Characters borrowed from S. Meyer
Chapter 1
Bella – Aug. 2013
"Edward, hurry up, we're already so late," I whined as I plopped onto his bed. He was rifling through his dresser for the perfect pair of pants.
"That's the point," he said, comparing two pairs side by side.
I resisted the urge to groan and flopped back onto his mattress. "You realize this is just dinner, right? There's no need to put this much time into your outfit."
He ignored my plea and shoved a beanie onto his head.
"Could I pull this off?"
"It'll do, let's go. Did you pick up the wine I asked you for?"
I bounded off the bed toward the kitchen and listened for his steps behind me. The article in question was sitting neatly in a tall clear bag, ready for toting.
"Good boy," I teased, patting him on the cheek good-naturedly before reaching for my keys. His hand flew to mine.
"B, stop it. You know the rules," he chided as he grabbed the keys and held out my coat.
I let him help me into my jacket and grumbled, "Just because I know the rules doesn't mean I have to like them." He chuckled and pulled me closer by the lapels of my coat. I closed my eyes at the touch of his lips against my forehead.
Edward's personal fashion show had made us forty five minutes late to dinner, which was nothing new.
"Look who decided to show up! It's literally a five minute drive and you're still the last ones here," Ben smirked when he saw us. Everyone cheered as we walked in and Edward took the sarcastic praise in stride, bowing to everyone. I opted for an eye roll as I pushed the bottle of wine over to Ben's fiancée.
I met Ben Cheney and Angela Weber in high school back in Forks. Theirs was a high school sweetheart love story. They'd known from the first moment they met that they'd spend the rest of their lives together. Today, seven months to their wedding and in a newly purchased home, they're kind of the definition of 'having your shit together'.
"This guy took forever to get dressed."
"She wouldn't let me out of bed," he stage whispered, causing the entire room to erupt into whistles and catcalls.
"Oh shut up."
"Finally coming to your senses huh, Edward?" Edward's twin sister, Alice Cullen, questioned, standing to give us both hugs.
"That's not true, nothing happened," I corrected, resulting in a round of boos from the group.
Besides myself and Edward, Ben and Angela had invited Alice, Jasper Hale, Rosalie Hale, and Emmett McCarty.
Jasper and Alice had started dating in their final year at university. When Alice came back to Washington, she brought Jasper with her, and he'd been a part of the family ever since. Everyone was happy for Alice. She had badly needed someone on her side at that point in her life, and Jasper was the perfect savior. He had helped bring her back to us, and that was something I would be forever grateful for.
Rosalie was Jasper's younger sister, who had moved to Washington with him to get away from their parents. She was a couple years younger than the rest of us. She had transferred to the University of Washington where she met Emmett, Edwards best guy friend from high school and ever faithful partner in crime.
"You're the worst Bells, just go out with the guy already!" Jasper shouted and everyone started to cheer again.
"She's got much better prospects than me, trust me. Besides, I make it a point no to date brunettes who can kick my ass," Edward said as he moved quickly out of my swinging range.
That didn't stop me. I attempted to hit him anyway.
"Edward, you'd be lucky to go out with Bella," Rosalie spoke up in a clipped tone, and I noticed the hand that Jasper laid on her leg.
Rosalie and Edward were never close. They'd made public knowledge of their distaste for each other, Rosalie citing Edward as a self-absorbed asshole, while he considered her a vapid sorority girl.
"Gross, it would be like dating my sister. She's my dearest friend but I'd have to have a certain level of attraction to someone to date them. Sorry sis," Edward shot me a sarcastic smile.
Even though my heart ripped, my stomach flipped. Because this asshole was kind of the love of my life, and I wasn't even on his radar.
"You know you have an actual sister, right?" Alice remarked, unamused.
"I know, but I try my best pretend you don't exist."
"Maybe if you just dated Bella then you wouldn't have to worry about confusing yourself."
"How do we always end up talking about this?" I groaned.
Just like Edward and Rosalie's hate for each other, everyone knew about my feeling for him, but not one person in the room could deny that I was the exact opposite of the girls he dated. Where I exuded love that went beyond reason for the man, Edward exuded just as much charm and sex appeal to every woman that wasn't me. Not to say that he didn't love me too, but pursuing a romance with me had just never seemed to concern him.
I'd rather have a platonic part of him than nothing at all.
"Who's ready for dinner?" Angela asked as she stood to guide everyone to the table, diffusing the palpable tension that had taken hold of the room. Ben helped her table the food and we all began to serve ourselves, after which the conversation flowed pretty easily. Topics like my pathetic crush on Edward were abandoned in favor of things like work and the weather, and Ben and Ang's looming nuptials.
"Everything's great!" Angele smiled from ear to ear when asked how the planning was going. "We're making some really good plans. Ben just found the DJ we're going to use and we have the invitations-"
"The important question is when is the food tasting?" Emmett cut in. "I need to be in on that."
I rolled my eyes, "God Emmett, it's a tasting not a dinner invitation. You can't go."
Emmett pouted, "I'm in the wedding party, I should be there."
"Hold on," Edward dropped his fork, "he's one of your groomsmen? What the hell, I thought I was going to be in the wedding."
Ben scoffed, "Fuck off, Edward. You don't really want that. You can't commit to anything."
Edward clutched his chest in mock pain, "Right through the ticker."
"You can go to the tasting, Emmett," Angela smiled politely, placing a hand on his arm. He smiled with a mouthful of food and she recoiled, disgusted.
"Gross."
Edward ignored Angela and Emmett and spoke up again, "It's fine, groomsmen have to do too much work anyway. I need to focus on my real mission…"
"Celebrating our holy matrimony?" Angela asked sarcastically.
"Bagging the hottest chick I can find." Edward flashed her a smile and the women at the table groaned.
"Gross," Angela repeated while a round of high fives passed between the guys. Ben lowered his hand quickly at Angela's withering gaze.
The lump that formed in my throat at his words seemed insurmountable.
I took in a deep breath to steady myself.
He can do whatever he pleases. He doesn't belong to you.
It was true, but that never made it hurt any less.
The chatter had picked up again before I could gain focus. "Restroom break. Back in a sec," I said before I dropped my napkin on my half empty plate and headed for the bathroom down the hall.
I didn't miss the way Alice and Rosalie exchanged a pained look.
I didn't want to pine after Edward like this. I hated that he unknowingly had so much power over my emotions. The simplest little mention how he didn't see me romantically was always a reminder of how I never stood a chance with him. The first time I remember even having feelings was at the beginning of our junior year of high school, when someone had brought to my attention how completely ignorant I was to the number of guys in my class that had a crush on me. I hadn't even realize that Edward was my world until other people had started to invade.
oOo
"Hey B, I have a question for you," Edward called. I looked up from my textbook to see him peeking at me over the enormous stack of books I'd curated from the shelves of the school library.
"Step into my office," I offered, pushing my school supplies aside. He plopped down beside me and my stomach flipped as his body weight rested against mine.
"Would you maybe, possibly want to go to the movies with me tonight?"
I rolled my eyes to cover my embarrassment at having to have this conversation again. My parents had never really let me go out with boys alone, even if it was Edward. They'd kept pretty true to their long standing, no-datng-until-you're-sixteen rule. My birthday was in less than a month but my dad refused to make any exceptions, determined to squeeze out every last day of enforcement that he could.
"I mean, I'd love to but you know how serious my parents are about the whole going out with guys alone thing," I scoffed. Edward knew that better than anyone.
"Well we wouldn't be alone. It's actually a double date. Leah and Jake would be going as well," he explained.
"A date?"
"Yeah, a date. Movies, popcorn, maybe a slushy," he chuckled.
"Fine," I said cooly. "Pick me up, and don't call it a double date, my parents would flip."
"Yes ma'am, I'll be there at six. I figured everyone would want to catch an earlier show since it's a school night and everything."
I smiled and bumped his shoulder, "Sounds great. I'll be ready."
He bumped my shoulder back and left the library. I didn't see him again until that night.
Our small talk while standing in line at the box office was normal, comfortable even. Edward said something stupid and I punched him in the chest, he placed his hands on my shoulders and massaged playfully as we argued about anything we could. At first I was nervous because I'd never been on a double date, or a date period, but I quickly realized that I shouldn't have been worried because I'd never an awkward moment with Edward. He was my best friend, and going on dates with your best friend was kind of awesome.
"Edward?" a voice called from behind us. It was Jacob Black, a classmate of ours standing with a girl who I had never seen before but assumed to be Leah.
"Perfect timing, guys," Edward said, leaving me to extend a handshake to Jake before hugging Leah tightly.
We're trying to decide what we want to see. Bella says The Forgotten, I say Resident Evil."
"Resident Evil," Leah and Jake said in unison.
"Three against one, B. Sorry," he smirked, and I couldn't help but roll my eyes at him.
"Oh, by the way," Edward spoke up again, "Bella this is Leah. Leah, my best friend Bella."
"So this is the famous Bella," Leah smiled, pulling me into a hug that was way too familiar of someone who I had just met. "Eddy has told me so much about you!"
"He has?" I asked, pulling away and arching my eyebrow at him. Leah went back to his side and he immediately wrapped his arm around her. She reached up and grabbed his hand over her shoulder, entwining their fingers.
My eyebrows shot up as the realization hit me.
Edward wasn't asking me out on a date, he was asking me to come with him to be someone else's date. Jake's date.
Edward beamed, "Of course. I want my girlfriend and my best friend to get along. I had to give her some kind of warning."
Everyone laughed and I chuckled lightly, using my refocus of attention on Jake as the perfect excuse to look away from the happy couple standing before me.
"Hi, Bella," Jake said, looking at me shyly.
"Hi, Jake," I responded, pulling him into a hug. His chest was the perfect place to hide my embarrassment at my misunderstanding. Thinking back on it, Edward had never said that he wanted to go on a date with me. Could I technically be mad at him about it?
I decided that I could, and I spent the rest of the night keeping my distance from him. Not only did I feel like a fool, I also unknowingly agreed to a date with a guy that I would never have feelings for.
The rest of the date went well, relatively speaking. Despite having to catch Edward and Leah making out during most of the movie, Jake's arm had taken permanent residence around the back of my chair. I felt like I was going to burst from anxiety. I hated that he so casually clung to me, that social norms forced me into sharing my popcorn with him, and that he asked for one straw in the slushy instead of two. Even more than that, I hated that he thought we were really on a date.
By the time everyone had said their goodbyes I was in a foul mood. I tried my best not to act moody with Jake and Leah. After all, they weren't the ones who had tricked me into this date. It was Edward, and he was the person my wrath was focused on.
Any of his attempts to talk to me after we got in the car fell on deaf ears. I pretended to fall asleep on the way back to avoid talking to him. When he dropped me off he tried to walk me to my door but I brushed him off, saying that I didn't want him to have to leave the warm car.
I remember spending the rest of that week on my own, making sure to avoid both Edward and Jake. Eventually I got over it. The longer Edward was with Leah the more I realized that I wanted him. It hurt that he didn't want me but I realized that I could live with it.
oOo
After that, there were other things that kept us apart. More importnat things
oOo
Edward and Leah dated the rest of junior year. When he would come to me with their problems I would selfishly take comfort in the fact that even though they were together, they were far from perfect. And after all the drama that inevitably comes with high school relationships, they ended right before the summer started.
My relief was brief, however, because Jane had taken over his life by the start of senior year. They only lasted a few months but in that span of time there had been a pregnancy scare and a run in with her parents that ended the relationship. Something about their daughter being cussed out by her high school boyfriend hadn't gone over well with them.
Go figure.
Turns out the baby wasn't even his. Big surprise there. I had warned him on more than one occasion to be wary of her, but it took her actual baby's father to come out and admit their shenanigans before Edward saw the light.
And when he was heartbroken, I was there to console him.
The rest of the year was quite, but in the summer before college, the unthinkable happened. I was spending the weekend with Alice and Edward because their parents were out of town at a medical convention for his father, Carlisle. We spent the weekend as careless teenagers on the brink of adulthood, drinking in the last few moments of the carelessness that childhood provided.
It was a Saturday night that we got the news out at First Beach via phone call to Alice's cell. She stepped away to take a call and came back crying and stammering, her words unintelligible.
"Mom and dad," she managed to sputter out behind a waterfall of tears. She was collecting her purse and I dialed in to her in just enough time to hear wail the words car accident.
"What do you mean, car accident?" Edward's voice broke as he ran after Alice, who was already running back to the car. When she dropped the keys in the sand and dropped to her knees to frantically look for them, I knew I should be the one to drive.
I took them to their grandparent's house in Port Angeles where we learned that Carlisle and Esme had been hit by a drunk driver on their way back to Forks. Carlisle had been pronounced dead on the scene, and Esme was in critical condition. By the time we made it to the hospital, it was too late.
After the funeral, everything had changed.
Alice was withdrawn and Edward thought that meant he needed to compensate by taking on an exuberant personality. Alice went off on scholarship to the University of Houston on a full ride to get away from it all while Edward stayed behind to help his grandparents close out the loose ends of his parents' lives.
I offered to defer a year and stay with him, but both he and my parents had refused to let me.
"It's not your responsibility to take care of me. You can't put your life on hold just because mine has fallen apart."
I reluctantly went off to Washington State, which was eight hours inland, but we always kept in close contact.
By sophomore year, Edward acted so differently that I could hardly recognize him. Thankfully, he had opted to join me at university and by then he'd long dropped his exuberant facade. When he came to terms with everything he became deeply unhappy, not only at the death of his parents but at the realization that he'd lost some of the best time of his life to such a painful experience. He was only a year behind Alice and myself, but he saw that as a painful reminder of why he hadn't gone off to school with the rest of us.
He resented Alice for leaving him behind to handle things without her and just as she was finally healing, he ripped her apart again.
The first time I spoke to her since college started was when she called me to ask me for advice. When I agreed with Edward that it seemed a little selfish to leave him in Forks, she was hurt. I hadn't meant to take sides, but in making my observations I had angered her, and I didn't hear from her again until after graduation.
Between the parade of women he brought around to the late nights he'd spend partying and drinking, Edward had gone completely reckless. I tried my best to help him, but managing his mental health was far beyond my pay grade. As much as I pleaded with him, he would ignore my concern and would even get upset to the point of lashing out, throwing tantrums and refusing to speak to me for days on end.
Those were always our worst times.
In spring semester I convinced him to get help. His severe mood swings had caused me to recoil at his touch, unsure if he'd pull me in and cling desperately to me or push me away.
The fact that I didn't feel comfortable around him prompted him to bargain with me. He agreed to get help if I promised to work on our friendship. Both were things I wanted, so I agreed.
From there, things had only gotten better.