Boo, Forever
Rated: T (just to be safe) for some dark elements and swearing.
a/n: This takes place sometime in the lost months of New Moon.
DISCLAIMER: The poem 'Boo, Forever' belongs too Richard Brautigan, I do not and will never own it. Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer. I don't own that, either
Spinning like a ghost
On the bottom of a
Top
I am haunted by all the space
That I will live without
You
-- Boo, Forever
Forever, adv [Fawr-ev-er an endless or seemingly endless period of time
It's eleven o' clock at night the first time he comes to see her, maybe a month after he's been gone forever.
It's okay, he tells himself, one little visit won't do anything. As long as she doesn't see me, nothing will happen. One night, then he'll be, he'll be gone for forever (for real this time, he swears, he swears and knows he doesn't mean it. he swears and he knows he never will)
It's eleven o' two when, from the topmost branch of the tree outside her room, he sees her enter. Only, it's not Bella who comes in, it can't be, or at least not the Bella he left behind forever ago. (forever is such a long time, he reminds himself, so many things can happen in forever. it's an evil, evil thing) She looks like she just doesn't care anymore, void of everything (it's not bella, it's not) her movements as she walks to the bed are mechanical in their nature, and when Charlie comes in to wish her goodnight she doesn't even try to smile. (it's not her it's not it's not)
She's like a puzzle missing all of her middle pieces, leaving only the outline behind; just the tops of the trees and the dirt on the ground. (no roots, no depth. there's nothing there. it's not her, thats not her)
Bella strips from her shirt, stiffly, emotionlessly, and he doesn't turn away. He can't find a reason, if he's not going to see her again forever. (he swears without meaning) Once she's down to her bra and undies, she picks up the Tee and pair of sweats that Charlie left out for her and regards them for a moment before tossing them into her hamper .(it's 5 god damn degrees out, bella, put some clothes on!)
(she's healing, that's what's happening. she's scabbing over. In a few days i'll come back to see her and she will be good as she was when i left)
He watches her pass over the floorboard where he stashed all of his things, it squeaks as her tiny foot presses on it and she stops. Edward ceases to breath for a moment as Bella looks at her foot with (forever) void eyes and takes a step back, and then forward. It moans and creaks over and over and over again. It speaks to her in a foreign language as her testings become more and more vicious, stomping and slamming her foot against the wood (she knows) she knows what's there, or at least part of her does, no matter how conscious that part may be. Bella continues to abuse it, before stepping away and throwing a quilt (your only quilt, put it back, it's 5 fucking degrees out) over the offensive panel.
She lays on her bed, on her side, in a ball, grabbing her shoulders and tucking her chin to her chest. Bella doesn't turn the lights off, she doesn't shiver or shake or show any sign that she feels anything. She sleeps, if you can call it that, she closes her eyes and mouths words to herself (i'm okay, i'm okay, i'm okay) until she tumbles into oblivion. Her toes curl as if she's trying to ground herself, but they both know she's already gone.
(its not her, its not her, its not her)
Spinning like a ghost
On the bottom of a
Top
I am haunted