In the end, why do I have to be alone?
My brother left house a year ago. Actually, I thought he was studying with his friends, so I paid no attention to his activities. But lately that time, he didn't come home often. Sometimes until 2 or 3 months, then only he'll be back, with scars or bruises on his body. I frequently asked him his school schedule and why he rarely got into contact with me when he's 'studying' but he never answered my question. He'll avoid it with his awkwardly made up smiles. But last year, in X'mas, he came home and spent his time with me. But it wasn't long. He went missing in action again after receiving a phone call from an unknown friend. Who knows, after that, he went missing for about 5 months before some policemen came to the house and informed me that they found my brother. Dead.
And here I am, in school, sitting alone like there isn't anyone here. The Mathematics teacher wasn't feeling so well, so we have 2 hours of doing nothing. The class is in wreck. It is just too noisy with all the chattering and laughing and bitches. Just to name a few. I took out the paper piece which Kazuki gave me before he... Well, I don't want to say that or I'll end up crying.
What should I do with the MILITIA thing? I can't stand sitting duck... The very least I wanted to do is to find out about Kazuki. I want to know what secrets he's been keeping from me. I want to know what he was doing all these while, before he died. I want to know... But how? There is just no way I'll find out about-
"Hotaru?" Touya came and sat next to me, in an empty seat of another absent classmate.
He had this pitiful face on him; I just don't understand what's up with that face anyway. Touya had always been so caring about me, not just since Kazuki and Reiki left, but more earlier than that. As I could remember, from middle high
"Are you okay?" he asked, in a low voice.
Maybe he doesn't want others to overheard. I just nod weakly. Surely he knew my condition right now, and he's trying his best not to hurt me more. Honestly, I can't look at him... Why is he making that sad expression every time he comes near me, lately? Touya, I'll cry if you keep on with that-
"I'm worried about you,"
I'm worried about myself too, Touya. But if I say that, you'll be more worried. He pat my head lightly, as gentle as he can. It felt so good when he did that, when he's making me calm. Last time in Kazuki's funeral, he wrapped me in his arms, when I was crying my heart out. His hug last time was so warm; it's like when Kazuki was around.
I remembered Kazuki last touch... It was when I was about to go to bed. Approximately a year from now. A year... I didn't realize how fast the time flows by. The last time I see Kazuki's smile was just like yesterday.
There are some orphanages starts to send their invites to me, not to mention the social workers that come to the house. They keep on encouraging me to go into the orphanage or boarding school, and they're even willing to find me a new family. Family huh? No... I've gave up on having that. They'll leave me, just like Mama and Papa... and Kazuki.
"Touya, help me with this," I hand over the piece of paper to him.
"What is this? A puzzle?" His big, black round eyes widen.
"Not really. Kazuki told me it's a phone number. But those are alphabets, not numbers. Kazuki isn't that stupid either not knowing the differences,"
He looked at me and then moved his gaze upon the paper. He took a pencil out from my opened pencil case and starts scribbling something. I know his bangs are bothering him since he's brushing it off his forehead for about 10 times in the last 2 minutes, so I took off my hair clip and slowly collect his fringes to the left side of his face and clipped it down. He smiled and thanked me for it.
"It's a...Very easy puzzle I guess? It's a bit shocking that you can't figure this out, Hotaru," he said, handing back the paper. I could see numbers there. He simply arranges back letters from A to Z and starts numbering them. The word MILITIA gives off number from the letter's numbering position.
MILITIA: *some numbers which I forget*
So, what Kazuki meant was, I have to call this number to know about him more? But he said that I can only use it when he didn't come home... Does death brings the same meaning? But... When he died, he... Come back home. Doesn't he?
"I can't think right...," I looked down the paper. Kazuki's handwriting. That's right. I can't think sanely, right now. If it was me, I'll just kill myself to end this pain. Just when I thought that I'll be living peacefully with Kazuki and... Reiki, things started to go wrong. Reiki disappeared without a trace and Kazuki... Died.
"I'm really pathetic, right, Touya?"
"No you're not." He smiles again. This time, very sweetly. His sweet smile made my heart ache. I know why it hurts so much… I feel like he's toying with me. I wanted him to agree with me on how pathetic I looked. I want him to understand what I'm going through. But there's no way he'll-
"You're amazing, Hotaru. To be so tough all this while... And I'm really proud of you,"
"… Stop making me all teary would you?" I sniffed as warm liquids start flowing out of my eyes. I wiped my tears with my blouse sleeves and tried my best to avoid eye contact with him. He chuckled and strokes my cheeks. Great, I'm blushing…
"There's nothing wrong with crying, you know?" he moved his face closer to me till our foreheads came intact.
"Wh...What...What are you doing?" What the hell is he thinking? Getting so close like that..!
"Hehe… See, you're not that sad anymore," He laugh out loud, loud enough that everyone in class stared us. Gosh… Touya, you moron. He continued laughing like mad, well, eventually, pissing me off as well. That isn't even funny… what are you laughing about?
"Ahaha..! Ehem... Anyway…," he cleared his throat before continuing. "Mum told me to invite you for dinner. She'll be making some of your favorite dish. Care to join us?"
Dinner? With the Natsuo's?
"Err… No thanks. I'll be a bother for Misaki and the others"
"Ah? Haha, Misaki enjoys your company. She asks me about you every morning, you know?"
It's not that I want to turn down the offer, but it's just that… Touya have another 4 siblings to take care of. The house they lived in now hardly giving space to a growing boy like him. Of course it's just for dinner but… How can I ignore if it's about Misaki? I'm attached to that 14 months old girl now. Whenever I got to their house, she'll find a way to get into my arms just to hug me all the time. And not to mention, she's seriously cute, not like her brother here… (sorry Touya~)
And the others, they're just as nice as angels. His mum prepares me bentou everyday for school. But, it'll be uncomfortable for them to accept visitors too, although they never tell. Of course. Who would tell something like that?
"I… Err… It's… I'm going to eat outside today," Lies.
"If you insist… But Misaki will be sad if you don't," he grinned. Because he knew, I can't do anything if it's about his little sister. He made me all locked up. I'm hesitating to go; even so, he'll use Misaki against me. My words don't have any value in times like this.
"Misaki will cry you know? Yea, she loves to cry, especially in your case. She'll be like-"
"Fine, fine. I'll go," I said, pouting. No point in quarrelling with his guy. I'll lose anyway.
"So you're going? Then it's a deal. Come to my house at 6. Or you want me to pick you up?"
"No. I'll walk there," As I was about to keep the piece of paper Kazuki gave me, Touya took it from my hands.
"I'll keep it. And I'm going to give it back after dinner tonight. Just in case," He winked at me and walked back to his place.
"I've told you I'm going, so give it back! That's mine!"
"Are you going to make a fuss out of a piece of paper?"
It's not just a paper, baka! Its one thing I need to use in order to find my brother's steps!
"Just give it back to me, Touya! I'm not kidding!"
He ignored my request and took out his National History notebook, as he started to write some notes. He damnly ignores me! Now that's rude!
What if you forgot about it and straight away put your uniform into the washing machine? And it's not just numbers, brat! It's one of Kazuki's momentos!
After a few seconds fighting with my inner self about how stupid Touya was, I managed to calm myself down. Positive thinking really helps or I'll scold him like a mad woman. Nevermind, I'll call those numbers as soon as I got home. I'll make sure I know what those number means and I'm going to find out about Kazuki no matter what!