears and I blush looking away slightly embarrassed.
"You needn't fret Pumpkin," he says low and slowly, an odd combination for him, "I do not intend to take my own life, if that is what you believe. I was merely-,"
"W-wait!" I interrupted (again) loudly and step in front of him hands held up to stop him. He's surprised once more but that quickly changes to anger before I finish what I started. I really have to stop interrupting him… "It's okay, you don't have to tell me anything. I'm sure you have your reasons for why you uh…for everything but um…" I stop, feeling my shoulders sag. I'm not sure what I was trying to say, again. I just blurted it out without thinking, again. I must be really fucking tired then, cause I'm not making any sense.
I give Edd a look, what kind of look I don't know but before I turn around and run home, I do the one thing I never would've expected. I hugged Eddward fucking Vincent, and I hugged that bastard tight. Felt all his hard muscles; smelled his scent of books and peppermint with a faint underscore of chlorine and heard his quick but steady and strong heartbeat. The hug didn't last long (definitely not long enough) but I let go (reluctantly) and quickly took off for home not once looking back.
Once I was changed and nestled snuggly in my bed I looked at the time, 2:45 in the morning. It's late…or early but I still could not sleep. I stared at the ceiling for a moment before sitting up and peeking out my window. Gasping slightly in surprise I nearly fell out of bed when I saw Eddward standing underneath the streetlamp at the end if my driveway. Hands in his pockets, posture relaxed, and dear lord was that a smile on his face? I think it is…it's small but it's there. I was unsure of whether or not the Shark had seen me but I didn't care in all honesty. I gave a curt nod and received one in return before the mostly black figure turned and strolled gracefully back to his own home. Once he disappeared from my sight, I settled back down into the blankets with a soft smile and closed my eyes, glasses still on my slightly warm face.
I can always sleep in.
This is my first EEnE Fic and honestly I'm a bit nervous about it. It's been a very long while since I've written anything like this and I'm not sure I do the characters' justice. I literally sat one full day, listened to the same song over and over again and wrote this out.
I'm fairly new to the Keveed/R!Kevedd fandom and OMG! is all I can say.
So this fic was originally supposed to be a one-shot but since I started it I've developed a few ideas for a longer fic, please let me know if this is worth continuing. Thanks!
Reverse characters inspired and only inspired by asphyxion.