Summary: "I can certainly smell Gon on you," commented one of the Kiriko in the cabin near Dole Harbor. Killua gave an inward smile at the creature's false adeptness. I'm sure, he thought sarcastically, a blush coloring his cheeks. The Kiriko had no idea how clingy Gon could be.
Closer
"Killua, when do you think Bisky will start training us in the other areas of Nen that are outside our specialized Hatsu abilities?" asked Gon. Hardly out of breath from the day's work, he watched Killua with those bright amber eyes as they washed off in a stream near the forest on the edge of the desert.
"I have no idea," grumbled the ex-assassin, running his hands across his scalp, through wet, snowy locks. His joints, especially his back, were all stiff from shoveling rock all day and expending Nen to do so. Despite all the years he had spent training, his stamina just wasn't built up to the task of maintaining Nen for hours on end quite yet. He breathed out, looking at Gon, who wasn't even sweating. "As long as we do as the hag says, we'll get to it eventual –"
Bisky sent Killua skyward with a flick of her wrist.
When he hit the ground again, Gon watched him in wide-eyed concern. "You're lucky I can control my strength," Bisky declared. "Otherwise I could have killed you a hundred times over for saying such insolent things." Before Killua could retort, – having sprung up, holding his face, – Bisky informed them, "I'm going to Masadora for a couple days. I received intel that certain Spell Cards will appear only if you arrive in the city as a party of one, and if that's true, I can't leave the task up to one of you two. So, I want you to stay here while I search."
"Eh?" Gon whined, "What about our training?"
Killua asked, "Which kind of rare Spell Cards did you hear would show up?"
"They didn't really say," Bisky admitted vaguely.
"What makes you think the information is reliable then?"
"Even if it's not entirely accurate..." Bisky's gaze intensified on both of them, causing Gon and Killua to gulp in anticipation. She exclaimed, "What if one of them happens to be the one and only Blue Planet?! There's no way I can pass up this chance!"
Gon and Killua watched as Bisky obsessed over the thought, her gloved hands clasped and rubbing against her flushed cheeks as she squealed in delight. Killua closed his eyes, lowered his head and sighed. "You really are a crazy old hag."
He flew over the moon for the second time that night.
"You'll be able to handle a night without me, won't you?" Bisky's deadly stare made Gon jump as she asked.
"Y-yep! Of course we will!" Gon hastily assured, lifting his hands in front of him.
"After all," said Bisky, more seriously this time, "both of you have become considerably stronger over the past few months. As long as another strong Nen user doesn't come by this area, you'll be fine. And if they do, then Killua," she looked at him, once again covered in desert dust, "take Gon and escape."
Gon sagged. "Eeehh –?"
"Got it," acquiesced Killua, nodding.
"Good. Then, I'll see you two later." She turned and walked forward, in the direction of the brightly-lighted Masadora in the distance, her pink dress billowing around her legs. "Oh, and you might as well take the night off from my alertness training," she called, waving.
Once she was nearly out of sight, Gon pouted sourly, "Why did she act like I have to be the one to be carried off if we get into a fight?"
Killua breathed out sharply, hands on his hips as his chin fell to his chest. "Why do you think, Gon?"
Gon blinked. "I don't know."
Whirling rapidly upon him, Killua shouted, "Because you're the one who needs to be reminded that sometimes you can't risk taking on an enemy no matter how strong you think you are!" He pointed an accusing finger at him.
"I know when to give up!" Gon argued, flaring up a little.
"Oh yeah?! Like when?!" Killua shot back.
He stopped, looking up at the orange-violet sky for a moment. "Mm... When I fought Gido at Heavens Arena?"
"Doesn't count," said Killua. "You didn't give up. You kept fighting even knowing you would lose that fight."
Gon looked back up at the twilight sky, brow furrowing. "...Just give me some time to think about it."
"See?! You can't think of anything!" Killua burst.
"That's not true!"
"Just admit it already! You suck at knowing when to run away!" Killua tromped into the stream, splashing Gon as he swiped an arm to grab him by the head. Gon stepped backward, barely evading him. "Get over here so I can throttle you!"
"N-no way!" said Gon, a half-grin on his face as he turned to run away.
Gon's white shirt, green shorts and boots laid beside Killua's mint-colored undershirt, striped navy-blue shorts, and purple shoes on the stream's shore. Dressed only in their boxers, Gon and Killua splashed each other in the fading light, giggling and shuffling around in the water until Gon lost his footing. Crashing into the shallows, Killua pounced on him, his legs keeping Gon from wriggling out from underneath him. Half-soaked from their romping around, Killua shook Gon violently by the shoulders as punishment. "You're such an idiot sometimes!"
Killua's superior strength could certainly outdo Gon any time, but Killua didn't often employ that strength in the way Gon did, especially not against Gon. So Gon seized the opportunity to take Killua by the shoulders, and flipped them around, putting Killua at the disadvantage instead. Killua flipped them right back again, so they wrestled in the shallow water of the stream, rolling over each other, crystal water droplets flying into the sky.
When the white light of the moon rayed out from behind the clouds, once again Killua had Gon pinned underneath him. The moonlight made his wet hair shine brightly in the night, his jeweled-sapphire eyes piercing through darkness. "Hah! See?! You don't even know when to quit when it's against me!" said Killua triumphantly, smirking at the surprise on Gon's face.
"Dammit!" cursed Gon, frustrated as Killua lifted his hands off of him, sitting up with a smug smile.
As Killua walked out of the stream and stepped over to his clothes, Gon sat up too. Killua's bare back and chest looked even paler in the moonlight. When he stooped over, his skin stretched enough that Gon could see the thin traces of scars – barely distinguishable, since they were only slightly paler than the rest of him. Gon looked away. He remembered the dark crimson scars that had covered Killua's body after he was rescued from the Zoldyck Family. There had been so many; every time they bathed together, Gon was reminded of them, of all the things Killua hid from him every day.
Pulling his clean shirt over his head, unaware of Gon's thoughts, Killua said, "We should start a fire soon. The sun's almost gone."
"Oh, yeah." Gon stood out of the water and went over to his clothes.
Deciding it better to sleep under the coverage of the forest, Gon scouted out a clearing large enough for them to set up camp without forest fires being a hazard. Kneeling by the fire, slicking his hair back with both hands, Gon pointed out, "It's been a while since we've slept alone together, Killua!"
Sitting back on his elbows, Killua realized he was right. "Yeah, I guess so. The last time would have been when we were on Whale Island."
"That's right! We were so caught up with gambling for Greed Island with Leorio and Zephile, and then Kurapika and the Phantom Troupe..."
The crackling fire filled the void of silence that followed as Gon and Killua reflected on the time they had spent on Whale Island. Spindly tree branches webbed over the majority of Killua's view of the starry sky now, with the glow of the fire and Gon's silhouette beneath; unlike before, they had laid side-by-side, the tree-spread away from them, the ocean murmuring in the background. Now the sound of the stream was too muffled by the other forest activity: small animals scuttling around and quiet winds ruffling through the trees' leaves...
Back then, Killua had agreed to help Gon find his dad... That had been months ago, and now Killua felt more unmovable about his position at Gon's side. No, he felt more content than ever. He was happy to be by Gon's side, happier than he could have ever imagined back then... If he could stay here another few months, years, even decades... maybe Killua wouldn't need to search for what else he wanted.
Fingers combing through thick black hair, Gon wondered what Killua was thinking, staring so solemnly at the starry sky. Gon also remembered their time on Whale Island. He felt bad that Killua still hadn't found what he wanted to do. He was just sticking with Gon until he figured it out. Once he did...
Satisfied with the spiked buoyancy of his hair, Gon crawled away from the fire, to the space of flattened grass where Killua sat, and settled down. The blankets Bisky had left were warm, serving as good cushions atop a root-infested ground. Still staring up at the sky, Killua barely noticed as Gon laid beside him. A chilly breeze blew the faint scent of fire smoke past Killua's nostrils, which reminded him of where they were. Eventually, as he relaxed his elbows and his mind, Killua closed his eyes. He didn't normally need to sleep every night, but he always tried to sleep around the same times as Gon so they could be at roughly the same physical condition – of course, Killua was always alert no matter how much sleep he had gotten the night before, but he still rationalized it to himself this way. Plus, that night Killua was still achy from their entire day of digging coupled with Nen expenditure in the mountainous desert. Stretching out to each limb and tendon with his mind, his joints popped into place as he prepared for sleep.
Subconsciously, Killua felt Gon moving on the blankets beside him, brushing against his arm. A warmth emanated there. It wasn't until Gon hummed in his ear that Killua opened his eyes. Barely turning his head, Gon lay face-to-face with him, eyes closed in spite of the small smile on his face in the flickering firelight. "Wh –!" Killua stuttered, too astounded to say anything.
"Hmmmm?" Gon didn't open his eyes. His arms were curled up near Killua's.
"What the hell!" Killua exclaimed, attempting to sit up.
Before he could leap out from beside him, Gon rested a palm on Killua's shoulder. "Wait, Killua..." he muttered sleepily.
"Wait?! Wait for what?!" Killua demanded. He fidgeted beside Gon, his hands now curled around Killua's shoulder, his legs pressed against him. There was a new feeling that made way in Killua's chest and settled there, refusing to leave or let Killua move. Despite being under many thick cotton blankets, Killua shivered, too unused to this feeling.
Gon noticed Killua trembling and opened his eyes. "Killua, are you cold? You're shaking..."
"I-I'm fine," Killua assured, but even his voice quivered. It wasn't that he didn't like how close he was to Gon, but he wasn't used to being so close to someone, not anyone, unless he was under attack – and supposed to kill them.
Gon let go of Killua's shoulder and scooted a few inches away, watching him. "Are you sure you're okay?"
All contact ceased, the feeling vanished the instant Gon moved away, which left Killua with a certain loss of... something. He wasn't sure what it was, but his gut pitted with a craving, deciding the feeling was all right. Eyes shifting toward Gon in the firelight, Killua saw the confusion and concern on Gon's face. He was sure confusion and uneasiness prevailed on his own.
"I won't do it again, if you don't want me to," Gon mumbled, bowing his head, ashamed.
"No, it's not that," said Killua. A hand rested on his stomach, where the pitted feeling remained. "I just wasn't expecting that is all..."
After a moment, Gon laid down again, this time farther away, watching as Killua concentrated on the feeling in his stomach, willing it to gradually fade away. "Hey, Killua."
"Yeah?"
"Have you ever cuddled with someone before?"
Killua's face heated up, realizing too late that that's what Gon had just been trying to do. His blue eyes returned to Gon's face in the firelight in search of some indication of embarrassment, but Gon was asking honestly, innocently, just as he always did. Killua quickly turned away. "Wh-what does it matter? Idiot."
Taking the majority of the blankets with him, Killua twisted his entire body away, so that his back was facing Gon. Seeing Killua's usually tranquil breaths sheepish and abrupt, endeavoring calmness, Gon grinned mischievously. "It's okay, Killua. It's not bad. It's really nice!" He scooted up beside Killua again, who started a little when Gon's feet touched his. Killua tried to roll away, but his movements were too slow – and he simply couldn't make himself go faster, not with that strange feeling of warmth and comfort returning in his stomach, this time coursing throughout his entire body. In the meantime, Gon's arms gradually snaked around Killua's torso, his legs, chest, and chin pressing up against him, further trapping Killua in his state of denied euphoria. When Gon's arms squeezed slightly on him, Killua lost it, jumping up and turning toward Gon. Gon calmly stayed put, smiling up at Killua, whose face was entirely red, those beautiful sapphire eyes conflicted beyond belief.
"Do you want me to stop?" Gon asked.
"I –" Killua could barely keep eye-contact with him, how comfortable and sleepy he looked; Gon's body was curved to the perfect shape where Killua fit. Every cell in Killua's body screamed in protest at his quick reflexes that had jumped away, while his past training regimen adamantly tried to persuade him that this was dangerous. However, when Gon opened his arms, ready to accept him again, Killua could barely stop himself from lying down again – and he didn't, for his primal instincts were stronger than the artificial inclination to run away. Killua laid as he had been before: on his back, gazing up at the sky. His mind went blank as Gon tentatively wrapped his arms around him again – or, more accurately, Killua's mind exploded, leaving no room for any thoughts except of his embarrassment.
Where their legs tangled together in the blankets, to where Gon's hands linked together at Killua's side, where his arms wrapped around him, Killua felt every part of him: the heat of Gon's body pressed against him, every pulse of blood through his veins, every pore dampened by sweat, every hair that stood on end. And Killua knew, if he could feel all of that on Gon, then undoubtedly Gon could feel the same on him. The thought made Killua uneasy, causing his body to stiffen and his senses to heighten. The thought of their auras being so close together made his Nen surge with anxiety as well; Killua could feel every rise and fall of Gon's aura coinciding with his breath. Instead of reacting to this, Gon simply snuggled in closer to Killua, his cheek rubbing into Killua's shirt. Killua gasped at his own surprise. Gon wasn't thinking about any of that. Not at all...
Killua closed his eyes, focusing only on the warmth and contentment that veiled over his body, none of the unease his mind screamed out at him. His heightened senses took to the background, only Gon's breathing and the pops and crackles of the fire in his ears. Eventually, Killua felt himself calm down. His aura ceased its surging, his breathing less tense.
"See?" Gon inquired, voice slurred. "It's nice."
Killua said nothing for a while, too confused at everything he was feeling. "Gon...?"
"Hmm?"
"Do you mind if I get closer?"
"Sure, go ahea –"
When Gon opened his eyes, Killua had moved so that his hands clasped Gon's in front of them, and he looked straight into Gon's amber eyes. "Thanks."
"What for, Killua?" asked Gon breathlessly. Killua's blue eyes stared deeply into his in the way that made him realize how much there was about Killua that he didn't know, how much he wanted to understand and love just the same.
"What do you mean 'what for'?!" Killua blubbered, irritated by the blush that had spread across his cheeks. "Just say 'you're welcome' and let's be done with it!"
"You're welcome, Killua, but I still don't know what you're thanking me for?"
Killua gave Gon an angry, surrendering look that asked, Do I really have to spell it out for you?
It was then, laying with those sapphire eyes staring at him, that Gon remembered the scars he always saw on Killua's body, how Killua refused to show Gon his true self, even in dire situations – like when Nobunaga had threatened to kill them. Gon's eyes broke contact with Killua's, and uncontrollably, he found himself trembling.
"Gon?" Killua watched him in concern. Their closeness and intermingled auras let Killua feel every jerk of his body as tears coalesced in his amber eyes.
"I'm sorry, Killua," Gon apologized, a few of the tears slipping down his cheeks. I don't want you to find something else to do and leave me, he thought, but immediately pushed it away, not wanting to say it out loud. It was the most selfish thing he could think to do.
Killua, on the other hand, wasn't sure how to react. His hands drew away, worried over what could be causing his best friend, whom he cherished with every part of his soul, such unbelievable distress all of a sudden. He didn't know how to react, while Gon always seemed to know what would make Killua feel alright, usually before Killua did.
"I'm sorr –"
"Gon, you don't need to apologize," whispered Killua.
"Eh?" Gon opened his eyes, still lined with beady tears. "Why?"
"Don't ask why." Wrapping his arms around Gon's shoulders, Killua pulled him in, until Gon's head was cradled against his chest. Killua sighed. You should know I can't say.
Gon clung onto Killua as his body shook, sobbing quietly into his chest. As Gon wetted his shirt with his tears, Killua thought he was merely going through the motions. He was unaccustomed to comforting anyone. But Killua understood the pain that began to jab at his heart with every sharp inhale that Gon took. It was not his own. He was feeling every bit of Gon's sorrow. Even if he didn't know the exact cause for his tears, he didn't want Gon to feel badly.
Before, Killua wouldn't have even considered feeling that way for anyone – not even himself. Gon had taught him that those feelings were valid, not to be merely stamped out and thrown away. Try he might to let his emotions pass freely through him as Gon did, it was a constant struggle, but Gon made him not want to repress these emotions any longer.
Once Gon stopped crying, he sighed deeply against Killua's chest. Then he lifted himself up with his arms, looking at Killua earnestly. "I'm sorry, Killua. I didn't mean for our first time cuddling to go like this."
Killua's face colored pink and his eyes flashed as he too sat up. "That's what you're thinking about right now?! You're a supreme idiot!"
"I am not!" Gon rebuffed. "I just wanted you to understand how nice it was...! I mean, did your family ever let you cuddle with anyone?"
Killua thought about it. Even when he thought of getting close to his siblings, the feeling never lasted long – they were trained to attack anyone who came too close. Gon and Killua had been close before, but never that close for that long. "No, that was my first time," Killua admitted quietly.
"Oh, then did you like it?"
Killua knew if he looked at Gon he would only see that honest innocence that irked and confused him to no end. "Y-yeah," he admitted again.
Unable to stop himself, Gon leapt on Killua, hugging him.
"H-hey!" The blush sparked up on Killua's face again; his senses went completely haywire.
"I'm glad Killua liked it!"
Killua thought of pushing Gon away. Instead, slowly, he placed his arms around him, mouth pasted shut by his embarrassment. The feeling inside him rendered him unable to say anything.
That's right, this is just fine, Gon thought, smile brightening as Killua's feather-light arms rested upon his shoulders. As long as I can provide Killua with some sense of comfort right now – even if he'll be leaving soon – hopefully I can make some of his scars disappear...
Finally Killua said, "Alright Gon, that's enough," with a flustered edge to his voice, which made Gon drop his arms with a giggle. They settled amid the blankets again, sleeping closely beside the other. Although Killua's joints no longer ached from fatigue, he was too tired from all the other stress that day to pay much attention to where Gon was in his sleeping cycle – he almost always waited until after Gon was asleep to fall asleep himself. That night, he felt so at ease that he didn't bother to keep checking on Gon or to keep himself awake – especially with Gon's reassuring aura right at his side.
The fire coughed embers deep into the night that puffed up across the sky, where their promise to stick together remained embedded in the stars. As the last of the firelight was carried off by the winds above the trees, whisking it away, Gon lay awake watching the celestial bubble of starry night drift by.
Despite how close he felt to Killua, what Gon felt in his heart only grew stronger with each passing day.
I don't want you to leave. You're everything to me.
It's my third watch through Hunter x Hunter and jeez... JEEZ. In case you're wondering about the summary, I got this idea the moment the Kiriko said that they could smell Gon on Killua... My head exploded with cute ideas, you see.
I'm on the Chimera Ant Arc right now so you can probably expect more fics from me. I kinda wanna try to write something long-term for HxH but... I dunno, it's hard to think of anything when the canonical storyline is already so good? If only Togashi would update...
Please don't forget to let me know which of the cogs in your head this fic got turning in the comment section below~