Title: Unrequited
Author: Star Way
Genre: Angst
Category: Code Lyoko
Rating: K+ (PG)
Summary: One shot. "Get lost, Sissi. Save us all a headache."
Disclaimer: Code Lyoko no pertenezca a mi. (Code Lyoko does not belong to me. I take Spanish. Woot.)
Notes: You know what? Sissi deserves some good credit. She's really not so bad.

"Get lost, Sissi. Save us all a headache."

It hurt, as usual. Your words always hurt me. But I never showed it. Of course not. If I showed it, I would suddenly be weak. My skin would be exposed to your icy wind.

So I would hurt you back. You can't have the best of me, Ulrich. You can never have the best of me.

But I wish you could… I do. I wish you knew me, Ulrich. Who I am and how I feel about you. But you'll never know… no, you won't. You think you do, but you don't.

You think it's just some shallow crush I have on you. I used to think that was what it was too. I could taunt you and play with you and hurt you. I could have my claws at your throat and laugh about it. I loved the power. I still do. I love feeling in control.

But no one makes me feel less in control than you do.

It stabs through me. It burns my eyes and scars my face. You don't know how much it hurts. So you just let it hurt. You just let my blood drain from me. My blood that you can't see. I'll cry out to you, but all you hear is my shallow, stupid voice, the one that won't go away. The one that haunts and tortures you. You don't hear the real voice. The one that loves you.

You know, I do love you, Ulrich. It scares me, actually. But you don't understand… because… I think you've forgotten that I'm human, just like you are. I think you've forgotten a lot of things about me. I'm just a monster to you… aren't I?

I hate that slut you hang out with. I hate the way you look at her. I hate how she's the cute Asian girl who's a year older than us. I hate how much better than me she is. I hate her shiney black hair and her beautiful, smart eyes and the mature sound of her voice. The voice that's always there to tell me why I'm wrong and you're right and that I should just go away.

I can't go away. I might, Ulrich, if I could. But I can't.

I would do so much to have you, Ulrich. I would. But you don't see what it feels like to be rejected by you, time and time again. I want a chance to be nice to you… I want a chance to touch your hair and your face… I want you to kiss me again. I would kill for that feeling of being kissed by you. That feeling of your silky warm lips on mine. God, I'd do anything for it.

But you won't let me have it. Why not? Am I not pretty enough? Do I not wear my makeup the way you want? What do you see in that Yumi girl, anyway? What makes her so great?

I can't see so much… I can't and I hate myself for not understanding.

Did you know that I've cried for you, before? Of course you don't. No one does. But you'll never know how much that means. You'll never know how much I want you to know what those tears mean. I want you to know but you can't. You won't. I won't tell. I never will.

I can't be the weak one.

I wish you loved me back, Ulrich. I wish it was as real for you as it is for me. I've been so foolish in the past, trying to win you over with all of those stupid schemes of mine. I don't know why I do them. They won't change the fact that you hate me. They won't change the fact that you'll never think good of me, not even a little. I've been stupid enough to think that… somehow, they will.

Please, please understand. But no, no. You can't understand. You can never understand. If you do I won't be able to retain my superiority. My fake, fake power that I rely on to tower over everyone. My illusion of security.

I just want you. I just want you! Just you! Hear this, know this, feel this.

You won't though. No. Never.

I'll keep trying.

But it'll never happen.

Never. Never ever.

Even though I can barely take it.