Disclaimer: As always I own nothing but the original characters and the situations I put them in. Everything else belongs to somebody else and that's just the way it's gotta be until someone buys me the copyrights, hint hint. Thanks for reading and have a great day!
Arms of The Angel
Spend all your time waiting for that second chance
For the break that will make it okay
There's always some reason, to feel not good enough
And it's hard at the end of the day
Laying in the cool hospital bed Captain Jushiro Ukitake turned his head to look at the still figure that lay on the bed beside his. She hadn't moved, not once since they'd brought her in, Jushiro thought to himself, watching for any sign of movement on Lieutenant Nemu Kurotsuchi's face. He'd been in the hospital since the day before, the winter weather had aggravated his illness to the point that he'd voluntarily agreed to stay at the fourth division headquarters for a few days to alleviate his keepers' fears. Kiyone and Sentaro meant well. So here he was, in this quiet, depressing place, with nothing to do but watch his only company sleep, completely unaware that he was even there.
They'd brought Lieutenant Kurotsuchi in only five hours ago but he would have expected her to have come around by now. She was just so pale and in those hours only fourth division members had come to check on her. Where was the flowers, the concerned friends, the signs that someone cared about the fact that she was here in the first place? He hardly knew her of course, perhaps no one outside her division really did. The only reason why she was here in the first place was because Shunsui had gotten ahold of her and brought her here against Kurotsuchi's wishes. Kurotsuchi, bastard that he was, had used his daughter as a human sacrifice again and after beating the hell out of the man Shunsui had picked her up and brought her here, leaving Kurotsuchi's minions to put their insane leader back together again. Personally, Ukitake figured it was only a matter of time before the insane bastard came bursting through the doors to retrieve his creation. Poor kid. She was like a duckling, imprinted at birth to follow her father everywhere he went, incoded into her blood. She'd never stood a chance.
Pushing his covers away Jushiro swung his legs over the end and got to his feet, dressed in simple sleeping robes, with his hair tied back in a loose braid down his back. His bare feet making no noise he took the few steps necessary to reach her bedside, leaning forward slightly to study her more closely, for some idea of the extent of her injuries. Thanks to the expertise of the fourth division, you could barely see the bruises and marks from the fight. She looked like she was sleeping. She was dressed in robes similar to his own, her hands neatly crossed over them with the covers pulled up to her waist. Frowning at that Jushiro grabbed the cover and tried to pull it up a little more, in case she was around long enough to want the warmth the blanket would provide during the night. Her eyes suddenly flashing open, without a hint of sleep, Jushiro stumbled backwards, stuttering an apology.
I need some distraction, oh beautiful release
Memories seep from my veins
They may be empty and weightless, and maybe
I'll find some peace tonight
"Where am I? Where's my captain?" Eyes scanning the ceiling Nemu didn't recognize the room or any aspect of her surroundings. Turning her head she studied the captain of the thirteenth division, impatiently awaiting his answer as he regained his composure. What was he doing by her bedside? He had no medical training that she was aware of.
"You're in the hospital wing, and your father's fine as far as I know. Captain Kyoraku brought you here for treatment."
"He did?" Surprised Nemu turned her head to look at the ceiling once more. Why had the captain of the eighth division done that? She did remember him yelling at her father before she'd passed out. Had they been arguing about getting her medical care? No, that didn't seem right. And how could her father be fine, if he wasn't with her? He would never entrust her care to anyone in the fourth division. He thought they were all useless hacks. Or perhaps he'd allowed it for that reason. One of his ways of showing her just how little he thought of her. How useless and expendable she had become. A single tear sliding down her cheek, Nemu didn't even notice it as she closed her eyes.
"Are you in pain?" Concerned, having caught sight of the tear, Ukitake moved back to her bedside, his worry plain on his face as he stared down at her. He'd never seen her cry before, hadn't known she could. She'd always struck him as being like Captain SoiFon, too tough and battle worn to know how to cry even when the situation called for it. "Do you need something? I can go get someone."
Looking up into Captain Ukitake's eyes Nemu had no idea how sad and desolate she looked as she stared up at him. "I do not require assistance. Thank you."
Unconvinced Jushiro placed his cool hand against her forehead, raising his other hand to press against his own forehead, to compare the temperatures. "Well you don't feel feverish. You're probably just tired and worn out. Do you want something to help you sleep maybe? I've always found it hard to sleep in unfamiliar places, that's one of the many reasons why I hate coming here."
"Is there something you wish from me, Captain? Some purpose to this?" Gently wrapping her fingers around his wrist Nemu drew his hand slightly away from her forehead. "I will recover, then return to my captain if he wishes to reclaim me."
Now it was his turn to be confused. "What do you mean, purpose? And why wouldn't your father come get you? You're his lieutenant, not to mention his daughter. Shunsui had a hell of a fight getting you here."
"I meant why are you showing concern for me? I am not of your division, nor am I related to you in any way. We've only ever spoken about official matters and those moments have been rare. Your reaction would be understandable if I were Lieutenant Ise or Captain Kyoraku, one of your division seats perhaps. But I am practically a stranger, therefore you must want something from me. What is it?" Her gaze direct Nemu deliberately ignored his questions about her father. She had no intention of speaking of such things with him. With anyone.
In the arms of an Angel, fly away from here
From this dark, cold exam room, and the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage of your silent reverie
You're in the arms of an Angel; may you find some comfort here
Is that truly what she thought, that no one would show concern for her unless they wanted something from her. Furious, and greatly saddened by the idea, Jushiro placed his free hand over top of the hand she'd wrapped around his wrist. "I do care, that's the only reason why I asked. I don't like the idea of you suffering if I can do something to help."
"You are kind. But no, I require nothing. Whatever pain I might experience after the drugs wear off I deserve. I failed and put my captain's life at risk."
"Is that what he tells you?" Jushiro demanded, his voice harsher then he meant it to be.
"Why are you angry?"
"I'm angry because you don't seem to realize you're a human being and that you should want to live and be healthy. You don't care about your life at all, do you? As long as your father's okay, that's all that matters. Does he even express concern when you get hurt, or does he blame it all on you? He blames it all on you, doesn't he? Like you shouldn't be allowed to be less then perfect. Flawed just like everyone else. Well he's wrong, Nemu. Damn wrong." Wanting to hit something, an unusual feeling for him, Jushiro cursed the fact that her bastard captain wasn't around so that he could finish what Shun had started.
Ishida had shown this sort of concern for her, Nemu thought, recalling the first time she'd met the Quincy. She hadn't understood his angry before, just like she couldn't understand why the normally so peaceful and easy going Captain Ukitake was getting so upset on her behalf. Did they not understand her purpose? Her father's reason for creating her? "I am not a person, Captain Ukitake. I am a tool. My only purpose is to serve my captain until I am terminated. It's what I was created to do. There is no reason for you to be upset."
"Tools don't cry."
So tired of the straight line, and everywhere you turn
There's vultures and thieves at your back
The storm keeps on twisting, you keep on building the lies
That you make up for all that you lack
Confused, Nemu hadn't even realized she had shed a tear. Lifting her free hand Nemu felt under both her eyes, her fingertips seeking wetness which she was surprised to find. "I was crying? In my sleep?" Had she ever done this before, Nemu wondered, not sure what to think about this startling discovery about herself. She could cry..and what did that mean?
"No, you were awake."
"Strange."
"So you see, you can't be a tool. Who would ever invent a tool that could cry."
"Why is it so important to you, that I acknowledge my existence as human? What would that change?" Nemu countered, unable to see things from his point of view. "Whether I see myself as human or as a tool, it is still a lesser, expendable existence. When I die, he will simply create another to replace me. I will not be mourned or missed, I have no purpose other then the one he has given me. I am not you, Captain Ukitake. I will not die happy."
Startled, as much over her description of her existence as her last comment, Jushiro struggled to understand. "Why would you think I'd be happy to die? I don't want to die."
"No, but you will die having loved and been loved. You will not die alone."
And how was he to argue that. As it was, when he was having frequent spells, it wasn't unusual for his two third seats to camp outside his rooms, coming in periodically to check on him during the night. Shunsui and Nanao san and his other friends would drop in on him as well, taking time from whatever they had to do to let him know they were thinking of him. No, when his time did come, he would not be alone. At her death, which would likely be on the field of battle, there would be others around her. But she would be alone, because she would have no connect with any of them. Not even her father. The last words she would hear, would likely be her father's, complaining over the demise of his inferior creation.
Nemu watched the emotions that played across those expressive brown eyes. "There's no reason to pity me." She informed him, used to seeing that emotion directed toward at her. "I cannot miss what I've never had. If you need to pity someone, pity yourself instead. It's very unfair after all, that you who have so much to live for is so much frailer than I. And I, who will most likely outlive you, have nothing to live for but duty."
It don't make no difference, escaping one last time
It's easier to believe
In this sweet madness, oh this glorious sadness
That brings me to my knees
How unfair was the world, Jushiro thought, that she was right. She would outlive him, outlive so many of the people he knew. Nearly indestructible, with a body that could take more damage then many people put together. She had this gift and yet to her, it was more of a curse. For she lived in a nightmare, one where she was given no reason to wish to continue her existence. Then there was him, strong but far from indestructible. Sick, stuck with an illness that would leave him only in death. One that left him weak and the object of pity, a looming shadow he could neither fight nor outrun. He had much to live for, many reasons to wish to continue his existence in this world. Death was his enemy, to her, a welcome relief she was denied by the very nature of her being. "Perhaps in our next lives, we will be more fortunate." He finally said softly, drawing his hand gently from her grasp, no longer able to stand the contact.
"I am not sure that I have a soul to be reborn."
"You do, I'm sure of it." About to say something else Ukitake's words were cut off as he started to wheeze, then cough as his throat became blocked up with excess blood, choking him as he doubled over in pain. Struggling to cough it up he wasn't even aware of Nemu leaving her bed, rushing over to his side to wrap her arms around his waist from behind, taking his weight as the coughing and choking wracked his body, leaving him weakened and gasping for breath. Blood dripping through his fingers and onto his robes he was vaguely aware of a calm voice, ordering him to breath and talking him through it, acting as an anchor above the panic that this would be the time. That this would be the time that it finally killed him. Concentrating everything he had on that voice his breathing slowly began to even up, his airway easing as it allowed air to pass through unhindered.
Keeping a firm grip around his waist Nemu led him back over to his bed, helping him to sit down on the edge. Leaving his side only for a moment Nemu wet a wash cloth in the sink and then returned, gently brushing aside his hand to wash the blood from his lips. As tenderly as a mother with her child Nemu washed the blood from his face, then his hand until both were free of any stain. Leaning down Nemu undid his robes, ignoring his weak sound of protest as she stripped the stained robe from his body, leaving him only in the cartoon covered boxers Shunsui had bought him the last time his friend had been on earth. Throwing the robe over his bed railing Nemu grabbed his covers, wrapping them around his shoulders. "I'll go find someone to get you a new robe." Turning to leave she was stopped by his hand on her wrist. "Yes?"
Without thinking, without even really knowing why, Ukitake used what little strength he had left to pull her back and into his arms, closing them around her as he held her close.
In the arms of an Angel, far away from here
From this dark, cold exam room, and the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage of your silent reverie
In the arms of an Angel; may you find some comfort here
No one had ever hugged her like this before. No one had truly held her before, with the intent to gain or give comfort of some sort. In Ukitake's arms, Nemu felt a need for both. He was not just simply seeking comfort in her, but giving it as well. It was as if he was saying, we are not alone. We are here, together, standing together against the hand fate has dealt us. Her arms coming up of their own accord Nemu held him back, wanting to return that message to him. For truly, in this moment, she did not feel alone, apart from everyone else. She felt connected to another human being, and she didn't want that feeling to end. She didn't want this brief glimpse of humanity to end. There was a bond here, an expression of understanding at a level that was without description or words. There were none needed.
Neither knew how long they stayed like that, breaking apart only at the sound of hurried, approaching footsteps. Both warriors to the bone they moved apart fluidly, Nemu instinctively putting herself between the captain and whoever was coming. Moments later, a member of the fourth division entered looking harassed and frazzled.
"Lieutenant Kurotsuchi? Your..uh... a member of your division, Akon..he's here at your captain's request to retrieve you."
"I understand." Nodding Nemu turned her head slightly to meet Ukitake's gaze for a moment before walking over to the forth division member. "I'll go now. Captain Ukitake requires new robes. I'll have this robe returned tomorrow, as I assume my prior attire is no longer wearable. Thank you for your care." Bowing low to the young man Nemu turned and bowed again to the thirteenth division captain. "I hope you will be well soon, Captain Ukitake. Good day."
"Good day." Watching her leave Ukitake didn't bother to thank her, knowing that there was no need. What had happened between them needed no explanation. They understood.
You're in the arms of an Angel; may you find some comfort here