Chapter 1: A Pair of Letters
Winter Schnee relished some of the simpler pleasures in life when she was off duty. While she was still a Schnee, which meant that she still received some of the privileges that came with the name, military life had shown her a few things.
No one was going to hold her hand when things got ugly, even if it was just a practice fight in basic training. Though aura helped, the fights were still dirty and she had her own fair share of black eyes and split lips during the time. And this was on top of her own Schnee semblance she was working on at the time.
No one was going to hold her hand when she was humping it across a dense forest or hot desert with more than fifty pounds of gear on her back. Those marches were brutal, and if she misjudged her rations or lost some, she would just have to make do with less supplies for the next day.
And certainly no one held her hand when she went into her first combat zone. Seeing her rapier squelch into an enemy combatant and see the bloody tip of it pointing out his back was one thing. But she grit her teeth and pulled back, letting his body slip off before delivering a quick cut across his throat. It was either that man or her, and she chose herself.
But as gruesome as the military was as she rose through its ranks to become the specialist she was now, there was something she appreciated in being able to do things on her own volition and style.
Like her morning coffee. While she learned to have it black while on duty, that didn't mean she couldn't indulge in watching her top-of-the-line coffee maker produce the perfect cup of coffee each time. Oh, and with just a tiny bit of cream and sugar, the real kind. Never too much, but just enough to add a complex feel to her drink, a feeling of her in her cup.
Winter Schnee relished the smaller pleasures in life. And while her father may not have fully agreed with her career choice, that certainly didn't mean he didn't care for her. Case in point with the coffee machine.
But in about two minutes, Winter's morning was about to be ruined. After having returned from her military rotation just the night before, naturally she had much of her mail, physical and electronic, backlogged for both security purposes and because she simply wasn't there to read it.
Now it wasn't the pile of mail that was the problem. She had grown used to it after her second rotation and knew that the sooner she handled it the better the rest of her time off would be. And so here she was, casually sorting through the third piece of junk mail from Gordeau's Weaponry telling her that she was overdue for her weapon maintenance check.
She put the letter back in its envelope and tossed it into the trash. Winter could do her own weapon maintenance, thank you very much.
But two minutes had passed, and Winter picked up the letter that was to be the problem.
"The Hunters Guild?"
The Hunters Guild was an old guild that was perhaps best described as being in limbo. It was both old-fashioned and yet offered a valuable database and resource for hunters and civilian alike. In fact it was so old that it only changed its name from 'Huntsmen' to 'Hunters' in the last two years. And from this state of limbo it was always unsure on whether the powers that be would seek to dismantle it and create a new, more relevant social body that served the same purpose but better, or if they would be left alone to continue to do what they did best - nothing of extreme value.
And while Winter's main line of duty was with the military, she had first trained to be a huntress, which meant that she had gone through all the legal rigamaroo associated with it. Undoing the letter, she drank deeply from her coffee as she began to read.
To Miss Winter Schnee,
We hope this letter finds you in good health. As you know, the Hunters Guild dedicates itself to the betterment of the livelihood of hunters such as yourself. By extension, we also dedicate ourselves to the betterment of the quality of life for the civilian population.
However, due to recent catastrophic events (Winter felt her eyebrows furrow. There were no recently reported incidents regarding catastrophes, events, or catastrophic events that she could recall. Still, she continued to read, drinking as she went), it has been deemed that humanity as a whole has been endangered. Reports indicate that birth rates have recently fallen in the last year, which means that the equilibrium of the birth-to-mortality ratio is not in balance. Currently, the Hunters Guild is working to take steps to resolve this issue as well as help prevent further situations from happening.
Thus, with the power that is vested in the Hunters Guild, we hereby declare that you are now married to Mister Qrow Branwen. This pairing took the following factors into acco
Winter stopped reading there as she had spat her coffee out all over the letter and the rest of it had, if only for a brief moment, become illegible.
Qrow Branwen was often seen as a bit of a slouch who just happened to be good with a sword-scythe-gun thing. Those who saw him that way and then actually saw him work often changed their mind afterward. Many would describe that his movements were calculated and precise, that his strikes with his sword-scythe-gun thing were deadly and efficient, and that for all the drinking on the job that he did he was actually very competent compared to most others at his work.
It didn't change what they would say about his questionable character, however.
Still, it meant that his reputation as a hunter was well known. He had traveled across much of Remnant, from the cold mountains of Atlas to the undercity slums of Vale. He had fought both Grimm and humans alike, helping strike a precarious balance between the job he did and the job that he really did.
Education was really just a side thing. Parent-teacher meetings be damned.
Still, he had just returned from a particularly long mission where he needed to hunt down and destroy this particularly elusive Grimm. And while he tended to celebrate at the end of each successful major job (he didn't celebrate every tiny thing - that would dull the moment when it actually mattered) this one required a little extra in the way of celebrating.
In the end he didn't get lucky and bag a nice lady to spend the night with, but at least the drinks were good. He actually couldn't remember half the night for once instead of not remembering only a quarter.
But for all his merriment, his morning would be ruined in roughly two minutes. Due to security reasons and for the fact that he was out in the wild chasing down this annoying little Grimm thing, Qrow had amassed a large buildup of mail, both the electronic and paper kind. He had already handled the electronic ones - delete delete delete delete message from Ruby delete delete - so now all that was left were the old-fashioned letters. Sitting at the counter of the kitchen in his quaint flat (Qrow saw no use in a bigger house as he never seemed to stay in it long enough to need all the space), he sifted through the mail, trying to separate what was junk and what seemed to be at least slightly important.
That was until he came across a particular letter that was addressed to him.
"The Hunters Guild?"
He felt his eyes narrow. Anything from the Hunters Guild was almost never good. The only time he got something good was his first paycheck from them, and that was only because they hadn't set up his electronic banking yet.
Thus, he cautiously opened it, praying that it wasn't a mission or anything of that sort.
To Mister Qrow Branwen,
We hope this letter finds you in good health. As you know, the Hunters Guild dedicates itself to the betterment of the livelihood of hunters such as yourself. By extension, we also dedicate ourselves to the betterment of the quality of life for the civilian population.
However, due to recent catastrophic events, it has been deemed that humanity as a whole has been endangered. Reports indicate that birth rates have recently fallen in the last year, which means that the equilibrium of the birth-to-mortality ratio is not in balance. Currently, the Hunters Guild is working to take steps to resolve this issue as well as help prevent further situations from happening.
Thus, with the power that is vested in the Hunters Guild, we hereby declare that you are now married to Miss Winter Schnee. This pairing took the following factors into account:
Both of you have lived past the average lifespan of a hunter by several years, indicating your clear strength and experience in the field.
Your age gap also falls within the compatibility range at roughly thirteen years, four months, and seventeen days apart while also being, to the best knowledge of the Hunters Guild, single and not romantically involved with anyone.
Finally, a combination of your two relative strengths would lead to a powerful legacy, of which we hope will follow your footsteps in becoming strong huntsmen and huntresses.
With this marriage, we expect that your combined contributions will lead towards the rebalancing of the birth-to-mortality ratio.
We look forward towards your future collaboration together,
The Hunters Guild
Of course, being the man of questionable character, Qrow didn't read the whole thing.
Actually, he may have only read half of it. And of that half, he only read half of that, and half of that half.
"Let's see…" he said to himself. "Blah blah, betterment of livelihoods... birth-to-something, whatever… you are now married to Miss Winter Schnee…"
His eyes narrowed, and he reread the letter a little more slowly.
"Thus, with the power that is vested in the Hunters Guild, we hereby declare that you are now married to Miss Winter Schnee."
He reread that last part.
"-you are now married to Miss Winter Schnee."
He felt his mouth hang.
Across Remnant, two voices echoed in confused unison.
"What the fuck?"
A/N: I'll be frank. This pairing is dumb and sometimes feels like it borders the line of being a crackship. There's little reason in canon for any type of romance between the two, only hate and dislike.
With that being said, I must admit that I am Qrowin trash. It's kind of hard to not ship these two right now since not only is there a lack of reasonable alternatives, yet their opposed dynamics lead a tried-and-true attractive setting of two people who dislike each other somehow developing feelings for the other.
However, if this is continued, I don't even know if the two will actually get together. This would probably be a "they hate each other but everyone else seems to like the idea" type of story. I have a general idea of where this will go in terms of scenes and story telling as well as some notes to go with it, but the ending I'm still undecided on. I guess leave a comment and let me know what you think.
Chapters would probably be quick, short, and be a bit like "Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy", a classic favorite of mine. Easy to read, nothing super deep, and hopefully just full of silly things, much like this chapter.
Now there is also another problem, which is the same problem that "Vomit Girl" faces - time and commitment. As mentioned before, my main goal is "A Harsh Lesson". This was written some time ago, again just burning a hole in my database, so I finally relented and posted it here. I would like to try and update it though, because then it becomes a storm of colorful jabs and insults that would be allowed in a classroom. For example:
"You should stay as a bird more. It would spare me the grief of looking at your face."
"And see the ugly sewers that is the mess between your legs? No thanks."
"Shouldn't you be flying around instead of crawling along the ground like a worm? Don't tell me your so old that your wings have been clipped already."
"Then I'd have to see your tits, which is the worse of the two evils."
"And why is that?"
"Because I would have to remember who they're attached to."
... Okay, so maybe it wouldn't be allowed in a classroom. But a story where all I think about is a bit of plot and how the two of them insult each other? It's hard to say no to, so I guess I'll be gauging interest in this.
Oh, but do leave a review if you can. Reviews make me happy, like a dolphin eating fish before it leaves our atmosphere. And I'll see you all soon.
And again, thank you to Water1556 and ImSoAwesome for beta'ing this little part. I DIDN'T FORGET THIS TIME.
edit 12/18/16 - corrected some minor typoes