Chapter 1

Gail had let her mind wander, staring into space while she sat at her desk post for the day. She had been given desk duty for her shift today, but instead of scoffing in her usual manner about it, she welcomed it today. She was too distracted to be of much use in the field and truth be told, she felt she could use the alone time. The last thing she needed today was to be trapped in a car for 12 hours with Price and her incessant banter.

It had been exactly 2 days and 4 hours since Holly left on her flight to San Francisco. Gail tried not to count the hours, but she couldn't help herself. She now sat back in her chair and flashed back to that night, the night she had hoped would go very differently, the night she actually let herself believe for a moment that she, Gail Peck, was finally going to get everything she could have pictured she ever wanted – A painfully beautiful, loving, truly amazing girlfriend and an adorable, smart and insane, as Gail likes to call her, daughter. She didn't kid herself into thinking it was all going to be easy and that Holly wouldn't have concerns with the sudden news sprung on her, but after Holly stormed into that interrogation room and kissed her as though no one else in the world had ever existed, Gail had faith that her and Holly were truly meant to be and would overcome any obstacles together.

And then the words left Holly's mouth that day in the locker room and hung in the air as though they had escaped from the depths of Gail's worst fears. She heard the words, but took several moments to process, standing silently staring back into those beautiful brown eyes that had the power to absolutely crush her. In another life where Sophie hadn't existed, Gail wouldn't have hesitated to take Holly up on her offer to join her. She had let Holly get away once and she would have never made that mistake again. But this was reality, and she now has her heart split in two, both Holly and Sophie grasping with equal force. She knew she couldn't ask Holly to stay, and she knew she couldn't leave, not without Sophie. The pause between them had been several moments, and Gail was sure she had allowed the grasp of her heartbreak to show in her face, not being able to bring herself to look Holly back in the eyes. Before Gail could respond, Holly slowly walked over to her and gently lifted her chin up towards her with her hand so she could stare into those gorgeous blue eyes that always melted her heart. In that moment a single tear started to fall from Gail's eye and she felt everything in her brain telling her to beg Holly to stay, beg her not to leave. Not now, not when she had finally just gotten her back. Before she could say anything, Holly pressed her lips to Gail's and held them there, conveying the emotions they were both struggling to accept, the realities they hadn't known before Holly entered the room that night.

"PECK! Look alive would ya? The phone isn't going to answer itself" Oliver called from the stairs up to his office. And with that, Gail was back into reality, the reality that put her and Holly thousands of miles apart. Another call, another day on the job. Just as she hung up the phone, the courier came by with a stack of files he was dropping off for detective Nash. She let a little smirk slip out before she even realized. "I guess the courier hadn't been dead after all" she thought to herself.

Gail went home that night after shift and wanted nothing more than to drown her sorrows in a bottle of tequila. Instead she opted for cheese puffs and self-pity on the couch because she had to train herself to prepare for her future as a potential parent to Sophie and behavior like that wouldn't be acceptable, no matter how shitty she felt. After devouring the bag and settling on a silly comedy on Netflix she was going to watch, she went to change into something more comfortable that she had no intentions of changing out of until 2 days from then when she had to see the light of day again to go in for her next shift. When she entered her room and rummaged through her laundry basket she caught sight of it. Holly's big grey sweater. She picked it up and checked to see if it still smelled of Holly, a mixture of her vanilla moisturizer and that enchanting perfume Gail could never get enough of. The smell was still there, but was faint. Another reminder of the time that had passed since Holly was there in Gail's room. Holding the sweater tightly hugged in her arms, she flashes back to that night. Against both of their better judgment after that fateful locker room revelation, they couldn't stay away from each other. It had been only 3 hours after they parted ways at the station that night before Gail heard her phone go off. It was a text from Holly.

Holly: I know it's late and we're an emotional disaster right now, but I can't sleep and I would kill just about anyone to feel you sleeping next to me tonight.

Gail re-read that message several times, trying each time to convince herself not to do it. Not to throw on the first pair of pants she could find and run to Holly's. She knew it would be a bad idea. Holly was leaving and she was staying. She typed out a reply and hit send quickly before she had a chance to change her mind.

Gail: No murdering required, come over here. Now.

"Shit" Gail exclaimed out loud. Logical Gail knew this would make things so much worse, but emotional Gail couldn't think of anything she wanted more than to feel Holly's skin on her skin, to hear her breathing next to her. Her phone went off again.

Holly: I'll be there in 10 minutes

"Shit"

"Dr. Stewart, this is Dr. Dunphy. He will be working closely alongside you with the next few projects we have starting" Dr. Ryan Green announced. He was one of Holly's new boss' in San Francisco. It was her first day at work after a hectic 2 days of travel and frantic unpacking in her small, but quaint new apartment.

"Nice to meet you Dr. Dunphy, feel free to call me Holly though, I insist." She extended her hand to meet his in a handshake. "Alright Holly, will do! I will check back in with you later this afternoon, I have a few other tasks to attend to this morning. Please, make yourself at home here and set up however you like."

It was a state of the art lab, with all the research and test equipment she could have ever imagined in her wildest nerd dreams. She should feel happy, she should feel proud that she had gotten this incredible job opportunity. Instead she felt empty and miserable. It had been 2 days since she saw Gail, and their last encounter was exhausting and utterly heart wrenching. Gail had insisted on being the one to drop her off at the airport, despite the fact they both knew it was going to be almost impossible to watch each other leave for the last time, to give each other their last kiss. Holly knew Gail couldn't leave Toronto, not after she saw how she lit up talking about that little girl. She could hear it in Gail's voice, and see it in the expression on her face when she spoke of her that she had been completely taken by Sophie. Holly knew Gail one day wanted kids, she just hadn't pictured it being so soon, so sudden. Despite that, she had no doubt that Gail would be an incredible mother. Holly wasn't about to do anything to take that away from Gail. Holly contemplated staying, taking back her job acceptance and staying in Toronto. Her contemplations kept her up every night for the 2 weeks before she had left. She wanted Gail more than she had ever wanted anyone, but was unsure of how to navigate this uncertain path. She was worried that carrying on with their relationship would distract Gail from her adoption process, that somehow it would interfere with the hoops Gail was going to have to jump through before Sophie would ever be allowed to go home with her. She wouldn't be able to live with herself if she had done anything to get in the way of something she could tell Gail was aching for. She knew Gail had wanted to ask her to stay, though she wouldn't let herself ask that sacrifice of Holly, Holly could sense it every time she felt a longing stare of those disarming blue eyes of hers in those last 2 weeks they spent together.

Holly remembered that first night after their life altering locker room encounter, the night she gave in to her impulses and asked Gail to spend the night with her. Gail being Gail, Holly had half expected her to ignore her message and be already fleeing for the hills never to be heard from again as she had done last time she thought she was trying to avoid heartbreak. She had never sped so much in her life as she did driving to Gail's immediately after receiving her reply. She needed her that night, she needed to allow herself one last night of the illusion that her and Gail were together and that everything was perfect, that no bombs had been dropped, no time had passed since they were last together. She loved Gail more than she thought she could ever love anyone, and for that night she just needed to give into that feeling. She knew they needed to talk more in depth once they both had time to process in order to try and gain understanding and closure, but that night was not the night for that. That would have to wait for the morning to rear it's ugly head.

The minute Gail opened the front door Holly felt as though her knees were going to give in. Even in her disheveled state, Gail was breathtaking. That feeling, since the first day they met, never seemed to go away for Holly. "Hi, I'm glad you're here" Gail confessed as she led Holly into her apartment. "I wouldn't want to be anywhere else" Holly replied.

"Dr Stewart, are you in here?" Holly heard Dr Dunphy call from the entrance of her lab, snapping her out of her recollection. "I'm here, in the office" she replied. "Oh here you are. A few of us were heading out to lunch at this lovely bistro down the street and would love for you to join us" Dunphy insisted. "Sure, I'll grab my bag and meet you out front" she responded. Holly really just wanted nothing more than to be left alone in her office organizing her books and paperwork, but she didn't want to make a bad first impression. After all, the last thing she wanted was for anyone to inquire about her current state of mind. She mustered up the best smile she could and walked towards the doors to greet her new colleagues.