Steve woke up in the middle of the night and didn't sleep anymore. It's been like this for several months. Steve goes to the bathroom, washes his face and looks in the mirror. He was already tired of having to show other people something he wasn't anymore. He was tired in body and soul. He was aging up to your bones. All of this had only one motive. A bigger motive than the transplant. A bigger motive than radiation poisoning. He wanted so much to hate her. It would be all easy.
But how could he hate her? Never! She was a very important person to him. The most important. But maybe he didn't show it enough.
Catherine! What has life done with our lives? At what point did I go wrong? Steve said loudly without even realizing it.
Steve went back to bed, even though he knew he could not go back to sleep.
He closed his eyes and could only see that wide smile, those wonderful brown eyes, that mouth that he kissed so many times. How much desire to kiss her ... from her embrace ... from her body. How much desire to wake up next to her again after a delicious evening. He's so sorry he did not make the offer the day she left. But she had said that a relationship was not enough for her. He could not know that everything she had said was not true.
He did not want her to see Lynn that day. He knows he hurt Catherine deeply. He saw the disappointment in her eyes. He knows Lynn feels he does not love her. He wanted to get married and have children, as he himself told Danny. But he could not imagine living with Lynn seven days a week. He could not bear it. He could not imagine his child with Lynn. But he could imagine a beautiful, long-haired girl with big brown eyes smiling at him, calling him Daddy. He could even imagine her name: Anny. She was the daughter of his dreams. Or a boy, with brown hair, with eyes like his, but with her smile, with her joy. He could not imagine another mother for his children. But it all seems so distant a dream. He had in his hands the chance to accomplish all this. But he ruined everything. He did not follow Freddie's advice. He just wanted to hear from her, where he wrong. Did she feel used by him for all these years? Did she feel neglected? Did not she feel loved? He regrets not having told her that he loved her, the times she was around. He regrets the times he said she was not his girlfriend. He did not just lose the woman of his life. He lost his best friend. The one to whom he could tell all or still, the one who understood him with only a glance.
He could not talk about her to anyone. Danny would only condemn her, would not understand. Chin might understand, but he is far away.
Catherine ... where are you?
Steve walks over his pride, picks up the phone and calls the number that has been erased from his phone, but not from his mind and heart.
Hello, this is Catherine Rollins, I can not answer now. Leave your message and your number that I will return to when I can.
He called several times just to hear her voice. That beautiful voice, sweet and gentle. He calls again, and another, and another ... He heard her voice several times, until he felt the tears running down his face ...
Steve then decided to get up and went into the sea to swim. He swam, swam, went as far as he could. But the anguish still smothered him. He needed to put out what was trapped in his chest. He filled his lungs and shouted with all his might: CATHERINE!
Inside the house, the phone rings, telling him he has a new message ... A message from her ...