A Time To Heal Time Stamp: Reality Bites

by DawnTwilight

Steve knew that they were in for the long haul…that it wasn't like on TV or in the movies…that when the hero was injured in the line of duty, he would miraculously be well enough to be back to work in the very next episode.

Steve parked his truck in his usual spot on the side of the palace. He left the engine idling and sat behind the wheel, looking out the windshield, in a daze. The early morning sun was bright and hot on his face, but he didn't want to go into the building just yet, didn't want to face the day…

He had been back to work for a few weeks now and during that time he had felt like he had been running nonstop…case after case and research and stakeouts and legwork… the long and unpredictable hours…delving back into his usual routine with one very noticeable difference.

Danno…

He sighed, running his hand up and through his longer hair, thinking that he really needed to find some time to get a trim, than reconsidering, since Danny seemed to really like to run his fingers through it when they shared a kiss or cuddle or something more, that was, when Danny actually stayed in bed.

After getting only a few hours of restless sleep last night, Steve had gotten up early to find Danny had slipped from their bed again sometime during the night.

He was curled up on a deck chair, on the patio that ran the length of the house, wrapped in a light blanket, his once lively blue eyes dull and his expression pinched and tired.

He had thought that Danny had looked miserable and probably had gotten even less sleep then him, since Danny had been awake when Steve had finally stumbled in last night, well after one in the morning.

Five 0 had gotten another high profile case involving a dead developer. The man was discovered over the weekend, his body dumped just outside his company's newest project site, wrapped head to toe in saran wrap.

And hours later, when Steve had finally driven up to his house, he was a little surprised to find the glow from the TV shining out around the pulled curtains. Danny had been lying on the couch, mindlessly flipping through channels, chugging Mylanta straight from the bottle.

And Steve just didn't know what to do with that.

He wished he knew how to help…

Ever since Danny's ma and pop had left to go back to Jersey, Danny had seemed…well, maybe a little sad, maybe a little withdrawn and way too quiet for Steve's liking.

And now that Danny was back to eating a more regular diet, everyday was a challenge. They never knew what introducing different foods would do to Danny's gut and Steve couldn't stand seeing Danny sick anymore…it had been months since the shooting and in his mind, Danny should have been back to normal by now.

That one little bullet had changed so much about their lives.

The sudden banging on the driver's side window made him jump and pulled a little, unmanly squeal, from his throat.

He turned to see a smirking Kono. "Sorry, boss…I didn't mean to scare you…I was just wondering if you were going to actually come in to the office or if I should just bring Chin's research down to you."

Steve nodded, looking toward the upper floor of the building, seeing the blinds to their office window slipping back into place.

He glanced at his watch, knowing that he had been zoning out longer than he had intended. "I'm coming," he told her through the closed window and then turned off the truck, pocketing the keys as he opened the door and jumped down.

He knew his team had been worried about him, but he didn't even have the strength to pretend to be his usual self.

Kono walked along beside him as they made their way up the steps and to their floor. She bumped shoulders with him a few times and smiled when he looked her way and he did his best to return the gesture…it was just…he was so tired.

Chin was standing by the computer table, pulling data up and onto the viewing screens. Neither he nor Kono asked about why he had been sitting in his truck, but he caught their shared look of concern.

Chin used the pads of his finger to flick an image of the murdered developer onto the last empty screen. The forensics should be in soon, but to Steve, it was clear that the cause of death was the huge gaping hole in the man's chest.

He asked, "What do we…" but he was cut off by the ringing of his cell phone. He immediately pulled it from his pocket, because if the caller was Danny, he didn't want to miss it, but his face fell when he saw who was on the line.

Kono raised an eyebrow when he hesitated, but he shrugged at her and answered his phone, listening to the voice on the other end of the connection.

"Yes, I understand…I'll be right there."

Chin asked, "everything okay?" as he leaning back against the computer table, resting his hip along one of the edges.

Steve nodded, pocketing his phone. "The Governor wants to see me…"

He moved toward the exit, calling over his shoulder, "text me if you get anything new…I won't be long."

In truth, he had no idea how long this meeting would take.

He knew that Denning wanted a briefing on the case, but his boss had also warned that he had planned to replace Danny, even if it were only temporary.

Steve didn't even want to think about what bringing a new person in would do to his team…do to Danny, let alone having to actually deal with the reality of it.

At Danny's post surgery appointment, Dr. Hoy had told them it could be another few months before they would attempt the colostomy reversal and once they did do the surgery it would be another three to six months of recovery time.

No way would Denning leave them a man down for that long. Even if Danny could rejoin them in a few weeks, he would be saddled with desk work until he was healed enough to be in the field…but once he was healed enough to be in the field, he would be healed enough for the next surgery and the whole process would start all over again.

Steve knew that they were in for the long haul…that it wasn't like on TV or in the movies...that when the hero was injured in the line of duty, he would miraculously be well enough to be back to work in the very next episode.

This was reality and sometimes…reality bites.

Back in his truck, he took a minute or two to look himself over in the rear view mirror.

His hair was in place and his eyes were tired, but he tried out a smile and decided it would do for now.

Traffic was light, most commuters already at work and most tourist still in bed after late night walks on the beach or late night bar hopping, both being very popular activities in his home state.

Pulling up to the guard house in the drive way at the Governor's mansion, he flashed his credentials and was waved through the opening gate. It seemed as though there were a few more guards than usual, more men patrolling with dogs, but he didn't think that the security threat level had been recently raised.

He made his way through the entry to the Governor's office, taking a seat in the waiting room when the receptionist, Lisa, looked up and greeted him with a smile and an invitation to sit.

He grabbed an outdated magazine and flipped through the pages, feeling a little déjà vu as he spotted an article about baby proofing your home, but no other person joined him in the waiting area.

Maybe Denning really only did want to talk about the case.

"Commander?"

He looked up at Lisa, her smile soft and her face open and warm.

"You can go in now."

Steve dropped the magazine back onto the side table and stood to follow Lisa to the double doors that led to Denning's inner office.

She opened one for him and he thanked her, smiling, but his face fell when he turned to the desk to see Denning speaking with a woman with long, dark hair, occupying one of the two chairs facing the Governor, her back to him.

His heart sank, but then the woman turned around, stood and his mouth dropped open and he tried to think of something to say, but only her name fell from his lips, "Catherine."

"Commander," she smirked at him, canted her head toward the open chair.

Denning told them both to, "Sit…I see you know each other."

Steve sank into his seat, a little shocked and unsure what seeing Catherine here meant, but he managed to answer, "Yes, sir…Catherine is a good…friend."

"Good, now let's get down to business."

Steve half listened, nodding when appropriate and when the Governor was done explaining his decision to bring on Rollins they both stood.

"I just wanted to thank you, sir… for this opportunity." Cath reached out and shook Denning's hand before turning to him, an expectant look on her face.

"Right," he finally agreed, turning and heading for the door.

She followed him out of the office and down the stairs to the parking lot. "Well…"

He stopped near his truck, waiting for her to continue and when she didn't, he said, "well…"

She frowned now, but then she straightened and crossed her arms over her chest. "I just thought…" and then her brows drew together and she said, "You don't want me here."

He started to deny it, but hell…he didn't want her here, not really. Cath was great…a great person, a great friend. Good at her job and she would be a good fit for Five 0, but…

"Listen, I'm just as surprised by this as you are and I understand how our…past could be…"

"Okay, just stop." He ran his fingers through his hair, glad that he had a little something up there to grab on to. "It's complicated, yes…but you're damn good at what you do, so…"

So what? What the hell was he trying to say?

He let go of his hair and smoother it back down.

"It's Danny, right? Listen Steve…I know I can't replace…"

He huffed out a breath, didn't let her finish, "No, you can't. And you're not…Denning has you on loan and when Danny can come back to work, he'll return you, but Cath…"

"Complicated…got it…now come one…it's my first day on the job and my new boss is a real hard ass."

She followed him back to the palace in her rented car and he opted to take the elevator when she pressed the call button.

Kono and Chin greeted her with a smile and when she explained her new position they seemed to take the news in stride. "It seems that when the Governor put out some feelers for Danny's replacement, my name came up. You know, I guess his staff must have remembered my name from some reports or something…" she looked to Steve, but he just nodded his head. "So…what can I do to help?"

Steve asked Chin for a briefing and they were both updated on McMaster's, their dead developer, financials, projects, associates, last known whereabouts, and his family history.

"Chin, you and Cath go talk with Max. See if he can give us anything new to work with. Kono, see if Fong has anything yet…"

Kono nodded and Cath followed Chin toward the door, but she stopped, shuffling her brief case from hand to hand, looking toward Danny's office and then the table at the back of the room that Kane used while she was helping the team.

He inclined his head toward his office. "You can use mine."

Her brows knitted together, but she nodded, opening his door and dropping her bag on to the couch, then hurried to catch up with Chin.

Steve moved toward Danny's office and dropped into the office chair. He looked at the desk blotter and the doodles drawn near the edges of his calendar and the picture of a younger Gracie, in a homemade frame, a pink tiara on her head and a stuffed white kitty in her chubby hands.

Danny's office was smaller than his, a little more cluttered, a lot more character, but it reflected the man that uses it...used it…

"Shit…"

H50H50H50

"Shit!"

Danny grabbed the back door knob and jiggled it one more time, but he knew it was useless…the door was locked and somehow he had managed to be on the wrong freaking side.

He patted his shorts pockets but came up empty. Looking through the back door blind slats he saw the pile of line-fresh laundry he had been folding and his cell phone sitting on the kitchen island.

"Damn it…" Why had he shut the door on his last trip to the clothes line? Steve has warmed him time and again that the back door handled turned from the inside whether the door was actually locked. "Who has a door knob like that? I'll tell you who…Steve McGarrett, that's who!"

Well, there was nothing for it now. He would just have to wait until either A). Steve got home, which wasn't a viable option, since he had a doctor's appointment in an hour or B). he worked up the gumption to walk to the neighbor's house and asked to use the phone…one thing was for sure, first chance he got, he was taking his spare key to the hardware store and making another spare key to hide in a flower pot or under a rock or to be buried under the lawn chair, no matter what Steve had to say about that…this was the third time that Danny had locked himself out, but at least Steve wasn't home to laugh at him…on the down side, even though he was laughed at, he was also let back into the house.

Danny sighed, looking down at his board shorts and the slippers on his feet, realizing he wouldn't be able to change before his appointment, "of all the stupid…" He started off toward the Kapolei's, because Mrs. Kapolei was on maternity leave and hopefully home.

Their dog started barking as soon as he opened the back gate, but Aka was barking from behind the closed patio doors, so Danny walked up the path and knocked. The black lab immediately sat, no longer barking, but also watching Danny with a careful eye.

Mrs. Kapolei came to the door, three-month old Kalea on her hip. She patting the dogs head and pointing to Aka's bed. He gave Danny one more glance before going to his spot and sitting.

She slid open the door and greeted him with a soft smile and said, "Danny…it's good to see you, you are looking well."

"Thank you Mrs. Kapolei…I ah, I am sorry to bother you."

"It's no bother…what can I do for you?"

Danny reached forward and touched baby Kalea's soft, little head. The baby smiled and cued at him when he tickled her little cheek before dropping his hand.

Mrs. Kapolei shifted the baby and asked, "would you like to hold her…I really appreciated you and Steve keeping an eye on her for me the other day when I had to pick Kapono up early from school."

Danny reached out for her and wrapped her in his arms, bouncing her a little. He missed having a baby around. Grace was growing up so fast and for a time he had thought that Charlie was his, but that didn't turn out to be the case and who know if he would ever be able to father more children. "Well we loved having her for a bit, so don't worry about it…I stopped by to see if I could use your phone, I locked myself out of the house again."

He caught her little smirk, knowing that by now, Steve had probably warned the whole neighborhood about his habit of not checking the door lock, but she turned from him and headed deeper into the kitchen, bring him back her cell phone, taking back the baby as she handed it to him.

"Thank you…I just need to see if I can get a hold of someone to drop me off…"

"Oh…I thought you would be calling Steve to come let you in…Where do you need to go…I can take you…" She plucked her phone from his hand and was already grabbing her keys even as Danny was shaking his head no.

"Steve's working a case and I don't want to bother him, so I can call a friend, don't worry…"

He found himself following her over the threshold of the door and around as she pulled it closed and locked it.

"We are friend, are we not?" she asked, walking across the lanai and to the drive way. She hit a button on the key fob to open the sliding door of the minivan. "Plus, this little Wahine nani naps so much better after a ride." She already had the baby in her car seat before Danny could object so he decided to just go with it.

"Thank you…I ah, I just need dropped off at the Queens Medical Center…I can call Steve or someone to come and get me when I am done." He slid into the passenger seat as she started up her van and they made small talk as she drove.

The baby indeed drifted off after a few minutes on the road.

She pulled up to the curb a short time later.

"Thank you again," he said as he opened the door and slid from his seat.

"Anytime," she smiled at him, waving goodbye as he very quietly closed to door so as to not wake the baby. After she drove off he headed into the center.

He was a little early, but that was okay. It would give him time to think about how to approach this new doctor with the subject matter he wanted to discuss.

"I am sure he has heard it all before," he mused as he approached the counter at the urology office.

He signed in but didn't have to wait as the woman behind the counter picked up the clip board as soon as he was done with it. "Mr. Williams…how are you today?"

"Fine, thanks…and you?" he asked, handing her his insurance card.

She inputted his information as she answered, "Doing well…I could do without all the humidity out there, but besides that, okay. Do you have your referral?"

Oh yeah… "Nope, sorry…I forgot to bring it." It was, in fact, sitting on the counter in the kitchen, next to his phone and keys."

"That's okay," she assured. "I'll just call over to your gastroenterologist office and have them fax one to me." She handed him back his card and told him. "You can have a seat and someone will be out to get you shortly."

Danny looked around the waiting area, spotting a few empty seats toward the back of the room. He sunk into the chair on the end of the row and crossed one leg over his knee, his foot shaking in a nervous habit he has had for as long as he could remember. He had worked out what he was going to say and how to say it, even though it was not a subject he cared to share with anyone else.

It was embarrassing enough to broach the topic the first time he had brought it up to Dr. Hoy a few months after his initial surgery. Just thinking back on that first awkward conversion made him twitch, but at the time, he was really worried about his libido, or rather, the lack thereof.

After the first few months of healing, Danny wanted to be able to return more than just Steve's affections, and even though the desire to do so was there, the actual sexual desire was not and so he couldn't…well he couldn't get it up.

Dr. Hoy cautioned him to take things slow…that it could be awhile yet and to not try to rush things, but he left that day with a few sample pills that did very little to help with his problem and gave him terrible headaches.

Of course, Steve was very understanding, but it frustrated Danny, at times, infuriated him, but they made do.

Thanks to Richie, Danny was quite versed at giving good hand and head and even though he was still healing, he didn't mind Steve rubbing against him…but he wanted more than that and that was what today was all about.

He wanted his sex life back, he wanted to get back to work and he wanted to be…well, normal again.

H50H50H50

Chin stood across from Max, looking down at the corpse on the autopsy table. Max had finished his external examination and was getting ready to start the internal exam, but Max had laid his scalpel down when he and Catherine entered the autopsy room.

"Very nice to see you again, Catherine."

"Thank you, Max. It's very nice to see you again too."

Chin smiled, watching the exchange between the two. Max had always been cordial, well maybe not always to Danny, because Danny antagonized him, but to the rest of the team, he had always been warm and friendly, genuinely happy to have some living company throughout his day.

It was great to see him become more comfortable with his social skills, lose a little of his awkwardness, and his exchanges with Danny gave him a chance to work on his joking and bantering, a skill he either didn't always possess or just never had the chance to use in his limited human interactions.

Catherine was explaining her temporary status and Max continued with some pleasantries, but before they could get too far off track, Chin reined them in by asking, "what can you tell us about the victim, Max?"

"Well, as you can see, I have just started my internal examination." He turned to the work surface behind him and picked up a sealed specimen jar with what looked like fragments of a bullet. "I was able to retrieve the bullet from the open wound," Max held up the jar and Chin spotted a partial bullet and some smaller pieces. "As soon as I finish with the rest of the examination I will send these fragments and any other pertinent forensic discoveries to the lab to be analyzed." Max moved the screen and pointed to the x-ray currently being displayed there. "In addition to the gunshot wound, our victim also sustained injuries to both clavicles and scapulas and had deep ligatures around both wrists which would suggest the victim was being restrained, with both arms over his head."

Catherine asked, "so it's possible that McMaster's was held for a time before he was killed?"

"Exactly," Max beamed, "I will hopefully know more once I can examine the stomach contents and get the blood results, but I would say in order for these injuries to appear, our victim had to have been held in that position for at least ten hours."

Chin nodded, not seeing any other obvious signs of torture, so he asked, "Any indication of sexual assault?"

"There were no obvious signs, but I will be sending samples off to Fong as soon as I finish here." Max picked his scalpel up from the tray holding other various tools and started to make his Y incision, in effect, dismissing them.

Catherine turned toward him and he shrugged, walking toward the door, "then we will leave you to it, Max. Call us if you find anything else useful."

Light rain was falling when they exited the building, but it was a fine mist, so they didn't need to rush to Chin's SUV.

Once inside and buckled in, Catherine shuddered and he asked, "are you all right?"

She sighed, but nodded, "yes…it's just, I'm not sure I'll ever get used to seeing dead bodies."

He started the engine and pulled away from the curb, "I guess I should say that you should never get used to it, but that's not really true."

She looked his way, but he kept his eyes on the road and the thickening traffic in front of him. It was time for lunch and the streets were starting to fill up with workers looking for fast eats and tourist looking for new dining experiences, paying for overpriced, subpar fair, but he wasn't about to let them in on the places the locals went for lunch. It already took way too long, his lunch hour usual lasted a little longer, that was, unless his wonderful wife packed him leftovers from the night before.

"To tell you the truth, after a while…seeing the actual bodies becomes easier…it's trying to detach the life they once had from the physical remains that can work on you..."

"So," she said, "you're saying you can get used to it?"

He nodded, sliding in front of a bus to beat it to the corner. "Maybe that's not the right terminology, but it does get better with time."

At the next intersection, he made a left and approached the parking lot at the palace, pulling into his usual spot, opening his door and dropping down to the pavement, but Catherine didn't immediately get out of the car. He waited a beat or two and then asked, "is everything okay?"

She nodded, opening her own door and sliding out. "Yeah, I just…I just don't know how this is going to work…working with Steve…"

Chin knew that not many people knew about Steve and Danny's relationship, and he wasn't about to drop that bomb on her. If Steve wanted to clue her in, that was his business, but he thought that it would probably be best if he did.

"I think maybe you should talk to Steve about that."

They walked to the lobby, taking the elevator up. When they reached their office, Steve was sitting in Danny's, his cell phone to his ear and he didn't look happy, but Steve hung up and came out, asking to be briefed.

Catherine asked him, "is everything all right?"

"Yes, fine."

Chin raised a brow, but Steve shook his head, so he let it go. But if he was a betting man, he would lay odds that Steve was trying to get a hold of Danny and Danny wasn't answering.

Catherine started to fill Steve in on what Max had to say when Chin's own phone rang. He pulled it from his pocket and saw it was from Malia. He couldn't help the smile he was sure was plastered to his face, or the little tendrils of excited that rolled around in his stomach. He and Malia had a secret, but he was sure that they wouldn't have to keep it for too much longer.

He slipped toward his office and connected his call, "Hello, beautiful…What? Slow down, honey…okay, okay…I will meet you there."

Both Steve and Catherine were looking at him as he disconnected the call, "I have to go…" he called over his shoulder, already heading toward the door, "it's Malia."

He ran down the steps and out to his SUV. The streets were still crowded, but he turned on his lights and sirens and plowed through, arriving at Queens in record time, parking in the designated police spot, not caring that he wasn't on official business.

Running into the entry hall, he flashed his badge at the guard behind the security desk and continued to the elevators, jabbing the button for the third floor. "Come on, come on, come on," he huffed, feeling the car was moving upward in slow motion. The elevator pinged, and the doors finally slid open and Chin made a sharp right, moving quickly toward the maternity wing, saying to the nurse behind the desk, "I am looking for my wife. I am supposed to meet her here…her name is Malia Kelly."

"Yes, she is in room 312."

The nurse barely got the words out before Chin found himself walking swiftly down the hall and pushing the door open into the room. He found Malia laying on a hospital bed, in a pink hospital gown, draped in a pink blanket. She was facing the window, but rolled toward him when she heard him approaching.

"What's wrong," he asked, stopping just short of her bed, taking up the hand she held out for him.

"I was in a meeting and I started to have pain in my abdomen…I felt sick so I excused myself and went to the bathroom…" her eyes were teary and Chin wasn't sure he wanted to hear anymore, but he gave her hand a little squeeze so she would continue. "I did get sick, but when I used the bathroom, I found that I was bleeding." And then she did break down, pulling him over the raised rail and cried into his chest.

He petted her hair and held her, but didn't know what else to do…didn't even know for sure what this meant…was the baby…

She sniffed against his chest and then pushed back a little, obviously seeing the fear in his eyes, she said, "Dr. Congdon is on her way up…she told me to try and not worry, but I can't not worry…they are going to do an exam and ultrasound…"

He nodding, relaxing just a little.

At least there seemed like maybe there was some hope and that they hadn't just lost their first child.

He lowered the bed rail and slid in beside her, reaching around her to wrap her in his arms. "It's going to be okay, you'll see."

She nodded against his shoulder and settled down, relaxing in his arms.

He hoped, prayed that he was telling her the truth, but they would just have to wait to see what the doctor had to say.

H50H50H50H50

Catherine hoped that everything was okay with Malia and Chin. She didn't know what might be happening but figured someone would clue her in if she needed to know.

She had already finished telling Steve what Max had relayed to them and they had decided to look a little closer at McMaster's business practices and close relations, in case they had missed something, but Steve seemed off…distracted.

She asked, "do you want to go to lunch?" thinking that maybe he would open up to her about what was bothering him if she could get him away from the office.

"Huh…" he looked at her like she was speaking another language and it really concerned her to see him like this…she was missing something here, something had changed in Steve, but she couldn't put her finger on it.

"Lunch?" she asked again, putting a hand to his shoulder to convey her support in some small way.

"Oh…no, I ah…I need to take care of something on my lunch hour." Steve patted her hand and started toward the door as Kono came in. "But how about you and Kono catch up…I'll be back in an hour or two."

Cath asked Kono, "what was that all about," but she shrugged her shoulders and moved over to the computer table, typing in some commands.

"So Fong examined the saran wrap and in all forty feet didn't find one print or any fibers." She had cast some photos up onto the screens along with some police reports, "but get this…a similar M.O. has been used before in Florida…several bodies had been found weighed down in the ocean, wrapped in saran wrap, but these victims all showed signs of torture."

She scanned the reports, noting the FBI had investigated the murders because it was classified as serial after the third victim. "It seems that all the identified victims all had one thing in common," she said, reading the findings in the still unsolved cases. "Each victim was some kind of criminal."

"Exactly," Kono pulled up what information they had gathered on McMaster's, "I'm thinking maybe the business was a front for some illegal activity. I know he wasn't tortured like the other victims, but maybe the perp got interrupted somehow and had to get the job done quickly. I have Fong looking over the books and he will consult with a forensics accountant to see if all the money moving through the business is legit."

Cath nodded, feeling her belly rumble, shooting Kono an embarrassed look. "Sorry about that…I didn't exactly have time for breakfast."

Kono looked at her watch and Cath glanced at the clock noting it was already almost two in the afternoon.

"I could eat," Kono said. "let's go check out Kamekona's spicy garlic shrimp…I'll drive."

She followed Kono down to her car and it didn't take long to get to the food truck and before she knew it, Kamekona was setting a heaping plate of steaming shrimp down in front of her.

"All right, two spicy plates for two spicy ladies," he waited for them both to take a bite and give their approval before heading back to his truck and line of customers that Flippa dutifully entertained while they waited for their food.

Catherine took another bite and chased down the rising heat with a swing of her coconut water. "This is hotter than the last time I had it," she said, taking another gulp.

Kono laughed, taking another big bite, "nah…you just haven't had anything like it since you were last here."

She nodded, supposing that was true. It wasn't like the food in the mess was anything to write home about.

The breeze from the ocean ruffled both of their hair and she took in a big breath of the salt scented air. Truth was, she missed the islands, missed being on solid ground. She had spent over half of her adult life in the Navy and lately she had been thinking of going into the secular world, putting down some roots, maybe even start a family.

They chatted about everything, anything and nothing at all, until both pushed back their empty plates and she broached the subject she really wanted to talk about. "So…is something going on with Steve?" She reasoned the best approach would be to just come out and ask.

Kono pursed her lips and shrugged her shoulders, "I think he is doing pretty well, all things considered." She looked like she wanted to say more, but was trying to find a way to say it without actually saying it. "We almost lost Danny," she finally mused, "it was bad, Catherine and it affected us all, but Steve…Steve more so."

Cath could understand that. Danny was his best friend...but it had been four months, so shouldn't that feeling of potential loss have passed by now...unless Danny wasn't doing as well as she had thought. "But…he's alright now…isn't he?"

"Steve says he has good days and bad days…he hasn't been sleeping so well…"

"Wait," she rolled that one around for a bit, "So Danny is staying with Steve?"

Kono nodded, but didn't say anymore on the topic, in fact she changed the subject, asking, "Are they putting you up at the Hilton until you can find a place to stay…I was thinking of asking everyone to join me there in the bar for drinks and snacks on Saturday…"

Catherine assumed that Steve would ask her to stay with him, but she hadn't thought much of him not offering right away until now. She did have a reservation at the Hilton and an appointment to meet with a realtor on Monday to find an apartment. "Yeah…I am there until I find a place, which hopefully won't take too long. Since you are inviting everyone, how about we make a day of it, use the pool…that is, if we can make any headway on these case."

Kono seemed for relaxed as she talked about the case and Cath wondered again what she was not being told, but she let it go for now. She supposed she would find out soon enough.

H50H50H50H50

Steve hoped that everything was okay with Malia and Chin, but right now he was too worried about Danny. He had been calling for the last hour and Danny hadn't answered, which wouldn't be too big of a concern, because it was very possible that Danny had finally been able to fall asleep, but Steve couldn't explain the feeling in his stomach, so he decided to act.

It didn't take long to reach his home and he called Danny's name as he unlocked and opened the front door.

The house was quiet, so he dropped his keys into the bowl by the front door and jogged up the steps, taking them two at a time, expected to find a sleeping Danny when he opened the door to their room, but the bed was made and Danny was not in the bathroom or on the deck off the bedroom, so he jogged back down the steps calling Danny's name again, checking the study and kitchen, the spare bedrooms and bathroom, even the garage, but no Danny.

It didn't make sense, because Danny's car was in the driveway and Danny had only driven it a few times, so it was unlikely he would make a trip out today, especially since he hadn't been feeling well the night before.

He plucked his phone from his pocket and dialed Danny again, startled when he heard Danny's phone ringing from some other part of the house. He hurried toward the sound and found Danny's phone and keys sitting on the counter in the kitchen next to a pile of folded clothes and then he knew what must have happened.

He hung up, walking toward the back door and turned the handle, testing to see if it were locked by also turning the handle from the outside and sure enough, it was locked. He felt instant relief, knowing that Danny must have locked himself out again and probably had walked to one of the neighbors, but then why hadn't he called Steve to say he had locked himself out?

He shut the door, planning on calling Mrs. Kapolei when he spotted the piece of paper and envelope sitting near Danny's phone. He grabbed it up and read the return address, seeing it was from a Urology office at Queens and according to the referral and reminder letter, Danny had had an appointment about an hour ago.

Steve stuffed the papers back inside the envelope, trying to decide if he should run over to the medical center and see if Danny was there, but Danny hadn't told him about this appointment, so…he sighed, rubbing his forehead and the bridge of his nose before making up his mind.

Danny had made an appointment in private and had kept it from him, so it was obvious that he didn't want to include him…at least not yet.

And it wasn't like Steve didn't have an idea of what this appointment might have been about.

Lately Danny had been, well, loving and affectionate and very caring when it came to their love making, but sometimes Steve wasn't so sure that Danny was really all that into it.

A couple months into his recovery, in those early days, when Danny had seemed ready, if Steve could catch Danny when he was first waking up, if he could reach under the covers and stroke Danny he would become semi hard and if Steve worked at him, he usually stayed hard long enough for Steve to get him off, to get them both off, but lately, lately Steve knew that Danny was struggling

Now, a few more months in, Danny had always seemed eager, always took care to satisfy Steve in any way he could, but when it came to Steve wanting to satisfy Danny, to initiate some intimacy, Danny usually turned it around on him.

He would distract him with his hands and that sinful mouth and before Steve knew it, he was floating in a post coitus haze and Danny would be playing with his nipple or stroking his chest and if he should make a move, reach toward Danny's cock, Danny would sometimes let him, would sometimes let Steve stroke him or use his mouth, but lately, more often than not, he would tell Steve that he was fine, would shift off the bed and go take a shower or head down the steps before Steve could even get his boxers on.

And Steve could see Danny's frustration and wanted to help, wanted to let Danny know that he understood, but he didn't know how to bring up the subject. It didn't seem like the right time when Danny had his pants around his knees, sucking his cock and it really didn't seem like the right time when Danny would roll away from him and make some excuse.

He almost brought it up when he had found an empty sample packet of Viagra in the bathroom trash one morning while Danny was showering.

It wasn't like he was snooping, he just happened to look down while he was brushing his teeth and saw it.

Then he realized that Danny had been very still in the shower stall and put two and two together and hurriedly finished brushing his teeth.

It was a good twenty minutes later before Danny emerged, a towel slung low around his hips and it took all of Steve's will power to not jump him right there and then, but one look at Danny's face tempered his desire and instead he pulled the man he loved into a bear hug, thinking that if this was all he ever got, he would happily take it, because Danny was here with him, on the road to recovery and soon enough, things would go back to what passed as normal for them, at least that was what he had hoped.

He startled when his phone rang, pulling himself from the past, he shook his head, looking at the display. He didn't recognize the number, but he had hoped it was Danny calling him.

"McGarrett."

"Hey, babe…am I interrupting anything important?"

Steve sunk into the dinning chair, ridiculously happy to hear Danny's voice on the other end of the line. "Nope…" he looked around the kitchen, trying to come up with a plausible answer for what he might be doing, but Danny started speaking again, so he didn't need to make excuses.

"I didn't want you to worry if you couldn't reach me," Danny said and Steve looked toward Danny's phone knowing there were at least ten missed calls and several voice mails from him. "I locked myself out of the house again…"

He knew Danny was waiting for him to laugh or remind him that he had warned him about the knob but instead he said, "First chance I get I am replacing that damn door knob."

"Really," Danny asked, seeming pleased that Steve would do such a thing for him.

"Yes, really…I can't have you getting stuck outside all day…besides, it's a little stupid anyway, don't you think?"

Danny agreed and then said, "anyway I didn't want you to worry…I went to see the doctor today and she is sending me for some test, so I will probably be a few more hours."

Steve was very pleased that Danny chose to tell him where he was, but also a bit worried about the tests part, and asked, "tests?"

"Yeah," Danny sighed into the phone, "but don't worry, I'm fine…It should take maybe a few hours, so do you think you can pick me up…I'll call when I'm done and when we get home, I'll explain."

"Of course, Danno…just call me when you're ready…" Steve wanted to go to the medical center right now and wait with Danny, but he knew this was something Danny needed to do on his own, so he said, "I will pick you up and then call it a day…we have to wait on Max and Fong anyway, nothing much more we can do today, so…"

He wasn't fishing for an invitation, but was pleasantly surprised when Danny said, "then why don't you come over now and wait with me. I'm in the imaging department and they are behind, so it could be an hour or more before they get me in."

Steve didn't have to be told twice, he was already on his way out the door, scooping up his keys and jogging down the path when Danny said, "and get that goofy grin off your face and hurry…I could use the company."

The grin stayed as he climbed into the truck and started the engine, backing out and onto his street before shifting the gear to drive. "You know the deal, I can't help what my face does," he laughed at Danny's snort and told him, "I'm on my way babe…I love you."

Danny was quiet for a beat or two and then he quietly said, "I love you too…very much, now hurry."

Steve gunned the engine as he disconnected the call. He might not be able to help Danny physically feel better, but he sure as hell could turn on his sirens and drive like an idiot to get to Danny a little faster, to sit with him in some waiting room and hold his hand and to just...be there with him.

H50H50H50

"Mr. Williams?"

Danny looked up from the newspaper he was reading, folding it up and tossing it toward the low table holding other magazines and pamphlets in the patient waiting room. There were only a few other people waiting in the same row of chairs where he sat, so he excused himself as he passed each one.

He met the nurse at the door leading back to the inner exam rooms. "Hi, I'm Janie. You can follow me this way," she said and turned from him, walking down the narrow hall and into the first small room on the right. There were two small chairs and a small work desk with a computer on top and a wheeled stool pushed underneath. A large scale was positioned near a window and cabinets lined the far wall. An exam table stood across from that and over it the wall space was adorned with posters of the inner working of kidneys and another of the insides of both a male and female urinary system.

She directed him toward the scale and he got on, curious of his current weight. He knew that he had lost some pounds and more muscle mass than he wanted to think about.

He watched as she moved a grooved counterweight on the top bar and settling it at one hundred and fifty pounds before inching the other counterweight with her finger to the right until the little level tip balanced out at one hundred and sixty-nine.

He was down at least eighteen pounds since the shooting and three pounds since his last office visit with Dr. Hoy.

His stomach made a little rumble as he stepped back off the scale, but he didn't feel hungry…not really.

"Have a seat and I will get your temp and blood pressure."

He sat in the chair closest to the work desk and dutifully opened his mouth when she popped an electronic thermometer into a sanitary sleeve and directed it toward his lips. It beeped after a few seconds and she withdrew it, clicking off the sleeve into a nearby trash can and stuck the device back into its holder on the wall.

After hooking the stool with her foot, she sat and jotted down his weight and temperature on a sticky note, before reaching for her blood pressure cuff. She wrapped the cuff around the bicep of the arm he extended for her, pulling her stethoscope from around her neck and sticking the pronged ends into each ear, pressing the cool, smooth, surface of the other end just under the cuff as she pumped it up. It squeezed his arm and then began to deflate as she listened. A few seconds later she pumped it up again and repeated the process, before pulling her scope from her ear and grabbing the edge of the cuff to release the Velcro and free his arm. "One thirty-six over ninety-two. Are you nervous about your visit today?"

He shook his head, muttering, "no," but since he was in fact nervous, he wasn't too sure his response was all that convincing.

"Okay," she turned from him and typed on the key board, bringing up his medical records. "I see that you blood pressure has been normal range, for the most part, on your last few follow up visits, so we can check it again in a bit…sometimes stress can have an effect, so I'll leave a note for Dr. Moore to check it again at the end of your appointment."

He nodded, watching as she clicked through some more pages, reading his electronic chart and asking him more questions to assure that his medication list was accurate, if he hadn't been in any pain, if he had thought that he may be depressed.

"I feel okay," he told her. "I mean, I am sometimes a little down, but I've been told that, that's to be expected."

"That's right," she assured. "The healing process is different for everyone and feeling a little discouraged or anxious or even sad about what has happened and what may happen in the future is perfectly normal, but if you start to feel despondent you need to let someone know, okay?"

He nodded, knowing she was right, but he wasn't despondent…in fact he was looking forward to feeling normal again, knowing that it might be a long while yet before that may happen, but that was one of the reasons he was here right now.

"Okay," she picked up her sticky note and imputed the most recent information on his chart, calling up a blank page, before standing and going to a cabinet on the far wall. She pulled out a little collection cup and a few wrapped wet naps. She rooted through the handful of papers that the receptionist had given him when he checked in and found a sheet of sticky backed labels and peeled one off and stuck it on the cup. "We need a clean catch urine sample." She handed him the cup and alcohol pads, "the bathroom is down at the end of the hall, just clean off the tip of your penis and void a little in the toilet before filling the cup. When you're done there is a little metal door in the room that opens to the lab on the other side. Just stick your sample in it and a tech will collect it to test."

He stood to go use the restroom, but she told him, "Come back here when you are done and get completely undressed, gown open to the back." She pulled a standard hospital issued robe and folded sheet from a drawer from under the exam table and sat them both on top of the tables paper lined surface.

He nodded, moving toward the end of the hall, waiting as the room was occupied. He heard the toilet flush and then water running and when the door opened, he felt a blush of embarrassment creep up his neck and pink his cheeks, gripping the urine collection cup, as a young woman came out of the bathroom.

"Excuse me," she smiled at him and moved quickly down the hall away from him, stepping into another exam room.

In the bathroom he opened the towellets and used them to clean the small slit and tip of his dick and then tried to pee, but nothing was happening. He tried to relax, knowing that he felt like one huge ball of nervous energy, but even a few deep breaths didn't seem to help. He widened his stance and inhaled deeply, blowing out a few puffs of breath until finely he started to go.

The cup was only half full when he capped it and put it in the little cabinet on the wall near the sink. After quickly washing his hands he was on his way back to the exam room. The curtain was drawn around the exam table so he closed the door and stepped behind, kicking off his flip flops under one of the chairs and tugging his shirt over his head. He shucked his board shorts and boxers together and folded the whole pile and placed them on top of the chair, looking down at the soft material pouch that encircled his waist and decided to leave it on for now.

The room was cool and he shivered, but he threaded his arms through the opening of the thin gown and climbed up onto the table, smoothing the sheet out over his dangling legs.

A minute later a light knock came at the door and someone came in, calling in a soft voice, "Mr. Williams?"

At first he thought that maybe it was another nurse, but Janie pulled the curtain back a bit and behind her stood the woman he encountered at the restroom door. Janie stepped aside, pulling things from a nearby drawer as this woman from before introduced herself as, "Dr. Moore. It's nice to meet you." She held out her hand and he awkwardly shook it, wondering why it had never crossed his mind, that his urologist might be a woman.

"Danny," he said, dropping her hand.

"Okay, Danny." She moved over to the desk and sat on the stool, reading over some information and Janie slipped from the room. "So, I called and spoke with Dr. Hoy this morning to get some background info on your injuries and progress of recovery and I understand that you are having some intimacy issues?"

"Yeah…" he thought about how he should word his problem, having all but forgotten what he had worked out to say earlier in the waiting room, but she continued before he could form another sentence, which was a strange sensation for him…he was never at a loss for words.

"Erectile dysfunction can be psychological or physical or a little of both. The underlining cause can be complicated, but I assure you, there are still many options out there for you." She took a few minutes to type something into the computer program and then turned to look at him. He could feel a blush burn on his chest and neck again, hoping that his check didn't pink as she gave him a glance and then turned back to her computer. "Dr. Hoy said he gave you a few ED drugs to try…how did that go?"

He shook his head, "I ah…they didn't really help, I mean…" Her eyes met his again and he felt a little exposed, even though he was still covered in a sheet. "I got…well…"

"Did you use them with your partner?"

He sighed, knowing that he should be able to talk to her about this, she was a licensed doctor…a specialist in her field. "I, ah…no, actually." He decided to just tell her everything, even if it was embarrassing to him, it was nothing that she hadn't heard before. "I took one in the morning and then…he was asleep and I didn't want to start something that I couldn't finish, so I got in the shower. I did get semi hard, but it didn't last…I couldn't…finish and then later, my head started to hurt and it ached for the rest of the day."

"Headaches are one of the more common side effects of ED drugs and they are most effective when the user is already feeling aroused." She turned from him again and typed on the keyboard for a few minutes, "do you wake up with an erection during the night or in the morning?"

He wasn't really sure…sometimes, if Steve got his mitts on him before he awoke from sleeping, he would get semi hard, and could get off after what seemed like a long time and a lot of hard work for Steve and sometimes he would stroke himself in the middle of the night or in the shower and no matter what he did, nothing happened and that was why he would shy away from Steve's advances.

He answered her by saying, "sometimes, but it's nothing like before…before I was shot."

"Well, that's a good sign…Next we can try a different class of drugs…one is a suppository and one is an injectable. Now I know that, that might not seem too sexy," she turned to him again, "but if you feel things are moving that way or if you would like to move things that way, either option is discrete and allows you to be just as spontaneous as the class of drugs you have already tried. You will achieve an erection, regardless of mood, in about five to ten minutes. Both of these options work with blood flow and because you use them on the organ itself, the time frame to achieve an erection is shorter and although foreplay is helpful, it's not really needed with these two options. And one benefit is that this class of drug has been show to improve natural erections if there is a physical cause to your ED."

Her last sentence struck a nerve…what if his problem wasn't physical…what if what he allowed Richie to do to him fucked his head and now he wouldn't ever be able to be with another man?

"So," she said, pulling him from his spiraling thoughts, "today I am going to do a physical exam and send you for some tests, blood work to look at hormone levels and we will go from there."

She went to the sink to wash her hands as he asked, "What if…what if either of these drugs don't work? Then what?"

She dried her hand and pulled a couple of gloves from the box on the wall, "well, there is a manual pump that will draw blood into the penis and then a band is placed about your base to keep the blood in until after sex…it's a little cumbersome, but most manage if that is what works for them and often, if that is the case, most choose surgery to implant a device that works in much the same way, but let's not think worst case scenario just yet."

Clearly she did not know him very well…his first thoughts were usually worst case scenarios.

"So this next part might be familiar," she told him, pulling on the gloves and pulling the curtain even though the exam room door was closed. "Most men have a pelvic exam by your age and we usually do them standing up and then bending at the waist over the table, but since you have the colostomy, it might be more comfortable for you to lie back."

The door opened on quiet hinges and Janie came back around the curtain as he laid back on the table, a small pillow placed under his head, his hand resting on his stomach.

The nurse stayed at the foot of the table, but Dr. Moore moved around until she was standing near his left hip. She pulled his gown up and he said, "I didn't know if I should take it off," indicating the belt that concealed his ostomy and bag.

"It's fine to leave on," she told him, pulling the sheet back to uncover his genitals and thighs. "Try to relax. You will feel my hand on your penis and then testes. I am looking and feeling for any unnatural structures. Can you spread your legs a bit?"

He did as she asked, closing his eyes when she picked up his dick and ran her fingers over his length and pressed into him around his base, she squeezed his head and used her thumbs to open the tiny slit of his urethra before asking him to slightly bend his knees.

He could feel her palming his testicles and then gently squeezing and rolling each one between her fingers and thumb, before gathering some scrotum skin and angling her finger toward his groin, pressing in deep, asking him to cough. The process was repeated on the other side and then she was done with that portion of the exam and said, "Ok, can you roll over toward me?"

He rolled to his left side, watching as Janie opened a small packet of lube and squeezed the contents out onto the doctors gloved fingers. And yes, he had to do this exam during his yearly physical, but this time, it seemed that the process was taking longer, that she was being much more thorough then his GP.

"I need you to pull your legs up. You're going to feel me touching you and then my finger in your anus. Tell me if anything hurts."

He nodded his head, shivering as cool air caressed his bare back and ass, staring at the pastel curtain as she pressed into him, sliding her finger in and over his prostate, rubbing back and forth over the gland a few times before turning her finger inside him and withdrawing, pulling the sheet up and over his hip.

She peeled off her gloves and tossed them in the trash, going to the sink to wash her hands. "So, we will leave you to get dressed and then I am sending you to the lab for some blood work and up to imaging for a sonogram of your penis, once I get the results back, we can discuss the best treatment plan."

He hadn't really expected that test would be done today, so he knew he would need to call Steve before he went to imagining. It was probable that Steve had already tried to call him and if that were the case, he would be worried that Danny hadn't answered.

"I'll be back in once you are dressed to explain the tests and then you can go." Dr. Moore slipped from the room and Janie handed him a few tissues to wipe with before going herself.

He waited until he heard the door shut with a soft hiss before pushing up and swinging his legs down. It only took him a second to get rid of any extra lube and put on his shirt and shorts, slipping his feet into his shoes.

The doctor came back in with a handful of print outs and orders for the lab and imagining and what looked like a prescription for the pharmacy. "The blood work results will take a few days, but I should get the sonogram and biofeedback results tomorrow. Basically when you get into imaging, they will ask you to put on another gown and lie on the table on your side. They will take some internal images and use a small probe to test the strength of your pelvic muscles and then the imaging of the penis will be done. The injectable drug will be used to cause an erection and then images of blood flow will tell me how best to treat you. It should only take about thirty minutes, but I don't know how backed up they are, so you might want to sign in and then grab some lunch." She handed him the papers and a new appointment card. "Stop at the pharmacy on your way out and pick up your monitoring device. The instructions are pretty straight forward and I would like you to use it for three days and then bring the unit back in when you come to see me. I'd like to see you back here on Monday, if that works for you."

"Yes, Monday is fine…" he took the papers, noticing to pamphlets on the drug suppository called MUSE and one on the injectable. He would have to take the time to read through them and pick which one would be best for him. Honestly, neither one looked appealing, but if they worked, he would just have to deal with it.

She pointed him back down the hall and told him to make a right after the bathroom, to have a seat in the row of chairs and that a tech would call him for his blood draw.

No sooner had he sat down, then someone called his name. He handed the guy his lab order and took a seat in the chair in the first little cubicle on the left. The man introduced himself while wrapping his arm in a tourniquet and asking him to make a fist. He used to hate needles…well, he supposed most people weren't fans of them, but now, after being a pin cushion for so many weeks, he hardly flinched as the butterfly needle went in and dark red blood came out and into the tube. Another took the first one's place and before he knew it, his arm was released from the tight grip of the strip of rubber and the needle was being withdrawn. In short order, he had a gauze and bandage over the puncture site and was taking the elevator up to the third floor imaging department.

People filled the waiting room and he knew before even approaching the desk he was in for a wait.

"Hi," the woman sitting at the desk said, "Name, please."

"Danny Williams."

After she pulled up his information, she took his insurance card and driver's license over to a copy machine and made a copy and then handed them back to him. "We are a tad behind, it's about an hour wait. If you want to take a walk or maybe grab some lunch and be back in that time you should be good and I can always call you if we can get you in before that."

"I forgot my phone," he told her, knowing that he would need to call Steve. "So I'll just wait, but thank you. Do you ah, have a courtesy phone that I can use?"

"Yes, go see Leanne at the cubical on the end. There's a phone for patient use on her desk."

"Thanks."

Leanne told him to dial nine to get an outside line and then his number. When Steve picked up the phone he sounded relieved and Danny couldn't help the small smile that appeared on his face or the strange fluttery feeling in his belly…he couldn't explain it, but, it was a good feeling

By the time he returned the phone to the table and thanked Leanne, Steve was on his way and for Danny, that was a good feeling too.

H50H50H50

Steve spotted Danny sitting in the waiting room, he was in the back row, along the wall and he had his head tilted back, eyes closed, resting against the wall.

He hurried over, glad that even though the waiting room was full, no one else shared the row with Danny. He slid into the chair beside his lover and quietly leaned forward and kissed him on the cheek, hoping not to wake him, but happy to see those blue eyes flutter and open.

"Hey, babe," Danny wiped at his mouth, probably checking for drool and then leaned into Steve, kissing his mouth with soft, parted lips. "I'm sorry I locked myself out of the house again…I hope you weren't worried."

"Of course I was worried, Danno," Steve reached for Danny's hand, loving the feel of the rough but warm skin, rubbing tiny circles in Danny's palm as he continued, "I was at the house when you called."

Danny nodded, shifting in his chair enough to be able to lean into Steve and put his head on Steve's shoulder. "I'm sorry, babe…I just thought that this…"

"It's okay," Steve assured. "I understand, but I'm glad you told me about it and I'm even glader that you asked me to come."

"Glader is not a word, ya big goof." Danny's stomach rumbled while he spoke, but he didn't budge from his spot, seeming content to rest against Steve.

Steve knew that sometimes Danny's signals would get crossed and he would not feel like eating even when his body wanted him too. Sometimes Steve would comment on it and Danny would shrug and grab a snack and sometimes, he would get mad as hell and tell Steve to mind his own damn business, and the mood swings was another thing Steve tried to carefully navigate.

He waited a minute or two, feeling Danny's body relax even more against his side and then asked, "Did they say how long you have to wait…I skipped lunch…"

Danny shifted his head and opened one eye and looked at him, probably trying to judge Steve's motives, but he had skipped lunch and he was hungry, his own belly protesting even as Danny was looking at him.

Danny nodded, pushing himself up a little. "She said about an hour, but I don't know when that was…I sorta feel naked without my phone," he admitted, looking around for a clock. "It's weird not having it on me…I almost couldn't remember your phone number to call you."

"I'll go ask them…be right back," and Steve leaned forward and kissed Danny again, loving the goofy smile he got when he pulled away and headed for the desk.

"It's still at least forty-five minutes, sir…maybe longer. Mr. Williams said he forgot his phone, but if you want to give me your number, I will call you if we are ready for him before you get back."

Steve agreed, firing off his phone number and made his way back to Danny. "Let's get something to eat…you want to go to the cafeteria or over to Mamie's, the lunch crowds should all be done by the time we get there."

Danny shrugged, probably because he thought he wasn't hungry, but Steve was determined to get some food into him, so he reached for Danny's hand and hauled him to his feet. "Mamie's it is," he declared, walking behind Danny as they made their way to the elevator and down to the parking garage.

A thought occurred to him as the door parted on the first floor parking structure. Danny had been here for at least two hours and who knows how long he was locked out of the house. He was wearing board shorts and a t-shirt, and hadn't changed into clothes that he thought were more appropriate for seeing a doctor, which meant he probably hadn't been able to empty his bag yet today and Danny refused to do that anywhere but home.

Danny didn't know it, but Steve knew that Danny had stashed an emergency collection bag in his car and in his go bag, so Steve decided to do the same. He had one in the truck, in his own go bag, but didn't know what Danny would think of that, so instead he asked, "do you…ah, do you need to stop by home after we eat?" They didn't have a lot of time and who knew what traffic would be like, but Steve would do what needed to be done and still get Danny back here on time.

He used the key fob to unlock his truck and waited for Danny to decide once they both climbed in.

Danny fastened his seat belt and then looked down at his stomach, looking like he was trying to decide.

"It should be okay," he finally answered, so Steve started the truck and pulled out of the parking garage and on to the road, heading a few blocks over to the restaurant. They probably could have walked, but Danny already looked tired, so he hadn't even brought that up.

He lucked out and found a spot on the street and they didn't have to wait for a table. Mamie, herself seated them in a booth near the back, away from the few people who were there enjoying a late lunch or maybe an early dinner. "What can I get you boys," she asked, not even bothering with a menu.

They had been eating here for years and while Danny was in the hospital, he and Danny's dad would come over to get her specially made soft noodles in broth for Danny to eat.

Danny asked for some coconut water and maybe started to say he wasn't hungry, but she raised one hairy, greying, eye brow at him and he ordered a BTL on wheat toast. Steve got the same, because it was fast but also easy on Danny's stomach and Steve took to eating whatever Danny could eat, because he didn't want to make Danny lose whatever appetite he did have by eating something that could potentially make Danny feel sick, which probably only made sense to Steve.

The coconut water came and a small bowl of noodle soup, which they did not order, also was placed in front of each, "Thank you," Steve said, secretly pleased that so many people had Danny's best interests at heart.

"Yes, thank you," Danny agreed, unwrapping the chopsticks that were on the table setting to dig into his noodles.

Steve ate his own soup, happy to see Danny enjoy his lunch, finishing his noodles and picking up the bowl to sip the broth while they waited for the sandwiches to arrive.

He watched Danno swallow the warm liquid, eyeing him over his own bowl and then he inched his long legs forward, resting one against Danny's, smiling a goofy grin because he got to do that if he wanted too and then he said, "I love you, Danno."

Danny sat his empty bowl near the edge of the table, gently moving his leg to rub against Steve's and said, "I love you too, babe."

Before things became too mushy, Mamie brought out two plates, piled high with thick toasted bread and layers of tomato and bacon, a thin layer of lettuce and Maine's homemade mayo. Steve wasn't so sure that he could finish his own, so he wasn't surprised when Danny only got through half of his.

They talked a little bit about the case and Steve filled Danny in on Chin leaving early today, knowing only that it had to do with Malia.

"I hope everything is okay with the baby," Danny said and Steve nodded in agreement, because even though the couple hadn't made such an announcement, the whole team already knew. Malia was practically glowing and Chin had an extra spring in his step. It would be a tragedy if something were to go wrong, but Steve knew that their little ohana would be there to support the couple as best they could.

"So if you are here and Chin is with Malia, who is helping Kono hold down the fort?" Danny's question seemed like a joke, but it reminded him about Catherine and an upcoming discussion he would have to have with Danny, but not today. There were more important things to talk about today.

"Kono doesn't need a keeper, she can handle things on her own…besides, I told you we were waiting on the forensics, so I told Kono to head home early." Which was partially true…there wasn't much they could do today, so after Danny got back to the hospital Steve was going to call Kono and tell her and Catherine to call it a day. Hopefully Max would have something for them tomorrow.

Mamie brought them containers for the leftover sandwiches and a little brown lunch bag with fresh made malasadas that she knew Danny loved. "You boys come around more often." She told them, boxing up the leftovers and sticking the container into a plastic bag, placing the little brown bag on top. "Jojo will be home from college in a few weeks and she would love to see you both."

Jojo, Mamie's daughter was in a wheel chair, she had broken her back when a drunk driver had stuck her mother's car when she was thirteen. Chin had worked that case and knew that she used to surf and that was how Danny and Steve met her, she had come out to an event sponsored by HPD that allowed disabled people to surf again with the aid of able bodied surfers. Now, once or twice a year, Five-O would volunteer at these events, it was a small way to give a little back and bring much joy to a group of deserving people.

"We will do that, Mamie…now, how much to we owe you?"

He stood, letting her wrap him in her arms, squeezing a little too tight and then watched as she carefully hugged Danny, "As always, Steve…it is I that owe you…now don't forget to come by again soon, and bring Chin and Kono with you next time."

"Yes, ma'am," he told her, waiting for Danny to walk ahead of him to the door.

The late afternoon air was warm, but the humidity was lowering and some darker clouds dotted the sky. He thought it would be nice to be at home, snuggled on the couch with Danny, watching some TV in a storm. In fact, that sounded like a perfect evening.

He saw Danny watching him from the passenger door as he unlocked the truck and climbed in. "Where did you go," Danny asked, "It looked nice, wherever it was."

He started the truck and pulled into traffic, but he knew he could make a quick right and travel a back street over to the hospital. "It was nice," he finally said. "not the place, the place doesn't matter just as long as my favorite person is with me."

"Aww…" Danny shook his head and said, "I am going to assume that is me and right back at you, babe."

"No need to assume, Danno." A few minutes later Steve pulled into the parking structure and into his usual parking space on the ground floor. He flashed his badge as they passed security and called for the elevator to take them to Imaging. The car was empty, so the held hands on the way up to the third floor and Steve was glad to see the people in the waiting area had thinned out.

"Mr. Williams," the receptionist called, "perfect timing, you can come back."

Danny looked to Steve and then back to the woman.

"He can come with you if that's what you want."

Danny nodded, looking back to Steve and Steve…well if that's what Danny wanted, that's what Steve wanted. "Lead the way, Danno."

They followed the woman back to another, smaller waiting room, but they were the only ones waiting. "It should only be a few minutes."

They both said, "thank you," and then sat to wait a little longer.

Maybe five minutes passed, when a woman in purple scrubs came down the hall calling Danny's name. "Hi, I'm Joy, you can both follow me."

He waited for Danny to go first and then he followed along, bringing up the rear. She led them around a corner and into a room about half way down that hall. It was dark and cool and a narrow long table took center stage, a large piece of monitoring equipment sat to one side and a chair sat on the other. "You can have a seat, sir." She nodded toward the chair. "And Mr. Williams, I need you to go into the other room and undress. There are gowns on the shelf, leave it open toward the front. You can put your personal items in any of the lockers and bring the key back here with you."

"Okay, be right back." Danny disappeared into the room, quietly shutting the door behind him.

Joy looked at a small computer in the corner of the room, pulling things off a nearby cart and then to the machine by the table. "Did the doctor explain these tests?' she asked Steve, but he shook his head and said, "She may have to Danny, but I wasn't at his appointment."

"Oh, okay…then I will wait for Mr. Williams."

As if on cue, Danny came back from the doorway he went into, clutching his hospital gown closed at his hip, handing Steve a little locker key on a purple, numbered, key chain.

"Hop up," she told him and Steve watched as Danny climbed up onto the table, using a foot stool left by the end and laid back, Joy sticking a pillow under his head.

She reached to a shelf and pulled down a small hand towel and a sheet and blanket. She laid the sheet and blanket over Danny, leaving the folded towel on his stomach, asking, "did the doctor explain the tests to you?"

Danny said, "yeah…I've got a good idea."

"Okay," from the tray she pulled a pair of gloves that she put on and a syringe, that was pre-loaded with medicine and had a patient label, wrapped around it. "Can you confirm your name and date of birth?"

Danny repeated the details and she reread the label to verify she had the right patient. "It will take ten minutes or so for the shot to take effect, so I am going to administer it now."

Steve watched Danny's face as he nodded then shot Steve a questioning look. He didn't know what Danny was trying to convey, but he sat back in his chair and kept his eyes on Danny's face, from the corner of his eye he could see Joy pulling the blanket down to Danny's thighs and push his gown up, unfolding the towel to cover what she just uncovered, while she opened an alcohol wipe and uncapped the needle and then Steve understood where that shot was going.

"You are going to feel a little pinch and maybe a little burning, but it should pass quickly."

Steve grabbed Danny's hand, not daring to look anywhere but his lover's face, taking in the dry swallow and grimace as Joy did what she needed to do. Danny got a peculiar look on his face, so Steve sat back a little, seeing just the glimpse of Joy's arm as her hand moved under the towel and Steve didn't even want to think about what she was doing to Danny.

"Okay, the worst part is over," she said, removing the towel and covering Danny back up. "Can you roll to your right side?"

Danny rolled toward Steve, manhandling the uncooperative gown as he moved. Joy arranged the blankets so that Danny was mostly covered, leaving his left hip and a part of his back bare. She opened a sealed bag with some sort of small monitor and a few wires with slightly thicker ends. She used some of the gel to coat on end and then Steve couldn't see what she was doing back there, but he could guess. When he looked back to Danny, he's face still seemed to be relaxed so whatever she was doing must not have hurt him.

"Okay, Mr. Williams. I need you to do a few pelvic floor exercises for me, you know how to do those, right?"

"Yeah," Danny said, a light sheen of sweat breaking out on his forehead and Steve thought that maybe it wasn't such a good idea for him to come in with Danny. The last thing he wanted was to embarrass him, but Danny gripped his hand a little harder, getting Steve's attention and there was a question in Danny's eyes and then Steve thought that maybe Danny thought that he was the one embarrassed, so he relaxed his face, no doubt because that was what Danny was questioning, and gave the hand he was holding a little squeeze in return.

"You're doing great," Joy told Danny and Steve relaxed a little more. "The biofeedback numbers are recorded on the device and will be sent to your doctor. This could potentially become part of your treatment, and if so, a device like this will be sent home with you."

She turned to the big screen on the machine by the bed and used her ungloved hand to type some information in. Steve knew it was a sonogram machine, but had never seen one quite like this, deep reds and blues danced around the screen and then she turned back to Danny, doing something else that Steve couldn't see but Danny's relaxed face became a little pinched. The image on the screen jumped, the dark colors seemed to chase themselves around and then would settle together overlaying the grainy black and white image of whatever structures she was looking at. She used her free hand to tap commands on to the key board and some mouse clicks to freeze the image from time to time, probably taking screen shots for the doctor to study. Steve got caught up with looking at the screen, rubbing Danny's sweaty palm until she was done and the screen went blank.

"You can roll back over now, Mr. Williams."

Danny rolled to his back, saying, "Danny…just call me Danny."

She smiled at him, "Okay, Danny. How are you doing? Feeling okay?" she reached for another pillow from the shelf and fed it up and under Danny's knees and then smoothed down the blankets.

"Yeah, I guess…I'm a little hot." Danny rested his hands on his stomach and Steve noted his flushed face and little beads of sweat on his skin.

"The medicine I gave you can make you feel hot and a little shaky. It's a lot stronger than the injectable, if you decide to use it, you won't feel the same way you do now, okay?" Steve didn't know what she was talking about but Danny nodded his head.

She looked at the clock and then down at Danny. "I'm going to step out for about five minutes or so, okay?"

"Okay," Danny watched her leave as Steve watched Danny, who now appeared to be trembling. He laid his arm across his forehead and said, "Now I'm feeling dizzy."

Steve stood up and did the only thing he could think of doing and that was to lean over him and kiss Danny lightly on the lips. He dropped his arm to the pillow under his head, so Steve smooth the skin of Danny's forehead and then ran his fingers through Danny's hair, all things that Steve knew that Danny liked and that usually helped him relax.

"Why did she leave?" Steve asked, straightening up, but keeping up with the head rub.

"I'm pretty sure she was waiting for that," Danny told him, looking down his body.

Steve followed his gaze to the tenting of the blanket and then he understood why Danny was dizzy, blood was pooling and so he said, rather awkwardly, "Oh."

Danny snorted, but agreed, "oh."

When Steve tore his eyes away from the growing bulge and looked back to Danny, he asked, "Danno…can I…"

Danny laughed and said, "look your fill… you have a few minutes until she comes back."

Steve didn't have to be told twice, he moved towards Danny's hip and pulled the blanket up and away from Danny's body. He had seen Danny naked and he had seen Danny semi hard, but he had never seen Danny like this and a pang of…sorrow…maybe even regret swept through his gut.

"You're beautiful," he said, wishing he could pull the words back in, because as soon as he looked towards Danny, his face showed his own sorrow.

But Danny quickly shook off whatever he had been feeling a tried out a little smile, "thanks, babe…you're not so bad yourself."

Steve dropped the blankets, kicking himself as he leaned over and kissed Danny again, this time a real kiss, not a little peck or a soft lipped touch, but a deep kiss, a strong press of lips and tongue, a kiss that said, I'm an idiot and I love you…or at least that's what he hoped it said, because when he pulled back, Danny looked a little confused, a little breathless.

Before he could question Danny, before he could explain that yes, he liked what he saw, but even more importantly, if he never saw it again, he would still love Danny, would still want Danny, Joy poked her head in the door and said, "are you ready?"

Danny sighed and said, "as I'll ever be," as Steve sank back into the chair, hoping that he hadn't done more harm than good.

Joy went back to her machine, typing commands on the keyboard and then pulled on another glove. She pulled back the blanket and sheet again, and pushed up Danny's gown and laid the towel back over Danny to cover him as best as she could, before she made a few final adjustments to the controls and picked up a wand attached to the machine and turned toward Danny. "So now I am going to be taking pictures and measurements of blood flow. Still feeling okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," Danny told her, shivering once again as she uncovered him and ran the instrument around the base of his erect penis and then eventually down his length.

Steve tried to dutifully keep his eyes on the monitor, but couldn't help to steal some looks at Danny's face, trying to gauge who badly he had messed up. Danny was watching the screen too, but on one of Steve's glances, Danny was looking at him and then Danny reached out his hand to him and Steve immediately took a hold of it, squeezing it like the life line it was.

Danny took in a deep breath and then blew it out slowly, giving Steve's a little squeeze of his own and then went back to looking at the screen.

Joy, for the most part, looked only at the screen too, using the mouse to take stills as she moved the wand around Danny's private parts and then it hit Steve like a ton of bricks…this…all this that Danny was doing…it was for him…why hadn't he thought of that before…Danny put himself through this day for him.

He looked to Danny again and Danny looked at him, a question in his eyes and those eyes narrowed and he said, "What's wrong?"

Steve shook his head, looked to Joy, who seemed to be paying them no attention and said, "Nothing Danny…nothing's wrong…no matter what happens with…this," he said, nodding toward the table Danny lay on and the machine beside the table, "no matter what, everything is right…we're gonna be all right."

Danny smiled and they both saw Joy's little smirk and then Danny said, "yeah, babe…we're gonna be just fine.'

H50H50H50

"Sir?" Chin looked up as a woman came into his wife's room. She was pushing a cart with a screened monitor and started to explain what she was going to do, but Chin only half listened, his eyes kept going back to the bed and the prone form of his wife.

Malia was bundled under a mound of blankets because she just couldn't seem to stop shaking and now she lay on her side, her face finally relaxed in sleep.

They were still waiting for her OBGYN, but a staff doctor had already given her a once over and they were able to hear the baby's heartbeat, which went a long way in allowing her to relax and rest.

"…so, Dr. Akamu will be here in about fifteen minutes, but while we are waiting we can have a look."

"Okay," he agreed, not really sure what he was agreeing too, but it was too late to ask questions now, as the tech gently shook Malia's shoulder and called her name to wake her.

"Mrs. Kelly? I'm Lisa, from imaging. I was just explaining to your husband that your doctor will be here in a few minutes, but that she had ordered a sonogram, so if you can roll to your back we can get started."

Malia looked groggy to him, casting an uncertain glance his way, but she nodded her head anyway and rolled carefully onto her back.

Lisa managed to get his wife's gown up and over her little belly and the blankets down to her hips, leaving the little bump exposed. "This won't take long, but the gel is a little cool."

Chin scooted his chair a little closer, watching the woman squirt the gel onto Malia's belly and then moved a hand held wand through the stuff, spreading it around. Blurry, fuzzy images jumped to life on the black and white screen and Chin couldn't tell what the shapes were, except to know that those forms were parts of his wife's reproductive organs and also parts of his unborn baby.

The tech used a small mouse to roll the curser around on the screen, stopping from time to time to click to enlarge images and then freezing the frame and taking stills of whatever she deemed important.

He watched as Malia watched too, but he couldn't tell from her expression if what she saw was bad or good or if she even could make out what the images were.

Ten minutes later, the tech was done, using a soft towel to clean off any remaining gel, pulling down Malia's gown and helping her pull the covers back up to her neck.

At least she wasn't shivering anymore.

"Dr. Akamu will look these over and be in to see you soon."

Malia started to say something, but had to clear her throat before getting out the words, "Thank you, Lisa."

Chin stood as the cart carrying the equipment was pushed out of the room and Lisa pulled the wooden door shut on silent hinges.

Malia looked up at him from her nest of blankets, a small, sad, frown on her face, but he was afraid to ask her what she thought, afraid to know the truth.

She reached up for him and he took her hand, bringing it to his lips and kissed her knuckles. "It's going to be okay," he told her, not because he thought that it would okay, but because she needed him to say it.

"I think…" Malia started, but couldn't seem to finish her thought.

Chin sank back into his chair, still clutching his wife's hand, running reassuring fingers around the center of her palm. "It's okay," he said again, getting her attention, drawing her eyes away from the closed door and any impending news of their baby. "You'll see. It will be fine."

She smiled at him…just a little bit, but enough for him to hope that maybe she believed him.

Minutes later, the door opened and Malia's doctor breezed in. She was an older woman, maybe five-foot-tall in her high heeled shoes and greying hair pulled back into a bun. Her glasses hung from a chain around her neck, but she opened them up and perched them on the end of her nose, reading Malia's chart as she walked the rest of the way to his wife's bed. "How are you feeling," she asked, closing the chart and tucking it under her arm. "I hear we had a bit of a scare this morning."

Chin listened as his wife explained the slight pain and then the spotting of blood as Dr. Akamu nodded, looking over monitors and readouts around the bed, picking up Malia's hand and giving it a firm pat. "Well, the sonogram imaging looked okay, the baby's heart rate is in normal range, but I am still waiting for the results of your blood work."

Chin felt a little faint at the pronouncement, but he knew that there was usually another shoe waiting to drop, so he cleared his throat and asked, "so what does this all mean?"

The doctor tucked his wife's hand back under the covers, taking her stethoscope from around her neck and pulling back the blankets. "It means," she said, bending lower to press the smooth surface of the scope against Malia's belly, "that we don't know. Yet…we don't know what is happening yet."

She seemed satisfied with what she heard and stood back up, tossing the scope back around her neck. "Sometimes spotting means nothing and sometimes it's life threatening for both the mother and baby, Mr. Kelly. Your wife is in good hands and we will continue to monitor her and the baby. I'm going to have a nurse come in and hook her up to a fetal monitor and we will continue to watch Malia's vitals and hopefully we will get those answers soon, but until we do, make yourselves comfortable."

She looked away from him and back to her patient, "Malia, I want you to rest and stay in bed…you won't be able to get up anyway once we have the monitor in place, but try not to worry and relax as much as you can…I know it's hard, but it's the best thing for the both of you."

His wife nodded, saying, "Thank you, Aubrey. I'll try."

"Good…I'll be back later to check in. Mr. Kelly…"

Chin stood and walked the doctor to the door, stepping into the hall with one last look toward his love.

"It's too soon to tell, but it is possible that Malia could be on bed rest for a while or for the duration of her pregnancy. It's important that she relax and not worry about things she can't control. Now I am only telling you this so that you can be prepared. Your wife and I have been friends for years and I know how hard she works for her patients…but she needs to consider her own health first."

Chin smiled and nodded, because he knew just how involved Malia was when it came to her patients and also how stubborn and hard headed she could be. "I will do my best to distract her from work."

"Good," the doctor patted his arm, "she needs someone who well tell her to take it easy and too remind her that she just doesn't have herself to consider anymore…I will be back in a few hours, hopefully with some answers."

"Thank you…" Chin's cell phone vibrated in his pocket as she turned from him, walking down the hall to the nurse's station.

He pulled his cell from his pants and saw Kono's smiling face on the display. He knew he should have checked in by now with his cousin and his friends, but he didn't have much to report.

"Hey," he said in way of a greeting, "sorry I didn't call earlier."

"S'kay," his cousin assured. "I just was hoping you had an update on Malia and my new baby cousin."

Chin actually sputtered, wondering how Kono could have known. "I ah…"

"Oh, come on, Chin…everyone has already figured out your little secret…now, tell me," her voice sounded hesitant, but she asked, "is everything okay?"

He sighed, trying to think of the best way to answer, finally settling on, "right now, they are both okay. They are running some tests and we may be in the hospital for a long while, but the baby is fine and so is Malia."

"So…what…are we talking...bed rest for now or for the rest of her term?"

He could hear her moving around on the other end of the line, could hear clothing sliding over skin and then the shower coming on. He glanced at his watch to see that it was almost five-thirty, but it was still unusual for Kono to leave the office so early in the evening.

"They don't know, not yet, anyway. They are waiting for some of her tests to come back, but we could be in for a long haul."

"Well, we are already down one team member…" she had put him on speaker phone and he could hear her pulling back the shower curtain and the water hitting the shower stall. "what's one more?"

"Yeah," but he hadn't actually thought of that…what if Malia had to stay in the hospital…what if she didn't go full term…he would have to be around to help. "But," he finally said, "let's not borrow any trouble."

"Yeah," she agreed. "well, I have to get ready…" and the way she cut herself off made Chin chuckle out loud.

He had known that she was seeing someone new…not that she had told him that. But she was…different, for a lack of better words. She seemed happier.

"I mean…"

Chin pushed the door to his wife's room open, seeing that Malia was looking toward him, a questioning frown on her pretty face.

"I know what you mean, Kono…that's okay…maybe one day we will actually get to meet him."

"I don't know what…"

But he pulled the phone away from his ear, leaning down to kiss his wife softly on the check and then a small peck to her lips and then put the phone back up to his ear.

"I don't want to hear it…you're not so good at keeping secrets yourself," and then he disconnected the call.

"Was that about Kono's new boyfriend?" Malia asked, "I want details."

Chin sank back into his chair, taking up his wife's hand. "Unfortunately I have nothing to report on that front, but apparently our little secret isn't such a secret…seems that everyone knows."

"I'm not surprise," she told him, rolling to her side, arranging her blanket around her shoulder. "You do work with people who use deduction and observation to solve crimes and you, my love…are an open book."

"Me," he questioned, eye brows raising in mock protest, "what about you? Why is it me that gave us away, huh?"

She laughed, tucking her free hand up and under her pillow, the little worry lines around her eyes smoothing out as she settled in to its comfort. "Impossible," she finally said, giving his hand another little squeeze, but before she could explain why it was so, a nurse came in with the fetal monitor.

It only took minutes to wrap the stretchy material around her belly and place the monitoring device within its folds. Once the machine was on, the room was filled with a fast and loud thumping and Chin could feel tears pressing the back of his eyes when he realized what the thumping actually was.

"Baby's heart rate sounds good and strong," the nurse told them. She turned on another monitor and Chin watched as electronic lines jumped around on the oblong screen, the heartbeat patterns of his baby scrolled across the display. "This will print a readout if needed or store the information…I can turn the volume down, if you want?"

A chorus of, "NO!" sounded as he and Malia spoke at the same time.

"It's fine," he continued, "it's the best thing I've heard in a long time.

H50H50H50

Steve padded softly across the carpeted floor of the bedroom, trying to miss all the squeaky boards and not wake Danny, who was currently sprawled across their bed, head turned away from him, one hand resting on his chest and the other tucked up and under his pillowed cheek.

His soft snores filled the darken room and Steve smiled at the beautiful sight.

Danny had gone to bed the evening before with whatever that contraption was around his dick and had firmly told Steve not to touch him or wake him up, because the instructions said that for the best readings he would need at least eight hours of sleep and for three consecutive nights and then Danny would be heading back to see his Urologist for a review of the results.

It was still a little hard to believe that Danny would put himself through so much for the sake of their sex life, but he had, and hopefully the doctor would have some encouraging news, once she reviewed the readout of the small device that collected the overnight data, that was currently held secure with some soft cloth and Velcro around Danny's left thigh.

Steve tiptoed to the bathroom and shut the door before turning on the light and pulling the shower door opened. He turned the water facet nob to a slightly cooler setting, since Danny was the last one to use the shower, and he loved his showers to be molten lava or hotter, if he could coax more heat from the aging hot water heater.

The water sluiced over his skin and aching muscles…he had had a productive Saturday morning so far.

He had taken care of his morning routine before heading out for his swim.

He had gone to the hardware store and purchased and installed a new door knob and deadbolt, Danny's new key already on his key chain.

He had already gone to the grocery store and picked up some steaks and chicken and the makings of lasagna, hoping that they would at least be able to eat at home three times in the coming work week.

When Danny was released to come back to work, it wouldn't be a problem, because if they couldn't get home at a decent time, due to a case or wrapping up endless forms and paper work after said case, they could eat out together, even though Steve preferred Danny's home cooking to any other eatery on the island.

He soaped up his wash cloth and briskly ran it up and down his arms and across his chest, thinking about the roast Danny planned on putting in the crock pot later this afternoon. He didn't know what made it taste so good, after all, it was only meat and carrots and potatoes, a little celery and some secret spice that Danny claimed he had to beg his mother for, but it was just about the best meal he had ever had and now, he smirked just thinking about it, Danny happily made it for him a few time a month.

He continued down his body with the cloth, thinking about Danny making him a huge meal and then not being able to get home on time to enjoy it together. He didn't like the idea of Danny eating alone and though it was true that sometimes, even if Danny had gone through the trouble to make dinner and Steve walked into the house right on time, calling, Danno, I'm home, because it made Danny smile, his lover would just pick at his food, another reminder that Danny wasn't 100% yet, but Steve could see the progress, even when Danny was frustrated at some of his new limitation and couldn't.

Of course, he made his fair share of the dinners too, but he mostly just threw steaks or chicken or burgers on the grill, dropping some foiled wrapped potatoes or cobs of corn to cook alongside of the meat and that was about his skill and mastery of cooking.

As he propped his foot up onto the rim of the tub to wash the grime and sand off his feet, he could hear the bathroom door creaking open, another little fix that he could make sometime today and the toilet lid rising as Danny sat and peed and undoubtedly emptied his colostomy bag, because it was just easier for him to straddle the seat backwards and take care of both needs at once.

This was another little step for them, because at first, in the beginning, Danny would had never gone to the toilet with Steve in the bathroom, but now…now they shared just about everything about themselves, with each other, and the level of intimacy that Steve felt for Danny, it was like nothing he had ever felt with anyone else before.

He wasn't surprised when the shower door opened and a sleepy eyed Danny stepped over the rim, completely naked, having even removed his bag and covered his stoma with a clean gauze.

Danny didn't say a word, just stepped into Steve's space and threw his arms around Steve's middle and hugged him tight.

His Danno gave the best hugs.

Steve wrapped his own arms around Danny, letting his head drop down and rested his cheek on top of Danny's head, feeling him shiver a little, so he notched up the faucet for some hotter water.

"What time is it," Danny murmured against his chest, his voice still rough with sleep.

"It's about eleven…I put your new key on your key ring and I got your list of stuff from the grocery store…are you still making Chin's cake today?"

Steve knew that Malia had asked Danny to make Chin a carrot cake for his upcoming birthday, but the plan was to drop it off on Sunday for a little celebration with his Ohana, some food and gifts and cake, but now Malia was in the hospital and Steve didn't know if there was a new plan.

If it were possible, Danny snuggled into Steve's embrace a little deeper and sighed against his chest. "She wants us to come by the hospital tomorrow and Kono will meet us there. Did you pick up his gift?" Danny asked, finally lifting his head and looking into Steve's eyes with a soft smile on his face.

Steve turned them a little more so that they were both under the spray, but that pressed their bodies a little closer together and Steve could feel his cock take notice. Danny either didn't notice or didn't mind, because he continued to look at Steve expectantly.

He finally got out, "no, sorry Danno," taking in a deep breath as Danny's hand left his back and the pads of his fingers skirted around Steve's waist and then his whole palm ran down Steve's stomach and lower…so Danny did notice after all.

He was torn, not really sure if he should just enjoy what Danny was about to do, or if he should just kiss him and pull away. Danny might get pissed if he did that, but Steve wasn't sure how he felt about Danny always being willing to take care of his needs, but hardly ever letting Steve return the favor…and maybe Danny was embarrassed about his current condition, but what would happen if when they went back to the doctor, and they could be told that this might be Danny's new reality?

He loved touching Danny, he loved kissing and sucking and making Danny squirm just as much as Danny seemed to enjoy doing those same things to him...but that was part of the problem…Steve needed to be sure that Danny did, in fact, enjoy taking care of Steve.

He didn't understand why Danny hesitated to allow Steve the pleasure of playing with his body and he wondered if maybe it had something to do with Danny's last, and according to Danny, only boyfriend.

Danny's hand stilled and he looked up at Steve with worried eyes, "What's wrong, babe?"

Steve picked up the wash cloth, feeling his erection wilt, but that didn't stop him from scrubbing over Danny's arms and back, down his chest and then he knelt, carefully cleaning his stomach and then lower, to the flaccid cock and then around, to the back side. "Nothing, Danno…"

But Danny pulled away a bit, and looked down at him, a small frown on his face, bringing his hand up to bite at his thumb nail.

"I just…" he picked up one of Danny's feet and washed it, taking the time to tickle his insole before making sure the soap was rinsed and repeating the process with the other. "I want…"

And that was problem number two.

He didn't know what he wanted…well, that wasn't completely true. He knew what he wanted, he just wasn't sure how to ask for it.

Danny had been told that once he felt well enough, he could resume sexual relations, of all kinds, just as long as Steve was careful and that if anything hurt, that they were to stop, but Danny…Danny would allow kisses and an occasionally hand job or blow job, but that was it. He was eager to take on Steve, he was passionate with Steve and loving, but Steve couldn't help but to feel that somehow Danny felt obligated to do those things, instead of actually wanting to.

Danny reached behind him and turned off the shower and Steve opened the door, letting in some cool morning air as he reached for the towels.

He took the first and wrapped it around his waist, using the second to begin drying off Danny, his hair and his face, down each arm and across his chest and back. He bent again to dry each leg and foot and when he was done he sat back on his heels, eye level with Danny's dick and he wanted that…flaccid or hard, Steve wanted Danny.

"Can I…"

Danny watched him trying to express his wants and something in his eyes soften and Steve could tell that tears were pressing and that was the last thing that he wanted…he didn't want to upset Danny, so he quickly stood and started to say, "I'm sorry..."

But Danny shook his head and moved to step over the tub rim and kept going until he dropped down onto their bed.

Steve quickly followed, trying to figure out what to say, how to apologize for this most recent fuck up…he shouldn't have pushed Danny, especially after what he had been trying to do for them.

He slumped down next to Danny, slinging his arm around his shoulder and pulling him close to his side.

Danny finally said, "you don't have to be sorry…these are my hang ups, not yours."

"Then help me understand, Danno…is it," he didn't want to push, but the more Danny had pulled away from Steve pleasuring him, and yet still be willing to pleasure Steve, made his mind jump to the worst case scenario. "Is it something Ritchie did to you?"

Danny took in a sharp breath, let it out slowly, which did nothing to help Steve's ever growing anxiety over what had happened all those years ago.

"I," Danny shook his head, "I want to tell you, I do…but, not now okay…I don't think I can talk about him now." Danny stood, dropped his towel and turned toward Steve.

Before he knew what was happening, Danny had him pinned against the bed, hands smoothing down his sides, unwrapping him from his towel as if he were a present and Steve's body said, yes…hell, yes, but his brain gibbered at him, telling him to stop, to get Danny talking, because this was nice and this would feel fucking fantastic, but there was a reason Danny was deflecting, there was a reason that when he felt confronted, he would use his hands and mouth on Steve's body to distract him, to shut him up, so that Danny wouldn't have to deal with whatever he needed to deal with.

Danny had his treacherous cock in his mouth, running his tongue along Steve's head, using his hand to pump him, but he stopped abruptly and looked up toward Steve, maybe feeling the shift in Steve's emotions.

He let go of him and crawled up the bed to lay down next to him, to rest his head on Steve's chest and said, "I'm sorry, babe…I really am fucked in the head…"

Steve waited, hoping that he might say more, but the words didn't continue and he was surprised when he felt a wet warmth on his skin where Danny was resting his face.

He's crying…the last thing he wanted was to hurt Danny, but something had to give.

Danny went to see a doctor so that he could be functioning, so that he could pleasure Steve. Danny had been giving Steve blow job and hand jobs, but would rarely allow Steve to return the favor and he knew…he knew there had to be more to it then Danny being embarrassed about not being able to get or keep an erection…it was like Danny was afraid.

Afraid that, what?

That Steve would leave him if he couldn't please Steve…was that what this was all about?

Steve tightened his arms around Danny and asked, "What did he do to you, Danno…please tell me what he did…because I…I need to know and I think you need to tell it."

H50H50H50

What didn't he do to me?

Bitter thoughts and memories swirled around his brain as Danny wiped at his eyes, cheeks already pinking in embarrassment, but he didn't raise his head.

He was a basket case and he knew it.

He sucked at relationships…why would he think that being with Steve would suddenly change that fact?

Ritchie was right…Danny couldn't do anything right; he didn't deserve to be happy, didn't deserve to be loved.

"…please tell me what he did… because I…I need to know and I think you need to tell it."

The soft pleading in Steve's voice was his undoing, though, because this was Steve…the man that pulled him in and wouldn't ever let go.

He wanted to forget that time in his life, he wanted to bury the shame of what he had allowed to happen.

But even after all these years and countless hours in therapy, his ma and pop's doing, he still couldn't quite let those feeling go…he could push them down, he could try to bury them, but they always seemed to rear their ugly heads.

He knew he was self-sabotaging, knew that he had let what happened to him ruin every sexual relationship he had ever had since.

No matter how much intellectually he understood that Ritchie used and abused him and that Danny was the victim in what had happened, a small part of his soul insisted that he was, indeed, to blame and that because of that, he deserved whatever Ritchie dished up on a daily basis

Steve pulled him from his spiraling thoughts by hugging him even tighter, reaching with his other hand and used his thumb to wipe away some of his drying tears.

"Danno, I love you, you understand me…no matter what, nothing will change that and I know that he hurt you," Steve's fingers traveled and lingered over the two tiny pocked scars on his hip and Danny felt like weeping again, because even though Steve had touched them before, he had never asked, he never asked how he had gotten them. "and this thing…" he continued, "this thing that happened to you…I don't want it to ever come between us…and I think…I think maybe it already has, at least a little and I don't want that, okay…so please…"

He hated feeling vulnerable, but here in Steve's embrace, he felt warmth and safety and most of all loved…he could feel Steve's love for him radiate from the body pressed tightly up against his and he thought, maybe he could tell Steve…but where would he possibly begin?

He sniffed in some snot, cleared this throat, grateful for the tissue Steve had miraculously reached, from the bedside table, in his current position, and decided to start from the beginning.

"When I was sixteen…" He could feel Steve stiffen against him, but he plowed on, "Ritchie Selway pushed me down on the couch cushions in his club basement and kissed me."

Steve was silent for a second and then he said, "Wait…Selway?" Danny knew the gears were turning and Steve was using his beautiful mind to fit in the pieces he was puzzling through. "You mean, Selway, as in Billy Selway? Your best friend who drowned?"

Danny closed his eyes and tried not to think of Billy, but nodded against Steve's chest. "Ritchie was Billy's older brother and he knew, I guess…he knew I had a thing for him…"

He could feel Steve nodding and then turning, so that he too was laying on his side, facing Danny, so that he could look into Danny's face, but Danny couldn't look at him, couldn't bear to look at Steve just yet. "I ah…I hung out at the Selway's house a lot and Billy would come over to spend time at my house…my dad worked with their dad at the firehouse…they had been friends for a long time, that's how I met Billy...we started to hang out and I guess, Ritchie picked up on something I didn't even understand yet…or at least didn't want to think about, you know?"

Danny knew he was sorta rambling, but Steve ran a hand up Danny's arm and squeezed his shoulder. "I can't imagine how hard that must have been on you, Danno…you were only just a kid."

"Yeah," he agreed, "But I knew enough…I should have been careful, but he was so damn handsome and kind and caring…he would actually talk to me, you know…most older brother's wouldn't have the time of day for their younger brother's, let alone take an interest in one of their brother's friends."

Danny didn't know why, but his mind wandered to Matty and he wondered where his brother was…if he had ever thought about Danny and his folks, his family, if he were even…if he were safe.

But he didn't want to dwell on his brother, so he continued. "After that kiss, he just smirked at me and got up and walked away…Billy came bounding down the steps with a tray of sandwiches and drinks and plopped next to me, talking a hundred miles a minute about his new game system. He was showing me the console and his games he had gotten for his birthday the week before, asking which one I wanted to play first, but I couldn't stop thinking about that kiss…I could still feel the warmth from Ritchie's mouth and I could still taste his bubble gum on my tongue…not that Billy noticed. He just plowed right on, handing me a controller and before I knew it, I was sucked into the game."

Danny could feel himself calming down, sorta going into a daze, because it would be easier to get through the whole story that way.

"Every night for the next few weeks I was either at Billy's house or he was at mine. It was summers end and school was going to be starting up soon and Ritchie was going off to college…he made a point to come see me whenever Billy was off doing something else in their house…he would kiss me when Billy went to the bathroom or went to make snacks and soon enough I found myself shoved into the hall closet with his hands down my pants while Billy ran to the corner store to buy some junk food.

I had never…" he stopped talking, taking in a shallow breath. "I mean, I fooled around with plenty of girls, but this was…this was different. He just…he just came out of nowhere and manhandled me into the closet and just, he stuck his hands down my pants and stroked me, like…he looked me in the eyes and I thought, this is the best fucking thing to ever happen to me. He looked me the eye the whole time, his face only inches from mine. At some point Billy came home, but he couldn't find me…I remember him calling my name, but Ritchie slapped his hand across my mouth and kept right on tugging on my cock, pulling and pulling…and I panicked, because Billy was right outside the closet door, he stopped like he had heard something, but Ritchie didn't stop, if anything his movements sped up and before I knew it I was spilling all over him and biting his hand to keep quiet…it was so intense and I wanted…well I wanted to keep doing that…"

Danny stopped talking, knowing that he might not be making a lot of sense.

At some point Steve had started to rub circles across Danny's shoulder and back and Danny sensed he may have had a question, so he looked up to Steve, trying to read his expression.

Finally, Steve leaned forward and kissed his lips and said, "You're doing great, Danno, but I thought you had claustrophobia?"

Danny sighed, and lowered his head to rest back against Steve's chest again and said, "I do…but not then…I didn't have it then."

Steve stopped rubbing, but after a beat or two he started up again and said, "Okay, so then what happened?"

"Then," Danny began again, "then, every chance I got I went to Billy's house, but it didn't really matter, because Ritchie would find me wherever I was…he showed up at our ball games and see me at the fire house when I was hanging out with my dad or he would get an invite to my house from my ma or pop for dinner if he happened to be hanging around with Billy and me. Then he went off to college and I went back to school and he would sometimes come home on the weekends and sometimes he would drive hours to just…the first time we…went all the way, I was in my bedroom, doing homework…it was pretty late and I had the window open because for once the humidity was down and there was a nice cool breeze…He crawled in through my window and I thought…I don't know what I thought, not really… He had…he locked my door and started to kiss me, started to undress me, which was different, because up until then, it was mostly hand jobs and blow jobs and I was the one usually giving them…He had a roll of condoms, he pulled them from his pants pocket as he took them off and showed them to me…I was scared…but I wanted to, so I nodded my head and he pushed me back on the bed and he was gentle and took his time and used lots of lube and pillows under my hips, my ass in the air and before too long he was balls deep into me and I…I loved it, Steve.

I loved him and I thought he loved me and maybe he did, I don't know…that night he screwed me at least five time before the sun came up, in every way possible and I guess I didn't realize it at the time, but he didn't touch me, not really…he would grab me and hang on, he would bite my shoulder or pinch my nipples or grasp my legs to keep them up in the air, but he never kissed me and he didn't touch my cock…I mean, I came…I came each and every time, but not by his hand…he would pound into me harder when I stoked myself or he would find the right angle and hit my prostate and I…anyway, the school year passed and when he could be there, he would…but then summer came and my folks and my family went to Wild Wood and invited Billy along and he…

Steve stroked his arm, kissed his cheeks and forehead and dotted tiny pecks on his closed eyelids, because even though it was so long ago, Danny still grieved for the friend he had lost.

"I'm sorry, Danno…I'm so, so sorry…"

Danny nodded, letting Steve caress his bare flesh, feeling goose bumps raise on his skin, the fine hairs on his arms, because Steve was showing him with his actions how much he loved him, showed him what real love and affection felt like.

"Do you want to take a break, babe…I think I understand where this is going…"

"No…just let me," Danny shivered, first feeling hot and then cold, retelling the events were taking a toll on him because he hadn't even gotten to the really fucked up part yet. "I want to get it out, okay? I want you to understand why I am the way I am and then I want you to help me, Steve…I really need help."

H50H50H50

Kono pulled into the hospital parking lot, cutting her engine and eyeing the little bag that sat on her passenger seat. She wasn't sure if she should bring her purchase up to Malia's room with her, because it was a gift for her new baby cousin, who was still in Malia's belly, but she couldn't resist buying it when she saw it, when she was supposed to be looking for a birthday gift for Chin.

After a second to consider, she opened her door and grabbed the bag, tucking it under her arm as she crossed the garage and pressed the elevator button for the cross over bridge that would take her to the lobby.

The elevator was empty as she road down, but the lobby was full of visitors and patients alike. It was a beautiful day outside and she could relate to wanting to be in the sun instead of cooped up in a stuffy hospital room and she couldn't help but to think of being in this very same hospital just five months ago, waiting and praying that Danny was going to pull through.

So much had changed since then…Steve and Danny were together, finally and Chin had Malia and a new baby on the way, which was something, considering that they had almost lost her a little over a year ago, when Frank Delano nearly took both of their lives.

The guard at the desk glanced at her badge as she moved around the people checking in to visit loved ones and made for the elevators half way down the hall.

This time she rode up to the third floor with a group of people, arms loaded with flower baskets and balloons sliding around to smack people as they all tried to reign them in.

She stepped out along with a few other folks, looking at the room number signs on the wall before making a left.

She found the room, but realized that there were already other people in with Chin and Malia, so she loitered in the hall, waiting for them to leave before she had her visit.

Her phone vibrated, so she pulled it from her pocket and saw she had a text from Adam.

She knew she was smiling from ear to ear and tried to school her features, just in case her cousin decided to step out of the room.

It wasn't like she was keeping Adam a secret.

Chin had known that they had had a relationship in the past, hell, if he hadn't, she wouldn't have survived that night with Delano either, but after all those things, after Adam rescuing her and Chin begrudgingly excepting that they had had a thing, Adam had decided to go away, had decided that he wanted he and Kono to work and in order for that to happen, he would have to get out of the family business and she understood that.

She knew he wanted her to be safe and the best way for that to happen would be to cut ties and let him get down to the business of getting out.

She hadn't really said, hadn't told Chin or the others that that was what had been happening, because she didn't want to do anything to jeopardize Adam's chances…her and Adam's chances at a life together.

She quickly tapped her phones key board, telling Adam that she would see him later tonight and then pocketed it just as the partly open door swung all the way open and a doctor came out of the room, smiling at her as she went past Kono and down the hall.

Chin must have spotted her because he called for her to come in.

"Hey, guys," she said, meeting Chin half way into the room, hugging him tight and patting his back before going to stand beside the bed, leaning down to hug Malia, who was reclining on a pile of pillows. "How are you doing today, Malia?"

"Better, today," Malia said, grabbing her hand and squeezing. "Have a seat," she looked to Chin, "let your cousin find another chair."

Chin jumped up again, going out the door in search of another visitor's chair, as Kono sunk into his seat. "So, what are the doctor's saying," she asked, putting the little gift bag onto the lap. "How's the baby?"

Chin came back then, rolling in another seat and heading toward the opposite side of the bed, before plopping down into the chair.

"Momma and baby are doing fine," her cousin told her, "but we may still be here for a while."

She let her shoulders slump, feeling some tension leave them, relieved to hear that her family seemed to be doing okay for now.

"They think I am developing pre-eclampsia," Malia said, looking toward Chin. "My blood pressure has been boarder line a few times and there has been some protein in my urine."

"Well…" She shifted in her seat, trying to get a better read on Chin's expression, "what do they do for that…what's the treatment?"

Chin sat forward, grabbing Malia's hand and Kono tensed up again, worried that she wouldn't like the answer. "The only cure is delivery of the baby and the placenta, so for now…this woman is on bed rest and monitoring and then they will decide if she can go home or has to stay here…but there is a good chance that the baby will come early."

Kono nodded, thinking how early is too early, but she figured that Malia was already at least twenty weeks along and she knew that she had read or seen somewhere that babies had a better chance after twenty weeks.

"I could go into labor early, so I have to be careful, not to overdo anything and if the condition gets worse, they will take the baby via c section, but the goal is for her to be in there as long as possible."

Kono's heart did flutter-flip thing and then she was smiling again. "HER?"

Chin chuckled and Malia reached over to the bed side table, picking up a sheet of paper. "Meet your newest cousin, Kono…"

She reached forward and took the paper, seeing what she knew to be a collection of sonogram images, but she had no idea what she was looking at, so she scooted closer, turning the images so Malia could explain what she was looking at.

"This, right here," Malia ran her finger along the top of the picture, pointing out what looked like a string of pearls to Kono, "is the baby's spine and here," she moved her finger down a little, "is her head."

Kono could see her now, could tell where the baby's belly was and two little arms and legs, although one was tucked up against the baby and she could make out here little face in the next picture and in the next a close up of one tiny foot pressed up against Malia's belly.

A happy tear trailed down her cheek, but she was still smiling so hard her face hurt.

Her Ohana, her little family, blood and found, were growing and she was going to be an Auntie to a new little girl. She couldn't help the excitement, the thoughts already swirling through her head…she was going to teach this new baby to surf, just like Gracie and she was going to take her shopping for frilly dresses and take her to the gun range and…

"Slow down, there, Cuz…" Chin laughed, pointing at her. "Let's just get her here healthy first and then you can plan how you can spoil her."

She cleared her throat, nodding in agreement, but she laughed as Chin threw up his hand in defeat, because her cousin knew there was no stopping that train once it left the station. "Okay, okay…oh," she grabbed the bag on her lap and handed it to Malia. "I saw this today and I just couldn't help myself."

Malia opened the bag and looked inside, pulling out an extremely tiny onesie. It was yellow and green and on the front there was a little turtle, Squirt from Finding Nemo, with the caption, 'Surfs Up'

"Aw…" she said, laying it out across her baby bump, "I love it…thank you, Kono."

Kono stood, pulling out her phone and snapping a picture of Malia, lying in bed, with the onesie draped over her tummy and then immediately sent the picture to Chin and the rest of her family.

Chin came around the bed, gathering her up in his arms and he seemed a little shaky to her, but hugged back just as good as she got, whispering in his ear, "we got this, Cuz…don't worry about a thing."

He nodded against her shoulder, hanging on for a second or two longer before pulling away. "Thanks, Kono…I know you and…well, everyone has my back…and Malia too and…Squirt?"

"Squirt?" Malia laughed, but she was nodding. "I guess that will work until we come up with a real name for this little girl." She rubbed her belly, gathering up the onesie and sitting it on the table.

"Keep telling yourself that," Kono said. "I'm sure that's what Danny and Rachel said about Monkey too."

They all laughed at that, but it was much needed and also true. She knew for a fact that Grace hardly ever heard her given name, from her father, at least and she also know that Danny's dad still called him Monkey Boy, so Squirt would probably be around for a long time.

"So," Malia said, "Tell us about this new guy…I need some juicy gossip if I am going to survive this place and the boredom already setting in."

Kono felt her cheeks pinking and ducked her head. She hadn't expecting to be asked out right, although she didn't know why she hadn't expecting it, this was her family, after all.

She looked to Chin and then back to Malia, feeling some of her anxiety slip away.

These people loved her and wanted what was best for her, wanted her to be happy, so she said, "well…he's not exactly new…"

H50H50H50

Steve found it hard to look into Danny's wet and pleading eyes, but he did. He looked and saw the frustration and all the hurt and the hope that Steve would be able to help and damn if he wasn't going to do whatever Danny needed him to do, but first, he needed to get Danny out of that dark place in his head, the place he had retreated to in order to share some of what had happen to him all those years ago.

Words were not his strong suit and showing feelings…even less so, but for Danny, he would try his best, so he pulled Danny to him. The two of them lying facing each other on their bed and he tucked Danny's head under his chin, feeling the huffs of breath against his bare chest and the shuddering of Danny's body pressed close to him.

"I will…Danno. I will do whatever you need me to do, but let's…lets go down stairs and get some breakfast and get some fresh air and then if you want to…you can tell me the rest of the story."

Danny sniffed, nodding his head against Steve's chest and pushed away a little, wiping at his eyes before turning onto his back, his arm over his face. "Yeah…okay."

Steve pushed up and slipped his towel into the hamper, opening his dresser drawers to pull out his and Danny's board shorts and two t-shirts. "Here Danno," he dropped Danny's clothes beside him on the bed, running his knuckles up Danny's side and kneeling on the bed to lean over him.

He kissed at Danny's jaw, using his nose to push at the arm that still covered Danny's face, hating the sadness he could feel rolling off his lover in waves. "Come on, Ke aloha…I bought fresh blueberries this morning...let's make some pancakes and eat out on the lanai or down by the beach…drink some coffee, maybe take a swim."

Danny took in a deep breath, finally looking at Steve, reaching up to pull Steve closer, kissing Steve's mouth, nibbling on his bottom lip, before saying, "Steve…"

Steve pulled back, turning and sitting by Danny's hip, feeling the need to keep his hands on Danny's body, using his open palm to rub Danny's belly and sides, "Danno…" he finally said, reaching out for Danny's hand, pulling him up to a sitting position.

"I love you…You know that, right?"

He stood up, pulling Danny to his feet too, stepping forward to hug him. "I do know that, baby…and I love you, very much."

Danny's belly rumbled in response and Steve grinned against Danny's shoulder. "Come on…let's eat."

Whenever Danny showed any interest in eating, Steve was going to feed him.

"Yeah…I could eat." Danny stepped out of the hug, pulling on his t-shirt, so Steve took that time to dress himself.

He followed Danny into the bathroom and watched as Danny took out a fresh colostomy bag and wafer. He handed the wafer to Steve, as he peeled the gauze away from his ostomy and Steve used the templet to cut a circle in the right size before handing it back to Danny.

He went back to the dresser to retrieve one of Danny's cloth covering, picking the one with blue waves that sort of matched his board shorts and by the time he returned to the bathroom, Danny had his bag attached and reached for the covering, unsticking the Velcro and wrapping it snug around his lower belly, unzipping the top to place the bag inside, obscuring it from view and then turning the whole thing so that the stitched in notch rested around the wafer.

Steve leaned against the door frame and watched as Danny zipped the bag inside, and pulled on his shorts, watched as he brushed his teeth and gargled some mouth wash, watched as he attempted to comb his hair, but gave up on the unruly curls that made him look so much younger, not that Steve was complaining. He was glad that Danny turned toward him, and not to his armory of hair products to keep said hair in place, because there was just something about this look…he was more carefree and unguarded and Steve loved to see that.

"Ready," he said, taking Danny's hand and walking him down the steps. If Danny sensed Steve's need to touch this morning, he didn't say anything…or maybe Danny needed to be touched just as much as Steve needed to touch.

The kitchen was dark, the blinds were closed, so Steve went to pull them, letting in some much needed sun light.

Danny went to the coffee press and started brewing some water, pulling out the coffee beans and measuring out what he needed.

Steve got the milk and eggs from the fridge, the dry ingredients from the panty and the blueberries from the counter, as Danny pulled down two big mugs, and some plates, setting them on a try with some flatware and the maple syrup.

Steve measured out the flour and sugar, some baking powder and a little pinch of salt, as Danny pulled out the griddle to heat.

Danny went to the fridge and pulled out three sticks of butter to soften and when Steve raised an eyebrow, Danny explained, "I need them for Chin's cake."

He nodded, sifting the flour before pouring in the milk and cracking in some eggs. He whisked everything together, as Danny plopped some of the softening butter on to the griddle, turning on the oven to preheat for later use.

Steve almost forgot the blueberries, but Danny tossed a handful in as he moved toward the stove with his bowl.

"Thanks, Danno," he kissed Danny's temple on his way buy, smelling the coffee that Danny had poured into the two mugs, smiling when one mug had been set on the counter near his right hand, as he ladled out some of the mixture into the griddle.

They worked in unison, almost as if of one mind, so when Danny set a glass platter on the counter too, Steve just…stopped for a beat or two knowing that when he picked up his mug, his coffee would be just the way he liked it and for a minute, he was almost overwhelmed by the feeling of love that coursed through him.

"Don't burn them babe." Danny came up behind him, wrapping his arms around Steve's middle and rested his head between Steve's shoulder blades and he felt a little squeeze as a reminder, so he flipped the two pancakes and picked up his mug for a sip.

It was perfect, just like he predicted.

Danny stepped away, taking up his own cup, blowing on the brew and Steve wondered how the man could stand scourging showers, but liked his coffee tepid, at best.

"Do you want an egg?" Steve poured the ladle two more time, waiting to see if Danny wanted an over-easy egg, just in case the pancakes didn't agree with him.

He heard the deep sigh, but didn't turn from his griddle, finally hearing a faint, "yeah," so he cracked two eggs after he flipped the cakes and dusted them with a light coating of pepper. Maybe he couldn't make meatloaf, but pancakes and eggs, he could handle.

"I should start dinner," Danny told him and Steve could see him rooting in a bottom cabinet to pull out the crock pot.

He heard the fridge open and close and the cutting board being taken from the cabinet.

The pancakes were done and the eggs nearly so.

He was very proud of himself when he managed to flip the eggs without breaking the yolks.

He put the platter of food on the tray and grabbed his and Danny's coffee, taking it out to the small table that rested between the two chairs near the beach.

When he came back, Danny was just finishing cutting up the veggies and tossing them into the crock pot on top of the seared roast. He finished by throwing in some spices and putting on the lid. "I should start the cake soonish…I want to get it out of the way first thing, so we can just relax and enjoy the rest of the day."

Steve grabbed Danny's hand again and guided him out the back door, "Sounds like a plan," he said, walking his lover down the yard and to the chairs, pushing Danny down to sit.

He picked up the tray and rested it across Danny's lap, plucking two of the pancakes off the stack and putting them onto Danny's plate, sliding one of the runny eggs off too, setting the platter aside on the table with his coffee and cutlery and syrup, so that Danny only had to deal with his own plate and drink.

Once Danny seemed settled, Steve sat down too, grabbing his own plate and added some pancakes and his egg, squeezing some of the thick syrup over his stack.

He watched, as he always seemed to watch Danny eat and was a bit surprised when Danny pealed one of his pancakes up and used the fork to slide the egg in between the stack before dousing them with syrup.

He looked over at Steve and smiled, cutting into them and letting the yolk run and mix with his pancakes and the sweet syrup on his plate.

Steve opened his mouth to say…something. He wanted to tell Danny that that was gross…but what he really was thinking was that seemed a little sexy…if food could be sexy…what he was seeing certainly did a little something to his neither regions.

"Want a bite," Danny teased, using his knife and fork to scoop a bit of pancake and egg and then leaned toward Steve, expecting him to open his mouth and have a taste and Steve didn't like to disappoint.

It seemed that Danny was feeling better than earlier and he sure didn't want to do anything to change that, so he opened his mouth and savored the sweet and slightly savory taste on his tongue. "Mmmm…"

"Right?" Danny asked, cutting off a piece for himself.

Steve nodded, sticking his own egg between his pancakes, enjoying the new taste sensations and textures.

"Sunday morning breakfast date," Danny said, eating his food and looking off toward the ocean.

Since Steve didn't know what that meant, he said, "What?"

"Sunday morning breakfast date," Danny repeated and then turned in his seat, drawing one leg up and under him, looking at Steve. "Every Sunday morning my Ma and Pop had pancakes and eggs this way. They would wait until us kids were all on the church bus, but one Sunday I was sick and stayed home from church, so I wandered down stairs, clearly my folks thought I was still sleeping, but I caught them, you know…" Steve snickered at Danny's pink cheeks, but schooled his features when Danny shot him a look.

He exclaimed, "Not that! Thank god…but they were kissing…in the kitchen…and having breakfast like this and…"

"Oookaayyy." Steve said, shoveling more pancakes and egg into this mouth, as Danny just shook his head.

"I was still pretty young and had never seen…well, you know… my parents hugged and kissed a lot, all of us, not just each other, but I knew this kissing was…different and my dad said that Sunday mornings where his and ma's special time…that the rest of the week they worked and we went to school and on Saturday's the whole family usually did something, baseball games, music lessons, dance…whatever."

Steve perked up at that, "dance?"

The look of horror on Danny's face intrigued Steve and he was for sure going to file that little slip up away for later examination, but he didn't say more so Danny went on.

"So, yeah…Sunday mornings were for just he and ma and so I said okay and high tailed it back to my room."

"Sunday morning breakfast date…" Steve repeated, grinning at Danny, "I like the sound of that."

Danny grinned back, "me too, babe…me too."

H50H50H50

Danny stood at the sink and washed the breakfast dishes while Steve took his swim.

Steve had asked him to join him and Danny had been tempted.

He enjoyed frolicking in the ocean with Steve, swimming together, just as long as there were no sharks involved, but he had a lot to do today and he was already feeling exhausted.

Steve had left out most of the dry ingredients that he would need for Chin's cake, so he only needed to grab the vanilla bean and cinnamon from the pantry and the carrots and cream cheese from the fridge and set about the arduous task of grating ten or twelve carrots.

He didn't know why, but he really did enjoy baking.

Maybe it was because it reminded him of his grandmother and therefore it reminded him of family and all those feelings that went along with loving and being loved.

Maybe it was because it calmed him…when his nerves had been frazzled, he would usually bake a cake or maybe some quick bread, something that he had to think about while preparing, something that would take his mind of his problems.

And now, just maybe it was because he enjoyed sharing the duties with Grace, seeing her undertake whatever task he assigned her with such a serious face, which reminded him of a certain other person he loved…. speaking of which…

"Hey, Danno…" Steve came through the door, towel wrapped low around his hips and walked right up behind Danny as he grated the carrots, pulling him back against a slightly damp chest, making Danny squirm. "Can I help?"

He tried to extract himself from those arms, feeling the dampness seep into his own t-shirt. "Ew…would you just go get dried and changed and then yes, yes, you can help.'

He didn't miss the smirk against his neck and decided to turn with Steve and snatched his towel, snapping it at him as he tried to dance away from Danny. "Go," he pointed toward the steps, "shoo…"

Steve went, grabbing his towel and Danny could hear him jogging up the steps and then almost immediately back down them.

"Did you even dry all the way off," he asked, turning to see that Steve was indeed wearing a clean tee and shorts, but the shirt had some damp spots, and his hair was sticking up at all angles, which reminded him of his own hair, so he took his time to run his fingers through it, trying to get it to behave, but knew he was fighting a losing battle.

"What can I do," Steve asked, plopping in one of the kitchen chairs.

He decided it would be best to let Steve work on the icing to their own cake, since Danny planned to make two.

He sat the butter and cream cheese in front of Steve with a bowl, "Mix those together and then add the milk and vanilla and once you have that done, add the powdered sugar…look at the recipe to see how much you need."

Danny couldn't help the delight he felt when Steve nodded and got a very serious, Grace like, look on his face.

While Steve worked on that, he greased and floured four cake pans and poured the batter in equal measures into each, then slid them into the oven to bake. He set the timer and grabbed another bowl to whip up some more frosting as Steve finished with his. "Now what?" Steve asked.

"Now," Danny took the bowl from Steve and put a piece of saran wrap over each, sticking them in the fridge, "we wait."

He could see the pout coming, so much like Grace that he had to laugh, but he and Steve's phones chirped at the same time and for a brief second, Danny thought that maybe they had a case and then he remembered, that it would be awhile yet before he got those kinds of texts, but he grabbed his phone the same time as Steve and they both looked at the picture Kono had sent them.

"Aw…" Danny couldn't help it. He was just so happy for both of them. When he looked to Steve he could clearly read the same feelings from the expression on Steve's face.

A minute later, Chin text them both with a brief explanation of what they thought was happening with Malia and the baby and that he wouldn't be to work on Monday.

Danny knew it was a very real possibility that Baby Kelly might make an early appearance, but he was surprised when Steve said the same.

"I guess now, you might be two men down and the Governor will be on you to find a replacement."

Danny didn't miss the strange look on Steve's face before he quickly shut down his features and looked away and said, "well, either way, whoever comes aboard will only be temporary."

"Steven?"

Steve looked at him again, and responded, "Danno…"

Whatever had been there before was gone now and as much as Danny didn't like to think about it, whoever took his place could very well end up being more than temporary.

"Look, I know you are going to need someone and it's just…well, I may be released to go back to desk duty soon, but I need to know that whoever this replacement is…they got your back, babe. Especially if Chin will be out awhile too…"

Steve swallowed and nodded, looking a little…guilty, maybe…

"Do you…" but before Danny could finish his thought, Steve pulled him down to straddle his lap, kissing him, hugging him, burying his face in Danny's shoulder and Danny thought, maybe this subject hadn't only been hard on him.

"I'll work with Kono, if that will make you feel better…whoever the new guy or guys are can work together."

He slowly nodded, actually a little relieved at the suggestion, because at least he knew Kono had a chance in reining in Steve and she sure as hell would have his back.

"How much longer on the cakes," Steve asked him, sitting up, clearly wanting to change the subject.

Danny glanced at the timer and said, "at least another thirty minutes, but then they have to cool for a few hours."

"Hours?"

"Yes, Steve…hours. We don't want all that good icing you made to melt right off."

"Hmmm…what can we get into for the next little bit…"

Danny saw something flash in Steve's eyes and the smirk that was coming to his lips and thought that he might be in some trouble.

Steve stood, actually scooping Danny up in his arms like a parent would carry a child, only this parent pinched his ass and made him laugh and he half heartily struggled, saying, "put me down, you cave man."

"Nope," was Steve's response as he carried Danny over to the counter.

"Nope," Danny questioned, wondering what Steve had planned and excited to find out.

Even though he hadn't told Steve half of what had happened to him, what he did tell lifted a weight off of him and Danny had felt better, lighter than he had in years for the telling.

Steve dropped his ass onto the counter and then moved in for a kiss, but a good kiss, one that involved tongue and teeth and no oxygen and Danny was panting because of lack of it when Steve finally released his mouth. The predatory grin sent a shiver down Danny's spine and he felt a little something, something take interest a bit lower still.

Before he knew it, Steve had pulled off his t-shirt and dived back in, kissing and sucking on Danny's neck and shoulders and all he could think was, "you better not leave a hickey," which he apparently had said out loud, because Steve smiled against his neck and went right back to sucking and running his palms up and down Danny's sides, his back, cupping his ass and he wanted Steve's shirt off too, he wanted to reach into Steve's shorts, but Steve held him so close, so tight, he had no wiggle room.

Next thing he knew, Steve had grabbed him up again and now he was on the kitchen table and Steve had knocked a chair across the room, upending it in his hast to push Danny back against the cool wood surface of the table. "You trust me, Danno?"

He nodded, not even needing to think about it, because he trusted Steve, trusted Steve with everything, Grace and work and his very life.

He watched as Steve looked him over, head to toe and he couldn't help the shudder that racked his body, couldn't look away from Steve's hooded eyes and just when Steve had seemed to have come to some type of conclusion and made a move to grab at Danny's shorts, the oven timer went off.

"God damn it," Steve pointed at him and demanded, "don't move."

But Danny couldn't help but to push up to his elbows and watch as Steve yanked the oven doors open, oven mitt on one hand and a pot holder in the other, carefully reaching in and grabbing one pan, turning it to show the baked cake to Danny.

He thought it looked good, but only one way to tell for sure, so he started to get up, but Steve stopped him with, "I said, don't move…tell me what to do."

The command made Danny shiver, but it was a good kinda shiver, not a 'I'm cold' kinda shiver and it took him a second to think about what he needed to say, but he finally managed, "stick a tooth pick in the center of each and if they come out clean, they are done."

Steve did as he was told, checking each cake, finding them done and setting them on the counter to cool off.

He started prowling toward Danny again, before quickly back tracked and turning off the oven.

He swooped in and over Danny's prone form, taking Danny's mouth again, nipping and biting his way down Danny's neck and to his chest, hand running soothing fingers over his sides and hips.

Steve's mouth worked its way lower, tongue stopping to dip into Danny's navel and licking there, lapping like Danny was a bowl of milk and Steve a cat and that feeling, that sensation made Danny shiver again, he could feel his skin prickle and the fine hairs on his arms rise and his nipples hardened and peddle as Steve reached up and pinched each one in turn.

Danny thought about getting Steve's shirt off again, but as he pulled on the collar, Steve stood and grabbed both of his wrists, pushing his hands above his head to rest on the table, "leave them there," Steve said, going back to Danny's mouth again, driving him a little mad, but he kept his hands above his head and enjoyed the feel of Steve's lips and teeth on his skin, sucking and marking, claiming Danny's body as his own.

Steve reached his belly button again and dipped his tongue in and Danny couldn't help but to push up onto his elbows again, so he could watch.

No one had ever paid so much attention to his body there before and so it was new and kinda hot…

Steve looked up his body at him, his eyes dark and full of lust and Danny's hips did a little involuntary jump that Steve took as an invitation, so he moved farther down Danny's body, pulling at his board shorts until they were completely off.

Danny was pleasantly surprised to see his cock half full, rising away from his body in a way that hadn't happened for a long time.

At first he thought that Steve was going to suck him off, which would have been wonderful, but he only just nosed his dick, licked a trail down the underside of it and then nuzzled at his hip before Danny heard the other chair, the one still at the table being dragged across the floor.

He opened his eyes, not even realizing he had closed them to see Steve sitting in the chair between his splayed legs, that predatory glint back in his eyes and he hoisted Danny's legs up, pushed his knees back so he could rest his feet on the edge of the table and then Steve's head disappeared between Danny's legs and his tongue snaked out to lick at his perineum and Danny suddenly couldn't quite catch his breath, "um…Steve?"

"Shhh…" Hot breath trailed over wet skin and Danny was shivering in earnest now, not sure what he should be feeling, but the tongue was back, swirling around the delicate skin there and then moved lower, to taste his hole and this time when Danny's hips jumped, Steve grabbed onto them to hold him still, "just relax Danno…"

He nodded, or at least he though he did, as his head thudded back against the table…their table, where they ate most of the time…where Grace would sit and do her homework, where…all thought left his brain when he felt Steve's tongue breach him, felt the wet warmth dart in and lick him deep, "Fuck…"

"We're getting there, baby…just be patient."

He knew Steve was talking, could feel the vibration of his voice against the skin on his inner thigh, but only cared about the loss of sensation and bucked his hips, hoping that Steve would take the hint, feeling the warm mouth descend on him again.

"Oh…ohohohoh…" he didn't care that he was keening or that his legs started to shake as Steve worked his tongue in, just licking and waiting until Danny's body allowed him to lick deeper, before pulling out and running his tongue around and up his perineum again, nipping at his balls, taking them into his mouth to suck.

Danny risked another look down his body, seeing the top of Steve's head move down again and feeling the wetness of his tongue as he rimmed him again before diving back in.

He knew he was panting, he knew he was moaning, but Danny didn't care…all he really knew was that he didn't want Steve to stop…no one, not Rachel or Gabby and for sure not Ritchie, no one had ever done this for him before and he wanted it to last and last, he wanted more…more of Steve…

Steve moved back just enough to stand and take off his shorts, he looked at Danny, clearly questioning if what he wanted to do was alright, so Danny managed, "yeah, babe…do it…"

He couldn't remember feeling this aroused in a long, long time, and he wanted Steve, could hardly wait.

Steve knocked the chair away, letting it join the other on the floor and leaned up and over Danny, kissing him as he reached for the olive oil that they kept on the table. Danny was too far gone to care and sure as hell didn't want to wait the time it would take to go get the lube from their bed side drawer. "Please, Steve…" Danny got in a few gulps of air, "I want you so bad."

Steve kissed him again and said against his lips, "you got me babe…I'm not ever gonna leave you."

Danny knew that was true, so he pulled Steve closer, gripping the shirt that Steve still wore and it was a strange sensation, Danny's bare chest rubbing against the soft cotton of Steve's shirt and their naked groins rubbing against each other.

Soon Steve pulled away, but just enough to drip some oil over his fingers and give Danny one more look before pressing a finger against his hole, waiting for Danny to relax enough and draw his finger in.

It was a little weird, because Danny hadn't done this in years, but he adjusted pretty quickly and moaned deep in his throat when Steve added another finger, crooking them to find his prostate and when he did, lightning shot up Danny's spine and his ears rung and he gulped in breaths because he fucking loved what Steve was doing to him, a small part of his brain asking him why he hadn't let Steve do this to him before…Steve loved him…Steve would never hurt him…

"Is that good, baby?"

"Mmhmm…" Steve raked his fingers over that spot again and Danny moved his hips, wanting more, moaning, "ohhhh…god, babe, please…please…"

The fingers in him curled again and again and god, Steve was so good at this. Danny could feel his toes curling and his legs shaking and his ass sticking to the wood table as he tried to move with Steve, tried to pull him in even closer.

"Shh…It's okay Danno, I got ya, baby…I got you."

The fingers left him, but something bigger took their place, pressing into him and he waited, trying to relax enough and finally, finally the head of Steve's cock sunk in.

The stretch of Danny's hole didn't burn or hurt like he was expecting it to and he looked to Steve, who was just sorta hoovering over him, one hand on his own dick and one running soothing circles over Danny's belly and side, "s'kay," Steve asked, "Does anything hurt?"

He shook his head, squeezing his muscles around Steve's cock, feeling it jump inside him, all those strengthening exercises paying off. "It's good, babe," he finally answered, loving the look on Steve's face, his pupils blown and his mouth hanging open as Danny squeezed him again, knowing that as he bore down, Steve would slip farther in and the stretch, the full feeling was exquisite…Steve bucked a little, but kept control as he reached for Danny's left leg and rested it up on his shoulder and started to move, just a little at first, just enough to gently rock Danny's body across the smooth surface of the table.

"Still okay," Steve checked in and Danny nodded.

"Better than okay, babe…please…just move."

Steve looked him in the eye and then leaned over to kiss him, changing the angle as his hips gently pumped in and out of him. Danny broke away, pulling on Steve's arms, fisting his hands in Steve's shirt, bringing his other leg up to Steve's shoulders, gasping, "harder Steve, harder."

He wanted faster too, but he would take what he could get, knowing in his sex drenched brain that Steve needed to feel like he was being careful this first time and all other such thoughts left him as Steve picked up the pace and put a little extra oomph into each thrust.

A litany of obscene words and grunts and moans left his throat as Steve rocked his body harder and harder over the table, which was solid wood, but still shifted over the floor, no doubt leaving scratches in the hard wood surface.

Steve's hand reached down and grabbed Danny's cock and squeezed him hard, running his slick palm from root to tip and Danny felt a zing up his spine, a familiar feeling building in his belly and Steve said, "god, babe…look at you."

So he did, he looked down between their bodies as Steve kept up his rhythm and saw his cock in Steve's hand, saw Steve work his cock up and down, up and down and it felt almost like it used too and then he looked at Steve and tried to smile, but only another moan came out and Steve's hips faltered a little and he said, "You're so hot…Danny, Danny, I'm gonna…Danny…oh Danny…"

On his next thrust in, Danny squeezed him again and he watched the raptured look on Steve's face as he started to come, felt his hips shift hard forward, going up to his toes to get deeper into Danny and then he shuddered and shook as he rode out his orgasm.

Steve was panting and groaning and thoroughly debauched and Danny loved the look.

He was about to tell Steve so when Steve looked down to him and growled deep in his throat and before he knew what was happening, Steve was gathering him up in his arms, his cock slipping from Danny's ass, making them both shudder and then he carried Danny quickly through the house and up the steps.

Once Danny could from words again, he asked, "where are we going?"

Steve made it to their bedroom and tossed Danny down on the bed, following him as he bounced, locking lips and running his hands up and down Danny's arms and sides and pulling him close, reaching for the drawer and saying, "not going to waste this," and Danny didn't follow, until he watched Steve reach around himself and lube his hole and god, was that hot.

He looked down his own body and saw that he was reasonably hard and allowed Steve to man handle him until he was on his back, his head resting on the pillows, Steve sucking his tongue, twisting his nipples, not letting Danny even think about his hard on and if he would, in fact, be able to finish what Steve had started.

Before he could even form another thought, Steve was looming over him, hands on each side of his face, kissing him again and then he sat up a little and reached behind him, grabbing Danny's dick and guiding it to his ass hole and Danny tried to say, 'are you sure, are you ready' but all that came out was a strangled moan as Steve sack down on his cock.

Danny grasped both of Steve's biceps, waiting, trying to hold very still as Steve worked himself on Danny's cock, sinking down deeper and deeper as he breathed in and out.

After a few minutes, Danny gave a little buck, feeling Steve clamp his muscles around him and moaned low and deep in his throat.

"God, Danny…you feel so good…" Steve rose up a little and sunk back down and Danny shuddered under him, loving the feeling of being in Steve but knowing it wasn't going to last.

"I gotta…" he tried, but no other words formed on his tongue and he just hoped that Steve understood what he needed as his hips continuously jerked up, searching for release

"Yeah, baby…I know…just…" Steve moved up again, sinking back down slowly, but Danny wanted him to move, needed him to move.

"Ah…can you…ah…" Danny bucked against him, because he could feel his orgasm coil in his belly and he wanted it to happen, wanted Steve to pull it out of him, but Steve was shifting again, pulling his feet up under him and raising himself up enough so that Danny could bend his knees and thrust up into Steve. "Oh…god, babe…yes, yes, yes…"

Steve moved with him, coming down to meet Danny's upward thrusts and it was the best fucking thing that had happened to him in a long, long time and then Steve went still over him, reached down too steady himself with a hand on each side of Danny's hips and just let Danny go, let him pound into him as fast and as hard as he wanted and he knew it would be over soon, but that was okay, because Steve was here.

Steve wasn't going anywhere.

He thrust in a few more time, feeling Steve squeeze him with each upward arc and it was his undoing. His whole body was consumed in fire as he pressed in deep and held himself there, mumbling and cursing, eyes closed tight, his legs shaking and threatening to buckle as he rode out wave after wave of pleasure.

He knew he had an iron grip on Steve's arms and he knew his toes were curling and he knew he might just pass out, but he didn't care, because this was the best fucking orgasm he has ever had in his whole life and he couldn't wait to do it again.

Sometime later, he was surprised to find that Steve was laid out against him, his body wrapped protectively around him, one hand wiping at Danny's cheeks, asking, "are you okay, Danno…did I hurt you?"

Danny shook his head, still feeling a little faint, a little weak, but weak in a good way. Finally, he managed, "I'm good, babe…more than good…thank you."

Steve propped himself up on elbow and said, "no need to thank me, sweetheart, the pleasure was all mine."

"Sweetheart, huh?" But Danny didn't really care. Steve could call him whatever he wanted, as long as they got to do that again.

"Yup…are you sure you're okay. You didn't overdo it, did ya? The pamphlet said that being on your back would be the best position…"

Danny smacked him on the shoulder, "the pamphlet?"

"Yes, the pamphlet the Urologist gave you…didn't you read it?"

"I ah…" no he hadn't read it, he was too busy worrying, "well, no…not really, not yet."

Steve snuggled in closer, resting his head on Danny's chest, over his heart. "Well, when you have chance you should read it, it was quite educational."

"Hmm, educational, well then…I'll read it for sure." Danny's arm was under Steve so he reached up and ran his palm down Steve's back, fingers circling at the end of his spine, one dipping down between his ass checks, feeling the sticky wetness there, but Steve didn't seem to care…they both needed another shower.

Danny thought that maybe Steve had fallen asleep, but after a bit, he shifted, settling in closer and said, "Can I ask you a question?"

"Sure, babe…ask away?"

"When you were still in the hospital and I asked you if you had ever been with a guy and you said yes and then no, did you mean that Ritchie only ever…made love to you?"

Danny sighed and shifted a bit, a mirror position of earlier this morning, when he had first started to tell Steve about what had happened to him, but this time Steve had his head buried in Danny's neck.

"I wouldn't say what we did was ever making love, babe…" Steve stiffened in his arms, but he used his hands to sooth him, running one up and down Steve's arm, the other in little circles along his spine. "He expected me to jack him off, give him blow job and he fucked me…after Billy died, I just…I don't know, it was hard."

He wasn't sure he wanted to go into this now, not after the beautiful things they had just done for each other, but he also knew it would gnaw at Steve, so he continued. "At Billy's funeral, everyone was…I don't know…walking on egg shells around me, I guess. Billy died because of me…"

He could feel Steve shaking his head against his chest, but he didn't interrupt him, so he said, "he did Steve…he was trying to reach me and at the time, I couldn't accept anything other than, his death, being my fault and I guess that made me vulnerable.

I thought…I thought that I had destroyed everything, that my parents would be upset at me, because Billy's dad and my dad were good friend and my mom and his mom went shopping together, took us kids to places together and I couldn't reconcile how they would be able to have a relationship after his death and that that was my fault too and I couldn't even think about Ritchie…I had just seen him a few days before it happened. He had come home the weekend before we left for vacation."

Steve shifted and looked up to Danny, "So even then, before Billy died, he didn't make love to you?"

Danny hadn't even realized it at the time, but what he and Ritchie had before hadn't been love and what came after was more like hate. "No, babe…I didn't recognize it at the time, but Ritchie only wanted someone to make him feel good, someone to fuck…"

"How could he not have fallen in love with you, Danno?" Steve gave him a quick peck on the lips and then settled back down, resting his head on Danny's chest again.

"Honestly, I don't even know if he was capable of love. Anyway, at the viewing, I stayed away from most everyone…I couldn't look at Billy, lying there on display and I couldn't look at his folks, because I was so ashamed and I couldn't really be around my family because I didn't want to cause them more pain.

And then I saw him…Ritchie came in during the last part of the visitation, before the funeral was supposed to start, kissed him mom and dad and went up to the casket and kissed Billy on the forehead, reached in and held his hand." Danny could feel the tears pressing, but they weren't for Ritchie or his grief, they were for Billy and his own.

"You don't have to tell me anymore, Danno…I think I understand and if it's too much..." Steve pulled his head down and kissed him again and Danny could hardly believe how caring and sweet Steve was being. He knew Steve was a big ball of mush, but for whatever reason, he hadn't expected the warm, fuzzy, feelings Steve was sending his way or the amount of intimacy they shared.

"It's okay, Steve…you were right before…I think I need to tell it." Steve reached down and grabbed Danny's hand, giving it a little squeeze of encouragement, so he went on. "I don't know what I was expecting…I sorta thought that he would never talk to me again, or punch me in the nose, but I wasn't expecting what he did after the funeral.

After they put Billy in the ground, we all left the grave side and went to the fire hall. Everyone brought food and there was music and people talking and the atmosphere wasn't so oppressive. I went into the ready room, though. I just wanted to get away from people, away from the looks of pity, all the underlying sadness, so I went in and sat on the bench by my dad's locker, looked at his boots and turn out gear and maybe cried a little, but then I heard the door opening, so I pulled it together, expecting my mom or dad, but it was Ritchie.

He came and sat down beside me and I thought that he was going to hit me, but he didn't…he just sorta pulled me in and buried his face in my neck and cried…which made me cry and the next thing I knew, he's pulling on my belt, yanking it out and undoing my zipper.

I really didn't know what I should be feeling…I mean, it felt wrong, but I was just so grateful that he didn't hate me, that I let him…he didn't have anything, but I guess I rationalized that Ritchie needed me that way, so I let him fuck me over the bench in the ready room and I remember just staring at my dad's turn out gear while he pushed in and I just tried to drift, because all he had was spit and that wasn't enough, but I let him anyway."

"Danny…"

"I know, babe, I let him take advantage of me, I just couldn't see it at the time. Later, my mom came looking for me. I was still sitting in the ready room, and Ritchie was long gone. She thought my tears were for Billy and mostly they were, but I was also just so relieved, relieved that Ritchie had forgiven me.

That's fuck up ten ways from Sunday, but that's how I felt at the time."

"You were just a kid, sweetheart…you were just trying to get through your grief the best way you knew how."

"I know that now, babe." Danny slid down a little, so he could see Steve's face, so he could share Steve's breath, "but thank you for reminding me."

"Anytime, baby, anytime." Steve shifted up, pulling Danny with him. "I know you have more to tell me, but how about we put it aside for now. We have cake to frost and decorate and I can smell the pot roast and am getting hungry…"

Danny glanced at the clock and couldn't believe that it had already been a few hours since Steve had pulled the cakes from the oven and once Steve mentioned it, he could smell the heady aroma of meat and potatoes wafting up the stairs.

"Okay," he conceded, "but I am frosting and decorating Chin's cake and you can work on yours."

Steve's face lit up, reminding him once again of his ten-year-old daughter, but he kept that thought to himself as they cleaned up and dressed and he followed Steve down the stairs and to the kitchen.

He went to the cakes and felt them to be sure they were cool enough to frost and saw Steve go for the coffee press and bag of beans.

It didn't take him long to cut off and level them, grateful when Steve thought to grab the frosting from the fridge to soften.

His lover handed him a fresh cup of coffee and Danny knew, even before taking a sip, that it would be just the way he liked it and he wasn't disappointed.

Steve made for the crock pot, but Danny caught him before he lifted the lid, "don't open it!" Steve took a step back, hanging his head and Danny just laughed. "You can't open it until it's done, okay…never, ever, open a crock pot lid until you think it is done."

"Okay, Danno…crock pot…lid…got it."

Danny rolled his eyes, but Steve was already on the move, walking toward him and the cakes, a glint in his eyes. "I can't tell what you are thinking, but stop right there…we need a bigger work space, and I would say the table, but…"

Steve glanced at the table, now several feet from where it usually sat and the two chairs turned over on their sides and got the biggest, goofiest grin on his face that Danny had ever had the pleasure of seeing.

Danny smiled too, reminiscing about their encounter on that table a few hours ago, but then he shook himself out of it, clearing his throat, "Ah…how about you get the table and chairs back in place and clean it with…some bleach, or something."

"Danny," Steve shot him a weird look and smirked at him. "It's a wood table…you never, ever use bleach on a wood table."

Danny rolled his eyes in earnest and refused to answer Steve, but he did watch as Steve pulled out some antibacterial Pledge and wiped the table down two or three times, hoping that that was enough and thinking that he would never be able to sit at that table again and not think about what he and Steve had done on it and judging by the hooded eyes of his lover, Steve was thinking the same thing.

"Right," he said, turning to root through the cabinet to find a cake plate for Chin's cake and a regular plate for theirs. Steve sat at the table as Danny sat the plate in front of him with the bottom half of his cake, his bowl of frosting and an offset spatula. "So, first you want to get a good dollop and smear it around the top of this layer."

Steve watched as Danny used his own spatula to plop some icing on the cake and spread it around for the center filling, doing the same to his, although his wasn't as neat as Danny's as some of the frosting was oozing down the side of the bottom layer, but Danny told him, "That's okay, babe, just spread it around on the side."

Danny brought over the other layers and placed one on top of his cake and one on top of Steve's, pleased that the layers seemed to be pretty level and even.

Steve touched his wrist as he was pulling away and gave him another goofy smile, "I can't wait to eat this, so what's next Danno."

Danny picked up his spatula again and plopped more icing on top and said, "next, you smooth out some more on top and spread it around to the sides," he watched as Steve followed suit, smearing the frosting over the top in a thick layer and going back for more for the sides. Danny told him, "be sure to save some so we can do the decorations on top."

Steve stopped and watched him as he soothed out the top with the spatula and the used a tool on the sides to make pretty ridges in the cream cheese frosting, he handed it to Steve and told him, "this is a frosting comb. You use it on soft frostings," he watched as Steve tried to copy what he saw, but he could tell Steve was getting frustrated when he couldn't get it to look like Danny's. "Want a little help, babe?"

For a second he thought that Steve was going to keep on dragging the comb around the cake, but after a second he begrudgingly handed Danny the tool, and said, "here."

"Don't take it personal, Steve." Danny smoothed out the top and then ran the comb around the cake once and was happy with how it looked. "It takes lots of practice…so now let's do the decorations."

Danny pulled a little case out of the cabinet drawer and took out some frosting tips. He grabbed a couple of quart sized baggies and clipped of a small piece of corner and stuck a piece of the tip down inside, screwing the other half to the outside.

He got the green, red and yellow food coloring from the pantry and two smaller bowls to mix the frosting. Steve scooted closer as he added a drop of green to one bowl and handed him a spoon to mix it. While Steve worked on green, Danny added a little red and yellow to the other bowl, trying to get a good shade of orange. When he was happy with his color, he added the frosting to one of the baggies with a wooden spoon, feeling Steve's eyes on him and he quickly piped a pretty boarder design around the bottom of the cake.

He handed Steve the bag and picked up the green icing and added another tiny drop of green. Steve was about half way done his boarder and Danny had to admit, that it looked pretty good too.

Once he had the green icing in the bag, he used a small tip to carefully write out, 'Happy Birthday Chin.'

Steve had finished his boarder and was looking through the other tips for one he wanted to use. Danny took the orange bag back and traded out the tip to make some pretty roses and then handed it back to Steve so he could make whatever design he wanted on top of his cake. Danny found a leaf tip and worked on filling in some leaves around his roses, draping some down the side to fill in some of the negative space. Happy with the finished product, he sat the cake stand on the counter and covered it carefully with the glass lids.

Steve asked, "How come you did flowers, Danno, and not a carrot?"

"Because," he started to say, turning to look at Steve and his cake, "they always remind me of…what the hell is that?"

"What?" Steve tried for innocence, but it wasn't working, "oh, that…that's my carrot and those things there, they are the leaves."

"I can't believe you, Steven!" Danny snatched the icing bag from him, "That is no carrot, that's a cock and those two things there," he pointed to the 'leaves' with the icing bag, "clearly two balls! What are you thinking, babe? My daughter will be here this weekend and she will see this monstrosity!" Danny knew he was gearing up for a rant, but just one look at Steve's smug face did him in. "What's that face, huh?"

"Just may face, sweetheart," he said and pulled Danny in close, taking his lips in a sweet, almost chaste kiss. "I guess I need some more practice and how about, just for tonight, we have our dessert before our dinner, hmm…what do you say?"

Steve pulled him down into his lap, using the offset spatula to cut a huge piece of the cake, mostly the ah, leafy part and reached over with his fingers to pull some of the slice away, offering Danny a taste. He opened his mouth and let Steve feed him cake and damn, if he didn't feel a little stirring form his lower regions.

And sure, he knew that most likely, his problem weren't solved, that they would need to continue to work at their sex life and that he may even need some kind of medical intervention, but now, he felt like at least now, he had a reason to try.

"See, Danno…now the cock looks mostly like a carrot." Steve grabbed more cake and lifted two finger to his mouth and Danny sucked them in, licking off every bit of icing and cake before Steve withdrew them again, scooping up some more.

Danny knew, that sometime, reality bites, but the only bite he could concentrated on this very minute was the bite of cake Steve was offering him on his fingers tips…dessert and a promise of a little something more before dinner and really, what more could I guy ask for.

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