Title: Always Paul
Pairing/Characters: Paul/Echo - Paul pov
Warnings: None
Spoilers: I wrote this while the show was still running, but now, nothing is spoilerish.
Disclaimer: Nothing's mine. Shocking... I know! =P
Word Count: 879
Written for Drabble Challenge #2:"Trust" at dollhousefics
Always Paul - : A Paul/Echo fic
His heart is aching already. He knows everything is different again.
And though he wishes time could stand still at the exact moment she will remember him, he knows it will never happen.
The pills take a lot of time to take effect, they told him, and this is why he hasn't given up yet, believing it is a lost cause.
He still believes that one of these days, she will look back AT him instead of through him and he will see life and joy in these chocolate eyes of hers.
She just sits on the edge of the bed, motionless and expressionless and when he tries to make her look at him, as he is kneeling on the floor in front of her, he meets no resistance.
His fingers trace a path along her cheeks till they rest on her jaw. Her skin feels hot under his touch. She is burning up or maybe it's him who is cold and detached -as instructed – because letting his feelings show now would be devastating.
Instead, he should be calm and collected and Echo would start to remember on her own pace. She would finally become his Caroline.
"Echo?" he tries, lowering his hands to hers, taking them into his, gently rubbing them and squeezing them.
She opens up her mouth as if to say something but what comes out doesn't mean anything, has no effect other than cracking his hopes and heart at the same time, in one single thrust.
"Echo, please. Say something!" he pleads and the confusion on her face hurts him like a thousand knives.
"I... I..." she seems to struggle with the words, tears brimming in her eyes. He knows she is trying, but he just wants to know there can be more than this.
More than this inescapable hide and seek game they are both playing, unknowingly yet willingly.
They have been through this before. When she was Emily on her way to the opera with someone.
He was Paul.
Then, again when she was Sarah on a business trip and again he was Paul.
He is always Paul.
The man she bumps into on every engagement.
The man who watches her, but never touches and when he does, he knows that once she is out of his embrace, the Dollhouse will once again wipe her clean and rid her of any trace he had ever loved her, of every trace she was ever truly loved...for who she really is.
And he is left wondering how long this vicious circle of heartache and misery will last.
She is Olivia and Mary and Janine and Alexandra.
He remains Paul. Always Paul.
The man who has stalked her, haunted her and had come to love her more than life itself.
"Don't you remember me? Look at my face, baby, please! It's me Paul. Your Paul!" his voice cracks a little and for a moment he doesn't recognize this voice so filled with pain and despair as his own.
She lifts her eyes to meet his, her fingers half an inch from his face, following its curves, tracing invisible patterns in the air...
It feels almost as if they are dancing...
And then she touches him. Her touch lighter than an angel's touch and he closes his eyes.
With his eyes closed, he can fool himself, trick himself into believing she is there only for him and she is not a tabula rassa anymore, a colorless canvas.
She is a person.
Caroline.
His Caroline, the one who told him "I love you, please get me out of this place" three weeks ago, when he thought the treatment was working, because she smiled and embraced and kissed.
He puts his hands over hers, still on his cheeks, doubt evident in her face.
"Don't be scared baby. It will all come to you. Do you remember my face?" he asks.
She nods. "I am not sure. I think... Do I know you?" she hesitates but she feels comfortable.
More comfortable than last time.
Paul sighs, another tide of sorrow rising in his chest.
"You know me better than I know myself, and I know you. If you can't remember my face, Caroline, at least tell me you remember this" and with that he kisses her with all the hunger, the passion and the need that's gnawing at his insides.
She remains still at first, but then, as if her body remembers him, she responds.
She wraps her arms around him and leans in closer to him, deepening their kiss.
"I love you" Paul finally says when their lips part and he knows it is a mistake.
He shouldn't pressure her.
But as he pulls away to look at her face, his hand rubbing her cheek, he thinks he sees a glimmer of relief and reassurance in her eyes.
As if she knows she is finally home, where she is supposed to be, where she belongs.
"Do you trust me?" he asks and watches her as she pulls him to his feet and on the bed, wrapping herself into his arms.
"I do. I am not sure why, but I do"
And for now it is enough, because she might not be Caroline yet, but he is Paul, he is always Paul and he will wait...
~Fin ~