Title: Behind Blue Eyes
Disclaimer: Nothing's mine. It all belongs to Ian Fleming, I think.
Summary: Songfic. Set to "Behind Blue Eyes" by Limp Bizkit. Bond/ Vesper.
Genre: Romance/ Poetry
Rating: T
A/ N: I'm German. This is my first story in English. I hope you will help me to correct the mistakes I've made in this fanfic. Please leave a review for me!
oOoOo
„I would ask you if you can remain emotionally detached, but I don't think that's your problem, Bond."
Sometimes words start a series of reactions. Your heart is always longing for something. Even if this longing is a whisper far behind. You cannot reach it, you cannot even feel it is there. And before you can kill this feeling, it is stronger than yourself. It pulls you down or takes you away and you cannot stop it. Suddenly it takes place in your life, in your heart. I was never meant to love anyone. But it was stronger than me. They could not see it. I don't know if you did.
"No one knows what it's like
To be the bad man
To be the sad man
Behind blue eyes."
I don't know if you saw these eyes sparkle in your presence. They did. Perhaps they were captured behind a grey curtain, hidden too long to show you what I really felt. I'm not the man to hug and kiss without lust, only to prove my affection. My hands have killed, my body is an instrument. There's no truth in making love. Not for me. I'm the one who's standing aside, watching love go by.
"No one knows what it's like
To be hated
To be fated
To telling only lies."
You know there was a moment when life changed. You and I sitting in the shower fully clothed.
I use to drink after I've killed somebody, only to abate the feeling. The pain seems to die away. Sometimes it comes back, but there is always alcohol keeping my feelings hidden.
You were there, leaning at my shoulder, not trying to wipe off your emotions. It was the moment I felt, life could be different. "Just because you've done something, doesn't mean you have to keep doing it", you said. And this time I believed you.
"But my dreams
They aren't as empty
As my conscience seems to be.
I have hours, only lonely
My love is vengeance
That's never free."
Could I be someone else? Could a man who has killed be someone else than a killer? You gave me an impression of what life could be. And I believed in what you gave to me. I was a fool trusting you. But not fool enough to love you without mistrust. I've seen enough to know that life goes this way, that people can be lovers and enemies at the same time. Love isn't something pure. It is just an illusion that cuts your senses like a knife. And you cannot stop it until it hurts you with all its cruelty.
"No one knows what it's like
To feel these feelings
Like I do
And I blame you."
It was a game. Am I right? You knew there was a point I couldn't return from. From where I could not not love you. But you didn't know how cold I could be, that I could kill this part of me which really felt love. That I could even kill you.
"No one bites back as hard
On their anger
None of my pain woe
Can show through."
When you realized that, there was just one way out. Killing yourself was the only way you could hurt me anymore. A broken man with a broken heart. That's what you've made of me. And no one will ever know.
"But my dreams
They aren't as empty
As my conscience seems to be.
I have hours, only lonely
My love is vengeance
That's never free."
I wish I could remember these moments without betraying. I wish I could feel your touch, your eyes looking at me with true love. I'm not fool enough to believe you really loved me. Love is just a name. Easy to break, not heavy enough to speak of it with caution. There are times I wish I would have never known you betrayed me. Just kiss me once again. I know it's not love. But I won't feel the difference.
"When my fist clenches, crack it open
Before I use it and lose my cool.
When I smile, tell me some bad news
Before I laugh and act like a fool."
I'm the man who kills for his country. I'm the man who can sleep with a bad conscience. No one will ever see me cry. The secret of mourning is hidden behind blue eyes.
"If I swallow anything evil
Put your finger down my throat.
If I shiver, please give me a blanket,
Keep me warm, let me wear your coat."
"If you need time James…"
They think there is something behind these blue eyes. An emotion.
"Why would I need time? The job is done. The bitch is dead."
I really don't know if there is one.
"No one knows what it's like
To be the bad man
To be the sad man
Behind blue eyes."